//------------------------------// // Chapter 11: O Children (Under Construction) // Story: When Kindness Met Hatred // by Dramapony //------------------------------// NOTE: This chapter is currently undergoing a re-write. This version will remain only until I have a final product I'm happy with. If you are still interested in this chapter, feel free to carry on, but expect something better coming. Danke. Chapter Eleven: O Children         As my memory faded, all I could see was blackness, facing resistance from a small slit of light. My sense of hearing started to return in the form of faint echoes from the noises that surrounded me.         You really put her out, didn’t you, Twilight?         I had to, Rainbow. She could have done a lot more damage than she did.         She’s been out for at least sixteen hours! I think that was enough to knock out an ursa minor.         With my vision returning in the form of blinking and blurs, the soft noises grew louder and fuller until I developed a clear view of my bedroom ceiling. I felt my body wrapped in the warmness of my blankets, while resting against the softness that was my mattress and pillow. A sole candle on my nightstand made a meek attempt to illumine the grey, gloomy atmosphere of my chamber. I brought a hoof to massage my forehead, the fogginess of my brain aching on contact. Twilight and Rainbow Dash stood by the foot of my bedpost, glancing back at me. “Well, look who’s finally up,” Rainbow Dash said, sounding relieved. “Twilight, Rainbow Dash, what’s going on?” I asked, my voice still exhausted. “A lot, actually,” Twilight answered with angst in her voice. “You were out for a while, Fluttershy. I’m sorry I had to do that to you, but you were really making the situation worse for yourself. Right after… uh, whatever happened up there, we brought you back home. It’s nine o’clock now, still Sunday, if you wanted to know— No, no! Just try to relax now, I have a lot I need to fill you in on.” Twilight placed her hoof against my forelegs that gripped my bedsheets. I remained sitting upright, unable to keep my mind steady. “What about Mockingbird? Is he okay?” “He was released a little while ago,” Rainbow Dash began, “I stayed with you while Twilight returned to the hospital to check on him.” “Mockingbird woke up at around noon today,” Twilight continued. “I told him everything that happened this morning, and about everything that’s going to happen. He was really scared and on edge when he saw me, so I made sure to be subtle and gentle with him. Nurse Redheart says he is still feeling mentally imbalanced, but he could still be released as long as he’s under constant supervision.” My head nodded to Twilight’s words while trying to hold my own emotional state together. It felt like the only possible motion to try and get me to relax. Even if I already knew that relaxation became a thing in the past. “So he’s home now?” “He’s downstairs,” Dash confirmed while looking to the door. “He has some company looking over him.” “What do you mean by company?” “You’ll see in a little bit,” Twilight said to me, reassuringly. She took in a deep breath before turning her face from calming to that of seriousness. “Fluttershy, there’s a lot of business that we need to talk about.” My body froze mid-motion. Her voice held full control over the commands of my mind as I rested my legs back onto the bed. Judging by the look in her eyes, I could tell that whatever she had to say was going to be far from pleasant. “Uhm… okay, what kind of business?” I timidly asked. Twilight rubbed her hoof against her scrunched up forehead. Her head drifted towards my window as she fixated on the drizzle against the glass—almost like she was trying to think of a non-threatening way to break the news I dreadfully awaited. “I notified Celestia about my orders,” she started, “I sent her a message that explained the situation, then a few hours later I got her approval.” Twilight proceeded to display some manilla colored papers in her magic, all marked here and there with scribbles and blots of fresh ink. “A date has been set for the official hearing; it will begin a week from this coming Saturday with your dad’s side to present their defense and case. You and Mockingbird will present the next day—two weeks from today—to present your defense and case.” The room fell quiet. My mind took advantage of this moment to try and accept the change of my own universe. Too surreal. Rainbow Dash came up to my eye level and narrowed her eyes. “You’re incredibly lucky that your dad’s not pressing any charges against you, Fluttershy. I know I mentioned before how I wanted to beat them myself, but that was just me being all talk. What was going on with you?” “I… I’m not getting charged for what I did?” I uttered, both relieved and confused with a mix of guilt. “It doesn’t look like that,” Twilight answered. “I have yet to receive any notice that you will be tried for attacking Barrister.” She looked at me in both agitation and concern. “What were you thinking, Fluttershy? Attacking your dad over what happened, when you could have easily just reported it to me? Do you have any idea how serious that is? I have no idea why he’s not mentioning the incident, and I’m glad that he isn’t, but this is far beyond you. You could have killed him; you could have been convicted as homicidal.” I allowed her scolding to pierce beneath my skin. Even as a little filly I was never punished for violence or bad behavior. Never would I have imagined myself with the blood of my family on my hooves. Never would I have thought my demureness and femininity would snap and lead me to violence. But I could tell what it must have felt like to be a criminal. Exactly whom I was. I committed a crime but was skipping the punishment. While a small part of me was relieved to not have to face prosecution, my larger self only felt shame and disgust for my actions. The sole fact that I almost killed the stallion, who has held and tried to protect me since birth, made me feel like a stranger to myself. What was even more frightening was that I felt like I was dead. My kindness that has given my life meaning was absent when I confronted my father. Something I would never do could not be undone. No matter how much I try to make up for it or forget it, my golden heart will forever be burned with a black char of a demon’s fire. The element of kindness would never want to kill or fight. Perhaps when I met Twilight and discovered this amazing thing about myself, the element made a mistake? Maybe I wasn’t