Act 1
Scene 3
"I am confused," Luna said as Applejack, wearing the fake Capricorn tail and an inspector’s uniform, gave Shining his parole papers. "Why is Princess Twilight's dimwitted country bumpkin friend so mad at the up-jumped commoner who seduced our niece all in the name of trying to bettering his station?"
Celestia stared at her sister in shock. "Luna!" the princess hissed. "Why in the world would you say such terrible things?"
"What terrible things?" the lunar princess asked, utterly confused.
"You just insulted Twilight's friends and family."
"I did?" Luna frowned, her horn glowing as she snatch up a book from the royal saddle bag. On stage Shining and Applejack continued to sing at each other. She began to flip through the book, brow creased. "Perhaps I misspoke. Was I supposed to call the orange one an inbred hick who will most likely die from drinking tainted moonshine?"
Celestia's jaw nearly dropped to the floor. "Luna, I demand to know where you learned such vile terms."
"From this book I found. I am trying to educate myself on proper modern speech so I do not sound so... dated-out?"
"Outdated," Celestia said, grabbing the book and bringing it over for a closer look. "'Prince Blueblood's Guide to Riffraff. Learn how to properly discuss the filthy masses in 10 easy steps'." The ruler of Equestria rolled her eyes as she tossed the book into a trashcan. "That would explain much."
"Why ever did you do that?" Luna whispered as Applejack, in the role of Inspector Javert, released Prisoner 24601 (aka Shining Armor) on parole. "I was just about to learn how to properly address the brainless dolts that come on bended knee to beg for coin so they might feed their drug habit. It sounded like that was a very important chapter!"
"We will discuss how a princess should behave later. For now I want you to focus on the play."
"I still do not understand what is going on. Why is the up-start a prisoner? Did he murder another pony or cause wanton acts of destruction or steal thy last piece of cake?"
"No," Celestia said, repressing a shudder at some daring criminal cakenapping her beloved dessert. "He was arrested for several crimes, most notably stealing a loaf of bread."
"Well, then he deserves what punishment he received." When Celestia looked at her sister in confusion Luna elaborated. "I have learned that restaurants provide free bread... there was no need to steal a loaf. To do so is just being lazy." She paused, tapping his chin. "Unless he put it in the ice box till it was really really hard and then used it to rob a bank. Then that was a clever idea. A naughty one, yes, but a clever one. Is that what he did, sister?"
"Yes, that is exactly what he did," Celestia said, humoring her little sister as she watched Shining Armor approach the door of a monastery.
Act 1
Scene 4
Twilight opened the peephole of the door just enough so she could see Shining and the audience could see her. It was important that the audience see that a real pony was at the door, as it helped create the illusion that the play was not some mere performance but that the audience had been transported to Prance during the height of the culture revolution. Twilight wanted so badly to make this entire performance feel like the audience had stepped back to a simpler time… when food was scarce, limits in medical knowledge meant life expectancies were cut in half, and minor disagreements were settled with utter violence.
She'd given herself this role because it was a small enough one that it wouldn't affect her ability to direct and still allow her to have some fun onstage. She'd enjoyed very much being part of the Founders' Play and while she could never take on a large role like Cosette or Fantine she could, at the very least, get a few minutes to shine.
"Please," Shining said, projecting his voice out to the audience, his body trembling with fake shivers. "I am so cold."
Twilight slowly opened the door, considering her brother. She was wearing the traditional garb of a monk, her straight mane parted in a bowl-like cut to help sell the idea that she was a holy pony. She didn’t know why Celestia use to demand that ponies that aided her wear bowl cuts but she made a mental note to ask; her current theory had it involving a bad case of bedhead that snowballed. "I can only let you stay the night," she stated. "I know who you are... you are Jean Valjean."
"That is true," Shining said, rubbing his shoulders as he moved towards the doorway. "But even a sinner can feel the cold and tonight it is the worst. I fear nothing could survive these frigid temperatures."
"Ba ba ba!"
Shining and Twilight slowly turned, eyes wide in shock as Pumpkin Cake toddled onto the stage, happily looking about. The audience began to murmur and chuckle as the baby, who was obviously NOT cold in the slightest, happily walked about, her bright eyes alight with good humor. She poked and prodded at the scenery, giggling as she did so.
"Uh..." Twilight said, swallowing hard. "A cold... cold night... that is sure to cause one to suffer such frost bite they would hallucinate that there are babies running about. But, by the light of the moon-"
SPRUNK!
Shining leapt out of the way as a large wooden sun descended right above their heads, Pound Cake happily riding it. The Pegasus foal squealed in delight as he swung back and forth, Pumpkin clapping her hooves in glee at her brother’s antics.
"-which is so bright it resembles the sun," Twilight said weakly as the audience began to laugh, "I can see that you are Jean Valjean, a dangerous stallion that all fear."
