//------------------------------// // The Birthday // Story: A Romantic Story // by JustDing //------------------------------// Celestia's first step to gain Chris trust and love was to ask him what he did like and what not. "Why are you asking me this?" Chris asked as he raised an eyebrow. "I just want to make you feel good." "But I indeed feel good!" "Did you ever celebrated your birthday?" "No, but I never felt forward doing so." Celestia gasped as deeply as she could until she was all round. Not celebrating your own birthday is a crime, with the exception of one night a year where all crime is legal. This is the trick in Equestria. One night a year every single crime you do is legal, you can release your hatred of the world in one night and you don't have to reckon with the justice. "That will be changed immediately! I will give you the best birthday party you ever had... and also a personal surprise." Chris began to smile. "Are you giving me a PS4?" "What? Hell no! I will make it out with you after the party, even if you don't like it!" Before Chris could even respond to her great idea, he had been headbutted... ... ... pancakes.... ... ... He woke up in a dark place. The only light came from a sword which was stuck in a stone. It's handle was blue and the stone read "The Master Sword." He pulled it out with minor effort. Words were written on its blade and he began to read them... "Beings of darkness be banished..." he stopped reading the first phrase, it was way too rusted, but he could read the second phrase clearly... "Made in china... I thought it was made in Equestria!! Fucking globalization!" Suddenly, the dark surroundings changed to a large colisuem. Hundreds of ponies were cheering, the princesses were sitting in heightened thrones at the far end of the colisuem... and he was right in the middle of it. Luna's voice boomed through the colisuem "WELCOME TO CELESTIAS ANNUAL ARENA, WHERE ALL OF EQUESTRIAS BRAVEST WARRIORS ARE FIGHTING TO DEATH!!!" "That's exactly my cup of tea..." Chris smirked, but then he noticed his only weapon was the rusty sword "But how is this supposed to help me?" "BOTH MAGICAL AND RANGED WEAPONS ARE ALLOWED. SO, BRAVE WARRIOR, PREPARE TO FIGHT!" A music started to play, and a gate at the other end of the arena opened. A centaur stepped out of the darkness which he never saw before. At first glance, this centaur looked like a regular one, but a closer look would reveal it's robotish and cold appearance. It's face was human like but unmoving. It's eyes were crimson and a large razor sharp horn protruded from it's forehead. It wore an helmet, revealing it's red eyes and a little bit from it's face. It's body was covered in thick silverish armor plates. It carried a enormous katana in one hand and a large shield in it's other hand. And it's tail was consisting of rusty chains instead of hair. The centaur reared up on it's hindlegs and swung his katana, caused it to sing through the air. The chance to win was one to a billion for Chris. So yes, he was screwed. "I wish I had the Thanator .50 cal..." "FIRST ROUND. CHRIS VERSUS DEN!" "Woah, woah... stop big guy." Chris said to the centaur, who paused his roaring. "You think you're smart, but I bet you don't know the third binominal formel." "A plus B in brackets multiplied by A minus B in brackets equals A square minus B square." the centaur said lazily in it's robotish voice. "Well, shit..." The centaur roared again and charged at Chris, who could do nothing but dodging the attack and running a great distance away from the centaur. The centaur roared in frustration and reared up on his hindlegs, to charge again at the little human... But then, a idea popped up in Chris mind. He tensed his muscles in his arms and threw the rusty sword at the centaur. The rusty sword pierced itself through the centaurs skull and he died due of blood poisoning. All ponies stared in awe, then they cheered loudly. "Phew, that was easy." Chris shrugged and looked up to the princesses. "FIRST ROUND WON: CHRIS HIGGOT!!! NOW PREPARE FOR THE SECOND ROUND!!!" Christ thought "Well, if the first one was easy, then what it is with the second?" and he turned to the already opening gate as he cracked his knuckles. All ponies fell silent abruptly. At first, nothing happened in the darkness and no sound was heard. Chris snickered, maybe they forgot to put a monster there. Or the monster got scared and Chris was about to walk through the gate, to grab the monster's ear and pull him to the battlefield. But then suddenly, he spotted the glowing green pair of eyes. Chris smugful face fell like water. This was not anything like the centaur. This monster was the hunter of his dreams. This monster has brought him nightmares since the first contact. This is the monster who was scared of absolutely nothing and was master of blending in to anything and anywhere. This monster has scared the shit out of anyone. This monster has redefined the meaning of law enforcement. Chris cried like a little girl and turned tail as a Cloaker ran out of the darkness and emitted his feared yodelling. "I've got your safehouse right fucking here!" the Cloaker shouted as he swung his nightstick in the air and chased after Chris who proceeded to run away in circles. "WHAT THE FUCK, CELESTIA?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!?" Chris cried as he passed the thrones of the royal sisters, who were currently eating a bag of popcorn. Chris was quick on his feets, but the Cloaker jogged behind him with minor effort. It was just a matter of time until Chris got tired... After a bit more chasing, the Cloaker kicked Chris down and began to nightstick-ing and kick him to a pulp, like always. The poor human cried in agony as the law in-person taunted him. "Alright, the safeword is 'police brutality'!" "Ah, the fights are never losing their suspence, are they?" Princess Luna said, just as she sipped from her two litre tub, filled with diet coke. "Every fight fills me with joy. Look at them!" her sister answered, mouth full of popcorn, then she cheered "Yes. Kick him between his legs!" "I have enough!" Chris shouted frustrated as he went back to the castle. "I've never celebrated my birthdays, but this was my worst birthday ever!" "I'm sorry I destroyed your first birthday... I just want to make you feel good!" "I DO FEEL GOOD! I HAVE SAID IT BEFORE!" "... your voice lies to me." she said simply and gave him the 'I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed'-look. Chris wanted to shoot her into one of her legs with a Interceptor .45 but since he didn't have his weapons, he calmed himself and turned to her. "What do you want?" Celestia looked sheepishly