so deserving of the sacred honor to show compassion and love to my friends and others. Perhaps fate made a mistake in choosing my destiny. “I know, Twilight, and I wish I can change what happened,” I whispered, sadly. “I wasn’t thinking at all. I just stored up so much anger because they wouldn’t listen. And when Mockingbird tried to do that… I don’t know. I just turned my conscience off and couldn’t even tell the difference between right or wrong anymore.” “It’s going to be alright, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, switching her face from stern to comforting. “I will be acting as your attorney for this. Now I haven’t gotten everything together quite yet, but I’m going to be with you and Mockingbird every step of the way. The only downside to this is that I won’t be able to have a say in the verdict.” “What does that mean?” I asked. “In the Equestrian justice system, the innocence for all those prosecuted is determined by the alicorn princesses in court,” she began to explain. “However, since you are my friend and that I’ve decided to fight for you, I can only act as a lawyer and not a judge.” Rainbow Dash cupped her hoof over her eyes with an exasperated moan. “Twilight, why can’t we just put them away and be done with this nightmare already!?” Twilight rolled her eyes like she had been bantering with Dashie all day. “Rainbow, it isn’t that easy. We need proof for what they did and the consequences they left. They’ll have a chance to prove their actions as justified; if they can’t, then that’s when the sentencing occurs.” “Please! I really don’t want to talk about this!” I yelled, gripping the sides of my splitting head. They both shot to me, wearing startled faces. “I’m sorry, but can I please just see Mockingbird and try to talk to him? I don’t think I can take any of this legal business right now.” I could see a large ball of saliva sink down Twilight’s throat. She glanced to the door, then Rainbow, then me. “We can see him, if you want. But listen, you have to keep in mind that he is very tired and distressed right now. He’s already had about two panic attacks today since waking up.”     My eyes glistened, responding to her inevitable warning. I could only pray that he wouldn’t be too angry to still talk with his big sister. “O-Okay, Twilight, thanks for warning me. I understand.” Rainbow Dash stepped aside, granting me permission to get out of bed. Courage seemed impossible to muster by that point. After hearing him scream at me the previous night, I couldn’t even imagine what it was going to be like for him to see me. But never would I let that keep him away from me. I was the only family he had; he was the only family I had. We trotted to my door frame and only creeked it open a smudge. My ears pricked at the immediate sound downstairs. Some small sniffles, accompanied by some soft, feminine cooes, echoed and rebounded to me. After opening the door to full view, I trotted to the view looking over the living room to find Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Spike, and Big Macintosh. Sitting in one of the big chairs was Mockingbird, head low, sniffling and shaking as a mug rattled in his loose grasp. “Do I really have to explain anymore to you?” Mockingbird asked in a thin, quiet whisper. “Not if ya don’t want to anymore, sugarcube,” Applejack answered, calmly. “I simply can’t accept what your ‘father’ tried to do!” Rarity seethed in disgust, air-quoting for emphasis. “I’m really sorry that this happened to you, buddy,” Spike said in remorse. “But I know Twilight can make this right again. She can do anything!” “You’re all just being nice to me because you know my sister,” my brother hissed. “You can say as much of those words as you want, but they’re not going to make anything any better.” “They’re here because they really do care, Mockingbird,” I loudly claimed from my post, earning stares from my friends in return. Mockingbird turned his head up to me, shooting daggers of bitterness, resentment, and aggravation. Though his contact was enough to make my blood freeze, I just knew that I had to keep trying to support him through. “We all do,” I continued as I glided down my flight of stairs, landing softly in front of the group. Twilight and Rainbow Dash quietly followed me down as I began my walk towards my brother. I could tell that I was the very last pony he had any desire of talking to, but what else was I supposed to do? “Look who’s finally up,” Mockingbird said, coldly. He refused to break his focus on me while taking an uneasy sip from his mug, the scent of hot chocolate evaporating from the surface. “M-Mockingbird…,” I meekly started. “...” Then nothing. Nothing in my life has ever prepared me for a scene like this. Whatever word I would try to speak, I knew he would dismiss. Whatever affection I would try to show, he would shove me away. The only thing I felt was appropriate was to stand still and only gaze upon the fallen angel I almost lost. My head fell low with clenched eyes, a whimper being my only sound. “Nothing to say, huh?” Mockingbird asked with a sneer. “That’s exactly what you should have been doing this whole time. Tell me, who am I supposed to trust now? How can I possibly think it’s safe?” “So, I’m assuming you’ve told them everything, Mockingbird?” Twilight cautiously asked. Big Macintosh wiped his eyes dry and turned to Twilight with a nod. “Eeyup.” Mockingbird sank even lower into the recliner. “I don’t understand how this is not some set-up. None of you even know me that well. Why do you even care? I’m probably just some other pony you all will forget about by tomorrow.” “Th-That’s not true,” came the high-pitched, yet watery voice of Pinkie Pie. I looked up to her, catching the appearance of a grim mare. Her bubbly pink mane and coat were faded to a dark hue. The poofiness that brought so much life to her tail and mane was gone, leaving them deflated like popped party balloons. Her uncharacteristic face of anxiety and sadness was enough to drain the life out of any joyful foal. Not an ounce of happiness or excitement showed any signs of erupting. “I kn-know the names of everypony in town,” Pinkie Pie said. “I told you before that I know everypony because everypony's my friend. When I first saw you, Mockingbird, you looked so shy, alone and sad like you never smiled before. When I first saw you, I didn’t want you to feel sad anymore. That’s why I threw the party for you. I just wanted you to have friends. Nothing would ever make me treat you differently, like I’m some big, stinky