//------------------------------//
// Chapter 16: Never Split the Party 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks 
// by TheColtTrio 
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	Far outside the outermost reaches of Roads Crossed, a large number of ponies were gathered. Each one was decked out in a rag-tag mix of leather and plate armor, with a variety of gleaming weaponry in their hooves. They all stood in a rough circle around their leader; clad in full plate mail and armed with a massive spiked club.
The giant of an earth pony sniffed the air, red eyes almost seeming to glow under his matted mane. “Colts!” he bellowed, looking out over his assembled troops. “Mares! Fellow… purveyors of an alternative revenue source.” Some of the ponies chuckled, remembering how the mayor of Roads Crossed had called them that just a few months back. “Now, I won’t bore you all with a long winded, flowery speech about how ‘we’re in the right’, and ‘honor and glory’, and other things that none of you lot really care about.”
He watched the mass of ponies nod. “No… what you care about is what we all care about! Money!” A shout of agreement. “Power!” Another shout. “And the recognition we so richly deserve, as the biggest, baddest, most dangerous bunch of bandits around!
A flock of birds took to the sky in a panic from the resulting cheer. “The local authority has talked some mighty big words about cleaning us up around here,” the bandit chief continued. “I say they’re all a bunch of candy-colored pansies!”
“Or begonias!” one pony called out, immediately silenced by the glares of those around them.
“Now,” the chief continued, “with our new specialized equipment,” he hefted his club, a faint red-orange aura surrounding each spike, “I think we can show those bunch of tea-drinkers that no-pony tells a bandit what to do! What say you?” The crowd cheered, sending up clouds of dust from their stomping hooves. 
A dirt-brown pegasus flew over the rabble, from the direction of the town, and landed next to the chief. She leaned in, whispering into his ear. “The three that escaped?” the chief replied with a frown. “Are you sure?” The pegasus nodded, whispering again. “And the ones who attacked Land Bet’s patrol? And the ones that kept us from knocking over that Profit mare?”
The chief thought for a moment before grinning, showing yellowed teeth. “Well now,” he called, gathering the attention of the bandits. “It looks like we’ve got the opportunity for a little revenge while we’re at it! Fowl Wing here has just told me that those nine ponies who’ve been thorns in our sides all day just so happen to be mounting a little defence down in town. Who’s wants to show them who’s boss?”
A cheer rang through the crowd. “Then let’s show them!” the bandit chief roared. “Let’s show them that no friendship or magic stands up to cold, hard steel! Attack!” 


