//------------------------------//
// When You Want a Library, You Get a Castle Instead 
// Story: Trust in a Wild Goose Chase 
// by Fairyhaven13 
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	The two equines looked at each other for a moment, taking in the other's reactions in the dim lighting.

Finally, the smaller one replied to the larger one. "Who are you and what do you want with me?"

The larger one sighed and rolled his eyes. "And here I thought you were the intelligent one. Perhaps I should have taken Flim instead. I just told you: I am the Mordant Phooka, and you're here for as long as it takes for your brother to find you. In other words, until he finds the items I requested. You do recall that I gave him a list of items? Do you recall anything from last night besides being abducted? Ponies have such short attention spans, it just kills me sometimes..." The dark creature shook his head in disappointment, as if he was commenting on a foal's poor grade in school as oppose to abducting somepony and threatening their life.

Flam just stared at the phooka for a moment. He couldn't decide whether to be disgusted or horrified by the creature's attitude. If it was this nonchalant about threatening his life, how careless would he be about taking it?

It took him some effort to think of something to say in response. What could one say to something like that? Usually the FlimFlam brothers had an answer for everything, but they never prepared anything to say to a kidnapper, for obvious reasons. Was he supposed to ask a question now? He had no idea how long he would be here- and was "here" supposed to be just this cave, or a larger area that included the cave? It would be best to get some answers. But, he had so many questions. What should he ask first, and what could he ask that had the least risk of getting him hurt? Or Flim hurt? Flim was still out there, after all...

The stallion took a deep breath, trying to form his words carefully. "What... exactly... could be so... important... that you have to kidnap me in order to make my brother find it for you? And why did you have to hurt us to do it? Couldn't you have gotten it another way without ripping me away from Flim and threatening to break my neck?" He bit his lip, both hoping that he didn't go too far, and wanting so badly to stand up and shout everything he was feeling right then. He was this close to letting loose and calling the beast a pile of Changeling dung.

To his surprise, instead of getting angry at the very pointed questions, the phooka laughed.

Perhaps Flam shouldn't have been so surprised. His captor did seem to laugh a lot.

That awful high-pitched whinnying reverberated throughout the cavern, echoing back on itself eerily and making it sound like whatever the phooka had to say next was going to be horrible, if a whole insane choir had to laugh about it with him. "Oh, Flam, the items have nothing to do with it! They're all part of the test! Him finding them is the important part. That's why I chose you two, after all."

Flam blinked at him, stupefied by the seemingly nonsensical response. "What-"

"That is for me to know and you to work your greedy little mind to find out during your stay here." The fangs glittered again when the beast let out another chuckle at his own ludicrous joke. "I do so enjoy watching ponies think. The brain is a wonderful thing that simply isn't used enough. I am frankly quite excited to see you using yours." He turned and began to back out of the room, melting into the shadows beyond the glow of the tree and the pond. "Enjoy the puzzle, Flam Skim. The game's ahoof!"

The phooka must have been made up of blackness- an entity of shadows. Flam was certain of it. Because, when the creature vanished into the darkness on the edge of the cave, Flam could see no door he could have used to exit, no seam or crack in the absence of light.

There was no way out.





Two ponies trotted silently down the road.

The air of tension was so thick between them, it could have been cut with a dull apple-butter knife.

Applejack kept her head down, grinding her teeth and focusing all her efforts on just walking. Just walking, and not turning around to bite off the head of the stallion behind her. 

Her neck fairly twitched when she heard him take a breath of air.

"So there are no more books in the library."

"No." Don't bite his head off, don't bite his head off...

"...Because the library blew up in the Tirek incident a month ago."

Her teeth were gritting so hard she thought they would shatter. "Yes."

"So, why, pray tell, are we still going there?"

Applejack let out  along-suffering sigh. She would be patient. She would be patient. She would not bite his head off, no matter how many times he had asked this and she had repeatedly explained the answer. No matter how many times. She. Would. Be. Patient.

Forcing a smile on her face that looked more like a grimace, she turned her head to look at him while he answered. Maybe he would understand if she was looking him in the eye. "Like I said when you asked before, and the time before that, and the time before that-" Flim flinched when Applejack nearly spit on the word "that"- "Just because Twilight don't have anymore books don't mean she don't know a whole lot about books in general." Flim was also flinching whenever she said "don't." At this point, Applejack was exaggerating her accent just to annoy him.

