//------------------------------// // Violent Duct // Story: The Friendship Detection Agency (FDA) // by FlareGun45 //------------------------------// So it was a beautiful day today. It was pretty uneventful today as well, that is, until now of course. I was walking to my next class from lunch along with General Lee when I saw Herb Leafhorn Jr., the son of the principle of the school, and a member of one of the families I told you about, picking on that Gun kid in this school, Crimson Flare Gun. From the corner of the hallway, I saw a trash bin from the lunch room rolling down the stairs. “Thank you for riding trash role.” Herb said as he walked down the stairs. “Please collect your belongings and watch your step as you walk out of the bin. Thank you for riding with us, and have a nice day.” “Thanks!” Flare said as he had a banana peel on his head. “You’re welcome.” Herb said with a mischievous smile. “AAAAAAAH! TEACHER! TEACHER! TEACHER!” Flare yelled after he crawls out of the trash bin. “The principle is my father you little twerp.” Herb said to him. “Hey! I’m not a little twerp! I’m a big twerp! I don’t like to be called little!” Flare yelled at him. "I’m bigger than you, LITTLE boy.” Herb said mischievously. “Yeah, I bet you like little things don’t you?” Flare teased. “WHAT DID YOU SAY?! WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, SON?!” Herb yelled at him walking closer. “I’m not your son, and if I was, you’d be the worse mom ever. HA!” Flare teased. Herb then suddenly grabbed him by the vest and smashed him into the lockers. “You do not want to be a smart flank with me! Because if you’re gonna be smart with me, then somepony’s gonna have their face in the toilet!” Herb yelled. “Who? Yours?” Flare teased. Herb then punch him in the nose to get him to stop joking around. “Feel smart, LITTLE boy?” Herb asked. “NO! I’m getting beat up a pony whose family held a grudge on mine for generations! Get over it, man!” Flare yelled. “Your family has stolen our land from us, my dad said so. Your ancestor, Colonel Machine Gun killed Weed Leafhorn!” Herb yelled at him. “I keep telling you, brah, it’s self-defense.” Flare corrected him. “LAIR!” Herb yelled in anger as he punched him in the stomach. "OW! I’m relieved that I didn’t eat my lunch or I would’ve been sick after that kick. You know, the teachers will find out about this!" Flare yelled at him. “That’s why I won’t pound you here. When you leave school today, that’s when I’ll turn your face upside down!” Herb threatened him. “I thought you said you were gonna stuff somepony’s face in the toilet?” Flare asked. Herb then threw him to the lockers on the other side of the hall. “You’ll be eating those words, Crimson!” Herb said angrily at him. “Now why don’t you make like a tree…. And get outta here?” “Isn’t it ‘make like a tree’ and ‘leave’?” Flare asked. “Want another beating?” Herb asked him. “No, you should be thanking me. I’m trying to save you from sounding stupid.” Flare said. “Later.” Herb said as he was making a weird cutting noise while sliding his hoof across my neck and then he started walking away from Flare and towards me. I had to do something about it, so I wanted to talk to him. “What are you looking at, butthead?” Herb asked me angrily. “Oi, mate. Is that really necessary?” I asked. “You Jams are all the same. If it weren’t for your family, the Guns would be outta here by now. You’re next if you keep pestering me about my business!” Herb threatened me. “This is between the Leafhorns and the Guns, none of you Jam clans are going to get in our way!” Herb said angrily at me as he walked away and shoving me with his shoulder while he was at it. “That’s exactly what my family is trying to do, greaseball.” I angrily said to him as he walked out of my range. After hearing the stories of my ancestors, I had to do what was right, and I agree. The battle between the Guns and the Leafhorns have gone too far! So what we were here first? Didn’t hurt sharing the land, did it? “Ugh! Help me, brah!” Flare begged as I went to check on what was going on with him. I needed to help him. “No, Jerry, he’s a Gun.” General Lee said to me as he stopped me. “But this ain’t right. This guy is having a tough time. Shouldn’t there be somepony out there to help? Like an agency keeping friendship at ease?” I asked. “Jerry, don’t worry about it. Ah don’t want you getting hurt. Herb did enough damage to that pony; ah don’t want him doin’ the same to you.” Lee said to me. I guess there was nothing I could do. I really wanted to help Flare out, but the Leafhorns run the school. I should really talk to my family about this. So all I could do is just pity him upsettingly, and then walk away. When I got home, I met with my sister Jelly who got home the same time as me. “Oi bro! How