//------------------------------//
// Lesson 1, Part Three: Pinkie Takes The Lead 
// Story: Discord's Apprentice 
// by Architect Ironturtle 
//------------------------------//

"You know you're early, right?" Discord said after opening the door. Pinkie Pie had been so excited by the prospect of having more fun with Discord that she'd rushed through her day even faster than usual, clocking out of Sugarcube Corner a full hour early. Her friends had picked up on her rush, but instead of asking what caused it, it was "Just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie." That still stung. She'd then tried the door to Canterlot to go find her master, but had only succeeded in running face first into a wall. After trying the door a few more times with no success, she'd plopped herself down in front of it and stared intently at it, daring it to reveal its secrets. 12 minutes later, the door had opened and Discord looked through, his expression torn between being miffed and touched.

"Anyway, come inside. It's not like I had anything else planned." Pinkie crawled through the door. After spending some time in Discord's room. She'd figured out that she fell towards whichever wall she happened to be closest too, so if she stayed close to the ground, she wouldn't have any problems. It worked, for about two seconds. Then she fell onto the ceiling. "Discord!"

Discord slapped a paw to his forehead. "Oh, silly me, I forgot to tell you I reoriented! Down is the new up, you know." 

Pinkie huffed at him, then giggled. "Good one, Discord! You really got me!" 

Discord chuckled along. "I guess I did, didn't I."

"Oh!" Pinkie brightened. "I was wondering, why couldn't I open the door? It works just fine when you use it." 

Discord smiled knowingly, while perusing a to-do list. "You're not quite ready for that yet, my apprentice. It will come later. You'll actually be ready to finish your training once you figure out that particular secret."

"Aww." Pinkie pouted, then brightened up and pulled out Discord's photo of Celestia from Sol-knows-where. "Hey, what's this?"

"Give me that!" Discord's arm went flying over to her and grabbed it. "That's not for you! How did you get that anyway?"

Pinkie gasped, ignoring the question entirely. "Wait, you like her!?"

"NO, OF COURSE NOT!" Discord  shouted. A mini discord immediately climbed out of each ear onto his head, then proceeded to clog dance while holding up two halves of a blinking sign that said,  "Buck Yes!"

"You do, that's so cute! A little creepy, but mostly cute." Then she sat bolt upright, her right foreleg vibrating along with her left ear and left flank, a clear sign of Pinkie Sense. She gasped again. "I know what we're going to do today!"

Discord blanched, his entire body except his left foot and right ear turning grey. He'd seen that look before, on his own face in the mirror right before he did something devious. Suddenly, he was questioning the wisdom of teaching Pinkie anything. "Pinkie Pie, what are you planning?"

"You'll seeeeeeee! Just stand over there in that corner while I work. I'll be done in a jiffy!"

"You can't order me around, I'm the master here!"

"I know, I know. I just want to do something nice for you!"

Discord growled and muttered, but finally relented. "Oh, all right. Just be quick about it." He stomped over to the corner just above and to the left of the window, since they were still on the ceiling. "No peaking!" Pinkie chided him. 

Discord growled again, but turned to face the wall. Behind him, he heard the boom of Pinkie's party cannon, alongside several other noises, only most of which he was able to identify. Seriously, what makes "Ugga-chakka-ugga-ugga-ugga-chakka" anyway?

"I'm doooooooone!" Discord turned around. His jaw fell off his face, alongside the rest of his features. He had to lean down and paw around on the ceiling to find them, them slap them back on. He was pretty sure his antler was crooked, but that could be fixed later. He snapped his fingers and appeared on the floor next to Pinkie, who was beaming up at him expectantly. "Do you like it?"

Discord fidgeted. "Well, I don't know..." Pinkie started to droop, which was all it took for Discord to change his mind. "Don't worry, it's great. Although." He looked down at the ratty suit he was wearing. "I'm going to need a new tux."


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Celestia let out a sigh as she lowered the sun behind the mountain tops and nodded towards her scribe, who pulled out a scroll containing the last piece of work for the day and levitated it over to her. The Discord report. Instead of dealing with his antics the moment they popped up like some twisted game of whack-a-parasprite, she collected everything he'd done over the past week, took it all in, and then dealt with it all at once. It beat having to chase him all the time, at least.

