//------------------------------// // Sorry // Story: Iponi's World // by Palm Palette //------------------------------// “Ow! Applejack, that hurt,” Apple Bloom whined as the tweezers extracted another sharp, barbed thorn from her sore, blue hide. “Calm down, sugarcube. You'll be feeling a lot better once we get rid of them buggers.” Applejack grabbed the swinging light and held it steady as she gently parted the filly's sky-blue fur and ocean-blue mane looking for thorns. “Aha!” A tan speck stood out against the azure field. The train clacked and clattered as it moved, rattling against its rails and jarring its occupants. The tweezers slipped and jabbed several times before finding their mark. With non-careful imprecision, they tore away at an odd angle, ripping out the thorn and leaving behind a slowly-growing droplet of glistening blue blood. “Applejack! Can't this wait until we get home?” Apple Bloom moaned and rubbed at the sore spot, wincing when the train lurched and she bumped it too hard. “Oh, don't be so gloomy, Apple Bl—” Applejack started snickering and scrunched up her muzzle. She held a hoof over her fuzzy mouth to stifle the noise. Apple bloom gritted her cyan teeth. She threw her forelegs in the air and yelled, “Just say it already!” “Apple Blue.” “I hate poison joke. I hate it, hate it, hate it!” Apple Bloom banged her head against the side of carriage, a task made easier by the way the wall lurched with the train's motion and banged her right back. “Oh relax, sugarcube. All things considered, I think ya got off pretty lightly. All you are is a different color. At least ya don't have to worry about ponies steppin' on ya.” “It's not just that, Applejack. To me, everything looks blue. Everything sounds blue. Everything tastes blue. Ah even feel blue.” Apple Bloom groaned and folded her forelegs on the rattling table. She flopped her chin down and her ears and mouth drooped as if her face was melting and trying to conform to the available space. “Oh. Well, I guess ya did get a pretty strong dose. Ah don't know where Fritter got the idea that poison joke was a good way to cure poison ivy, or that the best way to administer it was via an enema, but it did work after a fashion. If yer feeling blue, that means yer not itchy, right?” Apple Bloom snorted. “Aw, snugglebug, cheer up. Once we get back home we'll put on a heated bath and ya can relax while Zecora's remedy fixes ya right up. Then we can laze back at the orchard just in time for apple-appreciatin' season. C'mere, you.” Applejack set down her tweezers and grabbed her blue-tinted sister for a great big hug. With the train rattling and shaking, she hugged way too hard. “Aaaah! Thorns!” Apple Bloom yelped and squirmed out of her sister's grip. “Applejack, I appreciate getting back at those two, but why did I have to carry the cacti the whole way to Manehatten? Why!?” Hours later, Apple Bloom relaxed as hot water poured down over her head. Her red mane flattened and washed over her fuzzy, yellow face along with the steaming water. “Ah can't believe that I finally feel good!” She took a deep breath and dunked her head underwater. Her whole body shook, sending ripples through the pool. She popped out and gasped, splashing anypony who was nearby. “No more sneezing! No more thorns! No more itching! No more aching, broken bones!” Applejack chuckled. “Well, shucks. Guess you're all charged up to do yer homework, then.” “What?” Nothing stopped a school-age filly dead in her tracks quite like the mention of homework. “Well, ya sure did miss out on a lot of school. Don't worry, tough. Some of the other school fillies took extra notes to help ya out. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon will let ya study with 'em. Plus, Cheerilee's agreed to give ya private lessons over the weekends until ya get caught up. Isn't that sweet of them all?” Apple Bloom groaned and beat her face against the water. Applejack laughed. “Glad to see yer so eager to get started!” She pulled a piece of paper out from under her hat. “Shucks, I'll help ya out too. Uh, first question: Can ya name somethin' new that ya learned while you were out?” “Something new...?” Apple Bloom frowned and stared at the water. “Uh...” “Ah bet ya learned lots! Hmm... Maybe something about cacti? Why, you could even go get one if ya need to bring something in fer show an tell.” “No!” Apple Bloom shuddered, shaking her dripping wet mane. “Ah mean, uh, I thought of somethin' else. I learned a new word.” “Ya did?” Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Sure! It goes like this:” Apple Bloom took a deep breath. She puckered her puckered her lips and started off with the 'p-p' sound, and ended with a short neigh. Applejack's eyes grew wide and her jaw dropped. Patrons in the spa gasped and covered the ears of their foals. The spa pony dropped the bucket she was carrying, which cracked and spilled steaming scented bathwater onto the tiled floor. The word Apple Bloom had uttered was none other than the Equestrian word for 'go fuck yourself with a cactus.' “Apple Bowtie Blossom! I never want to hear you say that again!” Apple Bloom gulped. There was nothing worse than being yelled at with her full name, and to make matters worse, she didn't even know what she'd done wrong. “Uh...” “Don't be wishy-washy with me, young lady! Say yer sorry and promise never to use that word ever again!” “Ah'm, sorry, okay. I didn't know it was bad! Ah just thought...” Apple Bloom sniffled. Her big, filly eyes caught the light from candles, and their reflections wavered as her eyes started to fill with tears. Applejack sighed. “Aw, sugarcube, you don't have to cry. Ah guess it's not yer fault if ya didn't know, but, uh, where did ya hear that, anyway?” “It was, uh...” Apple Bloom almost blurted out the truth but stopped herself when she remembered that she wasn't supposed to have been to the human world. “Ah learned it on my way to Appleoosa?” She shrugged. “On yer way to—” Applejack frowned and pulled her hat low, covering her face in shadow. “Apple Bloom, ya never did tell us. How did ya manage to wind up in Appleoosa while sick as a zombie? Care to explain that?” “Oh, that... uh...” Apple Bloom's eyes went wide. She gave a nervous chuckle and scratched at her wet mane. “I... um, forgot, actually.” “What,” Applejack said flatly. “Apple Bloom, are you sure you forgot? Because to me, it looks like yer trying to hide something.” “Uh... yes! Ah mean, no. Of course I forgot. I was sick at the time.” The sweet little filly grinned so wide that she bared both rows of her sparkling white teeth. “Hmm... guess ya wouldn't know anythin' about a certain liar, then?” Applejack gave her sister a piercing stare. She slowly raised one eyebrow. It was the eyebrow of reckoning. Nopony could resist the eyebrow. Apple Bloom's sweat added to the liquid in the pool. “Ah swear! Ah'm telling the truth! I didn't have nothin' to do with the human world!” “The... human world?” Applejack's eyebrows came crashing down. They formed an angry 'V' over a fuzzy ridge on her scrunched-up muzzle. “You were that yellow filly in the black jumpsuit with the big, red bow who snuck into the Manehatten Visitor Center?” Apple Bloom gulped. Her ears drooped and she glanced around the room. The spa wasn't known for its plethora of emergency exits. “You... heard about that?” “Heard about it? Of course I—” Applejack snorted. She peered at her sister with an angry glare. “Fluttershy had the worst day ever! Half the ponies in Manehatten showed up on her doorstep, all of whom wanted to come inside and flush themselves down her toilet! It took three princesses and a giant trout to sort out the mess, and while she was dealing with that mess, a bunch of rattlesnakes snuck into Hamster World.” “Oh. Sorry.” “You'd better darn right be sorry! You know how much Ah hate lyin'! You are in hot water, young lady!” Both of them paused and looked at the steaming pool that Apple Bloom was sitting in. “Uh, what I mean is, you are in a lot of trouble! You'd best think long and hard about how it was that you wound up in Appleoosa. When I ask ya again, you'd best speak the truth.” “Um... If ya don't like my answer, can I have a do-over?” Apple Bloom grinned sheepishly. Applejack stomped her hoof so hard that buckets rattled. She snorted fiery steam. “NO!” “So, you're telling me that Apple Bloom went to the human world while sick with pony fever?” Twilight asked. She raised an eyebrow and tilted her fuzzy head. Applejack had a stern, admonishing glare aimed at her sister who hung her head dejectedly. All three ponies stood in the foyer of Twilight's sparkling castle. “That's not possible. My safety spell should have triggered and pulled her right back.” “Uh...” Apple Bloom raised a small yellow hoof, but put it down once she realized that she had no idea what Twilight was talking about. “...safety spell?” “You know, the recall mechanism. Access to magic-free worlds is exceptionally rare, and a great deal of care must be taken to ensure that they remain free of contamination. Back when I set up the contrived plot device, I added numerous safety measures to the whole flushing process. I