was school?” Jelly asked. “Terrible.” I said. “I can’t take the violence anymore. Why do ponies have to be violent? I’m so bloody tired and sick of it!” “Ok all I asked you was how school was. I didn’t need a whole essay about it.” Jelly said. So the two of us opened the doors to our manor and walked inside. “Well if you want to know about my day, I have this interesting art project that I-“ “Jelly, I love you, but right now, I don’t care.” I said as I placed my stuff in the middle of the floor. Don’t worry, the maid will get it. “Violence is really bothering you, huh?” Jelly asked. “Is it because of Herb Leafhorn Jr. and Crimson Flare Gun?” “A’yup.” I said. “You can’t let that bother you, bung.” Jelly said. “Whatever the battle between the Leafhorns and the Guns is none of our concern.” “But it is our concern.” I said. “The Jams run Mareami. Why don’t we do something about it? All we’re doin’ is just sittin’ here, and letting crime life go by out there.” “Look who’s talkin’.” Jelly said sarcastly. “Shhh!” I shushed her. “Relax, nopony is home.” Jelly said as she pours herself at drink at one of our 9 juice bars in this house. “I didn’t tell anypony what you and your friends do on your free time, but you have to know that they’re going to find out sooner or later.” “I know, but that’s not my biggest fear.” I said. “Jelly, I trust you. We’re close siblings. We’re closer than any of our families are close to eachother when we’re not on vacation.” “Coming from you, that means a lot.” Jelly teased. “Hey our parents weren’t around to raise us properly. Perhaps that’s why I’m robbing all the time.” I said. “Our parents are just busy with getting everypony’s taxes, and taking control of the town, thinking we’re more superior to even the mayor himself. Being in control is just too much for me sometimes, you know? Our parents are not even handling the crime in this town that well.” “We come from a greedy family. Probably as greedy as those big companies out there who have enough money.” Jelly said. “You’ve never been so right in your entire life, sis.” I said. “Of course I have, but I am pretty much right in this situation, aren’t I?” Jelly asked. “Indeed you are!” I agreed. “You taught me a lot, even though you’re younger.” “I’m a genius pretty much!” Jelly said. We both chuckled at her remark. I’m not saying it’s not true though….. maybe. “So are you going to sell those gems soon? You can’t keep them here too long.” “Would cops have the nerve to break down our door?” I asked. “Hey it wouldn’t be long until ponies in this town turn on the Jams. If they found out a Jam is causing havoc in the town, funds would pretty much go right down the toilet, and we’ll have nothing. We’d be forced to sell this land and move out.” Jelly said. “You make it sound like it’s such a bad thing.” I said. “It’s bad for our family, but to be honest, I couldn’t care less.” Jelly said. “I also don’t get that you’re a pony that does criminal activities, and yet his cutie mark is a notepad.” “Because I’m also the journalist at the school. I’m known for my unique style of making news articles.” I said. “I need to spread news around to end violence. It’s making me sick, and it’s probably going to corrupt the nation if it hasn’t already.” “Then by all means do it! Write for the school paper of what your problem is! Perhaps ponies will read it.” Jelly suggested. “You know what? I’m going to do that tonight! Actually, I shall start right now!” I said as I began to walk up stairs to my room to get started on the paper. Later that night, I wanted an opinion about it with an expert. So I talked to my maid. “Eh, no, no. I no can read.” My maid said. Ok, so not my maid. She might be a good writer, but I guess not a good reader. Alright, so I have to talk to somepony else. How about my chef? “Squeak, squeak, squeak.” My rat chef said. I can’t speak rat, but he can understand me. He nods and gives me gestures a lot. I think he’s French. I then asked my Gardner, who was actually the husband of my maid, so he wasn’t much help either. I then asked all nine of my bartenders. Two said they’re not paid to read my stuff, one is blind (but still knows her way around the bar in the master bathroom), three said it was good, two said it was bad, and the last one never went to school except for bartending school so he couldn’t read. Later that night, I wanted to ask for my parents’ opinions, so I went upstairs to their study room; one of them at least, and saw that they were both talking on the phone. “Hey, mom? Dad?” I asked. “What is it, Jelly?” my dad, Cherry Jam asked with an attitude. “I’m Jerry.” I corrected him. “Whatever, son. Can’t you see I’m in the middle of an important phone call?” he asked. “Yeah, really James!” my mom, Strawberry Jam complained. “Who are you two