"How old are you?"
Celestia nearly choked on her tea, trying not to instinctively spit it up on Pinkie's face. Pinkie just sat on the other side of the table innocently waiting for a response, though she did tilt her head in confusion as Celestia caught her breath. When she was sure she had cleared her throat of any more of the offending liquid Celestia gave Pinkie and apologetic smile.
"I'm terribly sorry about that, I was just...caught off guard by your question."
Pinkie just smiled ever wider.
"It's okey-dokey! I know what it's like to be asked a question out of nowhere, like that time and friend of mine asked me about danishes while I was baking a cake and I was like "What do danishes have to do with cake?". I mean both danishes and cake ARE super yummy-licious, but you don't bake danishes into cakes, which is what I told th-*GASP*!"
Pinkie's mouth went wide and she slammed her hooves onto the table, which would have sent the tea set flying had Celestia not held everything down with her magic just in time.
"Because noponies ever actually TRIED baking them into a cake! OHMYGOODNESSITOTALLYNEEDTODOTHATWHENIGETBACKHOME!!!"
Celestia smiled herself, the mare's attitude infectious.
"I'm sure it would be a wonderful creation, just as all your other ideas have been."
This is what Celestia valued with theses little visitations. Being able to speak to each of the many times over heroins of Equestria individually had become a great priority to the princess after it was made clear with the defeat of Nightmare Moon that they would be regular fixtures of the grander events to come in the future. Her schedule only allowed time for one visit every month, one pony a month. Despite this Celestia was able to meet each one of the six mares each six months for the last five years without missing one appointment.
The diversity among them all made each one memorable and Celestia couldn't be happier to meet them. It was always a joy to catch up with her fellow Princess Twilight. With her no longer sending letters this was their most routine form of contact the two had.
Rarity's was always a delight, the young fashionista being rather sophisticated yet not high strung or overly pompous as was common among the Canterlot noble. Though Celestia had to make sure to avoid her accidentally running into a certain prince whenever she visited.
Applejack's was almost like a breath of fresh air, her frank view of the world and willingness to speak her mind a nice change from the near constant verbal sword play she had go through most days.
Fluttershy's visits were trips into true peace, the two exchanging only the smallest of small talk, more just enjoying the warmth of their tea and watching the world from Celestia's personal balcony.
Rainbow Dash's was defiantly exciting, the mare doing most of the talking as she tried to explain her latest trick or tell of her latest adventures. More often than naught performing said tricks or reenacting the most exciting bits of her stories for the Princess.
And as for Pinkie's visits? More tame than most would have thought. Pinkie would always come hopping in with a bag full of bored games, often the newest ones she could find on the market, with stories of the parties and other adventures she's had. Celestia couldn't help but giggle, Pinkie being able sit and have a nice long conversation would likely be a shock to most ponies.
"But anyway, how old are you? I need to know so I can put the right amount of candles on your birthday cake!"
And Celestia had to sigh. Pinkie much like Applejack was not afraid to speak her mind, but unlike the unabashed farmer, Pinkie was much more blunt with her thoughts.
"You know, you're not the first to ask my age, though you may be the first to be so direct with it. But that's besides the point, why ask about it now? My birthday just recently passed, you should remember having worked with many of Canterlot's finest to orchestrate it, so why bother with trying to learn my age now and not wait until it nears my next birthday?"
Pinkie got a big ol' grin on her face.
"Well~ It was BECAUSE of your last birthday that I realized that all your birthday cakes that everypony got you all had a different number of candles on them and it got my noggin a joggin! So I started asking all the smartiest smarties I knew to try and figure it out! I knew you had to be over a thousand years old, but I NEEDED to know just how old you were specifically! First I of course asked Twilight and she was like-"
Pinkie got adopted a more proper posture and spoke with an accent that likely was in her head what Twilight sounded to her.
"Pinkie! You can't just go around asking about the Princesses ages, it's not polite to begin with and what's more-"
As the young mare began her story Celestia, making sure to keep an ear open for Pinkie, let her thoughts drift a bit.
