//------------------------------// // CH8: Meeting the Pony God // Story: The Perky Pink Parfait of Ponyville // by RGLloyd //------------------------------// Today was just not my day. Sometimes, I can tell when things are about to get worse. Call it a sixth sense, call it logical progression, or just call it the fact I was being set down on Twilight’s table in front of a very curious little dragon. “It talks? Really?” Spike glared at me dubiously. “Just looks like a hogtied pillow with a cape shoved inside it to me…” “No, really, it actually talks!” Apple Bloom shook her head encouragingly. “Well, can you make it talk then?” Spike reached for the cape. Scootaloo rolled her eyes and stopped his claw. “It doesn’t have anything good to say, trust me.” Sweetie Belle pouted off to the side. “Yeah, and I can’t keep him, because he ran away from home, and we have to find his family.” “Uhuh…” Spike raised an eyebrow as he quickly plodded across the library to a bookshelf. “Well, I guess I can look for a reference book, but do they even have one on living pillows? Oh wait, I know we have one on odd magical creatures and items enchanted with sentience.” I opened my mouth as wide as I could, and shook the cape loose. “Patooh!” I unceremoniously spat it onto the floor. “I demand you release me!” I whispered vehemently so Spike couldn’t hear. Scootaloo snagged the cape, and tried to shove it back in my mouth. I dodged her efforts by rolling back and forth, as well as skillfully shutting my mouth in defiance. Spike plodded back over, and slammed a massive tome down onto the table. A cloud of dust enveloped me. I breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn’t noticed me moving yet with that massive tome in front of his face. However, I quickly realized, as my mouth opened involuntarily with a deep intake of breath, that a sneeze was imminent. “Gotcha!” Scootaloo’s hoof sped towards my face intent on jamming the wadded up cape back into my open mouth. I dodged, looking to the side with lightning reflexes. “Aaa-choo!” I sneezed hard on the book, sending the massive cloud of dust straight into Spike’s face. “Scootaloo!” Spike huffed. “At least la-look the… th-the oth… aaaa…” His eyes squeezed shut, his lungs building up a massive sneeze. I panicked. My heart nearly exploded in my chest. I knew exactly what happened when Spike sneezed on things. They burn to a crisp never to be seen again! “...aaaa…” I squiggled and squirmed against my bonds, desperately trying to roll off the table. I inchwormed for dear life. Just before my salvation was at hand, an orange hoof nudged me back. “...chooo!” My world was suddenly engulfed by emerald green flames, and the last words I heard were Scootaloo’s. “Go bug the princess…” I was floating in midair. I guess such a thing would be fitting since I was obviously dead. However, it was the situation of my afterlife that completely scrambled all sense, and defied all logic. Death by dragon fire was nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, I could have been crushed by a collapsing tunnel for example, or eaten by a diamond dog. There were much worse deaths that I could think of. I could have slowly lost my mind to memory madness, or even suffered a slow agonizing death from shell rot. Whatever, I guess it doesn’t matter what kills a changeling. I just always believed that we join the eternal channels after death. Echoing forever in the hives as whispered words of wisdom to the next generation. Maybe such a noble existence wasn’t meant for traitors. That has to be it. I betrayed my hive, and now here I float in front of the one pony that is drilled into every mind of every changeling as the subject of countless horror stories. The hoarder of love and kindness. Princess Celestia. Oddly enough, all I could do was stare in awe. Her love was overwhelming. It flooded everywhere, and flowed straight through me. It wasn’t just love, but pure magical love essence. Endless waves of it’s sweet vanilla cream passed over me. It wasn’t even directed at me. Her love simply flowed in every direction as if she loved everything around her whether it was pony, pilar, or pillow. The pony god was quite captivating, and I stared openly with awe as she held the rope from which I dangled gently in her magic. I found myself in the predicament of slowly turning, and had to keep squirming to keep her in my field of view. Subsequently, my spinning also revealed others in the room. Two guards stood to either side of Celestia. One was a powerful looking stallion with purple hair that had a pink stripe. He was staring at me with an unsettling look of curiosity that felt too familiar. His jaw was also wide open. I found myself hoping that ponies didn’t eat pillows. The other guard had curly purple hair, and was preoccupied with staring in a mirror as he adjusted his helmet. “Oh-hoo-my, I may have to go explore this… role a little more in private later.” “Oh, come on! Why couldn’t I be something cool like Princess Celestia, or a guard, or something!” Celestia’s throne suddenly complained. I admired it’s rainbow patterns. “I’m’a carpet!” A pink fluffy carpet wiggled and giggled below me. “This is so amazing! I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a carpet!” Celestia seemed to ignore all of them as she sat down on her throne. “Dis brows!” It muffled, and rocked back and forth woodenly. “Es-dee! Erm’a git’chu fer dis!” Celestia giggled as she bounced me ever so slightly. “Hmm, what a curious little pillow Twilight has sent me.” I blanched as it suddenly dawned on me where I was. Something in the back of my mind snapped. “I’m not allowed to talk to you! For the hive!” I chewed at my bonds, growling viciously. “You’ll never take me alive delicious