So Twilight asks me "Do you honestly know what death is?" and she's tilting her head and looking quizzical and... Did she mean death by chocolate? THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING! So I ask about where the cake is and she face-hoofs and explains that wasn't what she was talking about. Which was really confusing. Death by chocolate is the most talk-worthy cake imaginable! so then I ask what she meant. Maybe there were more cakes even more super-awesome-amazing than death by chocolate! and then she explains that death is a bad thing that unfortunately happens to everypony when they go to sleep for a long time and never wake up.
"Do they at least dream while they are asleep?"
"I-I don't know..."
"So what are you saying exactly?"
"W-Well that Flutter Shy might die..."
"Die? that's terrible! I need to get her some caffeine right away!"
"No! Pinkie! That's not what I-"
So I made it my new goal to find a cup of coffee to prevent Flutter Shy from dying. It was my mission. I was like a spy! Wait... What did that make the citizens of Ponyville? anti-spies? I didn't like thinking about that. I mean, what would happen if they caught me? I didn't really have much time to dwell on this issue because I was approaching the nearest coffee shop. Ok, it was a bakery but i'm pretty sure these days they are pretty much the same thing. So I run in and mrs. Cake is sitting at the cash register. Ok, not sitting it's more like standing because mr. cake doesn't trust chairs. Seriously.
"What can I get ya Pinkie?"
"I all the coffee youhaveotherwisefluttershywillfallasleep!"
"Woah, woah, woah, what?"
"Twilight said that Fluttershy might fall asleep for a long time and I don't want that so I am giving her allot of coffee!"
"Oh sweet celestia... Ok, why isn't Flutter Shy allowed to go to sleep?"
"Because she'll never wake up if she does."
"Wait what!? Is she cursed or something!?"
"No but I need all your coffee or she will die."
"... come again?"
"I need all your coffee or she will die."
"Ok, ok, You get this coffee to Flutter Shy... i'll get Zecora to see if she knows what to do about Flutter Shy."
Then she shoved about nine cups of coffee into my hands and practically pushed me out the door. I needed to get to my friend and I needed to do it NOW. So I raced over to the local hospice, as that's where she had been moved according to the actor with the clipboard. My secret spy mission had become twice as important now. I arrived at the hospice and it... looked like a hotel. A hotel full of doctors, nurses and presumably Flutter Shy. At the desk sat a stallion with a brown coat and a black mane. I bounced over to him and asked him where Flutter Shy was and he gave me directions. So then I started leaping over to Flutter Shy's room. Which is kind of hard when your also juggling nine cups of coffee and being a spy.
I carefully knocked on Flutter Shy's door and heard a weak "come in." from the door. Fluttershy was still wrapped in her cherry-pie filling soaked bandages and was lying in her bed while wearing her element of harmony. By her side was Angel, a thank you letter from an animal well-fare center and the last remaining photo of her dead parents. I walked over and passed her one of the cups of coffee.
"Flutter Shy! you need to drink all this coffee or you will die!"
"O... Ok..."
She started to drink the first cup of coffee when Zecora broke in. "can you tell me why i've been called out dear Flutter Shy?"
I grabbed her face as I spoke "She will die if she doesn't drink all the caffeine I have brought her!"
"please tell me oh pony folk, that this all was not a joke."
Flutter Shy then sits up and does her best raspy-dying-voice impression while saying "Z-Zecora... I can explain..."
"you have my attention as you can see but you better not toy with me."
"I... I got attacked by a timber wolf and the doctors are saying behind my back that I might die soon."
I then stepped in between the two and exclaimed "Which is why I need to give her all this coffee, so she doesn't die!" Which made perfect sense really- death is when you go to sleep so if you use coffee, you can avoid death. Then Twilight bursts in panting as if she just ran a marathon while juggling three hippos or something. So then I get really excited- maybe she has more coffee or a cake or-or a kumquat on top of a chimi-cherry changa. But no... she was being a grumpy pants.
Twilight started marching towards me. "PINKIE! WHEN I SAID SHE MIGHT DIE, I DID NOT MEAN FORCE-FEED FLUTTER SHY COFFEE AND MAKE A MOB OF PONIES OUTSIDE ALL WANTING TO HELP HER!"
"There's a mob of ponies outside?"
"YES THERE IS!"
"Awesome! I'll go bake some cupcakes for them!"
"PINKIE GET BACK HERE OR CELESTIA HELP M-"
Then I left because while I love hearing Twilight shout as much as the next pony, I had a new mission now I had saved Flutter Shy: feed the seething, helpful mob so they don't go hungry while bucking up everything. Outside was a bunch of ponies, as Twilight had said, all wanting to help Flutter Shy in any way they could.
I was about to grab a mixing bowl when a large beam of yellow light zoomed out of Flutter Shy's window like a super awesome amaz-
CRACK SPLRCK
Like another bucking beam of light. Something in my saddlebags had smashed- not that I cared. I opened it to see what useless garbage had broke. Balloons, streamers, cupcakes... it was all trash. In the very bottom corner lay a gray pendent, cracked with gold highlights, in the shape of a balloon. I hated balloons. And pendents. And gray. the pendent's cracks glowed a faint yellow ever so slightly and shattered. Brilliant, now I had to clean that up later.
A purple pony, head in shame, plodded out of the front doors of the hospice. Her horn glowed slightly as she levitated a box. On one of her wings sat a bunny. I hated bunnies. And everything cute, honestly. Boxes levitate behind the alicorn. Because that is OBVIOUSLY what we need- boxes of assorted junk. A few animals- probably strays- ran out the doors. I considered calling pest control but nah- Somepony else can deal with them.
The last box to be levitated out wasn't cardboard like the others but wood. The lid lay open and a pony lay inside- which could mean only one thing: The purple pony was a kid-napper. I hated kid-nappers. Maybe I should walk over and... nah... the only thing I hated more than kidnappers was moving. I just wanted to sit down and stay there in a gray puddle and... great... more ponies... an orange, walking country stereotype walked over and... oh celestia dammit she even spoke country! the only thing that could have made her more stereotypical is if she had a lasso- never mind...
A blue Pegasus flew overhead and landed. Swiftly placing herself next to the purple pony.
CRACK SPLRCK
"Oh buck this!" and, as swiftly as she arrived, the pegasus flew off again leaving a few bewildered on lookers.
CRACK SPLRCK
The orange pony stared at the pony in the box "Ah never liked her anyway." she exclaimed and wondered off swiftly.
the purple pony tried to yell to the others but forgot about it soon and resumed kid-napping the pony in the box.
CRACK SPLRCK
The purple pony immediately stopped carrying the box and walked off, head held high.
CRACK SPLRCK
Ok, nothing changed that time... bucking waste of my time if you ask me. I wondered over to the box and peered in to see who was being kid-napped and... a corpse? A BUCKING CORPSE? I WALKED OUT OF MY SPOT FOR A BUCKING COR... huh. That's odd... I could swear I just remember the bucking pegasus and... no... no, I didn't. I couldn't.
I trotted off and didn't give a second thought to it. Then it hit me:
Flutter Shy was dead.