//------------------------------// // Non-canon Interlude: Spica // Story: Harmony Consultant // by jqnexx //------------------------------//         “Don’t worry, I’m not going to bite you.” The two nearly-identical yellow unicorns looked up at her as if they weren’t quite sure if she meant it. Flim and Flam certainly know I eat meat. I don’t mind them being a little nervous. She gave them a smile, although she shot for a less disarming effect than usual.         The woman was tall, at least by comparison with the two unicorns, and wore a blue-and-white business suit that emphasized her ample bust. Although she was in her thirties, her hair was as white as Celestia’s coat. She carried herself with an air of easy confidence, even in the sterile, mechanical environment of the security zone outside the portal. Each stallion, by contrast, seemed unnerved by the lack of natural light and by the weight of the “Possibility Axis Transform Blockers,” the odd electronic devices around their necks that prevented the portal from turning them to humans.         “Don’t mind the robots.” A red and white figure, resembling an armored woman with a plate mail skirt, stood behind at a respectful distance. Occasionally the whirr of a tiny motor was heard from it. “Now, let’s get down to business.” She took a seat behind the rather spartan table, and gestured to the cushions placed in front of it for them.         The word “business” instantly banished any fatigue or uncertainty the unicorns were feeling. “Yes of course ma’am! You won’t regret this!”         “We’re the best salesponies in all Equestria, and also some of its foremost experimenters. We know more about patent law than the Princess herself!”         Spica nodded and smiled. All this peace and prosperity had been a little dreary for her. It’s time to conquer a whole new world. In a strictly marketing sense of course. “I’m glad you came to me and not either of the megacorps.”         “Of course we came to you! We like what we see in you. Another young, hungry entrepreneur nonpareil! You’re like our long-lost sister!”         Spica gave a smile again, but rather more disarmingly this time. “Well, we entrepreneurs need to stick together. I understand you have a proposal contract for me to review?”         “Yes, of course! Right here!” She still hadn’t gotten used to their casual levitation of objects. Magic over there was so different from the sound science she was familiar with. She’d need a unicorn working for her. Also a pegasus. Maybe an earth pony, although she had no idea exactly what they did.         The contract seemed fairly straightforward at first glance. It would give each of them license to use the other’s products and patents in the other world. This is… simply too good. These terms are too favorable. The penalty clauses are harsher on them than me, but they wrote it. Something is up. She’d have to through it carefully. “I’d like to go over this a bit more.” I saw that. You were disappointed. A lesser businesswoman wouldn’t have seen that, but I’m more than you can handle.         What are you fellows up to? The first clue was the severability clause. “If any part of this Contract is found to be invalid, the remainder of the contract will continue in full force and effect as if the defective and invalid provision or clause or condition had been deleted.” Normally it would continue, “provided that the parties to this contract are entitled to negotiate a valid and enforceable provision in replacement of the invalid provision.” The omission changed things substantially. I wonder what this would look like after a court went over it. She’d already seen the “choice of law” and “choice of venue” sections and knew they were trying to get the home turf advantage.         “Give me a minute, gentlemen. Gentlestallions. Sorry, I’m not used to this.” She raised the screen of the terminal. OCR scanning wasn’t perfect, but humans had used it on documents since before the tower had been built, and she’d had her friend feed in all the law books she could get from Equestria in preparation for this meeting. A few queries on “penalty” and “licensing” revealed that while the penalty clause for them breaching an agreement was too harsh to be permitted under Equestrian law, the penalty for her breaching the agreement would be just barely legal. A further clause specified that they agreed not to seek damages against each other for several possible breaches of the contract except by the penalty clauses. This might survive judicial review, or might not. She couldn’t determine that with the limited tools available to her.         Fortunately, a solution presented itself. She could always just not sign the contract, but that would offend her sense of vengeance. Sure, she’d admit that compared to Mir, her sense of vengeance was lightweight, but that’s hardly fair.         “I’d like you to explain to me the purpose of this clause.” She pointed to the “penalty clause damages only” clause. Well, that got them sweating. They look so cute when they’re nervous. I wish I could have one as a pet.         “That’s, ah, a standard boilerplate. To relieve burden on the courts! Equestria has no-fee courts, so you have to have a system of social decorum about this sort of thing!”         To her astonishment, they then burst into song about not burdening their fair Princesses and their government with undue work when a businesspony could settle their debts themselves. Clearly they’d made it up on the spot, but it wasn’t too bad. They did break meter a couple times though.         “All right, that seems entirely reasonable. What about this clause?” She’d pointed to a clause specifying that all joint accounting must be done in the Equestrian Bit. They broke into a song extolling the virtue of the gold standard. This one was rehearsed, although she had no idea what context they’d have needed to use it in before.         “And this clause?”         “♫...represents a golden opportunity!♫”         Two hours later, the stallions still burst into song, although only occasionally. It seemed like now was the time to spring the trap. “OK, this should be the last thing I’m worried about.” The stallions’ ears perked up a bit. Yes, it’s almost over. “The use of the Equestrian court system seems rather surprising. Doesn’t an important friend of one of the Princesses have a feud with you all? Aren’t you afraid she’ll use this opportunity to torpedo things for you, as she has in the past?”         The effect was immediate. Both stallions looked at each other and gulped. “Now that you mention it ma’am, that’s an excellent point.”         “Indeed brother, we hadn’t thought of that. What do you propose?”         “The ruler of this tower owes me a favor. We could simply place jurisdiction here.”         “Agreed!”         “Indeed!”         She crossed out the clauses with her pen, then wrote in new ones substituting Platina law and courts. After looking it over, both brothers turned to her.         “We’re ready to sign!”         “Indeed brother of mine!”         Three signatures were placed on the contract. A quick photocopy, and a thorough inspection of the copy by the stallions, and the deal was official.         “That was a nice, painless negotiation.” Spica fairly beamed with joy. “Now you two go home and get ready for your marketing blitz.”         “Indeed! Good day to you. See you soon, depending on portal operation!”         Spica smiled. As soon as they’d withdrawn through the portal, she clicked on the microphone she was carrying. “OK, time to do Level 1 maintenance on the portal.”         “Why? It’s not due for another week,” a young woman’s voice responded over the speakers.         “Sasha, just trust me on this one.”         “So, what happened there? I thought for sure you wouldn’t sign with those obvious swindlers. Anyone that friendly has to be crazy or selling something.” Another young woman, this one with black hair done up in two buns rounded the corner, wearing a black airship pilot jumpsuit.         “Misha, that was just a parlor trick of negotiation. I merely exhausted them until I felt it was time, then I got them to give away the keystone of their entire plan. When they realize what I’ve done, they’ll either try to go through with the deal – I rather doubt that – or try to dodge everything and create new identities. What they don’t realize is that Platina law is based around the ideals of an isolated, nearly monastic community of holy warrior-guardians.         Misha rolled her eyes. “I grew up there, remember?”         “Yes, but they didn’t. Equestria doesn’t allow bounty hunting, but Platina allows bounty hunting across international borders.”         “Won’t the ponies raise a fuss about that?”         “I imagine so, but most of it will be directed at Shurelia and Commander Barsett for allowing such a thing. Shurelia knows better than to mess with my plans, so I imagine Celestia will have to, in the interest of international relations, overlook the fate of two con artists who should have thought about the contract more carefully.”         At this, Misha narrowed her eyes. “You’re going to send Mir after those two if they try to stiff you.”         “Don’t worry, marriage has softened her. She’ll only explode them a little. Let’s get lunch. I’ve had something called ‘Zap Apple Preserves’ imported, and I want to give you the first taste-test.”