talking to?” I asked. “I’m talking to your mom on the phone.” My dad said. “Yeah, so do you mind? This is important.” My mom said. “Riiiiiiiight.” I nodded, giving them an awkward look. “Anyways, I made this news article for school about how violence is ruining our society, and I’m wondering if you can critique it for me. Give me some enthusiastic criticism or somethin’.” “What? It’s not like we’re getting paid to read it. Show it to our bartenders or something.” My mom suggested. “I did.” I said. “It’s what they’re paid to do aren’t they?” my mom asked. “Hey mom? Dad?” Jelly asked as she entered the room. “Can I have some money to buy illegal stuff?” “Sure, whatever deary.” My mom said. “See, Jer?” my sister asked me. “Our parents are more focused on their work. They pay other ponies to be our parents so they don’t have to.” “But our ‘parents’ moved out of Mareami because they had a timeshare in Fillydelphia, so for now, all we have is eachother and the employees. At least the few that care about us and not just worried about their work so they could get paid.” I said. “Well, that’s why you rob for a living, right? Nopony to stop you.” Jelly reminded me. “Eh shhh!” I shushed her. “Our parents are right here!” “Relax, they’re not listening.” Jelly said. “Look, Jelly, I’ve been actually thinking, and… well… last week, when I did that job with Orange Swirl and Cesaer Salad, I learned something from it.” I said. “And what might that be?” Jelly asked. “No matter what criminal activity we did, it seems that we have to always be violent. By scaring customers and staff by robbing them, doesn’t it hurt them in a way? You know… mentally?” I asked. “How should I know? I know nothing of that sort of thing, sweetheart.” Jelly said. “Perhaps you should learn from an expert. Have you ever tried therapy?” “Yes, and all the help the therapist has been giving me is just giving me pills to calm my stress and making me take blood tests once a year, and you know how I feel about needles!” I said. “I feel you.” Jelly said. “But maybe you’re right, Jelly.” I said. “Maybe I do need help from an expert. Somepony that’s been where I am now.” “Well, first thing’s first. How about posting this article when you get to school tomorrow? I think you might be able to impress a lot of kids by this, because I for one think it’s fascinating!” Jelly said. “Coming from you, somepony that’s been getting all A’s, that has to mean something, right?” I asked with a smile. We both chuckled at that little remark. Anyways, when I got to school tomorrow, I posted my news article, and just like that, my news has been spreading like wildfire. Ponies all over the school were reading my article. I wasn’t sure what their opinions were because they’ve been giving mixed signals. I’m not sure if they liked it, hated it, or somewhere in the middle, but just like that, my news article seemed to be all for naught, because another fight with Flare Gun and Herb Leafhorn happened in the hallway today. I joined the argument just as Herb grabbed Flare by his vest and Flare said, "I got a better idea, how about you do us a both a favor, and let go of my vest, and leave me be? Or we can be friends." Herb started pounding Flare’s head and said, "Hello?! Hello?! Anypony home? Think Crimson, think, and besides nopony would want to be friends with you anyway." Herb said. "Wow that was harsh. You could've just said 'no thank you' and left it at that. Now please put me down." Flare advised him. "Sure. Right after I pound ya!" Herb said. "I'm warming you, brah! You'll regret this. Put me down!" Flare ordered. “No, no!” I mumbled to myself worriedly. "Was that a threat? Were you threatening me, Crimson?" Herb asked. “Are threatening? Are you threatening?” "I'm giving you one last chance. Put.... me..... down!" Flare ordered him. "You'll regret saying that." Herb said angrily. "Well, don't say I didn't warn ya. I hope you brought an extra pair of pants." Flare said. “Why is that?” Herb asked. Just then Flare squirted him with some sort of water squirter spell to wet his pants that he didn’t have but around that area. It made all the kids in school laugh at him. Herb felt really embarrassed. Flare made him look like he wet himself. Herb started tearing up, lets go of me, and then he started running away. “Hey Herb! Remember this word: karma! You pick on me, and I pick on you even harder! I wouldn’ve learned these tricks if you haven’t been bullying me all this time!” Flare yelled out. “Wow, Crimson! Nice work!” one of the kids said to him. “Yeah good job for taking care of that bully!” another one said. “You sure have redeemed yourself, Flare.” another pony said happily. “Thanks, brahs and sistas. I really appreciate it.” Flare said happily. “Maybe next time Herb will think twice before picking