one! ” Celestia gasped. “Oh, dear, are you an invader?” I froze. “What? No, of course not! I’m the only one here. If we were invading we would have swarmed by the thousands!” “Oh, so you are alone?” She smiled gently. “Well, yes, unfortunately. I burned to death by the fire of a baby dragon. A noble death to be sure!” She giggled. “Assuredly…” I puffed out my pink pillowy chest. “However, I believe I’ve been sent to the wrong afterlife.” “Hmm… so if you are already dead, then how can you be ‘taken alive’, as you put it?” She waited patiently as I contemplated her words. No matter how I mulled it, she was right. If I was dead and stuck in this afterlife, whether the wrong one or not, where would there be for me to flee too? I looked back at her trepidatiously, “what would you have of me, then?” “Perhaps a little tea?” She clopped her hooves together. The resemblance of my predicament to a trussed up tea bag was not lost. “Never! I would make a horrible tasting tea!” I gawked at her in horror. Celestia covered her mouth with the tip of a hoof, and turned away, but failed to hide the giggles. A moment later, some servants rushed in with a cart of tea and a chair for me. “Oh… you mean to have tea with me.” I deadpanned at the tea tray. “Well, that does make more sense now doesn’t it?” Celestia nodded curtly towards me, having fully regained composure. “I am enjoying our conversation. Would you kindly indulge my curiosity for a while?” I was shocked. I remembered my first day in Ponyville that Fluttershy had served me tea. I had no idea she upheld such royal practices, and I could only be thankful that she taught me not to spit the dross onto the floor. Celestia poured each of us a cup. Then, she stopped as if just realizing something. “Oh, dear, you can’t be comfortable all tied up like that. May I?” She gently worked the ropes off of me with her love magic and set me down in the chair. “Uhm, thanks! That helps a lot.” I smiled gratefully. “One more thing.” She waved a hoof at me. “I believe there is a form you would be much more comfortable drinking in.” I thought for a moment, panic rising in my gut. My mind raced for an answer. “Relax. What fears do the dead have?” She leaned over and bopped me gently on the nose. My disguise shattered in a burst of flame. I sat before her in all my shiny changelingy-ness. “Isn’t that better?” I wanted to panic. To flee or fight. Anything, but sit here. However, I couldn’t. Celestia’s blanket of love was as calming as waking up to the hives thrumming rhythm in the morning. I looked back and forth at the guards to either side. They stared at me openly, but their spears were still at rest. So… so far so good? I nodded to her, “much better, thank you.” Honestly, I didn’t know what else to say. The whole situation was far too overwhelming. First death, now this? It was a lot to take in. “Magic carpet!” The pink fluffy carpet flew and swirled through the air. “Wee! Ride me!” I watched it with fascination. Celestia began sipping tea as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I had meant to ask if this was perhaps the afterlife for living objects, but something else entirely escaped my lips. “Why am I not being executed as a vicious love sucking monster?” She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you have to be alive to be executed?” “Oh, good point again. I keep forgetting. So, ponies and changelings live together in harmony in the afterlife?” I looked at her inquisitively, and noted, that so did the guards to either side of her. Her voice flowed with silken honey. “There are enough misunderstandings in life to bury aspirations and shatter dreams. What hope is there for the living if we cannot find peace even in the beyond?” “But I was a mortal enemy to your kind…” “Oh? Oh my…” Her eyebrows creased with the same concern I’d seen Fluttershy use so often. “Please, elaborate, what horrible things have you done to my little ponies?” My mouth opened as if to prattle off a list of atrocities, but I stuttered, my brain churning for even one. Celestia waited, patiently sipping her tea. Then it hit me. “Oh, of course, changelings have been trying to invade Canterlot, and the pony royalty for years to secure a continuous food source. Doesn’t that make us enemies?” I cocked my head to the side curiously. “Perhaps,” she smiled gently, “however, such decisions, as invasions, are decrees of your queen. I can forgive you for following orders. However, if you are here on a mission of conquest, I am sorry to inform you that I have to detain you, and keep you under heavy guard until we can ascertain your intentions. Now, my little changeling, are you here on a devious and terrible mission?” “No! No-no-no!” I waved my hooves in front of me. “I left after my hive was slaughtered by a pony invasion force!” Celestia stopped drinking and stared at me long and hard. The mirth disappeared from her demeanor. I squirmed a bit after she didn’t answer. “No, really, I did leave. I’m not part of the hive anymore. I went lone fang.” Celestia took a deep breath and let out a long steadying sigh. “I believe you. I haven’t met a changeling yet who can effectively lie to the face of somepony who loves them.” She stopped to think for a moment. “Tell me, how shall I address you?” “Oh, uhm… My name is Shattered Dreams, but in Ponyville my food called me Dreamy.” I sipped some of the tea. It was amazingly delicious! “Oh, I do like Dreamy much better. May I call you Dreamy too?” I nodded. “Please do! Your tea, and your love, are absolutely delicious.” She giggled. “Why thank you, Dreamy.” She cleared her throat and stood up. “Dreamy, you said your food started calling you by this name, right?” The chair gasped for air. “Drea…” The curly purple haired