THE DERPY REPORT
Part 5. Rainbow Dash
As Rainbow Dash flew towards the town square to visit the market, she saw her shy friend's quaint cottage by the edge of the Everfree Forest. She shifted her weight and banked to the left, gliding towards the cottage with no real motivation except to maybe say hi. But when she got close, she heard a familiar, piercing voice. A voice she associated with sudden bursts of lighting and with crashing through the floor of decrepit buildings.
Rainbow Dash felt a chill running trough her spine as she looked down to the source of the voice. There was no mistaking it anymore. It was Derpy.
Rainbow Dash landed and crouched, diminishing the chances of Derpy spotting her. ‘What's she doing here?' she thought. In spite of herself, she inched closer, but made sure her view was protected by a large bush. ‘I know how this works, somehow I will end up hurt because of her’.
Rainbow Dash quickly regretted her impulse to hide in the bushes. Derpy didn't seem to be leaving anytime soon, and if she got up now, Derpy would probably notice her, putting Rainbow in a very awkward, not to mention dangerous, situation. So she had no choice but to lurk around waiting for the gray mare to disappear.
Two ponies made their way past the whole, strange scene. Luckily, they didn't notice Rainbow Dash, or else she'd have a really hard time explaining what she was doing spying on a young filly from a bush.
“Hey look, Fluttershy has a visitor,” one of them remarked, pointing at Derpy. “I didn't know she actually had friends.”
“Haven't you seen the kind of ponies she hangs out with? They're all strange.” The two ponies went on to say things about Fluttershy and her friends, something that made Rainbow Dash want to get up and kick them.
‘How dare they call us strange!’ she thought, but calmed down somewhat. She realized that what she was doing right now wasn’t exactly within the parameters of normal behavior. Finally, Derpy got tired of tired of waiting and trotted off. Rainbow Dash shot up from the bush like rainbow-colored lighting and continued her delayed trip towards Ponyville’s marketplace.
Rainbow Dash made her way trough the row of vendors, looking for lettuce for Tank. It was a calm day and the vendors seemed grateful that at least somepony had gone outside to buy something.
She was casually looking around, but then saw something that made her freeze in her tracks. Derpy was there, looking at a collection of silver bracelets. ‘She's here now?’ Rainbow Dash thought. ‘Well, Greenhooves has lettuce as well...’
It took her longer than it should have to get to Greenhooves’s, because she kept looking over her shoulder. When she finally arrived, she found Derpy again, talking to mr Greenhooves.
‘What?! Derpy is here too? But I just saw her in town! What are the chances of that happening? Come think of it, you DO see Derpy around quite a bit. It doesn't seem to matter where I am or what I do, somehow I always end up staring into those crazy yellow eyes...’ Rainbow Dash shuddered.
Rainbow felt a dash of paranoia growing inside her and she needed somepony to help her quell this irrational thought process. She grabbed the first pony she could find, which happened to be Big Macintosh.
“I'm so glad I found you, you're a good listener.”
“Eeyup.”
“Do you believe in curses, bad ju-ju, that sort of thing?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Nope.”
“I know its silly, but as an athlete, you tend to get a bit superstitious, y'know? Like Applejack and her horse-shoe thing. I mean, if horse-shoes really were lucky, nopony would ever trip!”
“ Eeyup.” The conversation was going well so far, and Rainbow Dash dared to get to her point.
“Well, I seem to have gotten it in my head that Derpy's bad luck for me. I mean, whenever she's near, something bad always happens! I'm not crazy, am I?”
“Nope.” Big Macintosh raised an eyebrow, but otherwise remained stoic. Rainbow Dash laughed nervously.
“But you know, it’s funny. Lately I've been seeing her everywhere, she can't really be out to get me, can she?” Macintosh fell silent. He remembered his conversation with Derpy. Rainbow Dash reacted to his hesitation.
“Is she out to get me?” she asked with wide eyes.
“Eeyup.”
‘So Derpy is out to get me? That can't be true, can it? I mean, I am kinda famous, I guess she could be a fan.’
She paused. That couldn't be the case, since Derpy hadn't been following Rainbow Dash in any way. She just happened to appear wherever she went, like she knew Rainbow would be there.