on me like that.” I wasn’t happy about this situation at all. Violence… nothing but violence. "CRIMSON GUN! IN MY OFFICE! NOW!" the principle yelled on the intercom. “Well it’s been nice knowing ya, Flare.” a kid said to him. “What are you talking about? He’s probably going to reward me for my actions!” Flare said excitedly as he skipped on to the office. “Wow, even though Flare is pretty much screwed, I really enjoyed that fight! Violence is good! Violence is awesome!” a colt said excitedly. “Yeah, you kids like seeing other ponies hurt just for your own amusement, don’t you?” I asked angrily. “Oh look, it’s that rich kid that thinks he’s so cool and such!” one of the kids pointed out. “Let’s ignore him because he’s richer than us, even though we sometimes want to be nice to rich kids just to get to their money.” Just then, all the kids started walking away. “Oi! You don’t know what you’re saying!” I called out. “Violence will corrupt the nation! Violence is disharmony! Friendship and non-violence makes the world go round! Well… not really, but you know what I mean! This fight between the Guns and the Leafhorns has been going on for far too long, and I want to make a difference! Stop the violence! Stop the fighting! Can’t we all be friends or what?! You all sicken me! No wonder crime and bullying has gone up in these big Equestrian cities! NOPONY EVEN CARES!” “I do.” A white unicorn with a purple mane said to me. “You do?” I asked. “Oh yes!” he nodded as he was reading my newspaper. “Everything you say on here is true. I mean, I don’t know much about a conflict between two families sweetheart, but I feel you can really make a difference with these here article.” “You think so?” I asked. “I know so!” he nodded. “I never seen you around here before, mate. Who are you?” I asked. “Aren’t you a little old for school?” “That seems to be pretty insulting, dear.” He said. “I’m only 16 years old. I’m only here on vacation. I’m just taking a look at the local schools because I’m planning to move to the big city some day; away from places like Ponyville or Canterlot! Too out of fashion, baby! I want to be at a more modern city like Manehatten, or LP, or Fillydelph, or even here in Maream!” “I’ve always liked cities like these.” I said. “But the nations are so corrupted. Those small towns, mate. They seem to be happier and more friendship happening around there.” “Exactly! I mean, how are ponies supposed to gain moral sensibilities when nations like these are so corrupted?” he asked. “My cousin, Rarity, she’s really into making ponies happy. That’s why she loves to stick to fashion. She wants to put smiles on ponies faces. She’s not in it for the money. She’s not greedy. That’s what the biggest pollution is in this world – greed.” “You’re absolutely right.” I nodded. “Money is what ponies want, and… wait… does stealing mean greed too?” “Oh yes, big time! I mean, unless you’re stealing for a good cause, darling.” The pony said. “Well… if I did steal. I’m not saying I do, but if I did… what if I’m trying to make money to help out a poor neighborhood?” I asked. “Are they sick? Are they low on food? No electricity?” he asked. “No. Money for… y’know… decoration, because their neighborhoods look so ugly. Also supplies to help gain more money. Plus, electronics.” I explained. “Sweetheart, that puts greed to a whole new level. Have you ever read the story Robin Hoof?” he asked. “Well he only stole to give to the needy. Stealing to give to greedy is a whole ‘nother story. You’d be ruining a business for nothing. It’s not fun, dear. Believe me on that.” “Wow… you… you really inspired me today, umm…. what’s your name?” I asked. “My name’s Elusive, and I’m the cousin of Rarity and Sweetie Belle!” he said. “Why are you telling me that?” I asked. “I have no idea who they are.” “Oh, y’know… I like sharing my personal life!” Elusive said. “I’m Jerry Jam.” I said as I shook his hoof. “Pleasure to meet you, Jerry!” Elusive said. “Likewise, Elusive!” I smiled. “Anyways, Elusive, I was wondering… I… you seem to be a pretty smart pony and know your way around with no violence and what is greed.” “I pretty much taught my cousin Rarity everything she needed to know about generosity! I tell her that generosity could save Equestria, somehow.” Elusive said and chuckled. “Well… you think you can give me some advice?” I asked. “I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately, and you look like the type of pony that’s a good listener.” “Very good listener, dear!” he nodded. “Why don’t we take a walk?” So I accepted. For the rest of the day I’ve been talking to him about my problems; about my parents, about my crimes, but without hinting that I was the one that committed them. He seemed to give me very helpful advice. We became friends right away. He