meanie pants.” Hearing Pinkie’s gloomy voice struck an indescribable pain from within. When I hoped she would either tell a joke, sing a silly song, or just do anything to make ponies smile, she didn’t even have the strength. Did my friends really deserve to be exposed to this? “That was very nice of you, Pinkie Pie, but I doubt a party is going to solve any of my problems now,” Mockingbird dismissed, placing his mug on a stand. “Didn’t it at least brighten your spirits a little?” Rarity asked. “We were only being friendly with you for the past few days because we wanted you to feel welcomed. Fluttershy rarely talked about her family life, so we were both surprised and delighted to meet you.” Mockingbird replied with hostile glares to my unicorn friend. “Were you also surprised to see that I was a ‘Real Cutie’?” Sparks of fire marked each word he spoke. We all turned to Rarity, who had shock on her face. “W-Well… all I meant to say was that you have a very nice complexion,” she said. “I wasn’t trying to hint that I was in love with you or anything; it was only meant as a compliment. I would never dream of anything like romance with such a young colt like yourself.” “Are you sure it wasn’t a proposal to make me your fashion accessory?” Mockingbird fired back. “Did you want to be friendly to me just so you can show me off and keep saying how adorable I am?” Rarity began breathing in spurts, trying hard to find a way to understand the sudden confrontation. “I don’t understand what you’re saying. Where are you getting an idea like that?” “I just know what type you are,” Mockingbird almost snarled. “All you want is a little cuddler friend just so you would have a little shopping and gossip buddy. I hate mares like that. They don’t even really care about how their so-called friends feel. I’m not gonna be your dog to ride around in your purse, Rarity!” Before my mind even had a chance to accept his belittling words, or even notice Rarity’s hurt face, I stepped forward to my brother, almost dominating him. “Mockingbird, please stop saying those mean things. I’ve known Rarity for years now, she would never try to do any such thing. Nopony is trying to degrade you.” “Like you really understand, Fluttershy?” he shot back to me, rising from his chair. “Please don’t try to tell me you actually know how to properly act around me. If you think a straight mare has any same mental capacity I do, then tell me, why aren’t you me? How do you possibly think anything that anypony is saying right now is helping me?” He was silenced by the overpowering boom of Big Macintosh. “Mockingbird, we’re here because we actually do care! We want to help you!” Falling quiet and still like a surprise cannon went off next to him, Mockingbird locked eyes with the distressed sounding Macintosh. Big Mac’s red-pink eyes looked sleep expelled and almost like a racoon. His stance made him appear almost a head shorter than normal, almost like he had his skull clubbed into his body by a foal at an arcade. “Why are you rejecting us when we love you and want to help you feel better?” he gently asked. Mockingbird almost fell onto his own rump upon the question. “What I’m trying to understand is why you’re all here when I’m just another pony in this world. None of you have known me for more than a week. I don’t understand why you’re all getting sad like I actually matter. Don’t you all have better things to be doing with your lives?” “Anypony close to Fluttershy is a friend to us, Mocking,” Applejack boldly stated. “When something happens to you, it affects Fluttershy. When something affects her in either way, it affects all of us. You may not see it, but we’re connected; more connected than pickets on a fence. You may not see it as clearly, but it’s there.” Mockingbird lowered his head and sniffled in through the muzzle. “You can’t be serious. Who here have I possibly had any effect on? Anypony besides my dimwitted sister?” My ears flattened, accompanied with free flowing eyes of tears. I could never realize how he could use such painful words and purposely hurt others, even when he was just trying to heal, himself. “You had an effect on me,” Big Macintosh answered. All eyes on him, Macintosh lifted a hoof to his forehead and wiped away a sheet of sweat breaking through his skin. Looking to his younger sister by his side, his breathing grew long and drawn like a blow of wind. “Applejack, there’s something I need to tell ya.”   Quiet again. All faces turned to the stallion who longed to confess. Only Applejack spoke. “Big Macintosh, can this wait until later?” “Eenope, this is very important to what’s going on now.” “Okay, what is it?” A lifetime of a secret struggled on Big Mac’s lips. While his desperation for freedom climbed, his conscience of silence fought to halt his desires. But of course, this was a scene that I myself was very familiar with. I knew what was to come. “Applejack,” he started, “do you know why I always got annoyed when you tried to get too involved with my love life?” His sister nodded. It appeared as if a five second pause could have felt like a lifetime to Big Macintosh. The muscles on his body tensed, as if the pressure of the universe was pressing him down. But fortunately, he was able to manage, “That’s because I’m not attracted to mares.” Our ears perked to the statement that caught everypony off their guard. Applejack returned, “What do ya mean, Big Mac?” He inhaled, then went on with, “There was a very specific reason why I invited Mockingbird to help on our farm. I knew we have never been desperate for an extra hoof to help us out, even though we knew it would be appreciated. I met Mockingbird at the party last Saturday. His voice was amazing, and he looked so beautiful. For some reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted to be with him. Then as I got to know him more and he got to know me, I realized how strong my feelings were. I always felt this way about colts but not like this. If you want it short... I’m gay, Applejack. I’m a coltcuddler. And… I, uh… I’m attracted to Mockingbird.” Applejack, stood quiet and only blinked. She gazed at Big Macintosh, watching him fight to slow his rising and falling chest to a calmer rhythm. It was the first time I’ve ever seen a stallion so masculine and muscular shake. A deep and personal attraction, that he has tried so hard in his life to mask from his loving family, was finally out. While I knew that he really had nothing to fear when it came to Applejack, I could still understand how fear and anxiety can deeply impact just one pony. Simply from not knowing what to expect.   