I woke up to an alarm clock buzz. I rolled over and hit the snooze button, not wanting to wake up just yet. There was a loud smash, so I opened my eyes and looked down my arm at the clock. Of course, I crushed it under my hoof.
"It's too early for this crap." I muttered to myself and rolled back over. I shut my eyes and nuzzled up into my couch cusions for comfort. I let out a long slow breath before trying to sleep again, thats when I realized something odd. I don't have an alarm clock. My eyes shot open and I rolled over, staring at the mechanical mess. I sat up quickly and looked at my hands. "No way." I said. "This can't be real." I clapped my hooves together and kept staring.
"Huh? Whats happening now?" There was a yawn from inside my head. "Why can't I move? Sweet Celestia help me! I'm dying!" the voice cried.
"This can't be real. It just can't!"
The crying stopped. "Oh, that's right. You again"
Don't be cross with me, I don't like this as much as you.
"Then why did you do it?"
I didn't do anything. At least, I don't think I did. The last thing i remember was being thrown off of a bridge.
"And then some portal opened up and you woke up here."
Yeah, how did you know?
"My friend Twilight has her fair share of interdimensional stories. Its easy for me to detect one."
Wait, so does that mean that, Twilight, can help me go back home?
"Probably."
I hopped off the couch and onto all fours. Then lets go! Where are they?
"She lives in town. It's about a five minute, look out!" There was a sharp pain to the side of my head for a second then everything went black again.
I cracked an eye open and instantly regretted it. I moaned and rolled over at the harsh light. I only rolled over a tiny bit before resistance was met. "Hunh?"
"I think she's awake." Said a familiar female voice.
There was a clip clop as another pony walked by me. I dared a look when the sounds stopped. Naturally, I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the light. I turned my head to the left and looked down my leg. There was a chain binding near the base of my hoof, and at the end of it, was a purple unicorn with an unsettling smile.
Hey umm, disembodied voice, you there?
"No, but Fluttershy is."
Ok, who is this exactly?
"Thats Twilight. My friend."
So she can send me back?
"Probably, but be careful, she's been acting a little psychotic lately."
I pondered the warning. "Umm, hi Twilight." I said casually, holding back an instinctive gulp.
"Subject communicates, uses host's memories possibly, intelligence unknown, intent unknown." She responded, the blue pegasus racing to write everything onto a clipboard.
"Wait what?"
"Intelect probably low."
"Hey, I'm not stupid!" I tried to swat at her with my restrained hoof.
"Mild intelligence, easily angered, hostile while angry." There was a pause where the only sound made was pencil scratching onto a thin sheet of wood.
"So." I didn't know how to ask for her to help me out. "Hows your day going?"
"You want something don't you?" She asked. "Your subtleties are weak."
I stared dumbfounded for a few seconds. "How did you-"
"Well, what do you want?"
"For you to send me home."
The unicorn's horn glowed and she inspected me closer. "It seems harmless."
"Is that a yes?"
Her horn glow died down and she smiled at me again. "Of course."
"Great!" I shouted excitedly. "What do I have to do?"
A book levitated to her from behind my head. "Answer questions."
"Ok, lay them on me!"
"Ahem." Twilight began. "Do you have your own body or do you aleays use a host?"
"My own?"
"Sentient or non sentient?"
"I don't know what that even means."
"I'll assume sentient." Her book began flipping pages and she scanned each one. "Bipedal, quadripedal, polypedal, or other?"
"Bi."
"Tail?"
"No."
"Finally, are you considered an 'intelligent species'?"
"You're talking to me, what do you think?"
"Sassy, note taken. Now is this you?" She showed the pages to me. The two open ones were chimpanzee and orangutan.
"Neither."
"How about this?" The page turned to show gorilla in a double page spread to emphasis size.
"Nope."
"So you must be human or other ape." She shut the book and it floated back out of my sight.
"Now what?"
She walked away and hopped onto a swivel chair then turned and looked at a computer screen. She began mashing buttons, thousands of characters appearing and vanishing on screen every second. Then I noticed she had wings, like me, or the blue pegasus.
