//------------------------------// // Rainbow Dash's Good Day // Story: Feeding Problems // by ferret //------------------------------// Rainbow Dash was not having a good day. “Hello?” It might even be said that she was having a very bad day. “Excuse me?” After Twilight Sparkle had summarily vanished, it had been eating Rainbow Dash up inside that she couldn’t do anything to help. It was eating her up inside that she couldn’t do anything at all ! She couldn’t feel like, half her body, and her muscles responded sluggishly, not at all, or in the wrong order. She had to move, she couldn’t sit still but all she could do was flop around uselessly! Knocking her out would have been merciful compared to this! She couldn’t believe she let Applejack sucker kick her like that! She couldn’t help but recall the old pegasus coaching, never engage an earth pony in CQC at anything lower than the speed of sound. (Which was thought impossible to break before Rainbow Dash was around.) The reality wasn’t as dire, but Rainbow hadn’t even seen it coming . It was just one kick! Why was every part of her all beat up from it? Why hadn’t Applejack even so much as listened to her? It was like Applejack expected Rainbow Dash to attack her on sight. So Dash had to sit there, not even able to lift her head, while Archer and Licky just ignored her like nothing had happened at all, hopping along blithely after Pinkie Pie who was all dressed up in a one pony band ensemble. Of course it wasn’t a marching band it was Pinkie Pie all along, but why were those fillies just following her? Did they not notice Rainbow Dash had gotten laid to waste by her own best friend? Archer knew Pinkie Pie was bad news, didn’t she? But there she was smiling and dancing along behind her, like Pinkie was her mom or something! When Twilight bamfed into existence at a gallop, running into the library before Dash could direct her attention to the real problem, by that time Rainbow Dash had at least managed to work feeling into her neck again. One of her wings cracked into motion finally , but the other was totally unresponsive still, and her lower body was next to useless. She had to throw herself like a fish to get in the library, after that insufferable bookworm tried to solve the problem the only way she knew how, reading books. Dash managed to crawl in, to holler at Twilight to focus on the imperative task at hand, and save Archer and Licky . But that, of course, left Rainbow Dash up a creek without a paddle. And without Twilight. And any upper body coordination to hold a paddle. One useless wing, her tongue all getting in the way of speaking, feeling like she’s talking in slow motion, and her back feeling so freaking tied up that she needed to pop it out. No amount of writhing or stretching seemed to get it! Rainbow had finally just slumped to a library bench, exhausted, when a snowy blue stallion with a wavy dark purple mane poked his head into the library. “Hello?” he said in a round voice. “Is the library open?” “Nnrgahg!” Rainbow Dash said, attempting to tell him no, and “go away.” All that did was attract attention to her though. He brightened and trotted over to Rainbow saying, “I need a book on souffles. Do you know where I could find something like that?” “Lmngl!” she said telling him to leave her alone. He just stared at her. “...okay?” he said at last, “I guess I can find it myself then...” Go figure he would be able to figure out Twilight’s crazy book sorting scheme, and before Dash could revive her useless limbs to flop to a hiding place he was back with a book saying, “Alright I’m ready to check out!” From her position with her head fallen to the floor and her upper torso slumped thereafter, with her bottom staying behind up there on the bench, Rainbow Dash had a rather embarassing view of the stallion. She might even have appreciated it if she wasn’t so totally humiliated right now. It might have been because her head was lower than the rest of her body, but Rainbow Dash was blushy as hell right now. “You are the librarian, right?” he said pleasantly, looking down at her with not a shred of sympathy. She didn’t want to tell him no because it was sure to come out as “mlgn” or something. She shook her head, but upside down as she was it wasn’t really effective. “Hello?” he said to her a bit irritatedly. Dash crossed a hoof across her chest and looked away furiously. “Excuse me?” he said undauntedly. “I’mngtthlbrlbln!” she shouted, pushing herself off the bench with a wing. All that did was crumple her forward with her lower torso flopped over backwards onto her head. “Are you drunk ?” he asked in an aghast tone. Rainbow didn’t even bother to answer, trying to will her torso off her head so she could start thinking about standing up. “Well, I never!” the stallion announced, throwing the book down where it slid up and hit her in the nose. “What kind of library has an intoxicated librarian? Never mind about the book, and I will be having words with town hall over this!” On his way out he shouted, “I had heard such good things about this place, too!” Rainbow Dash tried to catch up to him in order to beat the smug out of his smug face but of course she wasn’t doing more than scoot along the ground slowly with her hind legs around her ears. She had to get that door closed, or more ponies were going to come in thinking the library was open! Rainbow Dash managed to roll onto her side, get her tail out of her eyes and... sort out her butt. She had to drag herself to the door with one hoof. Her one good wing would