It all happened three years ago. Back then, I was a criminal just trying to ditch that lifestyle and get a fresh start. I had no friends to speak of and I didn't know where I was going or what I would do next. At the time, I was a miserable human being smoking two packs a day and always hoping the next drag would be my last. Sure I had money, a sweet ride and a few broads who meant nothing to me and to them I was much of the same but I was still nothing but a miserable prick. All the cash, Cadillacs and hookers a guy could get his hands on seems all fine and dandy until you really start looking at the big picture and realize that all that shit means nothing. All it is is the extra filler in the cheap, rancid hamburger that life sometimes seems like. It can't really make you truly happy. I learned that when I got lucky one day and fell through a portal to the land of Equestria.
Remember me? I'm Vincenzo Scungilli but I prefer to be called Vinnie. I was an out of shape human when I first came to Equestria. I am now an Earth pony who could easily gallop a mile in five minutes and then turn around and run right back with enough energy left to jump a few fences while I'm at it. I upgraded from the decent apartment in New York to my own three story house a couple blocks west of Sugarcube corner which is now where I work as a general manager with a very good friend of mine as my assistant.
Speaking of friends...They're what made me what I am today. Without them, I would either be dead or still be the lost fool I was before. I started out by making friends with six mares and a young dragon. Over the few years I've lived in the little village of Ponyville, I have literally become friends with the entire town and then some. Yeah, I got to see a lot of Equestria. I've been to Appleoosa, Canterlot, Fillydelphia and even Manehattan which reminded me of home...minus the gunfire, constant wailing of sirens and fist fights on the streets. New York wasn't all bad though. It had it's nice neighborhoods and it's slums and ghettos but really what large metropolitan area on Earth doesn't?
Do I look back and reminisce of the past and the place I once called home? Sure. Do I wish I could go back for a visit? Of course. Do I want to turn back into a human and live there again?...Hell no! The average life expectancy of an Earth pony that I am now is one hundred and twelve years! I live in a world with a fraction of the violence of where I came from! It's a land where the rulers love all of their subjects as if they were their own children! Hell, it'd be like trading a Rolls Royce for an old, run down Chevy Metro that you could fit in the other's trunk...Okay, well the point I'm trying to get across is that it would be pretty stupid.
So in case you're wondering where the Cakes are, my "invention" of cannolis helped them turn Sugarcube Corner from a little bakery into a large and respectable corporation now based out of Manehatten. This in turn, paved the way for me to at long last realize my dream and start doing what I was born to do all along. Retail management. I tried that with an auto parts company back home but that didn't work out too well. Would I have been able to do what I get to do now if I stayed there? Probably not!
"Order up, Vinnie!"
Oh that's my pal The Pinkster! Looks like we've got a full house right now. We're a little short staffed and the customers just keep piling up so all hooves on deck until I hire some new help. This'll have to wait until the end of my shift but in the meantime, welcome to Ponyville, Equestria! The town where I and my best friends call home!
"Alright Pinks, who ordered the fritters?"