With her sour apple green eyes brimming with tears, all Applejack could make out was, “Big Mac, if you weren’t attracted to mares, but to colts, then why didn’t ya just tell me sooner?” “I wasn’t sure how you’d react,” Big Macintosh answered, still sounding like he was trying to calm himself. “I can’t believe you never told me,” Applejack whispered with a trembling lip. “I just can’t believe it. You’ve been lying to me for such a long time. Worst of all, you felt like you had to.” “Applejack, please, I know this is a lot for you to take in, but I wanted to wait for the right time,” her brother implored. “Please, I didn’t want to upset you.” “I ain’t upset because of whom you love,” Applejack said, still shaking. “I’m upset because you felt like you couldn’t tell us. You had nothing to worry about, Big Mac. I still love you, Granny Smith will still love you, and Apple Bloom too, no matter what. Do you really think we’d be that kind? How could you think we’d be so cruel hearted?” “I… uh, I just don’t know, okay?” Big Mac answered. “Something in my mind was just keeping me away. I couldn’t stop thinking of every possible ‘what if?’ scenario.” Applejack stepped closer to him with a caring look in her eyes. “Well, you won’t have to listen to them anymore, big brother, nothing will ever make us stop loving you.” She sealed her statement with entwining arms around Big Macintosh’s neck, sealing her love and support for the stallion she has looked up to and loved for her whole lifetime. Unwittingly, my face started to twitch and turn a shade of green. It just didn’t seem fair how Applejack and her family could be more accepting than my own, taking each hoof step forward to a better world. While I was happy for them and Big Macintosh, I still desperately wished for there to be enough of their love to go around for all of us.   “We can’t be together, Big Mac,” Mockingbird said through strained vocals. In return, Macintosh looked as if he was hit with all the possible shock in the world. I imagine that hearing those words escape Mockingbird’s lips must’ve sounded like a freight train to his ears. They were having so much fun together. Why? “What do ya mean, Mockingbird?” Big Macintosh asked. “We just can’t be together, okay?” Mockingbird draped his head and huddled like he wanted nothing more than to disappear into the floor. “Mockingbird, you’ve already given me so much,” Big Mac said, stepping closer to my brother. “I don’t remember ever talking this much or being this open and social until you came along. Nopony in this room hates you, or gives a pig’s squeal about who you love. You have nothing to be afraid of when you’re with me.” “It’s not you that I fear, Mac,” Mockingbird started, “I’m afraid of what will happen to you. I have nothing but bad luck happening to me, I’m easy target for mockery and hate spewing, and just look where I’m at now!” He threw his scarred wrist forward for all to see, triggering my own nausea. All voices gasped in shock at the stripe of crimson running deep under a large piece of white cotton, bound by medical tape. I could immediately see that to Mockingbird, it would be a symbol representing the walking mistake he thought of himself to be. A sign that he believed himself to not be deserving of his own happiness or life.   “Do you really think scars scare me?” Mac asked. “If there’s one thing I know about harm or injuries, it’s that we may have them deep within, but they heal and they become apart of who we are. They give us more muscle, so we become stronger than who we once were.” He proceeded to grab the injured wrist and present it to Mocking’s eye level. “This shows how you are now strong enough to live through the worst. That you can survive; and that I’ll always be with you to love you.” Mockingbird lowered his wrist, staring blankly in return. “You think this is something to feel proud of? Almost dying?” “No, but what it does mean is that you’re not meant to die now. You have a reason to be in this world, but you need the courage to push through. I want to help you find it and serve your purpose.” I couldn’t help but well up at Big Macintosh’s lovely words. A stallion whom I’ve known to be so stoic and preserved spoke like a poet. I’ll never be able to discard the memory I have of his face at that moment: a strong image of devotion, love and protection like a guard vowing to defend Princess Celestia herself. If only Mockingbird could’ve felt the same way. He just sulked back in his chair, shaking away and refusing all possible hope he deserved. That was when Mac decided to go further. “Let’s say, you’re standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump,” he began, “you’re scared, trembling and all you have is a parachute to guide you to safety. Your mind is saying that this can go either way: you can land safely or go splat. Though it is almost always a guarantee that it will open, you fear the most that it won’t. But all you have to do is jump and before you know it, you’re gliding toward a bright sunset. A parachute never fails, but you never know for sure unless you make the first leap. If you turn away, you’ll miss all the wonder and beauty that you have wanted to set out for. The only thing you need for your stunt to be successful is the courage. If you have the courage to jump, the parachute will open. Please muster up the courage to jump, and I’ll be your parachute. I will open for you. Please.” Big Macintosh was on bended knee at this point. His eyes of desperation made the room feel as if my home had become a place of intervention. Mockingbird only shook more. “I just don’t know if I can be willing to trust that, Macintosh,” he said, before forcing his eyes at me. “You may mean well, but you can definitely screw up big time like SOME PONIES.” His threatening look of rage almost made me cower. My throat almost closed. Much like the night prior, it felt like I have been struck dumb. But I just knew I had to try and connect again. I didn’t want to drift so far away that we became strangers. So I simply tried to say the only words I could put together. “I… I understand, Mockingbird.” “Understand what?” he returned in a harsh whisper. “Don’t pretend that you know this, okay? Don’t try to make this your fight.” “And how am I doing that? Do you really think that I was trying to protect and keep you alive all this time, just so I could receive some reward, a front page in the papers, or to just be seen as some sort of celebrity? I’ve done