help her get there faster, so she contorted around with her lower body facing down, and her upper body facing up, braced against that wing. The other wing wouldn’t even stay against her side and flopped uselessly against the floor hindering her movements. When Rainbow Dash got her hooves on that Applejack...! Dash had finally lunged the last hooflength, pushing the front door to the library closed with a sigh of relief when it swung open again and smacked into her face, bowling her over into yet another unrecognizable ball of tangled legs and wings. “Excuse me,” said a timid sounding yellow, purple maned mare with a peapod cutie mark looking around beyond Rainbow Dash, not seeing her on the floor there sort of crumpled in a very weird looking pile of pegasus parts, “Hello. Are the d-d-dangerous magical experiments over?” “Narghl!” Rainbow Dash snapped at her in frustration. The mare glanced down at her then, and kept staring, her eyes growing wider and wider while her pupils shrunk down to pricks. “MONSTER! ,” she shrieked at earsplitting volumes, charging out the door again. “Monster in the library!” her voice called out more distantly as she gallopped away. Well that was just insulting. Still, it got her out of the library, so Dash only had to close the door again and barricade it with something... just as soon as she managed to unwrap her own hindlegs from her wings. Alas, by the time Rainbow Dash had flopped out flat again, the mare had decided instead of running away as prudent, to go get a bunch of her friends. Dash covered her face with a hoof as no less than half a dozen ponies stampeded up to the library entrance, stopping short and looking with shock at the fallen pegasus when they did so. “That’s no monster!” a short cream colored blue haired mare declared vexedly. “I–I guess it’s just a filly?” the original purple maned mare said shrinking back uncomfortably. Well she ain’t the most uncomfortable one here, sister! “Rainbow Dash?” said Bluebell incredulously. Oh no. Bluebell was a light purple, blonde maned pegasus mare with a cloud bursting cutie mark, and also a member of the very same— “Why aren’t you at work?!” she exclaimed admonishingly. ...weather team as Rainbow Dash. “Do you know how behind we are?” Bluebell told Rainbow, dancing on her hooves, “Come on we need your help, you gotta fix this!” “Ican’glarbl,” Rainbow tried to tell Bluebell, but it was difficult with her chin shoved up against the library floorboards by her stupid benumbed body. She flapped her only good wing by itself, as if that would demonstrate her reason for being late for work. “Ohh,” Bluebell said in a whimper, “Just come on!!” Then she bit down on Rainbow Dash’s tail and took off into the sky. “Nnnnnnnooooooooohhhh!” Dash yelled out as the library rapidly diminished below her. Bluebell wasn’t even slowing down though. Dash tried to escape, but all she managed to do is get her own wing to smack her in the face, and soon they were way too high for Dash to do anything but dangle there in Bluebell’s strong clutches. Dash wasn’t worried about Bluebell having any trouble of course. She was a weather pony, and that meant she could lift at least three times her weight. But what was Rainbow Dash supposed to do about bucking clouds, when she couldn’t even buck?! Ponyville really was beautiful from high up above like this. As a pegasus, Rainbow Dash had no sense of vertigo to speak of. She probably should have. The little ponies of color were striding about on the curving roadways weaving the buildings of Ponyville together organically. It wasn’t ugly and square like Manehatten. The roads curved semi-radially from Town Hall conforming to rivers and hills as they did. The straw cottages that comprised a bulk of the buildings looked like a bunch of little dollhouses nestled in beds of dark green trees, all laid out over a beautiful green canvas. You could see Sweet Apple Acres from the west side of town like this. They were headed in that direction, no doubt to prepare some rain for those thirsty apple trees. The orchard wasn’t laid out in neat rows. Each tree was individually planted in the best location that it could grow. The only place without trees was the big farm house with the white picket fence going around its clear area in a broad circle. Cheerilee, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were there doing something. Rainbow Dash tried calling their attention, but they were just too far away. Plus her words made so little sense that Bluebell just told her to stop whining and get her act together. Bluebell stopped in mid air with the other 101 weather ponies Dash was supposed to manage. And yes Rainbow Dash always had the best ideas and was great at planning out what everypony should do, but not only were they all older than her, but now they got to see her being literally dragged to work. How the heck was she going to manage anypony who saw her like this?! “Fhee?” Bluebell said mouthfully, “Vuh phtratus won’t lay flaf!” Rainbow Dash couldn’t exactly crane around to look with all the blood in her head, but as she slowly rotated around hanging by her tail she saw a bunch of stratus clouds that were... sideways. Dammit. They were flat as pancakes, but they were tilted on their side flat vertically instead of horizontally. “Okay, we need two ponies reinforcing them from behind, while one pony bucks them, which should send them into a rotation instead of clearing them, and then everypony can get underneath them to make sure they spread out flat this time, instead of