seemed to understand me more than Orange Swirl or Cesaer Salad could ever do. General Lee, I dunno maybe. So as we were hanging to watch the sunset on the beach, he said to me, “And that’s why rich parents never have time for their foals.” “Wow,” I said impressively. “you really enlightened me today, Elusive. It all becomes so clear now.” “Uh huh? See?” Elusive asked. “Takes a little enlightment to see the… y’know… light!” “Well I truly did see it, mate.” I nodded. “I am quite impressed. Nopony truly understands me more than you did. You make a great mentor! I wish to learn more.” “Well I wish I could teach you more.” Elusive said. “But I’m mainly here on vacay with family, sweetheart, but if it were my choice, I’d stay here with you all day!” Elusive started to get pretty close to me. It made me feel pretty uncomfortable. I started to have a strange feeling that Elusive is… well how do you say it? I think he’s one of those ponies that has a cider drinking problem. Only those type of ponies would be that close to other ponies like that and just met them. It’s nuts! Oh wait… I think Elusive is about to give me a kiss. Right, he’s THAT type of pony, which is nothing I’m against, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I’m not with it either, so I started to back away. “I feel a connection between us, Jer! A very… strong… connection.” “What’s your problem, mate?” I asked as I backed away further. “Oh wait… you’re in a relationship are you?” Elusive asked. “NO! What makes you think that?” I asked. “Are you a coltcuddler?” “Oh my gosh! You’re not?” Elusive asked. “No! I mean… no offense, it’s… you know… not my thing. Besides, I’m 10 and you’re 16. How is that right?” I asked. “Love comes in many strange forms, Jerry.” Elusive said. “I am truly sorry about that. I really thought this was a date and all and I… you know… I’m at that age where I’m confused with myself. I hope you can understand that, dear.” “Not really. I haven’t gone through that process of life yet.” I admitted. “Sweet Celestia, I am so sorry!” Elusive said as he stood up. “Maybe I should leave.” “Whoa! I didn’t say that! I mean you’re a good friend and a good mentor! I learned a lot from you! I seen the error of my ways and I wish to change that!” I said. “I’m sorry, I…” Elusive said as he runs away. “Hey don’t run!” I called out. “I’m begging you! Don’t run!” “I’m sorry, Jerry!” Elusive said in an embarrassed tone as he continued running. “I just feel- OW!” he tripped and fell over a crab shell. The crab gives Elusive a glare and crawls away. “I was telling you not to run because its crab shell season.” I said. “Heh! Right… of course.” Elusive blushed as he got back on his hooves and started to run in the opposite direction. So, anyways, little did I know that Elusive liked colts. Hey, he’s sixteen and I’m eleven, so technically it’s legal. Oh that didn’t mean I wanted it to happen if that’s what you’re thinking! Anyways, I had a lot to think about, so I started walking home, and while I was walking, I was thinking to myself, is violence necessary? But there was another question that suddenly popped up into my brain that bothered me even more. When I’m stealing from these stores, what’s happening to them? Just then, I saw an answer to my question. I saw a billboard up advertising a new brand of glasses that turns into sunglasses when the individual wearing it walks outside, and then turns back into regular glasses when walked inside, or when it turns from day to night. I remember that pony’s face. Looks like stealing from him gave him an opportunity. Just then, I saw the billboard go down because the new millionaire I created lost all his money fast because he ripped off another company, and they sued him for every bit he had. Ok so this is bad. My heart was pounding hard. I never felt so bad in my life. I needed to be alone with my thoughts, so I walked alone in a dark alley with no means of defense for an eleven year old earth pony like myself when I noticed somepony was sneaking behind me. “AAAH!” I screamed. “AAAH!” the pony behind me screamed. “What?! Why are we screaming?!” “Oh… I… I thought you were robbing me.” I said nervously. “No. I’m no robber. I don’t want to be the very pony I hate. Being robbed put here in the first place. Well karma’s got my side, right karma?” the pony asked as he looked up to the sky. He just looked up silently, and I just stood there awkwardly because this pony was seemingly to wait for something to happen, but nothing was happening. “Don’t worry, karma’s got something. Just hang loose.” The pony said to me. I just awkwardly walked away while the pony was still looking up at the sky, when I ran into a hobo mare. “Hey, can you spare some change for me, kid? Please? I got three kids!” the mare begged. “Oh sure, I