to the side and pawed with a hoof at the ground. "I, well, want to have a fun night." A squirrel came by and she crushed the animal under her pawing hoof unpurposely. "I think I know the perfect way to have a fun night." Chris said smiling after a few moments of thinking. Celestia smiled even more sheepishly and her eyes crossed for a brief moment. "Finally!" she thought as she followed Chris to his bedchamber... The fire in the chimney was cracking quietly, spending its warmth to the room. Chris clothes were on the floor as well as Princess Celestia's regalia. Without her regalia, she is just Celestia, a mare with hopes and wishes and needs. All that pieces of cloth were following the path from the chimney to the queen sized bed of that room... A moan was heard and something shifted in Chris bed. The springs in the mattress gave a few distinct sounds. And someone snorted. The snort came from a female alicorn... Chris stuck his hand into a hole, clenched his hand to a fist and brought out a piece of it's contents. With that, he ate that stuff... It was sweet and very tasty. And here's the conclusion, you dirty minds.... Chris sat in the bed, watching his favourite talkshow while eating a bucket of popcorn. A very disappointed Celestia sat right next to him, left forehoof on her chin and she looked like she was about to cry. But Chris didn't mind her as he chewed. "There are not enough talk shows in this world!" Celestia sighed intently. "I think there is not enough love in this world..." The talkshow was about the new FPS videogames in Equestria. Are they dangerous to the youth of today? Celestia's eyes shrinked in shame as she spotted her son Cosmos in the show as he talked about what the new videogames are about. His name appeared on the screen but rewritten to "Violent gamer", as well as the subtitle "AK47 is better than M4A1". He began to speak... "Sup. I beat four grown minotaurs in tha face, yea bro. Then ah found a double barreled shotgun and ah didn't stop shooting their fucking corpses... until the wall were smeared fully in a bloody carpet..." he said in his ghetto accent. The audience gasped deeply and began to murmur. "And I believe humans were also there..." he muttered thoughtfully. Somepony whispered something to him, unseen by the camera. He raised his eyebrows, then he brought out his smartphone. "Oh, we were talking about videogames? No, I've got Tetris on phone, let me show you..." With that, he rose from his seat and out of the camera's view. Then the moderator appeared in front of the camera. "You see, the effects of videogames are horrible to the honorable youth, who are paying my rent later." The scene changed and Lee appeared on the screen. He played also some sort of a violent videogame, namely Manhunt, or to be specifically, the equestrian equivalent Ponyhunt. His name was changed to "Gunman" and the subtitle was "Piss off or I'm gonna shoot your wife." He turned to the camera. "Violence? I can't see violence at all when I play. There is so much blood on the screen, to the point you can't see anything." Chris laughed like mad and threw his bucket of popcorn across the room. At the same time, Luna and her human entered the room and the bucket landed on her head. She got scared and walked backwards while she tried to pry off the bucket with her hooves. "HAAALP!!! WHO TURNED OFF THE SUN?! I DON'T WANT ETERNAL NIGHT!" she screamed in fear. Steven used this opportunity to run away. "Freedom! Here comes Stevie!" He made a run to a window, only to realize it was already open. He closed it, made another run and launched himself through the glass. He fell at least one thousand metres, then he splattered on the ground somewhere in the Everfree Forest. Even immortality has its limits. The talkshow then changed to the topic "Ponies with socks". A yellow pegasus mare with flowing pinkish mane stood in front of the camera. Her name was Fluttershy and the subtitle was "I feel [...] scandal". A blue stallion asked her "Photos of you with socks are flying through the internet, people are fapping and ponies are clopping and you feel discriminated." Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. "Eh... what?" The scene then cutted to a slideshow consisting of known mares wearing socks, even a photo of Chrysalis was included, then a off-voice spoke "Many mares are thinking this way similar like her. This topic has been treated more carefully in Griffonia." A male griffon appeared on the screen and discussing loudly that his land is called "Griffon Empire" and not "Griffonia". He was named as Schwerdtel, he was a very important politician and his subtitle was "State threatening and violent". A unseen pony hushed him and he stopped his ranting. He cleared his throat and held up a picture of Princess Celestia. "Alicorns are a threat to our states and violent!" A pony hushed him again and incoherent whispering was heard. The griffon then cleared his throat again and held up a picture of Fluttershy wearing socks and in his other claw Ponyhunt 2. "Videogames and mares with socks are a threat to our states and violent!" The off-voice then began to speak again. "We at the government met the final decision to shoot everypony and everyone on the open street even at the first hunch of playing violent videogames or clopping to mares with socks." With that, the show ended and the credits rolled through the screen. Chris yawned and switched off the television. He then wore off his shirt and pants and went back to bed. Realizing that Celestia went into a offensive pose and looked with bedroom eyes at him, he yawned again and said "Get off my bed, I'm tired and I need my beauty sleep..." This words struck through her already hurt heart like a blade. She did everything she could think off to win his heart. And now she was rewarded with a simple "Get away from me." Her eyes shrinked to the size of pinkpricks, her mane lost his sparkling appearance and a psychophatic smile appeared on her face. "Hello Celestia, are you deaf as shit or what?!" Chris said and waved a hand in front of her face. He even pinched her eye but nothing happend. But suddenly a golden glow enveloped him and he was thrown on the bed. Then Celestia all but rolled on top of his form... "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! HEEEEEELP!" Forceful sex then happened. None of them noticed the glowing green pair of night vision goggles outside the window. They were observed since they made their way into the bedroom. But when Celestia forced herself on him, they were not there anymore... Instead, some Night Guards decided to set up a camera and recorded what happened inside this room. The video can be found here.