Flim shuddered a little, then forced his own grin. "Be that as it may, I seriously doubt that your Princess Twilight will remember the precise grammar usage in a series of books that she doesn't have on hoof anymore." He said the word "Princess" almost mockingly. Honestly, he didn't know how somepony who was such good friends with the simpleton he was being forced to work with could be smart enough to be a librarian, let alone royalty. "Unless she read the series more than I did as a colt, which was every day, she cannot possibly have that accurate a memory span. A plot point I can see remembering, or even the way a character's name is spelled, but a choice placing of grammar?"

Applejack's smile narrowed into a flat look. "You'd be surprised."

She turned and kept walking towards town. Flim huffed and trotted after her. "That's all you say, is that I'll be surprised! This is ridiculous!" He pulled up beside her and continued to complain. "How am I supposed to find Flam if I'm relying on a random pony's memory for something this obscure? We should be heading straight to the nearest down to find the book in their library!"

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. You will not bite his head off. That ain't something an Element of Harmony would do. You ain't biting his head off, hear me, Me?! "If you want my help, we're doing this my way. Maybe you don't trust Twilight, but I do, and she's an expert in this stuff. If anypony can remember a random grammar preference, it'd be her."

Flim snorted. "Really, why are we still going there?" He visibly jumped when Applejack spun around, mouth wide open in some feral yell of frustration, before snapping her mouth shut and continuing on. "What was that?! Were you about to bite me?!" The mare only growled in response. "You were about to bite me! What kind of a savage are you?! How did you even become an Element of Harmony with an attitude like that?" Again, he only received a growl. "What, now I'm getting the silent treatment? Well, you'd be surprised to find that I am an expert in the silent treatment! Some of my best apple-product sales came when I refused to tell a pony what I was selling until they were ready to burst! Just see how effective it is on me!" With that, he snapped his own muzzle shut, and walked silently behind Applejack, smirking haughtily to himself.

The mare sighed in relief. Thank Celestia he shut up... She was sincerely worried what she would do if Flim spoke up again to deliver another idiotic, scathing passage of his own hoof into his mouth. Funny, this was the first time she'd ever been this close to biting somepony's head off. She'd been pretty tempted several times while taking care of Apple Bloom and the CMC trio, but never this close. 

Well, this was Flim she was talking about doing it to. That was a little more understandable, she supposed.

After all this was over, Applejack was going to petition Mayor Mare and Twilight to give her a medal of Saintdom or something.





This, at least, was something that Flim prepared himself for in advance.

The FlimFlam brothers prided themselves on being prepared, and living off their wiles. Yet, it seemed like every time Flim turned around today, there was something else he hadn't been ready for to hoof him in the face.

This, though?

He would have to be both blind and dumb not to foresee that everypony in town would be staring at him when he walked in with Applejack. He had skimped them before, after all.

...Although, despite what Applejack might have insisted, he and his brother had only skimped them once. They would have received perfectly delicious cider the first time, had the Apple Family simply cooperated and not forced the Skim brothers to rush through the competition. It was a perfectly reasonable deal, too, and both sides would have benefited from an alliance, though admittedly Flim and Flam would have benefited about three times more than the Apples in profits... but that was besides the point!

Back to the present situation, though. Flim had expected the townsfolk in Ponyville to stare when he walked in. And stare they did. Most ponies stopped what they were doing to take a look at what the cat dragged in. Market clerks, customers, ponies out on errands, or ponies out enjoying a stroll- they all goggled at the well-known conpony trotting in like he owned the place. 

He wasn't surprised by the glares, or the whispering, or the occasional shout. That was all to be expected from a town the FlimFlam brothers had hit before. That was why they usually avoided hitting the same town twice. Although Ponyville was an exception, partially because they were exceptionally gullible, and partially because the brothers wanted to get back at Applejack for running them out of town the first time. When they ran, it was because they'd gotten the money they wanted and got out while the getting was good. It wasn't usually because somepony foiled their idea. Even then, they were foiled in a clever scheme with clever snooping; they were never foiled in a greedy (but legitimate) business transaction just by somepony having a lot of friends to help them out. It was embarrassing. Hence why Flim and Flam's second visit to Ponyville was that much more clever.

Maybe it was the gullibility of the townsfolk. Maybe it was because they were so used to unusual sights and, reportedly, "bad ponies" wandering into town and turning good. Based on newspapers, that seemed to happen frequently around here.

But... while Flim had expected the hostility, he hadn't expected the lack thereof.