got some change right- wait a minute… who are you?” I asked as this pony seemed to be really familiar, but just then, it came to me. This was the same mare that was behind the counter during the jewelry store heist last week. You remember that heist, right? Of course you do, I just told you several minutes ago! I started to panic when I saw her, and then I turned around and ran. “Wait! My kids are starving!” the mare begged. Just then, three baby goats walked outside the mare’s cardboard box to check out what was going on. One of the kids started gnawing on the hobo mare’s cloak. “SEE!?” she cried out. I started running as fast as I could, but everywhere I turned there were hobos. I seemed to be in a shantytown of some sort. I believed all of this was my fault, but most of these hobos I wasn’t even responsible for, but I did believe I was. I started screaming, “Oi! Oi! Oiiiiiiiii!” as I started running away again. I was able to find a way out, but when I got to the street there were two ponies fighting over who was in line to get a ice cream first. “I CAN’T TAKE THIS!” I yelled. This was all too much for me. When I finally got back home, I became very paranoid. “Jer? Jer are you alright?” Jelly asked. “I caused sooooo much pain!” I panicked. “Why am I trying to get rid of violence when I’m just creating them?! Jelly, I’m a bad pony! I am a fraud!” “Jerry, you’re overreacting, calm down.” Jelly suggested. “No, Jelly! I’m done! I’m done! I’ve found out that for a very long time I was just robbing ponies thinking ‘hey, they’ll get money back’, but no. I ruined lives! Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, General Lee, all of us!” I explained. “Jerry, relax! We’ll be able to get through this!” Jelly explained. “My parents are terrible parents! They raised me wrong! They didn’t tell me what I was doing wrong, and now I have to pay the price! Elusive is right, I am greedy and I am hurting ponies!” I panicked. “Wait, who’s Elusive?” Jelly asked. “Some colt that had a crush on me, but that’s not the point! He enlightened me! I know what I’ve been doing wrong, and I have to make it right! I have to turn myself, and my crew in.” I said. “Jerry, no! I don’t think that’s a good idea!” Jelly begged. “Don’t stop me, sis, and to be honest, anywhere is better than here. Our parents ignore us constantly. They’re not going to miss us. I’m leaving.” I said. “Then I’m leaving too.” Jelly said. “Jelly, you have a future. Please don’t go!” I begged. “I have no future here. I’m going to be taking money out of our parents’ bank and I’m moving to Cloudsdale.” Jelly said. “Wouldn’t it be weird to have a filly live alone?” I asked. “Like I’m the first pegasus filly to live alone!” Jelly said. “Good point.” I nodded. “Besides, I won’t be completely alone. I’ll have Mr. Raspberry Jam with me!” Jelly said. “Your teddy bear?” I asked. “I prefer to think of him as a close lifeless companion.” Jelly said. “Call him what you wanna call him.” I said and chuckled. “So… I guess this is good-bye then?” Jelly asked. “For now.” I said. “I’m smart, I researched prison.” “You research EVERYTHING!” Jelly said. “Don’t you?” I asked. “Yes, but only just to know them, not to do anything stupid like go to juvie!” Jelly said. “If I turn myself in for all the crimes I committed, I won’t be in there long.” I said. “When I get out, I’m going to be a changed pony, and do good to Equestria! I don’t want my conscious to suffer like this! I have to do this, sis!” “Just… be careful, ok?” Jelly asked worriedly as she started to tear up. “I don’t wanna see my big brother suffer.” “I’ll be super careful.” I said as I placed my hoof on her shoulder. “I’ll have Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and General Lee with me. We’re an unstoppable team, we’ll pretty much bloody wreck the place!” “For your sake, I hope so.” Jelly said. “Are you going to be ok though?” I asked. “To be honest, I have no idea, but like you said, anywhere is better than here.” Jelly said. So Jelly and I gave eachother a big hug, but just to be sure, we both went to our parents’ study to ask them permission. “Hey, mom, dad?” I asked. “I’m turning myself in because I’m a criminal. You won’t be seeing me home for a few years perhaps.” “And I’m running away to Cloudsdale.” Jelly said. “That’s nice. Don’t forget to bring a jacket.” Dad said as he was doing some paperwork. “We’re not joking. We’re actually doing these things.” I said. “Mhm, but before you go can you mail this?” mom asked as she gives us letter. “Sure… no problem.” Jelly said sarcastically. “I guess that means we have their permission.” I said. “It would appear so.” Jelly said. So the both of us packed our things, and we asked our limo carriage puller to drop us off. First, he dropped off Jelly at the airport. We