tipping over,” was what Dash wanted to say. “Okthmlp,” was as far as she got, before she scrunched in frustration attempting, and failing to cross her arms. “Come on, fly onf your own!” Bluebell said irately, and she jerked her head up, lightly tossing Rainbow Dash in a gentle arc. Dash’s reaction to this was immediate and dramatic. “Acklmph!” she shouted in alarm, her wings flapping desperately to hold herself up and... and she could only flap one wing, so that immediately sent her into a tailspin. Her tail snapped to pull her out of it as she plummeted to the ground, but that just sent her into loop-the-loops. “Quit screwing around, boss!” Drizzle shouted after her, and Rainbow Dash would have offered a sensible, rational response, but she was currently too busy hurtling towards the town like a pony seeking missile, in an uncontrolled dive. So she just glared at Drizzle and held up one hoof, with the other crossed over behind it. Distantly, she could see one of her weather team members get agitated and buck the cloud in frustration, which of course just toppled it onto their heads. Some of them were following Dash, but not very enthusiastically. Then Rainbow Dash grimaced, and stretched out her wing trying to pull herself out from this disastrous rocket dive. Her wing creaked as her forward motion was thrown into another rapid spin, aileron rolling so fast she couldn’t even see which way was up or down anymore. Her tail managed to correct her spin, but it was slow going with that much torque involved, and now she was spinning head-over-heels. Her stomach lurched and what was left of her bran muffin this morning shot out of her mouth uncontrollably. “Uh.. guh...ggh...bluh!” Rainbow Dash whimpered, wiping her tongue on her pastern, as the unmentionable blob descended toward some unlucky pony in town. She briefly wondered if that’s what it was like for Scootaloo, but nah, focus on getting to the ground, focus on getting to the library. Had she been thinking more rationally, she might have gone to her cloud house, but instead she banked around on her one good wing, and attempted to make a controlled descent. Then she promptly went into a tailspin. She pulled out of it, skimming the tops of the trees of the shit shit shit she was over the Everfree! Rainbow Dash bucked the air to peel herself around, but then an updraft slammed into her and sent her spinning. She did not want to land in the forest. She was good as dead if she landed in the forest like this ! She straightened out she—she was... She was looking up at a monstrous tendril, raising from the forest high into the sky. Rainbow tried to flap higher, to get over it, but a downdraft grabbed her then, and she hurled headfirst into the wiggling gray vaguely conical ...thing. It had the texture of rubber when she plowed into it, which ultimately saved her life, because her momentum slowed and stopped. Then the tension snapped back, and at the same time the structure/monster/thing whipped forward, hurling her back the way she came. Rainbow Dash was soon above Ponyville again, but everything was whipping past, too fast for her to see the individual buildings. She took a chance, and stuck out her wing again, bracing hard against the incredible tension, as the air resistance tore her around in dizzy circles. Rainbow Dash was pretty sure she slowed herself enough not to die on impact, but she couldn’t really tell what was going on, from how she was spinning around like a frisbee. She tried to stop the spin, but she was just too out of it. She couldn’t even think from how dizzy she was. It was the Dizzitron disaster all over again! Rainbow just closed her eyes, and braced for impact, descending rapidly from the sky. Pots and kettles blasted outward like an explosion from her landing. A sharp cry of pain belted out of Rainbow Dash, as she touched down in some bizarre parallel dimension where the air was luminum cookware. The pots came tumbling down, clanging against the walls and clattering on the dirt, and collapsing in a pile over her head. Even after Rainbow Dash was still as the grave, the clanging continued outside the pile of rubble she was buried under, for a few seconds as everything finished falling to the ground. Then there was silence. “You okay, Rainbow Dash ?” Oh no . Rainbow Dash stuck a trembling hoof out of the pile of kettles she was in, as a token effort to escape, but there was just no way, and her hoof fell limply on the pile even as it stuck out. This had to be a hundred pounds worth of cookware, thankfully not all on top of her. A hundred pounds of cookware, and Derpy Hooves. “Let me help you!” the grey and gold bubble butt herself said, hurling pot after pot over her shoulder to un-bury Rainbow Dash. Cries of alarm filled the streets as each and every pot managed to land squarely on somepony’s head. “Drplngg!” Rainbow Dash shouted, biting her lip and saying very carefully, “Jus... pull... mh... out.” Derpy wasn’t listening though. She was too busy trying to clean up her mess, by intercepting the running ponies and pulling the pots off their heads. Then a pot landed on Derpy’s head somehow, and she flew blindly through a wall, where subsequently a pony in a bathtub fell out of the collapsing structure. The bathtub crashed down into the cart full of pots, mere inches away from Dash’s nose, and when it did, Rainbow Dash heard the brakes in the cart snap underneath her. The cart, full of heavy pots, pans, Rainbow Dash, and a screaming pony in a bathtub, started rolling forward faster and faster. With