"Hello?" I asked after a few seconds of getting impatient.
"I'm sorry, there is nothing I can do for you, nor would I want to help you. You see, humans are extremely rare since, well, better not spoil it. Anyways, it's not every day I get to study a human. Would you consider yourself an average individual?"
"I'd like to say I'm slightly above average."
"Ok, keep calm now." Twilight trotted back over, a bone saw floating next to her.
The pegasus darted between us and stood defensively, blocking her path. "Woah! Twilight, it's in our friend, Fluttershy! All you'd get from this dissection is a first hand experience of pony anatomy and a murder to your name!"
"Aww, I just wanted to spook him a bit, nothing much."
"SPOOK ME A LITTLE?" I shouted. "You're a fucking psychopath!" A shot of adrenaline raced through my blood and I jostled at my restraints. "Get me out of here!"
"Calm down! It's okay! There there." I sensed Fluttershy cuddle my conciousness. "It's ok, she just wanted to pull a little prank."
"Don't tell me to calm down when a fucking lunatic threatens to cut me up!" I screamed. "Just shut up Fluttershy! I, I need." I paused to take a few deep breaths. Sorry I snapped, I was just panicked
"It's understandable."
How can you stay calm so easily?
"When you've seen what I have to deal with on a daily basis, you'd understand."
Wait, is she always like this? I glanced at the unicorn pegasus hybrid being scolded by the blue pony. And what is her name?
"She isn't usually like this, she's just a bit rattled by what happened to her last week."
Ok, but who is she? I nodded at the pegasus.
"That's Rainbow Dash. She's my." There was a brief pause followed by a "friend."
You're hiding something aren't you?
"No! Of course not!"
You are, you are! I'm gonna tell!
"Don't you dare!"
Our conversation was cut off by a jab to my side.
"It stopped." Rainbow Dash said, staring at the computer monitor.
"When did you stop arguing?" I asked, truly surprised that Twilight stabbed me with a sharpened pencil.
"About five minutes ago, shortly after we got odd readings from my computer." said Twilight with that same twisted smile I first saw on her face. "It almost appeared as though you were conversing with somepony. To keep it simple, your auditory and lingual brain functions were flaring in a way only talking to another being would."
"Thats simple? Wait, five minutes? I was talking to Fluttershy for maybe one!"
"Mental conversations, either mentally insane or two conciousnesses in one body. Fluttershy is most likely still in there. But how so we get to her?" A pen tapped her chin a few times.
"Tell her I can still hear you guys, I just can't talk."
"Fluttershy says she can hear you, she just can't talk."
"Interesting." Twilight said before the pen zipped over to the clipboard and wrote something down by itself.
"Twi, the computer showed the strange signals again." Rainbow Dash shouted over from the computer.
The purple pony stared at me. "Then she is in there, and this human is our only bridge."
"What are we going to do?"
"I'm not sure." Twilight inspected me closely. "I guess we could ask Celestia."
"But she's booked, her entire schedule is filled for at least the next month twenty four seven."
"Then we'll have to wait." The cuffs holding me down began rustling and soon opened and fell off.
"Wait, you're just going to let him go?" Rainbow complained. She grabbed a cuff and put it back around my rear leg.
"Of course, I sense no danger. Fluttershy is in his mind, she can be kind of his mentor."
"But, he's a." Rainbow huffed and bowed her head in defeat. "Fine." She released the cuff and walked back over to the computer and spun around on the chair.
"Sorry about her, shes not very trusting." Twilight appologized, removing the last cuff.
I sat up and rubbed my pony equivalent of wrists. "It's okay, not many people where I'm from are trusting people."
"That is so sad." Twilight said, showing genuine care.
We stared at each other for a while, and I thought she'd burst out crying for me.
Rainbow Dash stopped spinning to interupt the silence. "So." She began, "Are we going to sit here and wait or are we going to at least try to get an appointment with Celestia?"