everything I did because that’s what siblings do, Mockingbird.” “Really? I don’t think siblings spill secrets behind each other's backs or make uncertain decisions for them.” “I’ll admit that I did some things that were wrong and without thinking entirely, but I really do want to set things right again.” It was at this moment when Mockingbird shot again from the chair and advanced on me, trying to imitate my own stare. “That was exactly what you told me a week ago! Don’t assume I’m weak because I’ve had too much shit happen to me all at once!” “I never said you were weak, but I just know you can’t be fighting this alone. You don’t think I know how this feels?” “No, you don’t know how this feels!” Mockingbird’s shriek shot through me like an arrow. “You’re straight, Fluttershy. You can never feel what I feel. You’re just trying to be a hero!” “I’m trying to be a hero by caring for you, and doing something that any other pony should do if they find somepony they love crying on their stoop?” “No, you don’t think I can decide for myself and that I’m too stupid to solve my own problems.” “No, no, you know I don’t think that way about you at all—” “I’m finding that very hard to believe! You’ve gotten so used to playing Mother Nature you don’t even know when to quit, or to take a moment to step back and think, ‘Gee, I wonder if doing something beyond common sense is a good idea!’”   This was the first real fight we’ve ever had between each other. My mind felt like it forgot how to form sentences. Nopony came to my defense but only acted like a stunned audience at a play. Nonetheless, I was trying my hardest to remain calm, though it felt so much like my brain was trying to lift a ton. “I only wanted what was for the best.” “Best for who, Fluttershy? Me, or yourself?” Him or myself? I guess I really wasn’t thinking things through as thoroughly as I thought. I just couldn’t understand why it all had to happen to me? To lose a whole family then have Mockingbird share my faith. I couldn’t bear to think of that at all. The holidays, vacations, triumphs, bonding and laughs we all enjoyed suddenly meant nothing more than ghost memories. Just why? I was so shocked by his harsh inquiry I couldn’t even blink. My silence served as my only defense and reasoning. Stepping away slowly, I knew that I was both forfeiting the argument and doing the first thing that I know I should have done in the first place: Listening! “O-Okay, Mockingbird, I promise to not make your decisions anymore,” I said. “If you ever want to talk to me about anything, just feel free, okay?” He thought for a brief moment then sighed. “Fine, but don’t expect me to be quick to forgive you.” from that point on, all I could do was pray that our loving relationship as brother and sister wasn’t dead. “Mockingbird, please understand that nopony is here to judge, but to help,” Twilight said, gently stepping closer. “I know that you’ve been through a lot already, but it can all change if you simply trust us. I understand that you don’t know us very well, but please don’t take it lightly when we say that we’re here for you.” Denial was still on Mockingbird’s face as he shook his head. “I still don’t want to go through with this.” “Darling, they’ve mistreated you so much,” Rarity said. “Don’t you want to receive any justice for what has happened?” “I just want them gone from my life, that’s it!” Mockingbird argued. “Can’t that be justice enough to know that they won’t bother me anymore?” “So you’d rather stay up at night, knowing that your homophobic parents got their satisfaction?” Rainbow Dash asked. “This hearing sounds like the only logical thing to do now, sugarcube,” Applejack added. “Just letting them get away with something so foul will just show how they can do whatever they want to harm ponies.” Mockingbird shot his focus around, breathing thinly through grinding teeth. “Oh my Celestia, are you all trying to guilt trip me into this? Do you think I need to keep fighting this battle that I never even wanted to happen?” “Nopony wanted this to happen,” Twilight answered. She took in a deep breath and calmly tried to continue. “Okay, so I can see how you want to make your own decisions and re-control your life. I understand how you don’t want any of this to be happening and you want to forget about it. I know that you’re going through a lot of stress, and want to rest. But understand that none of us are making any decisions for you; we just want to help you feel more confident in what you think is the right choice. “Mockingbird, you’re in for the fight of your life and I know you want to give in because your future seems hopeless. But I’m the Princess of Friendship. It’s my duty to spread harmony throughout Equestria and maintain the peace of everypony. The alicorn princesses have helped and guided all Equestrians for more than 1,000 years without discrimination or judgement, and we don’t intend on turning our backs now. I can tell you’ve lost a lot of harmony and I want to help you bring it back into your life, but only you can decide whether or not you want to. That being said, you have a choice: you can either pretend this never happened and try to live life with this turn of events on your shoulders, or you can bring those who’ve hurt you to justice, so that you may see that there is still hope in this world. Thus receiving closure that you are in control without judgement being thrown at you.”      The room turned into an icebox. I could tell how it was almost painfully obvious that Mockingbird was being very difficult to persuade. But I just had to keep reminding myself that it was his fight to choose, not ours. “I don’t even know what ‘control’ is supposed to mean anymore,” Mockingbird stated. He wiped his brow and turned to address all in the room. “Am I really going to be in control, whether or not I decide to go through with this? Will my life ever have any control? Did I ever have any control to begin with? When I came out to my parents? When my parents decided to hate me? When Big Mac and I were harassed by Milky Way? When I lost my job? When my parents tried to convert me? When my soul wanted to die? “You say I’ll be in control if I do this hearing, but I don’t even know how to grasp those reigns anymore. Could I control myself last night, when I tried to leave this shit hole of a world behind? Could I control anything that has lead up to all of you being in this room? “If I really had a good control over my life and the ponies that affected it, I wouldn’t even be living this imprisonment. My