Jack woke up were he'd expected to be after that tumble down the stairs. A black ceiling comprised entirely of rock, the floor comprised entirely of rock, his head felt like a rock. Yup, this was most definitely Hades.
When Jack had first been granted immortality it had been a shock when he'd appeared here. But now, after approximately spending one-thousand-four-hundred and seventy-nine hours, and a lunch break, here, he'd slowly gotten more and more used to it.
He leapt off the ground, and attempted to wipe off his trench coat. But this awarded him only with the slightly odd feeling of flicking his own nipples. Unfortunately you were teleported to Hades wearing what you were upon death, which in Jacks case meant fuck all, and a towel.
He sighed, before remembering he had arrived here once before without the blessing of a towel, that had been a weird night to be sure. He shuddered upon remembering the awful 1000TH birthday of Ollie, and decided that dilly dallying here wasn't gonna do him any good in the long run.
He moved in the direction he knew he was supposed to be heading. River Styx was the only way out of this horrible place. Thankfully they had a special deal for immortals such as himself, any boat free of charge. Otherwise Jack would need to have a 100 dollar bill permanently in his gob. But as he got closer to the edge of the river he noted that perhaps he'd have to wait a while.
"Hey, Charon." Jack yelled above the crowd of a thousand damned souls. "Yeah it's me, Jack, I need a ride back to my dead body, think you can help?"
The old ferryman looked up from his already full boat. "Sorry old pal, can't, it's been a busy day for me. About three hundred guys have arrived already, all at the same time no less. Can you believe it?"
"How long will I have to wait?" Jack asked, hoping it wouldn't take too long.
"Try something like ten days. These fuckers are heavy, because they just need to bring their bloody shields along for the ride. And their king is a total bitch to deal with, he keeps kicking my customers off the boat!" Charon yelled back, just in due time as some guy with a massive beard kicked off another passenger, causing him to go sailing down the river. "But you can always ride with Jimbo!"
Jack cursed, ten days was too long for him to wait with getting revenge. But riding with Jimbo was perhaps even less of a pleasurable experience. "Is there nobody else free this evening?"
"Hah, you know how the other ferrymen are, their lunch breaks take millennia, lazy bastard leaving me with all the work!"
Jack kicked a pebble in frustration, causing it to plop down into the water and immediately disintegrate. "Fine, I'll ride with......... Fucking Jimbo."
Charon nodded before he pushed the boat off the pier and started rowing as best he could. Pretty soon the boat was out of sight and Jack turned around to the place he desired to be the least at the moment.
Now, Jimbo was Hades son, not that he would ever admit to that. Hades had tried his best to raise Jimbo properly into the next Lord of the underworld. But the guy had done his best to defy his dad. His preferred taste of music was reggae, not death metal. He had extremely long dreadlocks as hair, despite being a skeleton. And to top it all off, ever since an extremely successful rapper had arrived in the underworld, dear Jimbo had taken a liking to smoking weed. This was the straw that broke the camels back for dear old hades, and he sent Jimbo, or as he had been known before; Lothal, Lord of the underworld, down to river Styx to serve as a ferryman, but nobody ever seemed to notice that the Jamaican skeleton was even there, perhaps because his boat was about a mile away from Charons.
Jack got there as quickly as he could, preferring the torture be over quickly rather than having to drag it out. Pretty soon the boat was in sight. It was a rather small steamboat with only one cabin, that being were the captain steered from. Speaking of the captain, Jack pretty soon caught sight of a multi colored beanie just peaking over the edge of the window.
Jack reconsidered for a moment whether or not he should just turn around and go back. He took a deep breath, making the decision in a split second. "Jimbo, come down here!"
The beanie disappeared for a short second. Before a skull peaked around the corner. The skull in question had the previously mentioned beanie on his head, as well as dreadlocks bound behind his head. In between his teeth was a shoddily rolled blunt. Soon the skull lit up in a bright smile, and was followed by the rest of the skeleton. The skeleton in question was wearing a multi colored t-shirt, as well as brown cargo shorts.
"Heeeeey, Jack, homeboy, how're you doing my nigga?" The skeleton asked, running down to Jack and raising his hand for a high five. Jack looked at the boney hand with a disgusted expression. "Come on don't leave me hanging nigga."
"Don't call me that." Jack said with a tired voice. He slapped Jimbos hand away before stepping onto the boat. Jimbo followed him straight after.
"Oh by the day dude, you're gonna have to share the space with another passenger, he got here just a few minutes ago." Jimbo said, pulling the lever to the steam engine, causing the entire boat to shake violently and spurt out disturbingly black smoke.
Jack looked to the edge of the boat, seeing that the passenger in question was a guy in a green combat suit, he was wearing a grey helmet with a black pane of glass serving as his only means of vision. On his back was a rather large shotgun with two barrels.
"Hey, I'm guessing you're going back to life as well eh?" Jack asked, tapping the guy on his back. He turned around and glared angrily up at the Englishman.
"Yes, respawning is a complete bitch." The guy said, before turning around and looking out over the dark gray water. Jack sat down next to him, looking for at least something to do, whether that was gonna be talking with, or annoying, this person didn't really matter to him.
"What killed you then?" Jack asked.
The guy sighed, the way his helmet worked making sure it became slightly distorted. "I was looking for a prototype of a new weapon me and my organisation have been working on for a good while. It's supposed to combine every single one of our current weapons into one easy to manage package." He said, patting the shotgun on his back as he did. "But we accidentally teleported it off world, we located it to a planet supposedly named Equis or something. I found the weapon, but it had fallen into the hands of some armoured bloke with red glowing eyes."
Jacks eyes widened, he was fairly certain he knew exactly who that armed bloke with red eyes was. "What happened then?"
The guy sighed. "I tried to ask him for it nicely, I even offered him payment. When that didn't work I threatened to crush him into smithereens."
"Lemme guess, he killed you?" Jack asked, raising a single humorous eyebrow.
"Well, the gun he had killed me, but yes. He did kill me." The guy said, bowing his head in shame. "To think that of all the beings of hell, I died to some fuck wearing a sauron cosplay......."
Jack bolted up from his sitting position and hurried towards the captains seat. "Jimbo, can this old pile of strung together garbage go any faster?" He asked. The skeleton pulled off his headphones before turning around. The blunt he had been smoking had been reduced to a small stump still sitting in his mouth, despite it not being lit.
"I wouldn't dare try it dude, last time it caused the engine to explode....." He said, shaking off his high to make sure he could talk properly. "But yeah, it definitely can."
"Right, that's all I needed to know." Jack said, he grabbed hold of the skeletons head and yanked quickly. This pulled the skull off its spine, whereafter Jack thre it onto the roof of the cabin, so it was lying right next to the large exhaust.
"Really nigga?" Jack heard the skull ask from the roof.
"I told you not to call me that!" Jack said, pulling the lever further down, causing the boat to lurch forward and spurt violently. The black smoke was now accompanied by a small amount of fire.
The guy walked up besides Jack, looking towards the exit that lead out of Hades. "What's your plan?" He asked, crossing his arms.
"The plan is as follows. We get back to Equestria, we beat the piss out of Ollie. We get your gun back, and then everybody lives happily ever after." Jack looked back at his newly found accomplice. "Comprende Señor?"
Jack swore he could see the guy smile behind the black glass. "Sounds like a deal, partner?" He asked, presenting his hand.
Jack shook his hand and smiled a devious smile. "Partner Indeed."