//------------------------------// // Everypony Loves Pie // Story: Thirty Minute Ponies // by ThatOneWriter //------------------------------// Twilight stood outside the of Sugarcube Corner. She took a deep breath. Okay, this is no big deal. I’ve just got to go in there, tell one of my most unpredictable friends that I love her, and hope she doesn’t freak out! No big deal, right? Doing another of Cadence’s breathing exercises (she’d gotten extensive use of that lesson today), Twilight closed her eyes and opened the door to Sugarcube Corner. “... So that’s when I found out that I was totally into you, Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash stood hunched over the counter, casually leaning on one hoof while she talked to Pinkie. She seemed completely unaware of Twilight’s presence, as she didn’t even turn around. Dash likes Pinkie too? Twilight’s head was spinning. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe I can just back out and pretend like I was never here. After all, it’s not like she’s seen me— “Hi, Twilight!” Pinkie grinned at her, waving her over. —Yet. Putting on her best--and calmest--smile she could manage, Twilight walked up to the counter. “Uh, hi, Pinkie.” Twilight scratched the back of her head. “Lovely weather we’re having, aren’t we?” Pinkie giggled. “It is! But I don’t think you came here to talk about the weather.” She winked at Twilight. She knows! Every muscle in Twilight’s body tensed up. Okay, okay. Uh… play it coy, Twilight. There’s still a chance that she’s just being normal, playful Pinkie Pie. Twilight gulped. “No, I came here to…” Her eyes darted around the store. “Uh… buy a cake!” She smiled. She won’t suspect a thing! “Yes, it’s Spike’s birthday next week, and I still haven’t bought a cake. Gotta make sure I’m prepared!” Pinkie tilted her head, still grinning. “Silly Twilight, Spike’s birthday isn’t for another two months!” “Oh. Yeah. I forgot, I guess.” She’s onto me! Sirens blared in Twilight’s mind. “I guess I’ll just be going then.” She turned toward the door, but a hoof grabbed her shoulder. “Didn’t you have something you wanted to tell me?” Pinkie batted her eyelashes. Twilight gasped. “You know?” Pinkie giggled again, covering her mouth with her hoof. “Oh, Twilight, everypony’s been coming in here and confessing their undying love for me!” Dash’s jaw dropped. “You mean I wasn’t the first?” “Nope!” Pinkie opened the door to the kitchen, revealing Rarity and Applejack. “You two?” Twilight’s shoulders slumped. She blinked. “Wait. Applejack, Pinkie’s your cousin! Or second cousin or something. Isn’t that like incest?” Covering her face with her hat, Applejack said, “It hasn’t been proven. We don’t rightly know how closely related she is to the Apple family.” “That’s almost as bad!” “Yes, really, Applejack. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Rarity fanned herself. “A mare like Pinkie Pie is more deserving of a proper lady like moi.” Twilight facehooved. “I can’t believe this is happening.” At that moment, Twilight heard the sound of a door opening. Mr. and Mrs. Cake entered the kitchen. “Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” Twilight raced to their side. “Great! You can help sort out all this weirdness!” “Actually, Twilight…” Pinkie said. “They confessed their love too!” Turning back to the Cakes, Twilight looked at them with absolute disgust. “She’s like your adopted daughter! That’s just sick!” The bell chimed at the front door. “Um, hello? Pinkie?” Everypony looked at Fluttershy. “Um, is this a bad time?” “Let me guess,” Twilight said. “You’re here to admit you’ve secretly had a crush on Pinkie for years now?” Fluttershy bit her lip. “Was it that obvious?” Twilight’s eye twitched. “Okay, you know what? I’m done here.” She stormed out of the bakery, only to run straight into a pony on the other side of the door. “Ow!” She fell onto her flank. “Sorry! Here, let me help you up, Twily!” Twilight took the hoof offered to her. “Thanks, I should have looked where I--” She blinked. “Shining? What are you doing here?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh, I’m here to meet your friend!” He turned to his side. “Or rather, we are.” Twilight stared at him. Then she turned away. “Y’know what? I don’t even care anymore. I’m going back to my castle, and I’m going to curl up with a nice astrophysics textbook, and I’m going to enjoy the world making sense again!” She flew away, muttering under her breath, “Can’t things be normal around here for just one day?”