Quite honestly, he'd expected an angry mob to come after him. Whether or not Applejack would have assisted him in running to safety, or left him to the mob, was up to debate. He hadn't mentioned this problem earlier for fear of what the mare's response would have been.

However, while the stallion in question was getting quite a lot of stares, glares, and swears, as it were.... nopony was acting against him beyond that. In fact, more than animosity, most of the stares pointed at him were starkly curious. Just curious. Ponies wanted to know why he was there. That was all.

If animosity was all Flim would have had to worry about, that would have been fine. He could have handled that. A dignified salespony like him would have cantered through town, head held high, ignoring what all the other ponies thought of him. That, or run off the premises and away from angry hooves faster than the mob could cry, "Get him!" He and his brother were quite experienced with both actions.

This, though... this made him uncomfortable. The ponies weren't acting as expected. And, when something didn't go as expected, it threw him out of his element. It was so much harder to be dignified, cool, and suave, when you had no idea what was going on. And Flim had no idea what these ponies were thinking. How could he tell, when they were just staring at him blankly like this? He found himself in the rare situation where he was grateful to the angry ponies for glaring. At least he knew what was going on in their heads. At least he could prepare for that. What were these curious ponies planning?

Flim was so busy looking from side to side that he wasn't paying attention to what was in front of him. He figured all he had to do was keep tabs on the retreating orange figure ahead, and he'd be going the right direction. 

When he at last turned his head forward, he had to gape. "Oh..."

The mare in front paused and tossed a smoldering look behind her. She must not like all the staring. The mare had to grow a spine.

That observation was just in the back of Flim's head, though. At the forefront was the image of the hulking purple thing towering into the sky. "You weren't kidding when you said it was a giant castle..."

Applejack actually smirked, to Flim's chagrin. He hated that she knew something before he did, even if she did live here. "Nope. I'm honest, remember? Not that you're used to a quality like that." She was still jabbing. Flim didn't really care, he was used to thinking that everypony else's opinion of him was ignorant, but he did hope she would calm down soon. Finding Flam would only be harder if she was arguing the whole time. 

Still, he had to admit, the building before him was impressive.

It looked like a colossus indigo oak tree made entirely out of blue and purple crystal, the size of a small mountain. The branches at the top of the tree, instead of holding leaves, balanced an ornate purple palace with golden towers and balconies. There were rainbow-glittering baubles hanging off each branch, and diamond shapes growing out of the "bark" that made it shimmer all the more. At the very top of the mauve palace, there was an enormous ten-armed indigo crystal star, like the topper on a Hearth's Warming tree.

It was beautiful. It was a work of art. It didn't fit the rest of this Podunk down at all.

"A little hillbilly town like us has to have somethin' to be proud of, don't we?" came the voice right next to Flim's ear. The stallion jumped nearly a foot in the air. Blast it all, why couldn't he be more composed about other ponies talking near him today? Well, he knew why, but why?

Applejack was giving him a knowing grin, which caused him to give her a scowl in return. 

"It's... alright," he answered slowly. "Nice stonework, but it doesn't match the decor of anything else around here. I may have a word with the architect."

He was gratified when the orange mare's grin sank, and she huffed. "Well, you're about to..." she grumbled. Flim couldn't help but chuckle when she continued walking to the tree palace. It was just too easy to get under Applejack's skin.

The entrance to the palace was at the edge of town. It consisted of a large pair of double doors, gilded in gold and decorated with heart designs, surrounded by two stylized lavender stained-glass windows, and at the top of a series of shiny golden steps. It was up these steps that the two ponies found themselves poised and waiting for entrance. It looked to Flim like it should be some sort of grand affair, but Applejack just rung the doorbell and acted like she was merely dropping in on a friend. 

Well... technically, she was, but still. This was a palace. Shouldn't there be some sort of ceremony?

Flim looked up and down the castle walls, then scanned over the yard around them. After five minutes had passed, he frowned at Applejack in confusion. "Where are all the servants, and why are they taking so long to answer the door?"

"Servants?" Applejack rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Twilight doesn't need any pomp or flair to take care of her house. She don't have any servants. The reason it's taking so long's probably because she was up in her bedroom and has to go down all those stairs to get here."

"No servants? None at all?" Flim blinked in surprise. "She maintains this entire palace by herself? Why wouldn't Princess Celestia give her some servants to help her with that? And why would she walk all the way down those stairs when she could just jump out a window and fly down?"