life would be perfect. There would be nopony hating me, I could trust anypony, and there wouldn’t be any need for violence. Everypony who loved each other would never change and just stay together in one place. If I really had any control I would still have a family. “If we really had control we would all have better lives. There would always be ponies loving and kind, our friends would never talk behind our backs, and we wouldn’t have to worry about revealing anything. But life can’t be that simple, can it? Life is just sitting around and waiting for the next fire to try and burn us. I don’t know how many more blisters and burns I can take before my fur melts clean off. Eventually the bones will become kindling, we’ll burst into a winter fire, and before we know it, all that will be left of us are dust, ashes and our names carved in granite. “All I wanted to do in my life was live free, not hurt anypony, make beautiful music, bring ponies together, and help Equestria shine just as bright as the sun. Why is that so impossible for us to grasp? Is that really too much to ask of ponies to do in their lives: just filter out the rage and keep the love? Of course it is! Nopony can control their hatred. “Unless somepony can give me a legit, solid reason to go through with all of this, I’m not persuaded. Have I given you a solid answer, Twilight?” As if on cue, our ears caught a rapping at my window. Our trailing eyes caught a glimpse of a red mane and pink bow just peeking through the frame into the gathering. Young eyes looked in with sorrow, just barely being kept together under the chilling raindrops. Without a moment of hesitation, Applejack trotted over, unlatched the window, and pulled in Apple Bloom in a state of worry. The rain trailed its way through as Applejack patted down and rubbed her shivering little sister, who we could see was now crying. “Apple Bloom, what are ya doing here? I thought we told ya to stay home with Granny Smith!”     “I-I’m… not a baby anymore, Applejack!” The sniveling Apple Bloom protested. “B-but I just could see that something was wrong and I couldn’t stay away.” Big Macintosh followed suit of his middle sister and approached the drenched filly in a fatherly fashion. “Apple Bloom, you’re freezing to death.” “I’ll go get some warm towels,” I announced before quickly trotting to my closet and pulling out the freshest and softest green towels I could find. The poor little dear must’ve been out there shivering for at least an hour. I sure hope she doesn’t catch a cold. Returning to the living room, I immediately found all my friends gathered around Big Macintosh, who cradled the shivering and weeping Apple Bloom in his arms against his chest. Lightly walking up as to not intrude, I approached the group to have Applejack take the towels from my grasp and wrap them around her little sister. “Not again… not again…” Apple Bloom kept repeating in distress. “Apple Bloom, how much did ya here?” Applejack asked. “Almost everything,” Apple Bloom forced out, her voice sounding raw. “It’s gonna be okay, Apple Bloom, Mockingbird isn’t going anywhere,” Big Macintosh tried to assure. But to no avail. “It can’t happen to us again! Not like Ma and Pa!” The poor little filly appeared so exhausted and upset that it didn’t even look like she could manage anymore words. Burying her face in the fur of Macintosh’s chest, she continued to wail and and sniffle in her own world of tragedy. Feeling my own heart snap, I trotted even closer to the brother and sister huddling for warmth. “Oh, Apple Bloom, you poor thing! Shhh… it’s okay, sweetie, we’re going to make things right again.” It’s very natural for me to feel empathy of the innocent and act like I’ve suddenly become their mother. How can I just ignore those in despair and sorrow? Little have I known just how much the actions of one pony could strike so many others around him. That any action could mean the world to friends. That when hatred tried to take the life of one pony, many others would wallow and mourn for him. That it seemed impossible for love to wash away this black stain in our lives. I could tell that all others in the living room reflected the pain that Apple Bloom was forced to bare. I even noticed Spike, who remained so quiet and stoic throughout this whole evening, begin to shed tears that trailed to the floor below. He hasn’t said anything for so long, somepony should have noticed. Twilight naturally approached the little dragon and held him close as did Big Mac for his sister. The very air of my house began to feel like a dense sensation of dread. The only sounds that could be heard was the rain of the clouds, and the rain from poor little Apple Bloom’s and Spike’s faces. And of course, my heart ached for the two. My thoughts were cut short upon the hearing of a faint vocalization. I quickly noticed Mockingbird raising his head and humming out a small tune. His soft sound grew louder and louder as he approached Apple Bloom to gently rub her back, while I went and did the same to Spike. When he began to sing, it was as if he didn’t even sound like his own self anymore. His bright tenor voice that I always loved hearing instead took the sound of a grave baritone. But just as he has sang before, his melodic sound and deep emotion felt like it could spread and connect with anypony in my home. We all took on our role of a chorus as he let his song comfort Apple Bloom and Spike, the two progressively growing more and more quiet to the tune. Soon my whole home was filled with our music and voices, almost as if our differences didn’t matter to anypony anymore. No matter who suffered from this terrible plague, we were all together; together to support and hold each other through the darkest of times. I always knew that his special talent was unique, but never would I have ever guessed that it would have such powerful meaning. His song ended with a very quiet decrescendo that left a small echo throughout the house. Apple Bloom laid peacefully asleep in Big Mac’s arms. Spike kept himself wrapped around Twilight’s foreleg with closed eyes. It seemed like we all had to sit back and process the turn of events that just occurred. Only Twilight, however, appeared to look like she just experienced a great epiphany. She focused on Mockingbird and gave a face that looked almost like begging. Mockingbird exchanged looks between Twilight, Big Macintosh, Apple Bloom and Spike for what looked like to be a while until he finally caved in. Almost as if noticing the despair we all felt together, he