"Shi-shi!" Pumpkin Cake exclaimed. She scrambled over to him, hugging his leg, while Pound fluttered down and began to nuzzle him. Cadence had taken an instant liking to the Cake twins during their rehearsals and she and Shining had played with the foals for many hours while Twilight rehearsed other scenes. Shining did his best to look dangerous and tough but the attempt failed and the two foals just continued to cuddle him.
"All... uh... I need is one night," Shining said lamely. "And then me... uh…and these babies... can go."
"...alright, get inside," Twilight said, giving up.
In the audience Miss Book-It, Princess Celestia's Education Advisor, considered what she just saw. "So young ponies are comforted by the presence of hardened criminals! This will revolutionize education!"
Act 1
Scene 5
"I am so sorry, Twilight," Mrs. Cake said, gathering up the twins and placing them back in their playpen. "By the time I'd realized they'd escaped it was too late."
Twilight took several deep breaths, forcing herself to remain calm. It would do no good to scream at the baker… because then the audience would hear her. "It's... okay," she finally said. "I know they didn't mean it."
The Cake twins looked at each other before pressing their hooves together and cackling like little supervillains.
"...ok then. Well, at the very least no pony was hurt and the audience didn’t seem to mind too much. Hopefully they will just forget about it and forget it ever happened."
"Sure looks like they are," Rainbow Dash, peaking out at the crowd. They were watching with undivided attention as Shining sulked about the stage, preparing himself to steal the silver from the cupboards. The cyan pegasus frowned before looking back at her purple friend. "Hey Twilight... I'm not an expert when it comes to putting on plays but wouldn't it help to actually have some silverware in the cupboard for your brother to steal?"
"WHAT!?!" Twilight screamed before covering her mouth, eyes wide. "What?!?" she gasped much softer, hurrying over so she could peer around the curtain. Shining was on stage, opening and closing doors as he vainly searched for the silver candlesticks that weren't there. "Where are they?!? Who was in charge of the props?"
"Uh, you were, Twilight," Spike pointed out, adjusting his coat. “By the way, I think my character should totally hook up with Eponine…”
The purple alicorn's eyes went to pinpricks.
Act 1
Scene 6
"Twilight, are you sure this is everything?" Spike called up to the stairs to his friend. It was a few hours before the play and Spike was gathering the last few things they'd need before they needed to get to the theater. "This bag feels a bit light!"
"I'm sure, Spike!" Twilight called out before returning her focus to her workout. "Ok, going to be on stage... need to have flanks of steel!” Slipping on a headband Twilight began to bounce about her room. “And turn and flex and shake and bounce, and turn and flex and shake and bounce!" She continued on, never noticing the two silver candlesticks that had rolled under her bed.
Act 1
Scene 7
"Oh, this is bad, this is so bad!" Twilight said in a panic. "The theater community is going to have me tarred and feathered!"
"What's wrong with having feathers?" Rainbow Dash said, giving Twilight a cool stare.
"This is a disaster!" the pruple pony wailed.
"Iron Will wouldn't be so sure of that!" the minotaur declared. "It appears to Iron Will that your brother is making the best of it."
"Huh?" Twilight said, blinking in surprise as Shining began to sing.
“You still haven’t answered me!” Dash exclaimed.
Shining
Where is it all?
Sweet Celestia, where is it all?
There came a thief in the night,
He took it and he did run
And have I tried so hard,
And is the hour so late
That nothing remains not even a small plate,
I could have used that to go buy some beers,
That little stash would have set me up for years!
If there's another way to go
I should have got up long ago
Then the silver would be the prize that I won
The richest pony in Prance would be Valjean
But someone slipped in, stole it ‘fore me
It isn’t right, this can you not see?
Yet why allow that swift pony
To steal my stuff, quiet as dove?
He treated me like any other
As I stole from all
from store, bank, or mall
All this I thought I was above
Can such things be?
For I had come to hate the world
This world that always hated me
Take an eye for an eye!
Turn your heart into stone!
This is all I have lived for!
This is all I have known!
But ‘fore it could go in my sack
Stolen first, now I am the hack
Perhaps this is my chance at freedom
Cut away my darkness with this old knife
He showed me that I have a soul,
How does he know?
What spirit comes to move my life?
Is there another way to go?
I am reaching, but I fall
And the night is closing in
And I stare into the void
To the whirlpool of my sin
I'll escape now from the world
From the world of Jean Valjean
Jean Valjean is nothing now
Another story must begin!
The audience remained silent before bursting into applause. Shining smiled and took a small bow before scurrying off the stage as the lights dimmed.
"...ok, we got lucky there," Twilight said.
“ANSWER THE QUESTION!” Rainbow bellowed.