ponies running out of the way, and other carts getting smashed left and right as this one barrelled its way down the steep hill that of course they were on, Rainbow Dash frantically tried to lever herself over the edge of the side of the cart, with a big heavy piece of cookware in her mouth, to slam on the wheel, either stopping it or ripping it off, either of which would have accomplished what she needed to do, which is to stop. It wasn’t until they went over the ledge that Rainbow Dash really started to panic. As the cart flew through the air, Rainbow Dash was screaming her head off, and the mare in the bathtub was screaming her head off and Rainbow Dash was screaming her head off and the mare in the bathtub was screaming her head off and both their screams started to die off, as Rainbow Dash started to realize that the cart wasn’t moving anymore. Dash finally burst her head out of the pots, to come face to face with who else but that insufferable groundwing. That insufferable groundwing, who had apparantly saved her life, because Derpy was hovering there with strong wingbeats, having dove right into the cart harness, even as it was falling. Derpy ended up in it backwards, thus the reason she was facing Rainbow Dash right now, but she still managed to hold it up in the air. “My bad,” the walleyed pegasus said with a guilty smile. Dash just gaped at her wordlessly. Displaying a disturbing amount of skill at this, Derpy started navigating the cart butt-first, finding a market square to descend into. Rainbow Dash braced herself for the next disaster to befall that walking trouble magnet. The cart touched gently down and Derpy wiggled her way out of the harness, finally taking the hint and pulling Rainbow Dash out instead of throwing more pots over her shoulder. Rainbow Dash never got a good look at the bathtub pony, because the instant the cart was grounded, she was gone, away down the street at a dead gallop. She’d hopefully be back for her bathtub. Amazingly enough, as soon as Derpy yanked on Rainbow Dash’s arms to pull her out, there was an audible pop in Dash’s neck and sensation flooded back into her tongue in painful tingles. That was all the good it did though, and Rainbow Dash flopped onto the dirt uselessly outside the cart for all to see when Derpy helped her out. Derpy stood over her saying, “You don’t look so good, Rainbow Dash!” “I’m ffine” Rainbow said, somewhat surprised that she could speak clearly. “Don’t say that!” Derpy said upsetly, “Those pots must have hurt you!” “Thlh... they didn’t hurt me!” Dash protested frantically. “You can jus’ leeave me alone an’ I’ll” “How could you forgive me?” the grey pony said dancing around Dash’s fallen figure skittishly. “I know!” she exclaimed, “You can rest at my house!” The sentence seemed such a novelty to Derpy, Rainbow Dash wondered just how long she had even had a house. “Have t’ go backt’ the library,” Dash slurred, shaking her head and wincing wishing that she didn’t. “Why?” Derpy asked crouching down to look her in the... in an eye. “Because the—” Rainbow Dash stopped, and looked at herself unhappily. She wasn’t going to be any use like this. She had to get that kink out of her back, or, or something ! There wasn’t anypony at the library anyway, just a bunch of (ugh) customers ready to make an even bigger fool of her. Or worse, her workmates! “You don’t have to come with me, Rainbow Dash,” Derpy said morosely, looking at Rainbow with big sad eyes... a big sad eye. Two big sad eyes, one of which was looking at her. The other one was watching a pegasus fly overhead. “Rainbow Daaash!” called out Drizzle overhead. Oh shazbot. Now they’d really have it in for her. “Okkay fine,” Rainbow said grumpily, if a little hastily. “How are—” Derpy grabbed Rainbow’s tail in her mouth and happily pranced off, dragging Rainbow Dash behind her, cavemare style. Rainbow Dash’s left arm was still numb, but she managed to cross them nevertheless, a disgusted expression on her face as she was dragged down the street like sack of potatoes. Derpy’s house was a ranch style cottage, with flimsy stucco walls and a straw roof... just like the other 20 houses around it. There was a planter in the window filled with daisies, and a watering can out by the doorway... just like the other 20 houses around it. One thing ponies weren’t, and that was imaginative. It was a little less “zoning board” on the inside. There was a painting on the wall, of Derpy in a golden hayfield, that matched her hair perfectly. It didn’t even look unicorn made, but mouthpainted instead, pretty classy. The walls were covered in a cream colored wallpaper, with dark brown vertical patterns inked into it. Rainbow Dash found herself increasingly uneasy as she was brought within Derpy’s house. If not from an impending disaster, it was also because Rainbow Dash really wasn’t... used to being in other ponies’ houses. She was barely used to having her own sublet, much less having her peers or, older peers who were going through all the hassle of keeping one of these places. Paying for it, maintaining it, defending it against rampaging horrors from the Everfree, it was a lot less practical than a cloud house, but it was also kind of ...intimidating. Did Derpy really own this whole place? It was like a doll house, except you could live in it! There was a little table in the front dining room, on which Rainbow Dash saw some sort of topographical map whose corner was peeking over the edge as she got dragged by on the floor underneath. There was a blue couch in the back