gave his final answer. “I’m sorry, everypony, for the way I’ve been treating you all tonight. I’m just really upset and fighting a lot. You win, Twilight, I’ll do the trial. Not just for me, but for my friends. It won’t be fair if they have to suffer with me and my parents go free. None of you deserved any of this to happen.” “I understand, Mockingbird,” Twilight replied. “This won’t be easy, but I think you actually now just gave me an idea. I understand that we’ve all had a pretty long night, and I should get Spike home now. So I think the best thing to do for all of us now is to get some rest. If this is going to happen, then we have to work fast, so I have a feeling we all need as much breathing and sleep as we can possibly fit in.” Feeling a mix of relief and pride for Mockingbird, I could start to sense how much fire he was beginning to release. I could’ve guessed that the intensity of this war to come could only spark more and more from him until he went off like a firecracker. But even I knew that if I wanted to fight this with him, I couldn’t be a general or his guardian anymore; the best I could do was see myself as a private and do my best to not set him off too soon. “Th-Thank you all so much for coming tonight, it really means so much to us all,” I said to everypony. “Fluttershy, it was the very least we could do,” Rarity replied, getting up. “I have to remember and hug Sweetie Belle when I get home tonight.” She paused mid-step towards the door before giving one last look to my brother. “Mockingbird, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t think that anything we said to you tonight were empty words.” “I would give anything to make you smile again,” Pinkie Pie said, still sounding like she was grieving. She slowly rose and joined Rarity at her side. “We should get Apple Bloom home, Big Mac,” Applejack said, looking at the sleeping filly in her brother’s arms. Macintosh looked at his youngest sister with a yearning face before tilting it up to the honest mare. “Make sure she knows that we’re all doing okay. Get her warm at home, AJ, I think I’m going to stay the night with Mockingbird.” Mockingbird flinched and turned to his admirer. “Big Macintosh, you have your own family to get to. I’m really not sure if I want to be around ponies much longer.” “Eenope,” the farmer objected. “After everything I just said to you, the last thing I’m gonna do is abandon you in your time of need.” “Then you should probably take my bed, if that’s okay,” I offered. “it’s much larger and more comfortable.” “Thank you kindly, Fluttershy,” Big Macintosh answered with a nod of his head. Applejack took her little sister into her arms with the gentlest hug to follow. “Okay, I’ll take care of Apple Bloom. Don’t leave that boy’s sight for a second.” “Eeyup.” “We do hope you all feel better soon,” Rarity wished to us. “If you need anypony to talk to, I’m always here.” “Me too!” Pinkie Pie announced. “There isn’t gonna be anymore trouble as long as I’m around,” Rainbow Dash said defiantly. “They messed with the wrong ponies and now they’ll pay.” Applejack with Applebloom, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight—with a tranquil Spike resting on her back—all headed for the door that lead outside. The leading four mares exited into the now clear nighttime skies of Ponyville, stomping against the wet mud that splattered in all directions. Twilight stopped before the door frame and turned to me. “Be sure that he’s mentally prepared to go, Fluttershy,” she said to me. “Spike and I are going to spend the next couple of days going through my books and devising our court plan. I hope I still have those volumes on hate crime and family law.” “Thank you once again, Twilight,” I replied, “I’m not sure if this would be possible if not for you.” “What else are friends for? But what I want you to do in the meantime is make sure he’s stable enough to travel, and present himself in front of an Equestrian jury. Comfort him. Get him anything he needs. Still try to show that you still love and support him. We leave for Canterlot this Friday at noon.” “Friday at noon, got it.” Twilight looked down with a sigh before gazing back towards the direction of her new castle. “I really do hope this all comes out for the best. You’re such a sweet mare, Fluttershy. I don’t understand why all the bad things in the world have to happen to the kindest ponies.” Before I could even think of something to say to make her feel better, Twilight was off with Spike and soaring through the skies back home. I couldn’t even pin an emotion behind my own reflection of that evening. How I got away with attempted murder, how Mockingbird didn’t want the support of my friends, that the future might be darker than I thought. That the whole world may be darker than I thought. Turning with my dangled head back to the inside of my home, I once again caught a glimpse of the azalea that Pinkie Pie gave me more than a week prior. Except it didn’t even look like an azalea anymore. The stem of the flower bent so low that it looked like it could snap in two. The shriveled, once red, petals had a shade of maroon and black that looked like dirty blood. The soil that once gave it life served as the flower’s isolation and grave. My eyes teared over the beautiful flower that could have been. “I’ll get to you soon,” I kept telling it. When did soon come? When was it supposed to be? I bent down and picked up the pot between my hooves. The feeling against the cold, wet ceramic haunted me. If only I gave it what it really needed to live. If only I payed attention to it before it was too late. I couldn’t think of anything that would have brought even a grin to my face. I became too much a stranger to positive thinking and optimism. I thought about the Equestria around me and saw nothing worth feeling happy about. The very thought of living made me sick. Gritting my teeth and flaring my nostrils, I released small shots of heavy breaths and chucked the pot down the hill with a yell. My action was answered with a loud shatter right next to the stream near my bridge. It’s all dead now. You can’t even care for a simple flower. All lost and cold. The beauty that never had a chance because of a naive, neglectful caretaker. What was I to do for anything or anypony anymore? This was a question that forced it’s way into my brain forever more. Before I could force myself to look at the flower any further, I turned into my cottage and slammed the door against Luna’s night. “Now, are you sure they’ll be safe under