* * * 


“How can they do this?” Wits End wailed, shoving a long wooden table into place to be used as cover. “A frontal massed attack in broad daylight, relying wholly on numbers to win? What is this, a game of Equestria Universalis?” 
“Stop complaining!” Twilight shouted, slamming another table into place with her magic. “They’re bandits! What’s so strange about them being idiots?”
“It doesn’t make any sense strategically! Their only way to win is to overwhelm us in a battle of attrition! There’s no tactical advantage!”
Applejack carried in a load of sandbags to reenforce the barricade. “Did either of ya’ll plan for somethin’ like this?”
Twilight blinked. “Well…”
Wits End’s mouth moved silently for a moment. “...No.”
With a sigh, Applejack dropped the bags at their hooves. “There’s your tactical advantage. They’re tryin’ to take us by surprise.”
The two horned ponies watched as Applejack kicked a tree, dislodging several large branches to strengthen their defenses. “I didn’t think you’d be the conniving sort,” Wits End said, slightly impressed.
“I’ve played a lot’ve games with my lil’ sister and her friends. Ya don’t play a hundred and twenty-seven games’ve Risk without learnin’ somethin’.”
“Hundred and- Wow.” Wits End shoved a sand bag into the barricade. “That’s a lot of building up on Pony New Guinea.”
“Not to interrupt your little game chat,” Rarity interrupted, “but what are we going to do about hordes of unwashed ponies about to attack us?”
Wits End thought for a moment. “They think they have the advantage. We’ll let them think that a little longer. Let them break through the barricades towards the outside of town, and once they come through to the second line of defence, we’ll close in from behind. Hit them from the front and back, demoralize them, and they’ll break.”
“Are you crazy?” Twilight cut in. “The townsfolk are working their hardest to build those barricades, and you want to just let that be for nothing?”
“Oh, and you have a better plan?” Wits End said sardonically.
“We use those defenses for what they’re built for. We hold the front line, show them they can’t get through, and they’ll  have to give up.”
Wits End scoffed. “You just said they’re idiots! Do you really think they’re gonna give up just because a few ponies say ‘no you cannot’?”
“We don’t have to make them run forever this time!” Twilight glared at the mint-colored unicorn. “If we can drive them back and force them to regroup, we’ll have the time we need to set up properly.”
Wits End glared back, taking a step toward the purple princess. “We won’t, because they’ll overrun us. That’s what hordes do. We need to take advantage of their lack of cohesion. Let them think they’re winning, then hit them hard and fast so they won’t want to stick around for another one.”
Twilight stepped forward, almost locking horns with Wits End. “You don’t have the troops for that!”
“And you don’t have the time!”
“Geez, you guys!” Pinkie Pie’s face was suddenly uncomfortably close to the two locked unicorns. “We’re gonna have enough trouble with those angry, smelly ponies out there without you two fighting in here!”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Rarity said with a shudder.”
Wits End turned away in a huff. “I can’t be a tactician if she keeps second guessing everything I say!”
Twilight turned away as well, facing the exact opposite direction. “And I can’t let him throw these ponies into danger!”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Dealing with you two is like dealing with the Cake’s twins! If this town were a cake, I’d say just split it in half and each of you take one.”
The two arguing ponies were silent for a moment. Slowly, they both turned toward the pink pony.
Pinkie Pie looked between the two. “...What?”
Applejack stepped forward. “Twilight,” she said, concern in her voice, “ya’ll can’t seriously be thinkin’ that’d work.” Her eyes narrowed. “Ya can’t, right?”
“This is hardly the time to be infighting like this,” Rarity agreed. “Especially with a third of the ponies we know can fight still missing!”
“Why not?” Twilight asked. “Worst case scenario is we fall back to the courtyard and fight together anyway.”
“And if,” Wits End added, “or when one of us proves that their way was right, and fights off their bandits, they can reinforce the other.”
Applejack placed her face in her hoof. “Oh sweet Celestia…”
“I’ll take this side of town,” Twilight said, drawing a small line in the dirt with her hoof. “And the ponies who’re willing to fight in it.”
Wits End snorted. “Fine. I’ll take this side. And once I’ve crushed the bandits attacking my side, I’ll come around and save you.”
“Umm, sorry to interrupt,” Fluttershy said, finally stepping forward. “But what about the rest of us? Do we help one of you two? Or…”
Applejack shook her head. “I dunno about the rest’ve ya’ll, but waitin’ for those bandits to get through one wall sound’s like a buncha hogwash to me.” She stepped over the line to stand next to Twilight. “I still think this whole thing’s stupid, though.”
“Well I think planning a surprise anything sounds like fun!” Pinkie hopped over next to Wits End, wrapping a hoof around his shoulders and pulling him close.
Wits End sighed. “Please let go of me.”
Fluttershy looked between the two groups beginning to form. “Oh, well, uh…” After a moment of indecision, she stood on Twilight’s side. “Sorry…”
Rarity sighed, brushing her mane back into place. “Oh fine then.” She walked over to Wits End, keeping him between her and Pinkie’s grabby hooves. “But just to make sure you don’t do anything too foolish. Once this is over with, we’re going to write the biggest letter to Celestia anypony has ever seen.”
“Then let’s get started,” Wits End said, holding his hoof across the line. “May the best pony win.”
Twilight bumped the offered hoof. “At least try to be careful,” she scolded.
Wits End rolled his eyes. “I’m always careful.” He turned around and walked off, tripping over a sandbag on his way and turning it into some sort of half-dance as he got his rhythm back.