checked, double-checked, and triple-checked my double-checking to ensure that it was perfect. If you were at all feeling ill, you shouldn't have been able to cross dimensions. The toilet should have spat you back out right where you started.” “Oh... well... Ah guess Lyra's spell that made me feel better must have stopped that from working.” Apple Bloom tried to turn her huge frown into a sheepish grin. This bared her teeth in only the corners of her little, pony mouth. If her big, wide eyes weren't so adorable, she would have looked ridiculous. Twilight, meanwhile, contorted her own face. Her eyelids vanished into the recesses of her skull, showing the full size of the whites of her eyes to the world at large. In the first 'twang' of many, a blue lock of hair curled away from the rest of her mane. “What!? B-but... No! That, um... Aaargh! LYRA!” “Whoa, calm down there, Sugarcube.” Applejack rested a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. “Ah know it sounds bad, but what's the worst that could happen?” “The worst? Nnnngh!” Twilight gnashed her teeth and stretched her neck in the air. “The worst would be if we had to update the bulletin board.” Apple Bloom's eyes went wide and her pupils shrank. Her fluffy ears fell, drooping sideways. “No! not that! Anything but that!” “But! We won't know for sure until I can take a look. I'm going to need my reference books on interdimensional scrying. Piercing the ether is tricky with our dimensions so far out of alignment. In the meantime, take Apple Bloom back to the Manehatten Visitor Center. Oh! And bring Lyra. She's in on this too, apparently.” “Okay, Twilight. Will do.” Applejack nodded and plodded out the door. Apple Bloom hung her head and walked out dragging her tail. Mention of the bulletin board sent a chill into her heart. She hoped the humans were okay. Applejack stood in the lobby of the Manehatten Visitor Center, admiring the squadron of royal guards all cramped inside. They wore impassive expressions, and stood regally in a very tight group. Apple Bloom sat next to her, still slurping on a massive fountain drink that she'd picked up from a street vendor. The door creaked open and a mint unicorn froze at the sight of all the guards. Lyra eeped and dove for cover behind a bush. Applejack groaned. “Lyra, they're not here to get ya. Y'all can come in just fine.” “That just what they want you to think! Then, bam! Right to the oppressin'! Oh, no! I'm not going anywhere near them!” “Of all the things to be afraid of...” Applejack shook her head. She raised a hoof and pointed at the guardsponies. “Just look at them, will, ya! They're not even real guards. All they do is stand there and look guard-like.” Indeed, the royal guards were just as impressive as ever. They held their flagged spears high and their polished gold armor glinted in the light of the lobby's chandelier. To a stallion, they all stood at formal attention. There wasn't a single plumed helmet or stray eyebrow out of alignment in the whole lot. These were trained professionals, and they took standing there guard-like very, very seriously. “I see them, all right, and it's unnatural the way they just stand there. They're robots I tell you! Robots!” “That has to be the dumbest thing Ah've ever heard!” Applejack glanced at the motionless guards. “Y'all are just loving this, aren't ya?” Apple Bloom's pupils shrank and she hopped up on her hind legs. She crossed her forelegs in front of her groin. “Applejack, Ah really need to use the filly's room.” “Huh? That's fine, sugarcube. Yer old enough to by yerself. Ah'm gonna stay here and see if I can talk some sense into that nutcase.” “Okay.” Apple Bloom took off and ran down the hall. She passed the rack of brochures on the— Apple Bloom skidded to a halt. She'd lost the last brochure she'd picked up, and it looked like Rainbow Rapids was offering a new promotional deal. Of course, looking at all that water just reminded the filly of how much she really needed to pee. Apple Bloom stuffed the brochure back in the rack and continued on to the end of the hall. Much to her relief, the filthy room that housed the contrived plot device really was the colt's room. She pushed open the opposite door and walked into a starry void. All of existence vanished around her. Apple Bloom plodded alone in star-speckled nothingness. An immense feeling of peace washed over her. The filly's room was not just devoid of all forms of material contamination, but eased the mind and freed it from emotional baggage as well. It was a feeling of pure existence, and just being there made all her