("I wonder if Twilight's birthdays will be as troublesome? Maybe if she lives as long as I or Luna, but then again I wouldn't put it past the nobles to try and start buttering her up early on for easy favors down the road.")
Taking a sip of her tea the Princess made sure she still was getting most of what Pinkie was saying.
"-of course Rarity started telling me about proper etiquette and I was just like "WAIT, there's a proper way to ask how old a princess is?" which made Rarity-"
Confident she was still on the same page as the quick speaking pink mare Celestia returned to her own thoughts.
("I think it would make Star Swirl blush if he knew just long I've lived now, the dog always found older mares attractive. Though I would have had to deny him if his usual tendency to rush before thinking lead to him asking me out.")
A small, bitter sweet smile graced the alicorn's face as she tuned fully back in just as Pinkie finished her story.
"-and so after being chased out of the nursing home I was left with only one option! Ask you yourself!"
Celestia let out a sigh.
"I think before I answer you inquiry Pinkie I must first impose just how potent that question has been in the past."
Pinkie's head tilted slightly as her face took on an air of confusion.
"Potent?"
Celestia nodded.
"While I personally have never found my age of any true importance, others have, sometimes to rather unpleasant results."
Shifting a bit more comfortably in her seat first Celestia continued.
"You see, there have been those who have tried using my age to argue that it was time that I, along with Luna, be retired from our seats of power and let others take them. Few truly believing in their claims for the benefit of over all good, many wanting to insert themselves or at least others that would elevate their own power."
She refilled her cup and dropped a sugar cube in it before going on.
"Beyond the seekers of power or of simpler misguided ideals were those who held within their hearts a higher power, and once upon a time one such group heard of my true age and thought it an affront to their god that I live such an extended life. They sought to make sure it would extend no longer."
Celestia took a long sip of her tea and went on.
"And while there have been many other small reasons, this last one is by far the greatest in just why my age has faded into obscurity. Many times before it has been that those who grew close to me would shy away in the face of the many years I have walked this earth. It was as if the sear fear of my age would outweigh everything else they knew of me."
Only now did Celestia realize that she had closed her eyes. Opening them she was greeted with the sight of Pinkie looking pensive and wiggling in her seat, biting her lip in a mixture of worry and unsureness.
"I told you all this for a reason Pinkie Pie."
The solar ruler let a soft smile grace her face.
"It's because I don't know how old I am."
And like a light being turned off Pinkie stopped altogether, her mouth hanging open ever so slightly. Worry began to set within Celestia as Pinkie just sat there staring at her for a full minute before she jumped into the air, very nearly hitting the ceiling before landing on the Princess's side of the table, grabbing her by the cheeks of her face and pulling her closer than most would ever even dare dream having their face to the royalties.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"
After her face was quickly released so the irate mare could begin a tirade Celestia fell into fits of giggles.
"Why bother telling me about religious nuts and scared loved ones or dumb royals if the answer the whole time is I DON'T KNOW?! I mean I was sitting there thinking that you were say something important or maybe something like "My age is my most closely guarded secret but I have chosen you Pinkie Pie to hear it because I know you're a super good friend that can keep secrets and you make really good cake."
Pinkie stopped stomping around the table as a new thought hit her mind.
"Well maybe not that last part about how good I am at making cake, even if it's true, but-"
Noticing that in the absence of her raged yelling the air was filled with petite laughter Pinkie looked over to see something that would have her grinning ear to ear for eons to come. Celestia was out right bursting at the sides with laughter on the ground, her tiara having fallen off to one side as she tried to catch herself. Never having seen the her laugh so hard Pinkie couldn't help but get caught up in the joke she didn't understand and start laughing as well, to the point of pounding her hoof on the table from just how hard she was laughing.
As they both came down from their fits of giggles they sat back in their seats proper, Pinkie quickly cleaning up the spilled tea and Celestia readjusting her mane and tiara.
"I'm terribly sorry Pinkie for pulling such a prank on you, but I just could not help myself."
"Oh it's fine Princess, I love me some pranks! But um...it would be nice if you explained this one to me."
With a big grin still plastered across her face Celestia was more than happy to oblige.