* * * 


“I swear,” Purple Heart growled after extricating himself from another pit. “If I fall in one more carping pit, I am going to eat Wits End’s hat when we get back. Whose are these anyway?” Light Patch glanced at the traps around them they had managed to spot before triggering.
“They look rushed. I’d have to guess the bandits set these to catch anypony fleeing the town into the forest,” Light Patch said looking around the forest. “You know, Twilight is never gonna let us live this down right?” He noted stepping carefully over a trip line. Purple Heart snorted, not watching where he was walking.
“You mean she isn’t gonna let Wits End live this down,” he chortled. “She- OWCH!” The purple earth got caught on the tripwire that Light Patch had basically shown to the trio and fell flat on his face. Rainbow Dash tried to stifle a laugh as she watched Purple Heart fume with rage.
“Next thing you know there’s gonna be zeppelins and Yamato-wannabes dropping carp on our heads,” the purple stallion snarled. A thoughtful expression crossed the grey pegasus’ face as he helped his friend up.
“Is it ironic that now we have to wade through the bandit’s traps after having set our own up? Or is that more of a poetic justice kind of thing?” Light Patch asked, holding open a hole in a rope wall that was strung between two trees.
“I’m gonna say neither,” Purple Heart replied, stepping through the hole with Rainbow Dash close behind him. “I call Discord shenanigans. But he probably had those two thoughts in mind when he did it.”
“Probably. I’ll bet he’s laughing too.” Light Patch noted, wishing he’d remembered more of his ballet classes as he looked at the numerous tripwires ahead. Rainbow Dash floated down in between the two stallions.
“Well I wish he’d let us in on the joke.” She quipped looking at thick forest canopy above the trip wires. Purple Heart snorted again, coming to a stop before the web of tripwires.
“Not gonna happen,” he said, turning back to his compatriots. “Discord doesn’t usually like to share.” He fell silent for a moment. Then he spoke again.
“So,” he sighed in resignation. “Who wants to carry me?” Light Patch looked between his friend and the web of tripwires before speaking.
“Try to remember when you’re shouting at me, that I can heal you afterwards.” The grey pegasus noted before suddenly shoving his friend into the fray. Rainbow Dash looked at Light Patch with an expression of horror on her face, prompting only a ‘what?’ in response from the pegasus in question. She sighed and tried to block out the screams of anger from Purple Heart and focused on the question in her mind of how the others were doing and what they were up to.


* * *


Sweat was beading on Twilight’s forehead as she held back a bandit scimitar with her magic. “More sandbags!” she called behind her, slamming a downed bandit’s wooden club into her attacker’s head.
“We don’t got any more sandbags!” Applejack shouted back, bucking a dirty earth pony into two of his companions.
“There has to be more!” Twilight lofted the club into the oncoming wave of bandits, watching one of them drop with an almost comical look on his face. “We have to bolster this wall, or it’s gonna collapse!”
“That ain’t gonna make more sandbags appear, Twi!”
Twilight grumbled, picking up the unconscious bandit and shoving him onto the wall as a makeshift addition to the barricade. Next to her, a guardpony dropped to the ground with an arrow stuck in his armor. “Fluttershy! Get him to safety!”
Fluttershy let out a squeak, inching out from the safety of her corner to drag the wounded pony away. She reached into her saddlebags, retrieving some herbs and bandages.
“There’s a lot more of them that I anticipated,” Twilight muttered. “If only we had more time to prepare…”
“Twi…”
“Applejack, please tell me you found some more sandbags.”
“Twi, I think you should turn around.”
“AJ, this really isn’t the ti-” The feeling of metal against the side of her neck silenced Twilight in a flash. She turned her eyes slightly, seeing a grinning bandit at her side, spear point at her throat. “Oh bother.”