worries evaporate. A large, regal, alicorn appeared before her with a smile on her face. “Why hello there, Apple Bloom. To what do I owe the pleasure?” “Princess Celestia!” Apple Bloom respectfully bowed. “Uh, Ah really need to pee.” Celestia giggled. “Of course. Come, walk with me, my little pony.” Apple Bloom nodded and plodded alongside the regal alicorn who rubbed the little filly gently with her wing. Celestia took a deep breath and started to sing. “You've come such a long, long way... to the bathroom. And I've watched you from that very first day... when you were three—” As Celestia continued to sing, the stars around them swirled into galaxies. Billions of years passed with every beat of Apple Bloom's tiny, pony heart. All that was, and all that ever would be flew by in the blink of an eye. Galaxies formed and died, stars exploded and were reborn. This was the birthplace of an entirely new universe, and it was all created for the sole purpose of Apple Bloom's piddling in it. Anything less would be unsanitary. “And now before you, you see... with flowers! This world's first and only, one true potty... For you, with love.” A beam of white light illuminated a porcelain throne sitting amongst a field of white flowers, all of which had been created from cosmic dander and ethereal fog. “It looks great! Thanks, Celestia!” Apple Bloom ran forward. Celestia giggled and vanished to give the filly her privacy. Looking much relieved, Apple Bloom returned to the lobby. Lyra had somehow gotten herself tangled in the ceiling fan. “Lyra, what are you doing?” Applejack buried her fuzzy face in her hooves. “Ha! The evil floor demons can't touch me up here! I won't be roboticized like them!” Apple Bloom blinked and looked up the mint unicorn slowly rotating in circles while dangling by her tail. “Do ya need some help?” “Apple Bloom, thank Celestia yer back. I sure could use an extra, um...” Applejack paused and sniffed at the air, wrinkling her muzzle in distaste. “Did ya wash yer hooves?” “Uh...” Apple Bloom grinned sheepishly and avoided direct eye contact. “Apple Bloom! Y'all know how important that is! Do you want to get sick again!?” “No.” “Then go back and wash yer hooves!” Applejack snorted and pointed back down the hall. Dejected, the little filly hung her head and walked away, dragging her tail. One entire universe later, she came back with sparkling clean hooves. “Sorry, Applejack. I won't forget again.” “You'd better not. Now see if ya can help me—” The door creaked and swung open as a frazzled Twilight walked in, levitating several crusty tomes behind her. She took one look at Lyra and deadpanned. “Well, if it isn't the pony who thinks she's a monkey. Get down from there and meet us in the colt's room.” Lyra whipped her hoof out and pointed at Twilight, which caused her to sway back and forth as she rotated. “Hey! Just because I have this thing for humans doesn't automatically mean that I think I am one. And besides, humans even aren't monkeys, anyway!” “Well, they may not be anything, anymore—” “What!?” “—and monkeys do dangle by their tails, Lyra. Applejack, Apple Bloom, come on. The sooner we get started, the sooner we can figure out what kind of disaster we're dealing with.” Twilight waved them over and the three of them started down the hall. “Uh...” Lyra was left dangling. “Wait! Could I get some help first?” Twilight poked her fuzzy muzzle back in the room and pointed at the group of royal guards cramped in the corner. “If you can't get down by yourself, you can always ask them for help.” As a unit, the guards simultaneously saluted with mechanical precision. Lyra's eyes went wide and her pupils constricted. “No! No no no! Uh, I mean I can get down just fine!” Lyra closed her eyes and concentrated. Sweat dripped off her furry brow onto the scuffed, wooden floor as her lemony magic wrapped around her tail and yanked it in many directions at once. It ripped and Lyra yelped. She landed with a thud in an awkward, mint-colored heap. Flopping over, stunned, her eyes rolled around independently. The guards all dropped their hooves and resumed their original stances. The floor creaked in sync with the precise movements. Lyra gasped and scrambled down the hall at a full gallop. Twilight glanced at the other various objects cluttering up the colt's room before turning her attention to the toilet. Tinted blue water rippled slightly as Lyra stormed in, gasping and wheezing. Twilight ignored the heaving unicorn and turned her attention to the small yellow filly with the big, red bow. “Apple Bloom, do you remember which of the preconfigured landing sites you picked?” “Uh...” Apple Bloom blinked. “What?” Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Apple Bloom, did ya not even read the instructions?” “Er...” “Apple Bloom!” Twilight yelled. “The instructions are printed in big, bold letters on the wall opposite the rack of brochures. How could you possibly miss them?” “Did ya know that they're having a twenty percent discount at Rainbow Rapids this week?” Apple Bloom grinned. Twilight ground her teeth together. “How could you not even—grrah!” She growled and glared at Apple Bloom, who shrunk back. Blinking, Twilight took a deep breath and sighed, releasing some of her pent up tension. “Sorry. This is all just so hard for me to swallow. Apple Bloom, if you'd read the instructions, you'd have known that you have to jiggle the handle to calibrate it. If you don't do that, you'll wind up someplace random.” “Wait, random? Do you mean I could have gone somewhere other than a generic shopping mall?” Lyra asked. “Hey, I picked those malls to provide the best calculated exposure to human culture that I could, and also to provide multiple nearby exits in case something went wrong. And besides, the Earth is about two-thirds water. Those aren't good odds if you're just landing randomly. Humans can't swim that well.” “Oh.” “That's interestin' and all, but didn't ya have something ya wanted us to see, Twilight?” Applejack asked. “Yes, just give me a minute, okay? I have to check the plumbing to to see if I can find record of where Apple Bloom landed.” Twilight scrunched up her face as she carefully examined the mineral stains on the bowl with a q-tip. She used her magic to jiggle the handle and lightly hmmed to herself. “Find anythin'?” Applejack asked. “Well... It's really dirty...” Twilight frowned and tossed her soiled, rust-stained and hair-covered cotton swab in a nearby waste bin. “Ugh. I think somepony shed on it.” “Um, I wound up by a dirt road in a grassy field, if that helps,” Apple Bloom said. “Apple Bloom, there are literally like a million dirt roads in grassy fields. Could you be more specific?” Twilight asked. “Uh, well... It was hot, and sunny, and, uh, the people I saw were all brown with black hair and brown eyes.” Apple Bloom shrugged. “Aside from that Ah don't really know. It's not like I could read anything.” “Hot?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Actually, that does help. With the Earth's climate, you probably wound up in the tropics or the southern hemisphere...” Twilight turned her eyes back to the potty and tapped on the bowl rhythmically to make the water jiggle in a specific resonance pattern. “Hot?” Lyra asked. “Do you mean I could have gone someplace where I wasn't freezing my butt off?” “You'd have been a lot more comfortable if you hadn't taken your clothes off,” Twilight muttered. “That's kind-of why humans wear clothes in the first place. They don't have fur.” “You heard about that?” Lyra blushed slightly and averted her eyes. She used her magic to randomly spin a roll of toilet paper and giggled as the perforated sheets piled up on the floor. Apple Bloom couldn't resist joining in and spun a roll of her own. The toilet paper rolls went squeak squeak as potty-paper piled profusely on the potty-room's pristinely polished, plaid-patterned, porcelain plates. “Would you two cut it out?” Applejack snapped. “Aw, you're no fun.” Lyra drooped her ears and put on a big pouty-face. Her wide eyes glistened in the artificial light. Apple Bloom kinda shuffled and hid behind Lyra's frayed tail. Applejack facehoofed. “Ah swear, you two sure are somethi—” “Aha!” Twilight reared back as a flash of magenta light sent steam billowing from her porcelain throne. “I got a fix on your entry point! So that's where you, um... It really is just a dirt road in an empty field.” “Let me see!” Apple Bloom ran over and stuck her head in the rusty, hairy potty. “It looks dark.” “Huh?” Lyra nosed her face over the bowl as well. “It sure is. Why's it dark there, but not here?” Twilight blew on the glassy surface of the water. The image shimmered and brightened a tiny bit, enhanced by her magic. It still looked dark, though. She sighed. “Day and night work differently in their dimension. Rather than having two ponies move the sun and moon so that everyone experiences the time simultaneously, they keep the sun in one spot and spin their planet. Thus, one side is always day and the other night, and they gradually exchange positions as the planet rotates.” “Well that's a stupid way of doing things. How the hay would anypony know what time