"You see Pinkie, I have always loved pulling pranks and such, but that lofty title of mine makes it hard for ponies to understand when I'm just kidding around and not actually going to send them to Pluto for one tiny drop of ice cream on my shoe. I mean really, it's a shoe, I care not of how much pure gold it's made from, it's a shoe."
To puncture the point Celestia waved a hoof nonchalantly, looking at her golden hoof covering with little interest.
"So my pranks have been contained to just Luna, and that doesn't give much of a window of opportunity unfortunately. So when I find those who can take a freaking joke I just have to get those shots in when I can."
Pinkie, even with all her vast Pinkie-ness, was able to grasp this turn of events pretty fast and easily. But she still needed an answer.
"So when you figured out that I wasn't gonna go all loco coco you pulled a prank on me by building up your age like it was some kind of big and bad secret! But I still need to know, how old are you?"
"Like I said, I don't know."
Pinkie mouth opened up in preparation for some kind of rebuttal before gently but firmly being shut again by a warm yellow aura.
"While yes, that made for a grand punchline, it was also the truth. I honestly have no idea just how old I really am. Just that it's over a thousand."
Mouth released Pinkie attempted to speak again.
"So wait...not even YOU know how many candles I need to put on your birthday cake?!"
With her mission defeated Pinkie threw her hooves in the air before slamming face into the table, getting her muzzle stuck in her cup. Celestia tried pouring herself a new cup of tea but found that the pot was empty, having been completely spilled out from before, and so just began speaking.
"I made it clear before, I really don't think much of my own birthday, and having had so many I've found that it just stopped mattering to me after a while. So naturally I forgot to keep up with just how big that number over my head was getting."
Looking up at the princess with the cup still stuck to her muzzle Pinkie gave her a sad look.
"O ou aven lrated yr earth ay ears?"
Crossing her eyes to look at the offending glass Pinkie quickly shook her head until it was flung off, caught in Celestia's magic before it crashed.
"So you haven't celebrated your birthday in years?"
"No real need when others seem so eager to do it for you, even when you insist it's not necessary."
Celestia let a warm smile grace her face and directed right at Pinkie.
"Not that there is not those who celebrate it for nothing more than the joy of its own sake."
Pinkie gave her the biggest grin she could muster, nearly splitting her face quite literally, before a look of deep thought replaced it.
"But that still leaves the question of the candles. Hmmm...OHOHOH!"
Excitedly the party mare began tapping her fore hooves on the table, Celestia almost able to see the light bulb above her head.
"I know exactly how many to put on your cake next year!"
"Really now? And how many would that be?"
"One!"
The quiet lasted only long enough for Celestia to blink.
"That's an interesting conclusion to come to, why only one if I may ask?"
"Well, you see I was racking my whole brain for an idea, checking every nook and cranny, I even looked under the rug! Then it hit me, even if I put all the candles I needed for your birthday it would WAY too many and there would be more wax than cake, and no one likes eating wax! Okay, maybe Discord, but that's why I always bake him his own special cakes instead. Anyway, I thought Instead of a candle for every year how about a candle every THOUSAND years! I mean it only makes sense 'cus then it would be like another thousand years before you could put another candle on it and-"
*EXHALE-INHALE*
"-ANNND also you could prank ponies, 'cus now I know you really like doing that you jokester you, and make them think that you're like only one year old! Good idea huh?"
Having summoned some more tea and pouring herself a cup Celestia gave Pinkie a devious smile.
"So now that you know my secret love of pranks you're willing to help me indulge this side of me."
Pinkie's own smile turned mischievous as she held out a hoof to the princess.
"Sister, if there's prank to be had then don't think for a second I'm not any less than a few feet away. And sense the dilemma of your birthday candles have been taken care of I've can't let slid that a prankster isn't being allowed to prank. So what do ya say, now that I'm in the know, partner's in crime?"
The Princess of Pranks took the Party Pranksters hoof and gave it a firm shake and a wide grin.
"As always Pinkie your visits are nothing short of pure fun, I look forward to our future endeavors together."
Somewhere in the Castle sleeping soundly Luna suddenly had a great shudder and chill go down her spine, her comfort evaporating for some seemingly unknown reason...