‘No, I’m thinking crazy thoughts,’ Rainbow Dash thought to herself. ‘I should talk to Twilight, she's Ponyville’s biggest skeptic and she could tell me how crazy I’m being right now. She'll have facts and arguments and stuff and when she's done talking, it will all make sense’.
Rainbow Dash flew to Ponyville’s library as quickly as she could, but nearly paused in mid-air when she saw the dreaded gray pegasus on the ground. Without thinking, she dropped down into a large bush next to the building.
Derpy and Spike were talking about something, but Rainbow Dash didn't pay attention, she was too busy rolling herself into a shuddering ball of fear. Her rustling apparently alerted Spike, because he went up to the bush and parted the branches.
The expression of confusion on Spike’s face could've been called cartoonishly exaggerated if it wasn’t completely earnest.
“What are you doing here?” he asked the cowering pony.
“The Derp...” she whispered with a broken voice. “It's coming for me, THE DERP!”
This was the second time today Spike had to make tea. Twilight offered a cup to Rainbow Dash, who still had a haunted look in her eyes.
“Let me get this straight,” Twilight said. “You think Derpy is some sort of supernatural creature sent out to curse you with bad luck? That's silly! You've spent too much time reading Daring Do again, haven't you?”
“I guess so,” Rainbow Dash said feebly. “But why is she always there wherever I go?”
“It's a small town, and Derpy is a distinctive-looking pony. I heard some ponies have made a game out of trying to spot her whenever there's some sort of public event going on. And it's true that Derpy is somewhat... clumsy,” she continued, relieved that her friend seemed to be calming down.
“But, no offense, you're not exactly a ballerina yourself. Accidents happen, with or without Derpy. But our brains are designed to look for patterns, and you seem to have latched onto the presence of Derpy.”
Twilight smiled reassuringly. “You're just a victim of confirmation bias.” she concluded. Rainbow Dash looked down into the teacup with a contemplative look.
“What do you think I should do?” she asked.
“Talk to her,” Twilight suggested. “She's going around interviewing ponies anyway and would probably love a chance to chat with Ponyville's star athlete.” She nudged Rainbow Dash.
“You'll find that she's a perfectly nice, if slightly eccentric, young pony. Who knows, you two might even become friends.”
“That’s a good idea!” Rainbow Dash remarked. “I should do that. Thanks Twilight! And if I see that Mr. Confirmation Bias-guy, I'm gonna kick him in the guts!”
Twilight shook her head as Rainbow Dash flew out of the library.
She found Derpy in a melancholy field at the edge of the Everfree forest, The gray mare was watching a whisp of mist curl out from the forest and across the grass. Angel still on her head, and watched the scene with an indecipherable look. Rainbow Dash flew up to her nervously and sat down beside her.
At first, it wasn’t even obvious that Derpy had noticed her, it wasn’t until after a long uncomfortable silence that Derpy glanced towards her and Rainbow Dash dared to speak.
“Uhm hi?” she said.
“Hi...”
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” Derpy replied. She looked towards Rainbow Dash with her big, round eyes pointing in different directions.
“You guys are really good friends, right?” Derpy said. “I mean you Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Fluttershy?”
“Yes, I suppose we are,” Rainbow Dash agreed.
“But how does that work? You're all so different!”
“Well... it doesn’t,” Rainbow Dash said bluntly. “We fight all the time... You should see us!”
“I thought you were friends!” Derpy said and gave her a confused stare.
“We are. But friends don't always get along, some of my friends drive me crazy. But we've had a lot of experiences together and we know we can trust each other. That's what matters! What's this about, Derpy?”
“I don't always feel like I'm getting along well with other ponies,” Derpy explained and her eyes grew shinier. “Tell me, am I just strange?”
Rainbow Dash laughed a bit to herself and she put a comforting hoof on Derpy’s shoulder.
“No, you're alright,” she replied. Once again Derpy’s eyes were drawn towards the edge of the Evergreen Forest and Rainbow Dash joined in. They both watched the clouds nearby move around strangely, even tough nopony was manipulating them.