it is if it's night one place, but day somewhere else?” Applejack asked. “We don't know, and that's one of the many things we're trying to study,” Twilight said. “Where are the humans?” Lyra asked. “That road looks empty.” “There's a school further up the road. Try looking there.” Apple Bloom pointed in that general direction. Twilight nodded and narrowed her equine eyes. The image shifted and gradually spun away. Her horn sparked from strain and she grunted and dripped sweat from using so much magic. “Gah! It's so much harder to do this when our dimensions aren't properly aligned.” Apple Bloom recognized the building, but the windows were boarded up and the front door had been busted down. It lay flat in the grass and wooden splinters swayed on now-useless hinges. She felt apprehensive looking at it. “Twilight, can you look inside?” Apple Bloom asked. “Sure, why not?” Twilight's face turned reddish as she strained herself to move the image. Inside, the rows of desks were covered in a thin layer of dust, but it was disturbed in places. Oddly, the blackboard was missing. A rectangular patch of clean white on the otherwise dirty wall marked its absence. “It looks deserted,” Lyra said. “That can't be a good sign,” Applejack said. “Maybe they're all on summer vacation?” Apple Bloom asked. “And maybe I'm just a goat living in Minotauria and this is all just a wacked-out, crazy, ice-cream dream.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Apple Bloom, even if they did close up the school for the summer, they wouldn't board the windows shut, and they certainly wouldn't bust down the door and remove the chalkboard.” “That's mysterious and all, but can we check one of the malls?” Lyra asked. “I want to see the humans.” Applejack glared at the mint unicorn. “Of course you'd want to—” “Sure. Let me index this place and I'll change scenes. We do want to check on them, after all.” Twilight tightened her lips and rattled the toilet's lid. She made a hmming noise and dabbed the corner of a paper towel into the blue-stained water. The image shimmered and the water rippled as the school scene was sopped up into the towelette, leaving the water plain. While Twilight worked, Lyra twisted around and straightened out the frayed ends of her torn tail. With a little magic, she made it look neat. That didn't last long as she jumped up and swished her tail back and forth across the floor when Twilight jiggled the toilet's handle. Another image focused into view, and they were all treated to a horror scene. Sneezing, shambling, drooling ponies shuffled down the isle between storefronts. Their low, painful moans echoed through the building. Several of them attempted to wear shirts and pants, but the clothing wasn't cut right and looked too-tight in places, baggy in others, and was often dripping with sweat. One poor, pink colt had on a huge black leather jacket. He tripped on the dangling sleeves that completely covered his forelegs and trailed on the floor. His thud just added to the pile of ponies that laid in the hallway, barely moving. They all had red, bloodshot eyes and drooping, sad ears. “What the hay happened here?” Applejack's eyes widened as she took in the pitiful scene. “Why do they all look like zombies?” Apple Bloom asked. There was a worried edge to her voice. She had a sinking feeling that she already knew the answer to that question. Lyra's eyes wandered around the scene. Her frazzled, silky, smooth tail stopped wagging and she raised a rough eyebrow. “Why are we looking at ponies? Where are all the humans?” “That's... They're...” Twilight drew a short breath. Her eyes darted back and forth as she examined each and every one of the pitiful wretches that adorned the scene. Her left eye twitched. “Apple Bloom! They're all sick with pony fever! What have you done!?” It felt like a knife jabbed her in the heart when Twilight's accusation mirrored her suspicions. “I, uh...” The longer she watched the shambling, sad ponies, the more her heart hurt. “Oh no. All the humans, they... They got sick and turned into ponies, and it's all my fault,” Apple Bloom whined. Her ears lost the support of her dwindling confidence, and they timidly drooped down while the little pony shrunk into a whimpering ball. “Uh...” Applejack's mouth hung open. She shook her fuzzy, orange head and composed herself. “Wait, all the humans? Ya mean there aren't any left?” “No humans!” Lyra shrieked. “Whoa, calm down, Lyra.” Twilight winced and nearly lost the image. It shimmered and fizzled with magenta static before she grunted and brought it back into