room, in what should have been a storage room more decorated to look like a leisure room with sunlight peeking in through a tiny window on the south wall. Once in the room, Derpy unceremoniously hurled Dash onto the couch. Rainbow Dash probably would have protested more, if the couch wasn’t so plush and soft. She sank into it with a muffled groan. “Anything I can get you, Rainbow Dash?” Derpy said eagerly, “Tea? Biscuit? Hay bagel?” “Thanks,” Dash said reluctantly, “Already had a muffin this morning.” Sort of. Derpy gave her a queasy look and Dash waved her good hoof saying, “Sorry! Forgot about... that. Some water would be cool. ...maybe a bagel.” She might be less eager to accept food that Derpy cooked, but Rainbow Dash really hadn’t eaten since that morning and she really needed something to clear out the taste of that muffin from her mouth. The minutes passed as Derpy happily prepared it for Rainbow Dash, in her kitchen, while Dash squirmed in place trying to work out that kink in her upper back. Her thighs were all knotted up too, little funny-bone nerve tingles drifting through them when she’d try to flex them. She looked in Derpy’s direction, and there was some sort of crayon drawing on the refrigerator box in there. She also saw a ...uh... a foal. Standing there. Little purple unicorn filly, standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking at Rainbow Dash. Uh. Just... looking at her. The unicorn filly slowly slinked into the other room, out of sight. “Mom?” came a high fluting, unconfident, and slightly disapproving voice, “Is that Rainbow Dash on our couch?” Oh. Great, she must be in that club. Rainbow Dash knew all about that club. It was so adorable seeing kids finding something they loved, and getting all obsessive about it. Even if it turned out it was really hard to live up to their expectations. Dash started to feel very insecure, laying here on the couch. Was she going to horribly traumatize a filly, when that filly found out the great Rainbow Dash managed to throw out her own back like an old granny? That wasn’t a thing that happens, right? There was some whispering in the kitchen, and the foal peeked her head around the doorway, looking at Dash with big golden eyes. They weren’t crooked like her mother’s. “Hey... kid,” Dash said all cooly, “Don’t mind me just ...crashing at your mom’s, because I had a... maneuver that uh, went ...bad and smashed up a bunch of her pots.” Yeah that sounded safe enough. “Are you injured?” the filly asked worriedly. Crap. Dash felt like she was under a spotlight. Thankfully, it got stolen away, when there was a clatter in the kitchen, as Derpy dropped whatever she had and charged out into the hallway. Both pairs of regular eyes were drawn to the pegasus, who announced, “Pots!!” Then, she additionally announced, “Oh my gosh I forgot I’m still at work!!” Derpy stuck her nose down to the filly’s level, and said to her earnestly, “I need you to get Rainbow Dash her bagel. Mommy has to go deliver some pots. And other things. Can you do that for me?” The little unicorn nodded silently. Derpy ran out the door then calling out, “Sorry! Sorry! I’ll be back, sorry!” Thus began the great stareoff between Rainbow Dash and Derpy’s stray foal. Thus ended the great stareoff between Rainbow Dash and Derpy’s stray foal. “Your mom is pretty cool, letting me chill here and all,” Rainbow Dash said trying to act like she intended to be lazing around on their couch. “Are you really friends with my mom?” the filly asked disbelievingly. “Friends with her?” Dash said curiously, “I hardly even know her! Why would I be friends with that clutz?” Rainbow Dash felt like she died a little bit inside, when the filly’s eyes shone with hurt and she turned away. What was the big deal? Did this filly not know about Derpy? It was obvious that pony was a clutz! Everypony knew that! “Oh, I see,” the filly said halfheartedly. “What’s wrong, kid?” Rainbow asked distressedly. “I didn’t mean anything by it!” “Nothing’s wrong, Rainbow Dash!” the filly said hurriedly. “She was just trying to impress me. You can’t be friends with just anypony after all...” “Is that a challenge?” Dash asked boldly with a half smile. The filly’s eyes widened and she yelped, “N-no! I didn’t mean! I mean!” Rainbow Dash blinked at her, very confused now. “You want to be friends with me?” she tried tentatively. “No I– yes I–...” the filly’s lavender ears twitched over as there was a dink in the other room. “...that’s the toaster,” she said. “I better get that.” Dash lay back on the couch, as the little unicorn clopped off. It really was nice how Derpy went and gave Rainbow Dash a place to hide out, just like that. All the other ponies in town either didn’t give a crap about Rainbow, or gave her the look , or wanted something from her, except maybe her friends ...and Derpy. It’s not like Derpy could have just left Dash on the street though, while she flew off all by herself to clean up her mess, a mess that... Rainbow Dash had helped make. The filly approached Rainbow Dash calmly, with a plate clenched in her teeth on which a steaming, buttery bagel was sitting. Dash looked at it with a wary unease. Was it really okay for her to take this? The filly responded to that by depositing the plate unceremoniously on Rainbow Dash’s belly. “There was also a glass of water on the counter,” the filly said uncertainly, “Did you want that too?” “Oh! Uh, sure thanks kid!” Dash said, looking from her, to the bagel and back. It was weird how Derpy had a unicorn for a filly. Was that even