* * *


Light Patch turned to look at Purple Heart who was squatting on the ground with a pouting expression on his face and rolled his eyes again. “Oh quit sulking you big baby. I healed the worst of it.” Purple Heart glared up at his grey friend and grimaced.
“Grumble bumble,” the purple earth pony mumbled. “I hope that Hooper pokes you full of holes next time we- Huh...Hooper. Hooper. Hooperhooperhooper...Curious...very curious.”
“What is?” Rainbow Dash asked from her spot on a tree branch above the two ponies.
“It’s probably good he’s not here to hear that.” Light Patch noted, “Another friend of ours. Nothing you need to worry about, Dash.” He turned back to the road they were on. Rainbow Dash flitted to the next set of branches.
“Whatever, how much longer do you think it will take to get back to the center of the town?” she asked. Purple Heart stood, wincing as small needles of pain erupted across his body. The purple stallion shrugged, igniting several more needles of pain.
“I’d have to say a few more minutes,” Purple Heart replied, turning to face the road before him. “I do hope Wits End and the rest are holding up… Welp, let’s get going.” He began trotting down the road but froze after taking several steps.
“Erm,” he mumbled. “Would you mind taking point, Light?” The grey pegasus rolled his eyes as he moved to take the lead.
“Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. You don’t need to worry though, I remember this park. We left this road mostly untrapped for our own use.  Easy supply lines or a route of retreat if needed. We’ve got a good-” Light Patch paused in his speech as a faint click echoed down the road. He looked down at his hoof and the trip wire he’d just stepped on.
“Fudge, it just had to be one of mine,” he managed to squeak out before the traps working sprung into action. Purple Heart was barely able to contain his snort of amusement as he watched the grey pegasus plunge into a pit. Then he heard the splashing water along with the clacking of needle teeth and the buzz of electricity.
“You dumpkoff!” Purple Heart barked, rushing to the edge of the pit. “You have got to be kidding me!”


* * *


“Now?” Pinkie Pie was barely containing her excitement, her voice a high-pitched whisper as she hid.
Wits End shook his head, hidden behind the door frame of the house they were in. There were bandits marching past the windows; a few looked inside, but not close enough to spot the ponies hidden within. “Not yet.”
The pink pony was vibrating in place now, torn cloth stuffed into her bells to keep them quiet. “Now?”
“A little more time.” Wits End checked the reflection in the mirror, keeping a mental count of how many bandits had passed. “Just a little more…”
“Mister End,” Rarity hissed, “If we don’t do something soon, I fear Pinkie Pie might explode.”
Pinkie’s whisper reached a new pitch. “Now?”
Wits End sighed. “Fine. Pinkie? Break the door down.”
With an almost deafening shriek of excitement, the pink pony lunged forward. The door flew off its hinges, knocking a swath of bandits off their feet. A split second later, Wits End and Rarity leapt through the door, facing off with the surprised ponies.
“Poison Sting!” Wits End shouted, launching a stinger into tightest cluster of bandits. A few dodged out of the way, but the stinger hit one pony true; those surrounding were caught in the resulting splash of acid.
“Take this, you ruffians!” Rarity launched a hail of needles into her own bandit grouping, eliciting cries of surprise and pain as they dropped their weapons in their attempts to pull the offending pieces of metal out.
Pinkie Pie picked herself up, shaking the cloth out of her bells. “Rarity,” she whined, “you didn’t give your attack a super cool name!”
“What?” Rarity glanced back, firing off a few well placed shots at oncoming bandits. “Pinkie Pie, dear, I’m not giving my attacks any silly names.”
“But that’s half the fun!” Wits End added in, locking blades with a bandit pegasus. “It’s like verbal fashion!”
“My dear, that is not fashion,” Rarity scoffed. “Speaking of which, neither is your outfit. That many belts and a robe? So last century.”
Wits End swept his sword in an arc, disarming his opponent. “What? We are last century! The last century is what we’re in right now!”
“That’s no excuse to wear a peaked cap with that coiffure!”
“What’s wrong with my hair?”
“Look out!” Pinkie Pie shrieked, diving between the two unicorns.
Wits End blinked, looking down at the pink pony. “Look out for what?”
“The wave!”
“The wa-” Wits End turned around, seeing the literal wave of bandits charging toward them. “Oh. That wave.”
Rarity’s jaw dropped. “Oh dear.”
Their screams could be heard for a second before being forcefully muffled by the collapsing pile of bandits.