focus. She reached over and pulled the hairy potty's handle. “This is just one mall. Let me check the others. Humans are pretty resourceful. They probably have the outbreak under control.” The blue water gurgled and churned, sloshing around. The image congealed into a white foam before swirling down and slurping away. The bowl gradually refilled, replenishing the blue-tinted fluid. Once the water settled, a new scene gradually came into focus. Twilight's horsey sweat dripped on the floor. Strained muscles in her cheeks developed a tic as her exhaustion caused them to spasm. The mood was solemn as a very similar scene emerged. This next mall had colonial architecture, with white pillars lining the walkway and false steeples adorning the facades of the storefronts. A pair of stone gargoyles watched from atop a bookstore as sneezing, moaning ponies shambled past. The groans and aches of the populace made Apple Bloom wince. All of their suffering was her fault. She was the one who'd started the infection, and now the humans were paying the price. Twilight tried five other malls before she collapsed from straining her magic too hard. All of them were full of plague victims. They didn't see a single human. Applejack left to fetch a glass of water, while Lyra remained very still. She still stood there, with her muzzle dangling over the bowl, long after Twilight had turned off her magic and the image had faded. “So...” Lyra finally turned away and stared at Twilight, whose soft, feathery wings twitched while she lay panting on the floor. “Is that it? Are we going to give up looking for humans?” Twilight sighed. She made a token effort to get off the floor, but her weak knees gave out and she collapsed with her tongue lolling out. “Lyra, I’m way too exhausted to search beyond the landing zones, but from what we’ve seen, the outlook's not good. All of those merchandise centers were meticulously calculated to represent vastly different cultures in vastly different geographic regions. It was hard to see due to the artificial lighting, but it was actually past midnight at that third mall with the wooden façade. That’s why all the ponies there looked torpid—because they were trying to sleep. The fact that all of the malls have been contaminated so quickly leads me to conclude that they failed to contain the outbreak of pony fever. Thus, they’ve all likely succumbed, and I’m going to need this:” With alicornian effort, Twilight forced her herself back up in a swift, sudden motion. She paused and groaned and one of her legs shuddered. Her head hung down while she gasped for breath and struggled to grasp at her elusive inner strength. Clenching her teeth, she jerked her flushed, sweaty head back. Her horn flared and left a streak of hot, magenta sparks as it arced through the tepid air. The wall exploded in a huge cloud of plaster dust and fractured, porcelain tiles. The others scrambled to save their fuzzy rumps as a large bulletin board sailed through the freshly blasted hole. “N-no!” Apple Bloom screeched. Despite the choking grit in the air, she rushed forward and threw her whole body against the wooden frame. Her tiny filly strength was no match for Twilight's immense magical force and she could no more move the bulletin board than she could stand on her head and lift the planet. “Yes!” Apple Bloom's ears and bow wilted and her heart lurched in her body as Twilight stormed up and tore off a two-digit number. In its place, she pinned up a big, fat zero. The bulletin board now read, ‘Days since the last extinction event caused by Apple Bloom: 0.’ “Apple Bloom! Can you not even go one whole moon without wiping an entire species from existence!” Twilight's huggable barrel heaved as she loomed over the wilting filly. “Humans... are extinct?” Lyra stood frozen in shock. “Oh come on, Twilight! The event prior to this one wasn't even my fault! How was Ah supposed to know that yetis were so flammable?” “Why were you even trying to light them on fire in the first place!” The sheer forcefulness of Twilight's voice whipped Apple Bloom's mane and splattered spittle across her face. Twilight slammed a hoof on the ground, cracking it and disturbing the plaster dust that was still trying to settle. Apple Bloom winced and wiped her soiled muzzle. Tears watered her big, glossy eyes. “I'm sorry, Twilight. Ah promise I won't ever do it again.” “Promise!? You promise!? Ackpth!” Twilight waved her forelegs in front of her. Veins bulged out on her neck and soft, fuzzy forehead. She was practically incoherent with ear-twitching little horsey rage. “That's what