I have this... oh, what would you call it? A fear? A fear of not being able to help. Yes, that's the word. I'm afraid that something will happen, and I'll be helpless to stop it. Even though I would give anything to change it.
I suppose it was after Rainbow died that I realized this fear may kill me as well. I cried alongside the others, and the fear grew. So I guess you could say I'm determined. I am generosity. Or as you could think of it, selflessness. I would give anything to ensure that no more of my friends died.
The fear was what started the waiting game. As I knew something bad would happen, it was just a matter of when. Our lives were getting far more dangerous. As Twilight as princess, we had to ensure her safety above everything else, including our own.
Of course that doesn't mean we'd leave her behind... anymore. We'd just stay beside her. And without telling the others, I assumed the role of the pony who'd sacrifice herself to save her friends.
Maybe now in some strange way, I understood Rainbow Dash. Loyalty... When you think about it, loyalty isn't that much different than generosity.
Twilight swore this would never happen again, though we all know that's not true. The same situation is going to come along, and we'll be as helpless as before. So deep inside I tried to get use to the thought of me dying. After all, accepting death was better than denying, or that's just what I thought.
Yes, I've sworn, without telling anypony else, that I would give up everything, even my own life, to save my friends. And, well, that's probably why I'm in my current situation. See... it more or less turned out that way.
Not that I'm one to brag, but I knew this was going to happen. I was dying. But I tried my best not to regret.
“No, Rarity!” Of course we'd gotten through all the calls of surprise and alarm, and I realized how annoying and pointless they were. Though it's not like I hated the attention.
“I'm... okay.” I wheezed, though I'm really not. In fact, I'm less fine than I've ever, ever been. Even at all those disaster fashion shows.
“Just hang on, Rarity, we'll get you to the hospital,” Apple Jack tried to be calm, but it turned into a nervous lie.
How do I explain this? It's like... I knew when my life would end, and how much longer I had left. Which of course, wasn't even close to enough.
“Rarity! You're okay right?! Right?! Twilight, Rarity's okay, right?!” Pinkie was on the verge of breaking. She'd only just recovered after Rainbow Dash had passed. But now, well, I might have permanently damaged her smile.
“I'm fine,” I mumbled through shaky, painful breaths. “Really. You don't have to worry.”
“Of course we're worrying!” Fluttershy whisper shouted. “You're in the same position as... as...” She needn't finish. We all knew this was far too close to Rainbow Dash's situation. In fact, it would even end the very same way.
“I... I don't know how to say this,” My mind scrambled for whatever last words I could find. I didn't want it to sound like I was really saying goodbye. I mean, living would be great, but that was the least likely outcome. I just needed to be prepared. Rainbow... her words hit home. And she must of just thought them up on the spot. Could I do the same? Could I be as great as her?
Then of course I remembered how she admitted to being scared. And I realized this whole life of her's had been one big hoax. She wanted to be truthful, and maybe her outside appearance was sometimes. But who knew what she was really feeling on the inside.
“I... um... I guess I was afraid.” I mumbled, trying not to cry. I could tell the others wanted to protest, and were holding back tears themselves, but thankfully they let me speak, like we had let Rainbow speak. “That I would give up everything, and it still wouldn't be enough. But I saved one of my friends, and that's the most I need in return. I've been prepared for this. So Twilight, Apple Jack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, don't worry. I'm... I'm... I'm fine. I'm happy. That I could help. That you allowed me to help. So thanks. For supporting me all this time. For being with me all this time. Without you by my side... I... I would've failed long ago. Thank you so much,”
“No!” Twilight shouted. “No! You're not getting away from us! You don't have to say goodbye! You are... You are... going... to be fine.”
I put on the bravest face I could, one that Rainbow Dash would be proud of. I'd be meeting up with her pretty soon. I guess my time had come.
It was strange being conscious of my world getting smaller. How everything faded and became fuzzy at the same time. Random memories flashed through my mind, and I became distracted, as my life ended.
It was like one second I was paying attention, than I was thinking about things. And before I knew it everything's dark and I'm gone. I'm... dead.
I gave up everything. And I don't regret that I did. I don't regret that I'm generosity. This was my whole role. To put others before myself, and give everything to help them grow stronger and aid them through everything.
Yes. These were good final thoughts. Though truthfully there's still a little phrase going through my mind. A ridiculous little thought, that I can't help but laugh at.
Maybe that will be the last thing I think about. Since I guess my time is up. I'm moving on. The whole way thinking;
And generosity kicked the bucket.