Celestia unfurled the scroll, wondering idly what shenanigans he'd pulled off this time. Then she kept unrolling it, and kept unrolling it, and eventually dropped the bottom half so that it could go rolling across the floor. Her eyes widened as she took in the report, and she immediately stalked off towards Discord's quarters.

Seventeen pranks. He'd pulled off no less than seventeen pranks over the course of the past week, ranging across the whole of Equestria and even as far north as the crystal empire. His usual quota? One to two pranks per week. This was bad. Such a spike could mean he was relapsing into his old ways, and frankly, Celestia would have missed him if that happened. A little chaos made life interesting, but this: this was too much. her displeasure showed on her face and in aura, causing any servant unlucky enough to see her to scramble out of the way or hide until she had passed. 

Sure, Blueblood had been fine afterwards (and the corridor Discord had flipped was now being used by the staff to reach those hard to clean corners), and the nature of the pranks had for the most part been more harmless than usual (Shining Armor and Cadance were now considering having an actual foal), but still.

Having reached his room, she knocked twice, per the agreement. "Come in," Discord answered from the other side. She opened the door and-her thoughts screeched to a halt as she tried to process what she was seeing. Gone was the chaos that usually permeated Discord's quarters, and instead it was replaced by deep shadow, except for a single round table in the center of the room set for dinner for two with candles and a white tablecloth, at which Discord sat. He was wearing a brand new tux, his mane and coat had been combed, and he was looking at her with- was that a nervous expression?

"Ah, Tia, you're right on schedule. Please have a seat." He gestured towards the chair opposite him, which Celestia sat in, still trying to figure out what Discord's game was. "I must say, that dress of yours looks absolutely amazing."

"I'm not wearing-" Celestia glanced down at herself and stopped mid-sentence. Her Royal finery (expect the crown, whose weight she could still feel) was gone, and in its place was a dress the exact same shades of pastel blue and green as her mane. It twinkled just like it as well, seemingly glowing in its own right. It was, in a word, beautiful. That still didn't stop Celestia from getting annoyed at Discord for slipping it on her without her notice. "Discord, stop this at once!" She commanded.

"I'm afraid I'm not the one doing anything here, my dear." Discord replied, tugging on his collar. "It's all her work." 

He pointed, and Celestia turned to see Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie of all ponies, dressed like a waiter and pushing a cart loaded with two sliver dishes covered by lids into the room. She placed one in front of Celestia, and one before Discord, then twirled a black mustache she hadn't been sporting two seconds ago. "Dinner is served!" She stated in a bad Prench accent, and removed the covers from the dishes. "Bon appetit!" 

Celestia mouth watered at the sight of the finest apples, sunflower seed bread, and hay topped with lemon juice she had ever met. "Discord, I-I don't know what to say." 

"Just go with it, dear." he replied, picking up a forkful of his jambalaya. "I know you must be hungry." 

As he spoke, Celestia felt a sharp pain in her stomach, and capitulated. "I guess I can stay." She said, adjusting herself in the chair to get more comfortable.

Pinkie nodded. "Will that be all, Monsieur and Madam?"

Discord nodded in reply. "Yes, thank you Pinkie." Pinkie turned and strutted away into the darkness, pushing the cart which now held Celestia's work cloths ahead of her. After Pinkie had left, slow and soft music began to play.

"Discord, I'm-speechless." Celestia bit into the bread, and almost melted into the chair. She'd always loved sunflowers, to the point that they'd gotten their name from her, and these were the best she'd ever tasted in her long life.

"I know, right? Pinkie threw this all up in an afternoon." Celestia almost choked on her food.

"She did this? Why?" The Princess asked in confusion.

Discord shrugged. "Who knows why she does anything she does?"

"I suppose that is true," Celestia replied, her voice skeptical. She knew an evasion when she heard one, and that was the most blatant dodge she'd faced down that day.

"So, Tia," Discord began. "How was your day?"

This question caught Celestia off guard, as well as reminding her of why she'd come in the first place. "Mostly I dealt with the fallout from your antics, Discord. You don't just drop a foal on someone out of thin air, they need time to prepare first!"

Discord started to chuckle, but then stopped and cocked his head, almost like he was remembering something. "Did my jokes hurt anyone?" he finally asked.

"Well, no." Celestia replied, taken aback.