guard shoved a hoof in the chairs mouth. I nodded in answer to Celestia while keeping a keen eye on that oddly angry chair. “Tell me, are these ponies kind to you? Have they helped you find happiness?” She slowly moved the tea cart out of the way with her magic and sat down on the floor closer to me. Her tea cup floated next to her gently bobbing up and down. I stared at it. It was so… so soothing. Celestia was absolutely huge this close up, yet I felt so calm. I couldn’t move if I wanted to. I almost wanted to just curl up in her forelegs and fall asleep. I thought for a moment, my mind was growing slightly fuzzy. “For the most part yes. I feel very welcome and mostly comfortable around them. There is one, though, Twilight Sparkle, who is constantly studying me. She scares me a little.” Celestia, ever so slightly, choked midsip of her tea. “Oh?” She raised a hoof and daintily coughed into it. “Yes, actually, she’s terrifying! She does horrible things to me with ‘measuring string’ and is constantly following me around with a notebook!” I clopped a hoof on the edge of my seat in frustration. “One time she even asked me about the regularity of my bowel movements!” Another ever so slight crack in Celestia’s calm demeanor as an eye twitched, and one side of her mouth curved up. The guard with purple hair stared in open mouthed horror at the pink streak guard, who was biting his lip and shaking his head. “What? So I was thorough! Medical exams are supposed to be thorough,” he whispered vehemently. “Are you even qualified?” The curly purple one whispered back. “Buck no she isn’t!” The chair piped in. “She’s just obsessed. Remember the measuring incident?” “She even measured the length of my…” The rest of my sentence was suddenly drowned out by the high piercing scream of the pink streaked guard as he fainted. The chair snickered. “I can’t believe he said it!” The curly purple haired guard shoved his hoof back in the chairs mouth. Celestia giggled openly for several second. “Oh, that must have been hard for you.” “Oh, yes, quite hard.” I replied with all seriousness. She giggled harder, her eyes squeezing shut as she covered her mouth politely with a hoof. After a moment she regained her composure. The tea cup continued its bobbing, interrupted only by an occasional sip. “Dreamy, please tell me, is there one pony that is more delicious than any other?” “Pinkie Pie!” I blurted out without hesitation. “She is amazing! She fed me this thing called a fruit parfait once. It had strawberries and blueberries all mixed in with yogurt, and it had whipped cream with a cherry on top. It tasted exactly like her love. It’s so delicious! I can’t get enough of her.” “I’m so happy for you. It is wonderful that you are meeting new friends, and have even found one you love. Does she love you back?” Celestia smiled warmly and stroked the top of my head. “Yes, she loves me, she feeds me often. She seems to love everypony, though. A lot like you, actually, but hers is more directed and chaotic. I don’t even know if they are really my friends, though. I don’t think I can have friends. Once they find out I’m a changeling they will all hate me.” I felt so relaxed. I’d never felt so relaxed. Her hoof passing over my head was so warm and gentle. I leaned into it reflexively. “I see. That is a terrible fear. However, if they are truly your friends, then they will accept you for who you are.” Her hoof stopped suddenly and retracted to her side. Her features grew sad. I could tell by the drooping of her eyebrows and the sudden slight downturn of the corners of her mouth. She took a long deep breath and sighed. “Dreamy, being a changeling is hard, but it is the least of your worries. Your memories are not entirely your own. I fear you have been manipulated and your memories altered. It is something I have seen many times before.” I suddenly felt a little dizzy. I just couldn’t raise my head high enough to look her in the eyes, and any articulation to my speech was impossible. “What? What happened?” “Something terribly unfair to you and the friends you have made. I’m going to ask you a question, and I need an answer straight from your heart.” Her whispers echoed in my ears, and it was all I could do to just nod. “I can send you back to the ponies you have befriended. Eventually, they will discover who you are, and you will have to face the fear of losing them. You may lose everything, or I can send you to a place with many of your kind where you will be happy, loved, and free of the hives forever, but you will never see them again.” I thought for a moment, her words sinking into the fuzz over my brain. I thought of being with my own kind and never having to worry about who I am, or what I am. Then, I remembered how my new friends tasted. They all had so much love and were always sharing with me. I blinked. I was suddenly looking up at Celestia from my back. She felt so warm and soft… and creamy… “Have you made a decision?” She asked gently. I nodded. “My decision… it tastes like parfait…” She giggled. “Truly spoken from the heart. Dreamy, I try so hard to bring peace and happiness to my little ponies, but no amount of effort can make it up to the ones who slip through the cracks. You will spend your whole life searching for love from everypony else to fill that void in your heart, but you will only be whole when you learn to love yourself.” “Love myself?” I whispered, my eyes closing. “I feel you will learn this lesson quickly. There are no ponies in this world more suited to teach you than the friends you have already made. I’m going to send you back now, Dreamy. I’m sorry, but you won't remember any of this.” “Why…” “Because, your hive…” Her words faded, and were lost in the hazy swirls of my mind.