Applejack tapped a hoof impatiently. C'mon, Twi, get down here before I'm tempted to buck this pony I'm stuck with! "It's not that Princess Celestia didn't offer servants. Twilight jus' didn't want them! It's too pretentious! 'Sides, with her alicorn magic, it doesn't take a lick of effort to clean the place up. And the reason she doesn't fly down is on account of the fact that she keeps forgetting she has wings in the first place."

Flim nearly laughed out loud at that ludicrous notion- how do you forget something growing out of your back?- but muffled the noise at the last second when the door opened. There was the latest princess, mane a mess, crown askew, hooves spread wide and muzzle sucking in air like an asthmatic vacuum. "H-hey Applejack!" Twilight greeted, seemingly not noticing Flim in her focus on getting oxygen into her lungs. "J-just... just give me a moment... hoo... I was up on th-the top floor, in the ob-ob-" The alicorn sucked in a deep gulp of air and tried again. "Observatory deck! Doing r-research... hoo...ahh...... lots of stairs..."

The duo watched her breath for a minute. Applejack looked to have gained about 20% more patience just by being in Twilight's presence, however, all of that patience was directed at her friend, so it didn't change Flim's situation any. The conpony himself was still struggling not to laugh at the piece of royalty he was looking at. This wheezing furball of wonder was Ponyville's princess?

Finally, he couldn't hold it in anymore. "You-" he chuckled, ignoring the warning look Applejack was shooting him from the side. "You do realize you could have flown down here, right? It would have saved you time and energy." Flim chortled some more, but swallowed it down when the mare next to him growled. Maybe it would be a good idea not to push the farmpony too far.

A deep pink blush swept across Twilight's cheeks, and she looked up. "I know, I know, I keep forget- Flim?!" Okay, that reaction earned a few more snickers from the conpony. He just loved it when others looked bewildered in his presence. Twilight looked back and forth between him and Applejack. "What are you- what's he- oh, don't tell me there's another immature bit scheme I have to fix..." Flim stopped laughing. Immature, really? What did this silly mare know about maturity, when she forgot to use her own two wings?

"I wish," Applejack muttered. "It'd make this a whole lot easier to deal with. Just kick him out of town and be done with it."

"Hey!" Flim snapped. Applejack ignored him and kept talking, and he felt himself growing irked again. He didn't care what she thought, but could she stop prodding him for five minutes?

Twilight just raised an eyebrow. "So... he's not here to scam ponies again?"

Applejack shook her head. "No, but that don't make him any less annoying. Listen, long story short, Flam was kidnapped and in order to get him back and Flim outta my mane, we need a Fanny Homes book."

"Fetlock Holmes!" Flim corrected. "And I'll be just as pleased to be away from you as you'll be! Honestly, could you stop butchering his name? I'm beginning to think you're doing it just to annoy me!" The flat look he got in response did not help his theory any.

Twilight continued to look back and forth between them, her other eyebrow rising to meet the first. "Okaay...." This was certainly an interesting break to her morning. What could possibly have made Applejack and Flim decide it was a good idea to work together on this? It was clear from their attitudes that they'd been going at it with each other all morning. And what did Flam getting kidnapped have to do with a Fetlock Holmes book? Oh, please don't say they think it's a good idea to mimic their search for Flam off of Fetlock's deductions... I mean, he is the Great Detective, but Flim really should just go to the police about this... "Yeah, I'm gonna need the whole story for that."

Applejack sighed wearily, bowing her head in disappointment. "Darnit. I was afraid you'd say that."

Flim slapped a hoof to his forehead. "I told you earlier we should have just taken the train to the next town over! But no, you just had to come here instead, and now we're wasting time we could be using to find Flam!"

Applejack bristled, stomping past Twilight through the door as she shot back, "And I said that Twilight was an expert on this stuff! If you'd just trust me for a sec, you'd see-"

"Trust you?" Flim interrupted, following the mare inside. "Why would I-"

Twilight shook her head, watching the two ponies as they argued like cats and dogs on their way to the stairs. Flim didn't exactly have a good history with Applejack. All her friends knew that, and anypony who didn't know just needed to listen to them argue for a minute before getting the picture. And normally they didn't argue this vehemently- clearly Flim was emotionally frazzled over his brother's disappearance, and Applejack was emotionally frazzled over having to put up with him. But, why was she putting up with him? Why would he go to her, of all ponies? And what was with the Fetlock Holmes thing?

Yes, the alicorn had to admit that, although she didn't usually welcome breaks to her research, this was one that could prove fascinating.