"Did they provide long-term benefits?" Discord continued, fixing her with an unreadable gaze.

"I, guess you could say that." Celestia answered, not liking where this was going.

"Then why the long face? They didn't hurt anypony, were extremely funny." Here his composure cracked a little, and he grinned, "And they actually helped ponies in the long run. Just relax, forget about your troubles, and enjoy the night." 

He nodded toward the open window, which displayed the Milky Way in all it's glory. Luna must be showing off for somepony, Celestia thought, She doesn't usually go all out like this. She turned to look at Discord again, who was watching her with an almost pleading expression. She smiled. "I think that sounds like a great idea."

Discord visibly relaxed, taking a bite of his food. "Then my question still stands Tia, how was your day?"

They chatted about nothing in particular as the meal dwindled away. Celestia would occasionally ask a subtle question about Pinkie Pie's role in this, but Discord evaded them just as smoothly as he had the first. When the food was gone, Pinkie had reappeared right on cue, this time carrying two carrot cakes. She served them, and Celestia eagerly took a bite, savoring the frosty goodness. Once the cakes were gone, the table folded in on itself and disappeared, although the chairs waited to vanish until they had stood up. Then lights came on, low and soft, and Celestia saw that the room had been converted into a dance floor, complete with a stage that held a grey pony playing a cello. The music changed, taking on a faster, smoother tempo, and Discord offered his hand. "Would you care to dance?"

Celestia had forgotten the last time she'd danced, it had been so long ago, but she still knew the steps. "I would love to." Discord smiled, a real smile instead of his usual mischievous smirk, and took the lead. They danced there, under the stars through the roof that had turned transparent, as the earth pony played and time ebbed on. Eventually, they tired, and Discord escorted her back to her room.

"Thank you, Discord, that was lovely. I had a wonderful time." Celestia was smiling, feeling more relaxed than had in ages. Discord's expression matched hers.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Tia. Maybe we should do it again?"

Celestia beamed through the bags under her eyes, "That sounds fun."

Discord brightened, despite his own fatigue showing. "It's a date then. Er, I mean-" Celestia cut him off by kissing him on the cheek. He really has changed, she thought.

Discord blushed an amazing number of different colors before he recovered, wearing the smile of a man that has recently succumbed to a severe case of A.W.S. (Attractive Woman Syndrome). "Well, I suppose Pinkie needs the practice. She is my apprentice after all."

This shocked Celestia out of her mood. "She's what?" She asked, completely confounded.

"Oh, you know." Discord said, his smirk back in place, "User of chaos, capable of seeing beyond the norm, all that good stuff. I figured it out after Tirek fell. I've been teaching her for the past few days. Those pranks were actually her work, with me advising of course. Say, how does next Friday sound?" Celestia didn't respond, her mouth working without making any sound as her eyes looked in two different directions. "Is that a yes? Great! I'll see you then." He lifted her hoof up, planted a kiss on it, then snapped his fingers and vanished. Celestia stood in the door way for a good 20 minutes before she finally went to bed, the events of the evening warring for attention alongside Discord's previous tricks, this new disturbing development in one of her ponies, and all the duties of running a country. She didn't fall asleep for a long, long time.


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Discord met Pinkie Pie back in his room, now restored to its previous state. Pinkie was struggling to stay awake, but doggedly held a clipboard and checklist, which she proceeded to go down. "Did you keep her focused on having a good time?"

"Yes." Discord replied. Pinkie put a tick-mark on the paper.

"Does she know about our little arrangement?"

"Yes." Another mark.

"Did she go to bed her mind awhirl with conflicting emotions?"

Discord grinned. "Most definitely yes."

Pinkie clipped the pen to the board, then made both disappear. "Then my work here is done. Next time don't be such a wuss about it, ok?"

Discord snorted. "Fine. I still don't think I would have made it without your coaching, though."

Pinkie grinned. "That's what I'm here for."

"Don't forget I'm supposed to be teaching you, Missy."

Pinkie snorted, a behavior she'd picked up from him. "It's a chaotic apprenticeship. The roles of student and master are never set."

Discord chuckled. "That they aren't." He opened the door for her, and she stepped out into Ponyville. "Have a good night, my apprentice. next time we start on the nature of chaos."

Pinkie smiled in determination. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."