there?” I asked the attendant as he lowered my birds into the luggage compartment. “Nothing to worry about, Miss Fluttershy,” he answered with a grin, my birds chirping loudly as they were put in place. “We’ve had many caged animals travel with us before, and they are always safe one hundred percent.” He proceeded to close the door down, silencing the chirps under the iron. “Okay, thank you.” I couldn’t even believe how quickly that Friday snuck up on me. After our gathering on that Sunday, it was almost like keeping track of time didn’t matter within the walls of my cottage. I felt like I lost almost all touch with Mockingbird, not even earning a nod from him on some days. I almost forgot the sound of his voice, both speaking and singing. The fact that he agreed to walk with me to the station at all was what I considered to be a miracle. It was almost as if I was a ghost to him, but was still living. Except this haunting didn’t involve death, but something I knew that was far worse. I tried to shake these thoughts away as I approached Twilight and the rest of my friends up the train Platform. “Twilight, I still don’t understand why I need to bring my bird choir.” “You’ll understand everything once we get to the hotel, Fluttershy,” she said as we walked towards the rest of the group. “Spike’s getting our tickets now, make sure Mockingbird’s all ready to go before we board.” “Ponyville to Canterlot! Departing in five minutes! All aboard!” The conductor announced, after consulting his pocket watch. “Twilight, Fluttershy! Are sure we can’t come with you?” Pinkie Pie asked, back in her cheery tone. It looks like it really didn’t take her long to lift her spirits again. “I said that you can come visit us anytime next week,” Twilight began to explain. “I really wish I could bring everypony along, but it already cost more than enough to get Big Macintosh and Rainbow Dash to join Fluttershy, Mockingbird, Spike and myself.” “Well, we will certainly be making some time in our busy schedules to make the trip,” Rarity declared. “No friend of ours will be facing the justices of Canterlot solo.” Spike came running and pushing through a moving wall of busy ponies to meet us up half-way. “I got the tickets, Twilight!” he called. “Four pony citizens, one princess, and one baby dragon all riding coach to Canterlot.” Twilight smiled at him. “Excellent, Spike.” She took the tickets into her magic and placed them in the outer pocket of her travel satchel. “Now we just have to wait for Rainbow Dash and—” She was interrupted with a streak of Rainbow slamming hard on the ground from the sky, pebbles shaking beneath her hooves. “Sorry I’m late, Twilight,” Rainbow said, sounding annoyed. “Some new pegasi at the weather station really need to retake their admittance exams before handling the weather duties on their own for a week.” “That’s okay, Rainbow,” I said, “what matters is that you’re here now.” “Anything to serve as a reliable witness. That jury won’t even know what hit ‘em when we put your parents away!” “I’ll be sure to go over your script with you again when we’re in Canterlot, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said bluntly, interrupting her fantasy. “Fluttershy, how about you round up Mockingbird and Big Mac; we’ll meet you on the train.” “Okay.” “Ponyville to Canterlot! Departing in three minutes! All aboard!” It was almost hard for me to make my way through the crowd without bumping into, or interrupting, anypony. But eventually, I did succeed in making it into view of Mockingbird, Big Macintosh, and the Apple family. “Now, be sure to stay safe and really take care, Big Brother,” Applejack said to Big Mac with a hug. “I’ll take good care of the farm. Good luck with serving as testimony for Twilight. Work on that speech!” “Eeyup,” he replied defiantly. Granny Smith looked up at him and cupped his face into her hooves. She smiled and tried her hardest to fight back tears. “Take especially good care of this one, Big Mac. He’s so beautiful and precious. Don’t let him get away.” “Eeyup,” he said again, but with much more love and devotion. Mockingbird never spoke nor showed desire to speak. All he could do was lower his head so his neck became an arch, keeping eyes closed and off from the world. Big Mac replied with a small nuzzle to my brother’s cheek.   “Don’t worry, honey,” Mac said. “Your dad’s big bad club can’t get you now. We’re all going to be okay.” So noble. “Go get ‘em, Mockingbird!” Apple Bloom cheered with as much energy she could muster. “You’re gonna knock those bullies dead!” Applejack chuckled and rubbed the top of her little sister’s head. “I’m sure they will, Apple Bloom. But how about we let them go so they don’t miss their train, and you and your friends can start tending to all the critters staying at Fluttershy’s cottage?” Apple Bloom nodded in agreement before the family said their final goodbyes and let Mockingbird and Big Macintosh approach the train entrance. “Ponyville to Canterlot! One minute until departure! All Aboard!” The conductor called, giving his final warning. On that note, Twilight, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Mockingbird, Big Macintosh, and myself flocked onto the train. We took a left down the hall to find our compartment and quickly peered out the window to see everypony in full view, one last time. “The best of luck from all of us to you!” Applejack announced. “Don’t forget to really dress to impress!” Rarity insisted. “Go get ‘em, ya kids!” Granny Smith called. “When we win this, I’m going to throw the biggest court victory party Equestria’s ever seen!” Pinkie Pie cheered. We all simply waved and said ‘goodbye’ as the train took it’s first few nudges, then finally gained a steady enough momentum to pull out of the Ponyville train station. Once our journey officially began, Twilight proceeded to sit us all down and take out a plain manilla folder. “Now, before we get there, there are just a few things I need to discuss with you all. The sooner we’re all up to speed with what we’re going to present the better.” Before she could get anywhere, however, Twilight, and the rest of us, were completely thrown off-guard by a familiar voice that said, “Then it’s probably a good thing that you have me.” Right next to us, stood the figure of a much older mare in a trench coat and travel hat, a brown suitcase by her side. However, as I could already tell from her butter yellow coat and red flaxen mane, I didn’t even have to second guess before the mare revealed her identity by lifting her face. “Mom?”