a thing you could do? Rainbow Dash never heard of a pegasus giving birth to a unicorn. They’d just fall straight through the cloud layer! What was the deal with this filly then? Is this why Derpy was such a groundwing? Dash was pretty sure it was because when she was on weather patrol, Derpy destroyed e v e r y t h i n g , but maybe that wasn’t the only reason? The filly brought over the glass of water, placing it on the plate on Dash’s belly so that Rainbow could balance it with her hoof. Rainbow Dash just necked down to eat the bagel, taking satisfying bites out of it. It was clearly a day-old, but she wasn’t picky. That bagel, and the water, fixed her mouth’s... vomit problem, except for the actual vomit of course. But that was somepony else’s problem now. All Rainbow Dash had to worry about herself was staying on the ground until she could move both wings again... and avoiding the Apple family. The filly returned one more time, to pick up Rainbow Dash’s plates. Rainbow Dash would have cleaned them up herself, but well... she wasn’t leaving this couch of her own free will, that’s for sure. “Hey, what’s your name?” Rainbow Dash asked the helpful girl, on her way out. The filly turned and stared at Dash, then said roughly around the plate in her mouth, “’inky,” “Inky, huh? Cool name!” Rainbow Dash said smiling approvingly. Inky just blushed, ears down, and hurried into the kitchen. There was the klink of a plate. Inky then cobbled upstairs then without a word after having dropped off the plates, and Rainbow Dash relaxed back again, wondering why she was feeling so guilty about how the filly was acting around her. After a while, Inky came back downstairs, with a poster in her mouth. It was a Wonderbolts poster, except it had Rainbow Dash’s awesome cutie mark prominently displayed on it, and some relevant statistics written out. Rainbow Dash snorted awake when Inky dumped it on her belly, and the filly went to get a quill and ink well. It looked like Derpy went the sensible path and saved her discarded pinions for use as quills, but this one was really chewed up and tattered. That mare needed to go buy some goose quills if she or Inky here was going to be doing a lot of writing with them. You don’t lose pinions that often. “Can you sign this?” Inky asked hopefully, holding up the well in her hoof for easy dipping convenience. Dash took the quill and was ready to write, when Inky stuttered out, “C-can you write ‘Find your Rainbow D-dinky’?” The filly paused, and added, “My name is Dinky.” Rainbow Dash blushed hotly at “Dinky’s” words. “Sorry, uh, ‘inky’s a gool name ‘oo,” Rainbow Dash failed to say correctly around the quill. Then Rainbow... shut the fluff up, and signed the poster, spitting out the worn out quill, and clarified, “Dinky is a cool name too.” Dinky smiled brightly at her, then looked at the poster and smiled even more brightly at her. “Thank you so much, Rainbow Dash!” she said excitedly. “I can’t believe you’re here!” Her smile caught a bit as she added, “I-in Ponyville I mean. You’re like our own town’s special superhe–” “Hey, I ain’t no superhero, kid. Dinky.” Dash interrupted. “Last time I tried to do that, a runaway cart full of ponies almost flew right off of Lookout Ridge.” “Really?” Dinky said sitting down by the couch and looking at Rainbow Dash with fascination. “What happened?” Rainbow laughed a little and said, “Well, it all started with this baby carriage. If I stopped that then, hey, why not a whole cart full of ponies?” She continued her familiar story, and Dinky ate it all up, so Rainbow Dash embellished a little at the end saying, “And you know what happened to me just today? I totally crashed into a cart that was going right off the ridge .” Dinky didn’t need to know it wasn’t Lookout Ridge, after all. It was still pretty freaking dangerous. “And you know who stopped it this time?” Dinky gaped saying, “The Mysterious Mare Do Well is back?!” Dash blinked, then groaned and shook her head, leaning over as much as she could, “No, it was–” “Rainbow Dash!” the voice of Derpy came, her front door swinging open from across the house, the pegasus clomping in. Dash said to Dinky in a hasty whisper, “It was your mom!” “No it wasn’t!” Dinky hissed back. “It totally was!” Rainbow Dash said in a more normal tone, “I swear she did!” “You’re lying!” Dinky whispered. “Who do you think you’re talking to?!” Dash demanded irately. “What are we talking about?” Derpy whispered. Rainbow Dash reared back at Derpy, who had decided to join them in an unplanned little huddle. Dash found herself falling back against the couch, saying, “Nothing, nothing! I was only talking with Dinky, here!” “But what were you saying to her?” Derpy asked, “Because it sounded like–” “Mom!” Dinky interrupted sticking her hooves against Derpy’s chest. She went and pushed Derpy all the way back into the kitchen. It was clear Dinky was trying to be discreet but she said it a bit too loudly. “Why did you lie to me?” Dinky whined. “What?” her mother answered honestly clueless. “You ...” and then Dinky remembered to whisper. Dash craned her ears but she couldn’t quite make out what the filly was saying. Turns out she didn’t have to though, because Derpy immediately swung around the doorway, looking very shocked and loudly exclaiming at Dash, “We’re not friends?!” “Uh,” Rainbow Dash said intelligently, her mind blanking out. “You’re my friend, right?” Derpy said smiling weakly. “Please? We don’t have to be best friends!” “Yeah, you’re...” Dash stared at her hoof, waving it saying, “We’re