//------------------------------// // Rock Moon Rainbow and Gilda [Comedy] [Dark] // Story: The Slash and Burn Folder // by Blind Gardener //------------------------------// Several blocks and a couple of quick cart rides later, they came to a rest outside of an unusual shop. The sign seemed to be for both a doctor's and a watchmakers. Clockwork models of human anatomy sat in every window. Two strong female voices were bickering inside. "You are a talentless hack!" One eerily familiar voice shouted. "Better a talentless hack than a talented quack. The healing power of Electricity. Radium for health and safety. Premium Neighponese Snake oil." Another voice, less familiar than the first, shouted back. "Hey, Snake Oil is a terrific lubricant! Not my fault most people want to take it internally!" The first voice responded. "And the rest?" The second voice demanded accusingly. "Pays the bills doesn't it, Nurse Gilda?" The first voice said. "As does my showwomanship." Fluttershy pushed open the door, causing the bell overhead to chime elaborately. Two clockwork figures dressed in warm coats emerged over the door frame, and waved small flags that said 'A customer!' on them. They did an elaborate little flag-waving dance to the tune of the bells, then returned to recessed alcoves near the door. The room was full of mannequins, anatomic models, and clockwork figures, as well as belts with electrodes attached, and strange metal devices that looked vaguely like egg beaters. In one corner was a surprisingly realistic collection of fake reproductive organs. A counter was festooned with bandages that had been soaked with blood and grease, and jars full of ether and oil. Behind the counter were two winged humanoids. One of them was incredibly short, with rainbow hair under a page's cap, and long ears tucked tight against the cap. Her skin tone was blue and she was wearing a multi-colored vest and pantsuit, as well as a pair of black framed goggles. The other was a mid sized woman, just a head taller than Twilight, with bulging biceps and brow hair with a white spike sticking up at the very front. She mostly wore subdued tan and brown, and had a sharp, hawkish face. Twilight stared at both of them. "Rainbow Dash and... Gilda?" She murmured to herself. "Oh, have you met them before?" Fluttershy asked. "Ah... no" Twilight said. "So you've heard of them?" Fluttershy pressed. "Ah... no." Twilight said "I'm just... really good at guessing names?" Fluttershy gave Twilight a look best described as 'skeptical'. The two women behind the counter had noticed the entrance. "Hey there Flutters" Rainbow Dash said with an elaborate bow and scrape. She produced a bottle of some sort from her sleeve, falling neatly into the palm of her hand as she bowed. She offered it up to Fluttershy. Fluttershy took the small brown bottle with colorful label and uncorked it, sniffing it cautiously. "Oh! My Laudanum! What's with the label? 'now with 20% more poppy than other leading brands'?" "It's my new advertising schlick" Rainbow Dash said proudly. "Here move your thumb." Rainbow Dash stood on her tiptoes to forcibly push Fluttershy's thumb aside. "There, see? Rainbow Dash's Patented Triple Laudanum Extract." "Oh my, that's certainly an impressive font. It's not a very catchy name though, is it? Do you really have to put your name on everything?" Fluttershy asked cautiously, as she put the bottle in one of the many hidden pockets in her habit. "Well, how else are they going to tell it was made by someone as totally awesome as me?" Rainbow Dash asked, wide eyed, hands on her hips and wings flared. Gilda whacked Rainbow Dash gently over the head. "I told you you shoulda called it 'Dash Juice'." Rainbow Dash made a face. "Ew. Gilda, that brings up precisely the wrong images." "Well it's not like you don't pee in the bot-" Gilda started to say leaning back with her hands on her hips. Rainbow Dash lept up, wings buzzing like a hummingbird's, hands waving excitedly over her head. "EMPTY ONES! EMPTY ONES! WHEN THERE'S NOT A CHAMBERPOT AVAILABLE! AND I DON'T SELL MY PISS TO CUSTOMERS!" "What about that one guy wi-" Gilda started again with a skeptical look. "He was an ASSHOLE who DESERVED it." Rainbow Dash growled back firmly. "He's come back for more three times. Says it treats his rheumatoid arthritis. Maybe we should start selling it to customers, Dashie" Gilda speculated. "Ew. I did NOT need to hear that, Gilda." Dash covered her face with her hands, fingers barely spread to look through. "Ew. Ew. Ew. I don't need to know that some disgusting creep is getting off to my urine or something. Ew!" "You're the one who said all that mattered was that it made money, not me!" Gilda said, glancing over her glasses at Dash. "You said you sold people these ineffective electrostimulation curealls because they're popular. Piss probably costs less to produce." "Ew. No. Ew." Dash retreated away from Gilda, pressing herself against the wall and covering her face. She was laughing too hard to fly. "Ew Ew Ew!" "For a doctor, you sure do have a strong sense of disgust, Dashie." Gilda chuckled while rolling her eyes. "That's why I let you do all the surgery, Gildy." Dash shot back "While I do the clockwork and pharmacology." Dash turned back to Fluttershy. "Look, I know you didn't come here just for my laudium. Is that the target on your back?" A soft bell chimed overhead as Fluttershy barged her way gayley through the door and into the hissing, ticking, shop. Inside brass and crystal mobiles hung from the ceilings and walls, and sat on shelves all ticking away. A thick cloying scent that reminded Twilight of Zecora hung in the air. Brass railings surrounded a circular hole in the middle of the ground. With a thunderclap, and a rainbow explosion, a rush of smoke exhaled from the hole. "WHO ENTERS THE WORKSHOP OF RAINBOW DASH?!" The voice boomed, vibrating the room as a small blue winged creature burst forth from the hole in the floor. She was much shorter than Twilight, and shorter still then fluttershy, but her body glowed with light as she daintily settled herself on the shop floor. She was mostly nude, only wearing some white sashes and a golden laurel crown. It reminded Twilight of the outfit Rarity had once made for Dash, back in her home universe. Fluttershy bowed gracefully to Rainbow Dash, gently lowering Twilight off of her back while Angel bunny hopped down onto the ground. Twilight watched a clockwork turtle trudge gently out of the hole, and begin calmly sweeping up the scattered remains of the sparks that Dash's entrance had thrown. Angel Bunny jumped on the turtle's back, and began riding it around the shop. Twilight turned her attention back to Dash and Fluttershy, only to find that both of them were now looking at her.