//------------------------------// // 9-1: This day is going to be perfect... // Story: The Worst Villain Ever! // by Battlecrank //------------------------------// Chapter 9-1: This day is going to be perfect… Or The quest for Coffee Dawn, classically defined by the humans as the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise. In equestria, however, dawn is defined as the time when Celestia wakes up, and begins her day. The exact amount of time between dawn and sunrise, coincidentally, is usually determined by what strength coffee is currently available in the royal kitchens. On this specific day, however, an anomaly occurred… Dawn occurred long after the sun had already risen. As a ray of sunlight fell over the edge of the windowsill, it, like most of its kind, struck unerringly at the exposed face of a nearby sleeping entity. The entity in question, murmured in annoyance before rolling over, and attempting to return to sleep. Approximately 3.216 seconds after this event, the sleeper’s eyes shot open to their maximum extent, and a white mare all but launched herself to the window. ‘Sunrise?! What?! How did--Who--What?!’ The solar diarch, Princess Celestia, stared at her embodiment of power in shocked disbelief--at least until her poorly thought decision caught up with her, and she was forced to look away with a yelp of pain. Fortunately, being an alicorn does have some benefits, so she was swift to recover. ’How did this happen? Is Discord free again?’ Quickly reaching out her magic, Celestia carefully took hold of the sun, fearful of any traps that the treacherous tyrant thoughtlessly might have placed. To one such as her, waking up after the sun had risen had only been a sign that great misfortune had struck during her slumber, and doubtlessly meant good news for all of equestria. In this instance, however, she was quickly relieved to find that it wasn’t the chaotic chimera that had raised the sun, but her own sister. ’Of course. She must have risen the sun for me since I stayed up so late last night.’ A small smile graced her face, and she made her way to the vanity placed within her room. ’I’ll have to be sure to thank her. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t think I’d be able to deal with the Nobles these days.’ A quick application of spells later, and the princess deemed herself ready for the customary trip to the kitchens. Truly, any fashionista would be jealous at the sheer simplicity of a spell to return things as they once were placed upon oneself after a thorough grooming session with the best minds of a century. To think, the only side effects of such a technique are only limited to a slight case of perpetually wavy hair due to continuous thaumic contamination--arguably a benefit in it’s own right. ’Honestly, they seem to become more of a nuisance every year. Redefining a word to legally challenge somepony to a duel? Oh wait, sorry, I mean a ‘match’. Dueling is now a competition between ponies with playing cards. “For reasons”, apparently.’ Celestia sighed as she reached the door to her room. ’Hopefully they won’t start thinking of me as some sort of omnipotent god, again. If I hear somepony say “Praise the sun!” one more time, I think I might just turn myself to stone…’ She opened the door, and greeted her guards as she walked past, one of them coughing after violently inhaling in surprise. ’I can’t help but ponder what sort of headway the Nobility would make if they actually focused on helping ponies rather than helping themselves to the royal treasury.’ “Your Highness?” Looking back at the guard, Celestia quickly noticed that they both looked annoyed. Well, the one that had called out to her did, at least. The other one seemed to be in the process of choking on his own spit. “Ma’am, we would appreciate it if you didn’t teleport unexpectedly. It makes it hard to guard you.” The mare stared at the guard for a moment, before hesitantly nodding. ’...Coffee first, guards acting wierd later.’ Resuming her sacred trek to the kitchens, her mind decided to aid her for once, and remained blissfully silent. Unfortunately, this just made the occasional cross look from the guards on the way all the more noticeable. Just as she was getting ready to decide to ‘buck the coffee’ and mare up to the thought of having to solve a potential crisis without one, her mother seemed to have decided to help her along by creating a sight that would bring lesser mares to tears, weeping for the sheer beauty of what now laid before her. “MINE!” The maid pushing the kitchen cart screamed and dove out of the way as the avatar of the sun all but flew into it. Seconds later, and the cart’s contents had been drained, and Celestia once again considered herself fit to be amongst the living. Incidentally, were it not for extenuating circumstances, the Minotaurian Diplomat would have declared war for the unlawful Equestrian piracy that had occurred to his morning brew. “Much better,” Celestia said with a sigh. With her new state of awareness thanks to the heavenly brew, she took note of the cowering maid--and the guards who, for their part, were used to this sort of thing, and went back to glaring, mumbling with discontent, or choking on spit, respectively--and quickly sought to remedy the issue. “I’m sorry, my little pony, but I was desperate, and we’re only halfway to the kitchen. I hope you can forgive me.” The maid calmed down enough to answer with, “O-oh, it’s alright your Highness. I-I’ll just go get some more.” “Still, I shouldn’t have done that. It was incredibly rude of me.” “No-No worries, Ma’am. We thought it was kind of strange that you just whent to the throne room earlier this morning without stopping by first, so I guess this was to be expected.” Celestia’s ear twitched. “The throne room?” “Yes Ma’am.” The maid dusted herself off, and turned the cart around, preparing to return to the kitchen. “You didn’t even ask for anything to eat. Some strangeness is to be expected, if you don’t mind me saying.” Celestia found herself as still as a statue while listening to what the mare was saying. After a moment of silence, she forced herself to start moving again, and said a quick farewell to the maid before walking--not blindingly running through the halls as some of the traitorous guards might tell you, but stately walking with all the dignity that befitted her position as Ruler of Equestria--to the throne room. She then calmly and carefully pushed open the doors, causing them to fly inwards and NOT bang violently against the walls before their hinges broke and caused a secondary not-boom as they didn’t fall to the ground. Looking around the throne room, she took note of the nobles staring at her while she calmly didn’t catch her breath from the long walk… ...And an exact duplicate of herself on her throne, staring at her with surprise. Once again, the world froze. Both of the diarchs--both the real and imposter--stared at each other. The nobles seemed to be trying to develop neck issues as they rapidly looked between the two. The guards were staring in confusion, uncertain what to do without a clear leader figure to tell them. The few servants, including Raven, seemed stuck on the idea of there being two of her, and finally, the odd reporters in the crowd seemed to simultaneously put quill to parchment and prepare to record whatever scandalous behavior was about to be revealed. The stalemate was broken as two voices spoke at once, both pointing at their opposites. “Imposter!” Pinkie bounced around the kitchen, happily humming a tune about a mouse with a magic hat, when she suddenly fell to the floor as her legs seized in the middle of a hop. It lasted only a moment, but for her, that might as well have been an eternity. “Mrs. Cake?” “Yes, dear?” Came the reply from the front counter. “Can I have the day off? Twilight is about to get a letter about needing to take a test, and I need to be ready to throw her a party.” “Just be sure to finish up first. We don’t need a repeat of last time.” “Hey, that wasn’t me! It was the evil villain living in our basement!” “Whatever you say, deerie.” Pinkie frowned, but did as her landlord asked and made sure that another calzone golem wasn’t going to spontaneously appear by ensuring that there were no calzones left in the kitchen. She would come to regret this decision, as the train she would take later in the day didn’t have a bathroom.