not... not friends?” Derpy stood there looking at her... looking somewhere at any rate. “You mean like the double negative, right?” she said hopefully. “Uh... yyyyyeah?” Dash agreed cluelessly. What was Derpy even talking about? Derpy turned to her extremely blushing daughter saying, “See, I told you we were friends!” “Please mommy—mom,” Dinky said pushing at Derpy again, “You don’t have to be friends with her, for me to love– you’re still cool to me!” “Rainbow Dash is a hero!” the little Dinky urged her mother chidingly, “She doesn’t need friends!” “Hey!” Dash protested, “I do so need friends! Everypony needs friends!” She partially sat up on the couch as much as she could, and declared, “My friends have saved my tail more times than I can count! Don’t even joke about that!” Dinky stared at Rainbow Dash like a deer in headlights. Whatever headlights are. Dinky forgot all about accosting her mother, which might not have been a good idea. Derpy herself turned her head away from both of them and, she said very quietly, “I need friends too.” But it was very loud in the sudden silence. “Why do you even want me to be your friend?” Rainbow asked in a perplexed tone. “I mean yeah we went to the same school, but we work in different ...places. I don’t even see you very often!” “Oh that’s okay, Rainbow Dash,” Derpy said eagerly. “I really don’t mind even if we don’t see each other very often.” “But wouldn’t you want to be friends with somepony you, you know... meet?” “We met today!” Derpy protested petulantly. Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but notice Dinky was gone, retreated upstairs again. Rainbow hemmed, “Yeah but, like, what about the ponies you work with?” “No, they don’t like me at all,” Derpy said easily. “What about your neighbors?” Dash tried weakly. Derpy shook her head, “They think I’m too dangerous. I just try not to bother them.” She paused and added thoughtfully, “What about the ponies you work with? Are those your friends? Because you were running away from them.” Dash snickered, “Yeah, they’re great and all, but I don’t think I could exactly call them friends. We just work together, you know?” Derpy paused again, and said, “So, your neighbors are your friends?” Rainbow made to answer, then stopped. She actually... didn’t know her neighbors. She’d only been there a year, after all, and tenants came and went a lot. Nothing wrong with it but... “I...guess I don’t have any friends from my neighbors or... work,” Dash said feeling a blush creeping on her face. “Just, you know, my... friends...” Derpy just looked at her uncomprehendingly. “I’ll be your friend, Derpy,” Rainbow Dash said in a subdued tone. “Just–don’t tell anypony or they’ll—” “OH, thank you Rainbow Dash!” Derpy cheered, sweeping Rainbow off the couch and twirling with her in the middle of the room like a giant pony doll. “I won’t let you regret it, I promise!” “Augkh... my... back...” Dash managed to gasp out to the eager pegasus. Derpy gasped and dropped Rainbow Dash, who crumpled to the floor with a clud. Then she picked Dash up again saying, “Oops!” “Just... please be careful...” Rainbow Dash said, “You know Applejack messed me up pretty bad. I think I might–” “Oh that reminds me,” Derpy said, awkwardly setting Rainbow down into a limp sitting position, which Dash couldn’t hold up herself, so she slumped over onto her side like a sack of potatoes. Derpy hovered over her awkwardly, then patted the fallen Rainbow Dash in a satisfied sense and continued, “I saw Granny Apple just now.” Dash bristled there on the floor. “You didn’t tell her I was here, did you?” she asked, “She’ll kick my tail! I don’t even know why they attacked me!” Derpy started to shake her head, but smiled apologetically saying, “I maybe told her that I didn’t not see you. I think she knew though. It was really hard to lie about you.” “Boy I know that feeling,” Dash grumbled, rubbing her head. “She’s not here, is she?” “Oh no she’s not,” Derpy assured Rainbow. “I made sure to lose her before I came home. But she’s a very hard pony to give the slip.” “Yer darn right ah am!” Granny Smith shouted not two feet from Rainbow Dash’s ear. Rainbow jumped 20 meters into the air, or, more like flopped around uselessly saying, “No more! You got me! Don’t hurt me! I’ll never mooch apples again!” “Y’already don’t mooch for apples ye silly pony,” Granny said to her grumpily, biting down on Rainbow Dash’s tail and dragging her away from the blessed sanctuary of that soft couch. “Come on! Ah’m gonna get you all fixed up!” she grunted out of the corner of her mouth. Rainbow Dash blinked. “You mean you’re not going to... you’re going to fix that thing that Applejack... did?” “Yer darn tootin,” Granny said, pushing Derpy’s front door open with her butt. “Land sakes filly,” Granny complained to Rainbow Dash, who she was dragging, “Did you eat a bowl full of rocks when you woke up this mornin?” “Well stop dragging me around and fix me then!” Rainbow Dash said irritably. “I feel like my legs are on backwards!” “Ah caint fix ye any more’n Applejack can,” Granny said grumpily, “Ah know an old folk remedy but it ain’t essactly... ah’m gonna take ye to the professionals!” “Fine,” Dash said rolling her eyes, allowing Granny Smith to drag her out of what was the second most awkward social interaction in her entire life. “Bye, Derpy! See you uh, later!” Rainbow Dash tilted her head upside down to look backwards. Inside her house, Derpy was just standing there looking away from them as they left the building, saying to herself “How