said a tearful goodbye before she left. “I’ll come and visit you.” Jelly promised. “I hope so, sis. I won’t be able to visit you.” I teased. “Because you’ll be in prison or because I’m going to Cloudsdale?” Jelly asked. “It’s odd that you’re a pegasus and I’m an earth pony.” I said. “Mom’s a pegasus and the Jams were always earth ponies.” Jelly said. We both chuckled. After our tearful goodbye, we hugged one more time, and Jelly left the limo and went to the terminal to get a ticket to Cloudsdale. Afterwards, the carriage puller went to drop off at the police station. “Are you sure you want to do this, kid?” the limo puller asked. “Sorry, James Bon-Bon, but I have to do this. My conscious will be cleared, and when I get out, I’m going to make a difference in Equestria.” I said. “What about Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and General Lee?” James asked. “They won’t agree to turn themselves in. I know them.” I said. “So you’re just going to let them roam free?” James asked. “No. I’ll report their locations to the cops.” I said. “Wouldn’t you be ratting them out?” James asked. “I know it may hurt my friendship towards them, but I want to help them. Together we can make a difference in Equestria once we get released. Friendship is about working together, and that’s how we’re going to survive prison.” I explained. “You should tell the cops otherwise though.” James suggested. “Tell your friends you were all caught, but you were just caught first.” I’d be lying to them though, but if we’re going to be doing this together, I’ll have to do this. So once James dropped me off at the station, he wished me the best of luck, and then he drove off, and I walked inside. Once I got in, I explained to the cops everything. “Well it’s a good thing you finally seen the error of your ways, kid.” Officer Chief M4 Gun said to me as I was sitting down in his office. “Your sentence shouldn’t be that punishable for turning yourself in.” “I just want to stay here until I’m an adult, and then I want to make a difference in Equestria.” I said. “Well if you ever wanted to do good, you can always be a cop.” The chief suggested. “Cops are violent. I don’t want to be violent.” I said. “Well if you ever wanted to try to be undercover and try to get rid of hate in Equestria and create my friendship, you can always join the two best agencies in all of Equestria.” The chief suggested. “What agencies?” I asked. “Well one is the Disharmony Investigation Force, otherwise known as the DIF.” The chief said. “They try to force the hate right out of ponies! They’ve been really effective. They do a really good job in spreading friendship throughout Equestria, although they do use discipline a lot.” “What’s the other agency?” I asked. “Well if you really hate violence, then I suggest joining the Friendship Detection Agency, or the FDA.” The chief suggested. “They try to be reasonable to ponies, and they try to spread friendship across Equestria in a much calmer and settler approach.” “Which agency is better?” I asked. “I’m not sure. They’re both affective in their own ways. The DIF could reform a pony faster, but the FDA could reform a pony more permanently.” The chief said. “So the ponies that get reformed by the DIF, do they have the possibility of going back to their chaotic ways?” I asked. “It’s always possible, kid.” The chief said. “But sometimes discipline isn’t the key to success. You can’t force harmony all the time and make sure it stays that way. If you want my suggestion, I say join the FDA.” “Then that’s what I might do when I leave prison.” I said. “How long do you think we’ll stay for?” “Well you and your crew did cause a lot of havoc in the streets these past few years, so… if you want my theory, I would say… when you’re 18 years old, you and your friends will be free.” The chief said. “Good.” I nodded. “Also, can I have a favor?” “Hey, us cops respect a pony that turns him or herself in.” the chief said. “Really?” I asked. “Yeah. It would leave a lot less paperwork on our desks and a lot less work in general, and more time to eat donuts and watch Cops on TV.” The chief said as he chuckled. “Anyways, what’s your favor, Jerry?” “Can you not tell my friends that I ratted out on them?” I asked. “I only want what’s best for them, but I don’t want them to know that I ratted them out. It would make them feel betrayed.” “Don’t worry, kid. It’s against MDPD policy to give anypony that’s outside the police department information on witnesses. Your secret is safe with us.” The chief promised. “I mean, if you want, you don’t have to go to prison, and we could put you into the Witness Protection Program. That would, however, involve in changing your name, your life, and you cannot come back to Mareami.” “No thanks. I’ll take the jail time. Its bad