you said the last time, and the time before that! Of course you can't extinctify them any further—they're already extinct!” “I said I'm sorry!” Apple Bloom crouched down and hid behind her hooves. “What else can Ah do?” “How about not extinctifying things in the first place! When are you going to learn that you can't just eradicate beings from existence and expect to make it all better by saying 'sorry?' Sorry doesn't change the fact that you made pancakes with the last remaining golden goose eggs! Sorry can't undo the damage you caused when you watered the Tree of Harmony with bleach! Aaagh! And I don't even want to know how you managed to drown all those jellyfish!” “But Twilight—” “Don't you dare 'but, Twilight' me—” Twilight suddenly twisted and pointed a hoof at Applejack, who jumped, spilling her glass of water. “Applejack! She's your sister! Do something! Reprimand her!” “Uh, okay...” Applejack's eyes darted around the room. Her ears drooped low and she slunk away from the irate princess. She looked as if she'd rather be anywhere else but where she was at the moment. A broken pipe sticking out of the splintered hole in the wall sprayed a steady gush of water into the air. The stream mixed with the plaster, turning it into a slushy mud. Lyra had collapsed upon the floor and she was gushing water to rival the broken plumbing. By the time Applejack approached her wayward sister, she'd recovered her composure and wore an expression so hard that it could make nails pound themselves. “Apple Bloom, Ah hate to do this, but Twilight's right. Y'all need more of an incentive to be careful in the future. As of right now, yer grounded for one week.” “Grounded! But—” “One week! That's it!?” Twilight swished both forelegs and a wing to point at the potty. “But that was all of humanity! Surely they deserve more than that!” “Uh, okay...” Applejack gulped and fidgeted with her hat. “Apple Bloom, yer grounded for one week, and ya get no supper tonight!” “No supper!? But Applejack, Ah'm hungry,” Apple Bloom whined. She stood up and stared at her sister with big, wide eyes. A tiny frown marred her little pony moth and a small, fuzzy ridge appeared as she sniffled. Applejack's mouth hung open. Her limbs quavered against the onslaught of cuteness. “Uh, okay, you can have supper, but no ice cream! Yer definitely not getting ice cream!” “Aw, okay,” Apple Bloom said. Both ponies tried to ignore the rhythmic thudding as Twilight repeatedly bashed her face against the nearest remaining wall. “Hey! You know what? Maybe Ah am gettin' better already. Ah mean, I extinctified the humans without killing any of them. That's got to count for something, right?” “Hey, that's right!” Lyra pushed herself off the floor and shook herself like a wet dog, flinging the plaster dust off her coat and mane. Apple Bloom coughed when she inhaled part of that dust cloud. “Since the humans aren't dead, we can just get Twilight to turn them back to normal.” Twilight took a deep breath, then coughed and hacked after sucking in too much of the tainted air. She groaned, sniffled, and wiped runy mucus from her nose. “Lyra, that sounds good in theory, but it's still thirty moons until our dimensions align closely enough for visitation to be safe. Once that happens, I'd only have time to transform a few hundred ponies into humans before I'd have to return. Their population numbers in the billions. Plus, they'd just revert back to ponies in the next flu season anyway. All of that ignores the detail that the portal itself would transform me into a human, and I wouldn't be able to use magic anyway. I'm not saying there isn't a way around that, but...” Lyra stepped over to the hole in the wall and stuck her head out to get some fresh air. Well, as fresh as stale city air crusty with body odor, street grime, and the aroma of boiling carrot dog grease was, anyway. “This is all so surreal. Humans have always been a fascination of mine. I only just learned that they're real, and now they're gone forever?” She turned around and clopped over to the toilet. “This is all so sudden, not just for me, but for them too. Even if we can't bring their species back, there has to be something we can do to help.” “Yer right, Lyra. We've been focusing on Apple Bloom, but there's a whole world that needs our help,” Applejack said. “But it's just so vast. what can we do?” Twilight slowly walked over and joined Lyra. She stared at the toilet as if it were a dangerous beast. Applejack and Apple Bloom frowned and avoided looking directly at it. None of them had an answer to that question. What now?