"And when you think you've seen it all..."
After being roused to the state of not fainting, I was introduced to the various assembled ponies, which I will go over for the sake of no-one. You're reading this, you know who they are.
There were seven of them in all. Applejack, the orange apple farmer with the admittedly pretty cool Stetson. I couldn't resist a snigger at the whole apple thing, which earned me a glare from the hatted mare. Hey, I can rhyme!
There was Rainbow Dash, the pegasus with six colours in her hair. I felt tempted to break into a McFly song, but I didn't think I'd enjoy being murdered by a multicoloured horse for crappy singing. One strange thing I noticed about her, she never stopped flying, which made me wonder how she managed to do so without running out of energy or her wings cramping up. Either she drinks a lot of energy drinks, or she's a crackhead. I didn't know which was more likely.
Next! Fluttershy, a meek yellow thing with a pink mane and tail, not to mention her feathered wings, much like Rainbow Pride on her right. She was the nicest of the group, I felt, and the only one I'm not making a joke out of. Sorry. I refuse to mock my first actual friend there. Absolutely adorable and the kindest one there.
Up next was Pinkie Pie, and the first pony to touch me, by giving me a massive hug. Now, I won't lie, I've never been a fan of hugs, but she was pretty cool, if very hyper. Forget Relentless Dash up there, this one here is the cocaine sniffer. Oh, and the pink. Think, say, Barbie, multiplied by about 50. It's fine in moderation, but that pony made me want to make sure my balls were still there in case I was emasculating myself just by looking at her. Ugh.
Ah, now here's the interesting one. Princess Twilight Sparkle. Now that I had to laugh about, but afterwards I had to explain that the words 'Twilight' and 'Sparkle' were linked via a certain book series. I left the reputation of said books up for debate, though she seemed pleased as punch when I mentioned this. Maybe she liked books.
And then there was Rarity. Rarity. Oh, that mare and I did not hit it off well at all. She was just a bitch, through and through! "Will you be staying long?" Oh, her snide voice and I would never get along, I knew that at once.
Then again, she did make me new clothes for free. So she's probably nice. I wouldn't know. But that comes later in this story, so for now at least, she's a bitch. Cool? Cool. Cool cool!
And finally, Lyra Heartstrings, a mint-green unicorn mare that reminded me of someone from a book... No, wait, that's Lyra Belacqua. Balls.
She seemed cool at the time, but looked a little... disappointed, I'd say. She refused to explain it when I asked, so I was forced to drop it. I believe the question bounced down the corridor and hit a guard in the nose, because he sneezed not soon after. Huh.
Heh, I love His Dark Materials.
"So, what about you?" I glanced down at Twilight, who was addressing me.
"What about me?"
"Please, tell us about yourself," the princess requested. "We're curious as to who... and what... you are." I thought for a little while before mentally shrugging my shoulders and deciding to give them what they asked for.
"Well, not much to tell. My name's Gabriel Anderson, I was born and raised in England. I'm 17 years old, I'm a guy, uh..." I shrug a little. "You'd probably be better off asking me questions to answer, I'm not great at talking."
"Well... Let's start with your species," began the princess, retrieving a notebook from who knows where. "What species are you, how many are there of you where you're from, where are you from, is it anything like here..." She would have continued, if it wasn't for the flying Gay Pride Parade interrupting her.
"And is it as awesome as here!?"
I raised an eyebrow quietly. "Well. I am a human-" I was cut off by a snort from Lyra SilvertNOPE. Wrong one again. Harpstrings. Heartstrings. Goddamn, learning her name was difficult. "Is everything okay, Lyra?" I enquired, eyebrows raised.
The mare didn't have the decency to reply. The nerve! Well, since she was giving me the silent treatment, I turned back to Twilight and began again, thankfully uninterrupted. "I'm a human, I think there's about... 7 billion on Earth, our planet. As for anything like here..." I looked around the dungeon we hadn't left yet. "I don't have a damn clue. Unless this is your whole planet-"
"It isn't," muttered Dash.
"Then I dunno, I'd have to get to learn about this place before anything else."
Twilight finished taking notes and the notebook vanished into thin air. Ignoring the minor break in physics (and compared to how I got here, that's easy enough to ignore), I walked out of the cell. "So, what now?"
"You should follow us, we'll take you to the princesses," began the princess. Noticing my raised eyebrows, she continued. "I may be a princess, but I'm not in power. The other princesses, however, are." With that, she walked off, followed by every other pony. Everypony? Is, is that how it was said? Yeah, it was. Anyway, I followed them quietly, with two guard ponies bringing up the rear. Noticing their spears and the way they pointed like knives... or, rather, spears, I was in no mood to mess with them.
After about a minute of walking, we reached some stairs, leading up into a much nicer area. Bright white pillars replaced brick walls, archways replaced heavy metal doors, light replaced darkness and other imageries happened. This lead to the interesting discovery that my headache was not gone yet at all, so I clutched my head and cursed the rest of the way to the throne room.
Well as it turns out, the princesses were busy with some sort of court, so I was redirected into a guest bedroom to get settled in until they stopped dealing with ambassadors and dealt with the alien just down the hallway. As soon as some other guards had shut the door, I hurtled into the bathroom for a well-deserved piss. After that was dealt with, I went to wash my hands. Then stopped. Then looked at my hands. They were very brown, browner than I, as a Caucasian, was used to. Then I saw that it was fur. Thoroughly creeped out by now, I stared into a mirror.
Staring back at me was a crazy amalgamation of horse and human. My face was almost entirely equine in appearance, even having brown fur. I had a somewhat masculine, angular jawline. The short, auburn hair, or should I say mane, on my head parted around a pair of very horse-like ears that grew up from my head. Looking down at my body, I had a relatively slim figure with a decent amount of visible muscle, and a crazy amount of visible fur. My shirt hung in tatters around my shoulders, and my trousers were ripped where some crazy muscle growth had happened on my legs. I was thankful that what was important was covered, though. I had narrow thighs, and a long, brown horsetail hung from just above my ass, having ripped a hole through my chinos just to get shown. Two human-like legs grew down from beneath my waist, ending in human-like feet.
Fuck, I liked those chinos.
Also, where the hell were my shoes?
I stared at myself for some time, then turned to the toilet and threw up, before passing out again.
Hey, hold on. Can horses even throw up?