//------------------------------// // Take everything that isn't nailed down. Sell it all. Buy a hammer with the money. Then take everything that IS nailed down. // Story: Destination: Thataway! // by Hawattie //------------------------------// The Courier blinked in surprise when he walked cautiously through the door to the summoning challenge. Unlike the cut stone walls he'd seen for the walls of the rest of the castle, this area was modeled after something he was a bit more familiar with. Before him lay the entrance to a vault reminiscent of those he had explored during his travels in the wasteland, complete with rusted grey metal and a large, gear-shaped blast door through which he had just entered. The only other exit to the room was an unmarked grey door set into the opposite wall. The sudden wailing of klaxons and a loud grinding sound announced that the blast door was closing, and the Courier had to move out of the way to avoid being crushed by the gigantic door as it rolled into place. Ever alert for danger, the Courier heard a faint rattling noise come from one of the corners. Without looking, he whipped his shotgun out with one hand and fired two rounds towards the source of the noise. The skeleton sneaking up on him glanced down with mild suprise at the area where its rib cage used to be before collapsing into a heap of bones. The Courier only spared the pile of bones a single glance to see whether or not it had any valuables on it. He decided the re-dead skeleton wasn't worth looting. He quickly reloaded and sheathed his shotgun with a flourish and slowly walked into the room, eyes roving about for anything valuable. His gaze zeroed in on something shiny in the opposite corner and he hastened his stride to ascertain its value. The sudden increase in his speed ended up saving the Courier's life, as a blade made of bone fragments whipped through the air his head had just been in. The Courier turned around to assess the threat and found himself facing the same skeleton he'd just blasted to bits. "Really?" he exclaimed. "You're not going to stay dead?" He then remembered that that was the whole point of the reanimation challenge and felt like a bit of an idiot for not expecting something like this. The skeleton didn't reply. It just rattled a little bit and lunged at the man, a makeshift sword made out of its own shattered ribs extended menacingly. The Courier sidestepped the attack and quick-drew his pistol. Before the skeleton could recover he fired three rounds point blank into its skull. Just like the first time it was shot the skeleton collapsed into a pile of bones, but the Courier wasn't fooled. He waited and watched and, sure enough, about ten seconds after its collapse the skeleton's bones began pulling themselves back together. Of course, the Courier didn't let the skeleton attack him again. Just as the last bone fit into its place he opened up with his pistol, emptying his clip into the skeleton. The skeleton exploded into fragments which scattered back behind itself in a wide arc. Not content with his current level of overkill, the Courier reloaded his pistol and fired the entire clip into whichever bones looked the least damaged. When he was satisfied that the tenacious skeleton was in small enough bits, -nothing larger than a finger had survived the Courier's onslaught,- he holstered his pistol and waited to see if it would reform again. To the Courier's mild dismay the shattered bones slowly slid back together, forming into larger pieces as the did so. Frustrated, he kicked a couple of the pieces away from the reassembling skeleton, but they were not deterred and soon rejoined the rest of the bones. Deciding against expending any more ammunition on the seemingly-unkillable skeleton, the Courier drew his newest weapon; the scythe he'd received from Ner'Ghalad. Like always, as soon as his hands closed around the black metal shaft of the weapon its shiny silver blade sprung forth with a faint "shing." Since he had no experience fighting with a scythe, the Courier defaulted to the tried and true method he used for every unfamiliar melee weapon. That method was, "swing it like a baseball bat." Despite its crude execution the strike easily lopped the skeleton's skull right off. The skull rolled away and the rest of the skeleton crumpled. Wasting no time, the Courier grabbed anything that looked remotely valuable in the room -he would sort it all out later,- then hastily strode over to the exit. The Courier bit back a curse when he realized the door was locked. Since he was an accomplished lockpick the door itself didn't pose much of a challenge to the Courier, but he couldn't exactly focus on picking a lock with the threat of an unkillable, reassembling skeleton in the same room as him. Still, the only way out was through the locked door, so the Courier grumbled his hate for dead things that should stay dead and pulled out a screwdriver and some bobby pins. Then, after pausing to hack the skeleton into several pieces and kick those pieces to the far corners of the room, he got to work picking the lock. The lock proved to be no match for the the Courier's skill and the door opened up with a click. However, the Courier's triumphant exclamation died in his throat as he saw what awaited him on the other side. Two more skeletons looked up from the game of chess they had been playing, -the one with the black pieces was losing, badly,- and charged the Courier. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me," the Courier growled, before hefting his scythe to meet the charging skeletons head-on... Only to receive a bony blade in the back, courtesy of the first skeleton behind him. Luckily, his armored duster took the brunt of the blow and the Courier himself only received a superficial wound from his inattentiveness. He directed a scathing glare over his shoulder, the skeleton didn't notice as it was too busy trying to pull its bony weapon back out from where it had stuck in the Courier's armor. "You're gonna die for that," the Courier stated. "I don't care if you're unkillable. I will end..." The skeleton never heard what, exactly, the Courier was going to end, because at that moment the two charging skeletons both tackled him. The force of the blows knocked the man over backwards; directly into the first skeleton. All four of them tumbled into a heap of flailing limbs. The bones of the first skeleton scattered all over the floor when the Courier landed on it. Unfortunately, the two new skeletons weren't so easily dealt with. They clung to the Courier like glue, kicking and hitting and biting whatever they could. While his armor definitely saved him from the worst of the damage, the Courier would have an impressive collection of bruises when all was said and done. It took the Courier several precious seconds to pry the two skeletons off of himself and rise to his feet. By that time the first skeleton had reformed and he was faced with all three murderous skeletons, one of which still had a sword made from its own ribs. The skeletons advanced with eerie synchronization, their soulless gaze and quiet rattle would be enough to drive a lesser man to madness. The one with the sword brandished it menacingly. The Courier pulled an SMG out of his back pocket and mowed them all down with a spray of bullets. He then calmly walked through the door, closed it, locked it, and jammed the lock, effectively trapping the three skeletons in the first room behind him. "Nicely done," Ner'Ghalad's disembodied voice complimented as the Courier looted everything that wasn't nailed down. The Courier merely grunted in response. "It's a shame you won't join me willingly," Ner' continued, "You're one of the most remarkable fighters I've ever encountered. You would have made an excellent Lieutenant in my Army of Darkness." "Lieutenant, you say?" the Courier asked as he ransacked the room, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I think I'll pass. Military organizations and I tend to disagree on certain things. Like looting." As if to punctuate his point, the Courier shoved an object that looked suspiciously like an abacus into his pocket. Satisfied with the amount of loot he'd acquired, the Courier decided it was time to move on. Just like the last room, there was only one door out. The Courier paused before opening the door and pressed an ear to its surface. Sure enough, he could hear a faint, but distinct, rattling on the other side. "I was unaware there were still organized militaries in your world," Ner'Ghalad said conversationally. "Didn't they all get blown up?" "Most of them did," the Courier said. "But some of them survived, and some new ones popped up. I generally don't get along with them." Before the conversation could continue, he opened the door, revealing two more skeletons lying in wait. As soon as the skeletons could see the whites of his eyes they jumped at him. The Courier closed the door in their faces. Two muffled impacts rang out and the Courier opened the door again to reveal two very dazed skeletons. The Courier grabbed the two skeletons by their collarbones and yanked them through the doorway before stepping through himself, swapping sides with the skeletons. Before the skeletons could react the Courier slammed the door shut and locked it behind him. "This is getting mildly tedious," the Courier remarked as he began looting the room. "I mean, if I wasn't able to trap all of these skeletons as I went and had to deal with a whole bunch of them at once then this would be challenging, but as it is..." he trailed off with a shrug. "You know, you're right," Ner' said. "Give me one second." A cacophonous grinding of metal on metal shrieked through the air for exactly one second. "There! I just turned the rest of the gauntlet into one big room filled with dozens of skeletons! The exit's on the far side of the next room. Have fun, Courier!" The Courier smirked at the challenge. "I will," he said confidently. With purpose in his stride, he walked up to the door and kicked it down. True to Ner'Ghalad's word a teeming horde of skeletons seethed in the massive room before him. As one, they all turned towards the lone man. The rattling sounds that came from each skeleton blended into one deafening whole that seemed to echo around the room. The Courier set his eyes on the door set into the far wall. The door seemed to exude a golden light, as if it were a metaphor for some great achievement. His confident smirk gave way to a look of grim determination. Unsheathing his scythe, the Courier strode confidently into the mass of rattling skeletons. Addressing the skeletons directly, the Courier spoke in a level tone that nonetheless managed to cut over the rattling and reach every corner of the large room before him, "Rattle all you want! Not a single one of you can stop me from going thataway."