enough I ratted out my friends. My conscious won’t be safe unless I’m there with them.” I said. “Hey, it’s your choice.” The chief said. “Do your parents know you’re doing this?” “I did tell them, and I did get their permission.” I said. It’s no lie, you know I asked them. “Ok then. I’m sure they’ll be very proud of you, Jerry.” The chief smiled. “Yeah… proud.” I said upsettingly. Meanwhile, while I was feeling sorry for myself, Orange Swirl, Cesaer Salad, and General Lee would found by the cops. Lee started using his stunt carriage with Orange and Cesaer riding on the back as Lee attempted to escape the cops. “Run, GL! RUN!” Cesaer yelled. “Ah’m runnin’ as fast as ah could!” Lee yelled. “I don’t understand, dawg! How did the cops find us?!” Orange yelled. “The cops never find us!” Cesaer yelled. “That doesn’t mean they’ll catch us! Hold on tight!” Lee instructed them as he played a Dixie-horn style tone using his voice when he ran up to a ramp up ahead and started flying over a couple of buildings. “WHOA, DAWG!” Orange yelled. “YOU’RE TENSE!” Cesaer yelled. “I always admired that horn-like voice of yours!” “Ah swallowed a horn when ah was a kid and it’s stuck in mah wind-pipe. Ah’ve been makin’ use of it since!” Lee said as he was still flying in the air with the carriage attached to his back. Once he landed on the street on the other side of the buildings, he continued running. “I think we lost the feds, holms!” Cesaer said. “We seem to be in the clear!” Just then, General Lee gets sniped in the hoof with a bee-bee gun, and then he falls on the ground, and the carriage he was pulling gets flipped over. Once Orange regains consciousness after the fall, he said in an angry tone, “Way to jinx it, Cesaer!” “Freeze!” the cops cried as they surrounded Orange, Cesaer, and Lee. “Way to go, Lee!” Orange complained. “Ah was shot!” Lee reminded him. “Y’all would’ve done the same! Besides, you two were distractin’ me with all yer talkin’!” “Excuses, excuses.” Orange complained as the cops all bust my friends, and takes them all to the police station and into the cell along with me in it. “Jerry! You were caught to?” Lee asked. “I’m afraid so.” I said. “No way, homie! I know a snitch when I see one! Jerry ratted us out!” Orange said. “What?” I asked. “He wouldn’t do that, ese.” Cesaer said. “Like Hell he wouldn’t!” Orange yelled. “How else is Jerry here first? He ratted us out! I know you did, Jerry! Don’t lie to us!” “Oi, orange, mate, if I ratted you out I wouldn’t be here. I’d be in the Witness Protection Program, but I’m not. We were all caught. We just have to face the fact.” I said. “It’s true, Orange.” Cesaer said. “There’s no use blaming eachother. We were all caught and we’re all in jail now.” “Yeah well… we wouldn’ve been caught if Lee wasn’t sniped!” Orange said. “Oh like ah can help bein’ sniped! Yer pathetic, Orange.” Lee said. “HEY SHUT UP!” Orange yelled. “No!” I yelled. “Look, its over. We’re all here now and there’s nothing we can do about it. Hey, we could learn a thing or two for being in prison.” “Look whose gone soft!” Orange said. “Trust me, mate. This might be good for us. Repay our debt to society. I saw a lot of ponies out there put out into the streets because of our actions.” I said. “Shhh! Quiet!” Cesaer whispered. “Why confess? We can prove our innocence and get outta here!” “We were wrong to rob these ponies. I was wrong.” I said. “And now we have to fix it. Juvey is just what we need, and once we get out, we’ll be doin’ hard honest days work in no time. You’ll see!” “Yeah whatever you say, holms.” Cesaer said, not taking what I’m saying seriously as he moved to the other side of the cell, and Orange followed him. “Jerry might have a point.” Lee said. “If we work together, we might survive prison. We’ll be able to get out in good behavior and probably go back to robbin’! The cops won’t know the difference.” “We heard that!” a cop said outside the cell. Lee felt pretty embarrassed after he said that. “Don’t worry, Lee. They’ll get used to the idea.” I said to him. “We can’t control what’s going to happen, but sooner or later, we will get out. Let’s just cooperate, stick together, and we WILL survive. Prison will change us for the better, not for worse, you’ll see!” “Ah honestly don’t care what we do, partner.” Lee said. “Ah’m just gonna miss carriage pullin’. Perhaps when ah get out, ah’ll become a professional carriage stuntspony.” “That’s the spirit, Lee!” I said excitedly. “See? Prison is already changing you for the better, and we’re not even there yet! You’ll see! We’ll be good ponies and we’ll be back up on our hooves in no time! Just give it a few years, and you’ll see! We’ll all see!” And so, our verdict was placed when we went to court. 7 years in juvey. We’ll be outta there before we know it!