did she get in my closet...” After some time, Dash lifted her head saying, “Uh, Granny this isn’t the way to the hospital. You have to turn left at the redirector tower.” Rainbow Dash had long since resigned herself to her fate of being yet again forever humiliated, by everypony who could see Granny Smith dragging her around like a freaking invalid. Truly her day couldn’t possibly get any worse than this. “Hospital?” Granny mummled, “Don’t be silly. We’re goin’ to the Ponyville Day Spa to get you a full body makeover!” A number of ponies who hadn’t been paying attention to their surroundings, would then find themselves drawn to a peculiar spectacle. The resident daredevil of Ponyville was flat on her back, loudly yelling and blubbering something about being too cool for this, and let her go, and anything but that, while the elderly matron of the Apple Family dragged her along by the tail. Though the rainbow colored mare dug her one good hoof in the dirt, it only left a long trench in the earth, as she was pulled inexorably toward her doom. Rainbow Dash wasn’t crying. She was calm! Totally calm! She didn’t want them to put ribbons in her hair! They were going to use perfumed shampoo she hated perfumed shampoo! She was a laughing stock! They were going to paint her hooves she knew it! She didn’t want them to touch her hooves! This was all a dirty trick to get her to take a bath! Well, she didn’t need a bath! And she didn’t want eye shadow and lipstick . That was stupid girly stuff, that only stallions liked, and was a pain in the tail to clean off! Alas, her reasoned and composed objections were cruelly ignored, and Granny Smith dragged Rainbow Dash into the waiting room of the Spa, and heaved her right up onto a froufy velvet purple bench. Rainbow Dash was trapped there beyond redemption, in that pink and lavender waste of space, that the disreputable ponies of the town liked to say was the place you went to to get the special treatment, complete with happy ending. In short, it was the last place Rainbow Dash wanted to be caught dead in. Rainbow Dash gave up on her tantrum though, and just flopped her head back despairingly. “Yep,” she heard Granny say, “Her thoracic ganglia are all cramped up, the third one got a slipped disc, an’ ah don’t know the specifics but her hip clusters an’ somethin’ about her altshoulders, so she pretty much needs the whole mulligan.” Granny was speaking wisely, to someone whom Rainbow Dash refused to look at, or otherwise recognize the existence of. “Oh mai,” came Lotus Blossom’s voice, her hoof poking testingly at the unresponsive shoulder of a grumbling Rainbow Dash, who was clearly ignoring her. “How did... did you say her third vertebrae? Can she even walk?” “Ah reckon not,” Granny said musing dangerously, “Ah reckon... she ain’t gonna be able to do much of anything, no matter what ye wanna do to her.” There was a long pause, after which the spa pony said in a tone of voice that you’d expect a fly to hear from the spider who had it in its web, “I vill call our best ponies.” They said it would take time to fix, that they had to work it out slowly to reseal the shock absorber and knit the microfractures, and that they were just completely covering Rainbow Dash in perfumed shampoo coincidentally, just as long as she was here. It was just a coincidence that they were brushing her mane and tail with long stiff combs and scrubbing out her coat with... oh that actually... that felt good . In their gentle minstrations, the spa ponies lured Rainbow Dash into their clever deceit. She could resist though! She was enjoying the steamy warmth soothing her sinuses and the little shockwaves their touches delivered throughout her body and the relief of an itchy tightness in her skin she didn’t even know she had, but that didn’t mean she had to enjoy it! She had completely forgot about protesting pretty soon, and was just dozing deliriously with a warm cloth across her face that smelled beautiful. A pony walked up and Rainbow lifted the cloth off her eyes to find Lotus’s twin, Aloe or something, looking down at Rainbow Dash with a heady anticipation. “Ve are ready to fix your back,” she said simply. As she brought her hooves down upon Rainbow Dash’s shoulders it was very obvious they were earth pony hooves. Aloe effortlessly relaxed, no more like dissolved Rainbow Dash’s muscles into a weak quivering puddle, expertly honing in on that tense tightness that was in her upper back. Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but give a groan of approval. Aloe was putting more pressure there though, her face a mask of concentration. Rainbow Dash started to get alarmed as the pressure kept ramping up and she was pinned down solidly by those hooves. She couldn’t even breathe as Aloe’s hind legs left the ground and to Dash’s shock and horror the pony executed a perfect forestand on her back . The pressure was unbearable and Rainbow tried to struggle but she was so relaxed she could barely even twitch. Then Aloe lifted her third hoof up into the air. A flock of birds roosting on the roof of the day spa, were startled into the air by a loud crack that sounded like the building was coming down. Every pony in the nearest 20 meters of the spa found themselves instinctively cringing in sympathy, for what they knew not. The white hot pain was the greatest thing Rainbow Dash had ever felt in her life. She never wanted to do it again. “Und now your hips,” Aloe purred, her velvet hooves caressing the muscles and bone above Rainbow Dash’s tail and in her thighs.