//------------------------------// // Act 2: At War with Anarchy // Story: Performers and Portrayers // by JapaneseTeeth //------------------------------// The pullies that supported the weight of the curtain squeaked loudly as they dragged the fabric out of the way of the stage. Truffle Shuffle stood at the center, propping up a sign reading “Act 2”. Behind him stood a cluster of whitewashed boards haphazardly nailed together in crude imitation of the Canterlot skyline. Not that anypony in the audience would have recognized it. The only clue to the location it was supposed to represent was the scribbled (and labeled) national flag that hung from a stick taped to the highest chunk of wood. The audience silenced itself as Dinky trotted onto the stage, followed by Twist, Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle. Truffle Shuffle scurried off stage. A crash and a few grunts later he reappeared, wearing an upturned bucket on his head and bearing a rather old and beat-up bugle. “Presenting her majesty, Princess Celestia!” He took a deep breath and blew into the bugle as hard as he could, producing a sound halfway between a pig's squeal and a fart. As soon as his fanfare was complete, he quickly retreated back to the wings. A hiss and the whirr of a fan could be heard as a wispy fog began to pour onto the stage. Every light dimmed save for a single spotlight above the stage, focused on a shape moving through the fog. The mist slowly began to disperse. Too slowly. Truffle Shuffle dashed through the fog, towing an electric fan behind him. He set down the fan at midstage, sending the fog back into the wings. As the mist blew away, a massive suppressed chuckle (and a loud guffaw, courtesy of Rainbow Dash) rippled through the audience. Snails plopped himself down at the center of the stage. His entire coat was matted with goop that had once been flour, but combined with the fog to turn into paste. His horn had been augmented by a length of cardboard, which had unfortunately gotten rather soggy and now hung limply over his face. His false wings, fashioned out of an excessive number of feather dusters tied together, had fared better, but even then the bizarre coloration (green, with smatterings of white and yellow) didn't look quite correct. Neither did the hair, another rainbow afro wig that had been run through a straightener several dozen times and had taken on a pompadour-ish look. On his head rested a diadem twisted together out of coathangers with a shiny rock and two jawbreakers standing in for gems. He cleared his throat and made his best attempt to sound female. The result was a squeaky, halting voice that cracked utterly in half every other word. “Uhhh....Welcome! My most...loyal subjects!” Half the onstange cast visibly cringed, the other half visibly stifled their laughter. Snails continued his recitation. “Something really... bad happened. Discord got out and he's doing... bad stuff. You gotta stop him.” “But how?” Dinky asked with an impressive amount of sincerity. “You have to use the uh...the...you know. Those things.” “The elements...of HARMONY?” Sweetie Belle said. “That we can USE to defeat DISCORD?” “Yeah, those!” Snails nodded, causing his cardboard horn to wobble precariously. I’ll go get them for you with my magic. I keep them in my magic box. Oh, there it is.” A hadn’t-been-oiled-for-untold-eons pulley squawked from above the stage as it slowly lowered a garish-ly painted box into view. “Itth the elementh of Harmony!” Twist declared as the box made its jaunty descent. It stops for a moment, and then dropped to the floor with a clatter. “Awesome!” Scootaloo bounded into the air, her wings buzzing quickly enough to hold her up for a moment before she landed. “Let’s kick some draconequus butt!” Her eyes darted back and forth for a moment. “I mean, if that’s okay with everypony else.” “Okay.” Snails recited. “Let’s get them out.” He slowly extended a heavily costumed foreleg and began to fumble with the latch on the box. And continued to fumble with the latch. “Just gimme a second.” Diamond Tiara shook her head and decided to move things along. “Princess Celestia, it seems that your magic is too, uh, awesome to open. I might be like, amazing or something enough to get it open.” “Uh, okay.” She strode forward and effortlessly flicked the lid open, reveal absolutely nothing. “Oh no. The elements are missing.” Snails said, with the same level of enthusiasm he’d normally reserve for something utterly ordinary. “Bwahahaha!” One of the cardboard backdrops exploded with a crack, scattering pieces of debris into the audience, who immediately ducked for cover. The smoke began to clear, revealing what appeared to be a long burlap tube with four pairs of legs protruding from it. At the back end of it, it flopped to the floor. At the front end was a too-large paper-mache mask that faced inexplicably towards the floor, swinging precariously. “Oh no. There he is.” Snails lazily waved a hoof in the cloth tube's direction. “I am Discord!” The costume declared in Snips’ voice. A few stifled giggles sounded from the audience as they realized that the voice was coming from the end of the figure that lacked a head. “I stole the elements of Harmony because I’m evil!” “Oh no. You have to get the elements back.” Snails answered in a tone of voice suitable for ordering a pizza. “Do we have to?” Apple Bloom asked. “I like having cotton candy clouds.” “We have to defeat him!” Dinky declared. “If we don’t he’ll make the entire world go crazy!” “You cannot defeat me without the elements!” Discord’s butt said. “I dare you to try it!” “Okay!” Scootaloo charged forward. Discord’s head attempted to dodge. His butt also attempted to dodge, but in the other direction. The audience recoiled in horror at the sound of the crash. “Fluttershy saved Equestria!” Dinky declared. “No she didn’t!” Diamond Tiara’s eye twitch had spread to the entire rest of her face. “I did!” She scurried over to the tangle of cloth and stood over it triumphantly. “I...uh…” Sweetie Belle approached the prone Discord costume with caution. “I don’t BELIEVE that DISCORD could be DEFEATED so EASILY!” She poked at it gingerly with her hoof. “That’s because I can’t!” Discord’s rear end stood up. His head and shoulders remained on the ground, but began to move, twisting itself into a knot. “You didn’t beat me! You just...uh…” His voice trailed off. The silence hung in the air like a cloud. Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Dinky all shared confused glances. Diamond Tiara looked back over her shoulder at them, glaring. Scootaloo just shrugged. “He was… uh…” Apple Bloom tried to think of something to say. “Playin’ a trick on us!” “Yeah!” Dinky leaped forward. “He was just pretending to be defeated, but he actually isn’t!” “That’s right!” Discord’s butt said, though a bit muffled. “You didn’t beat me.” He paused for a moment, then began again. “In order to defeat me, you will have to get the Elements of Harmony.” The rest of the cast breathed a sigh of relief. The delivery was horrible slow and stilted, but that only meant that he was back on script. Specifically, he was back on the script that he had with him inside the costume. “If you want the Elements of Harmony, you will have to find them in the maze outside.” Discord turned around. Or at least, he tried to, but instead ended up tying the costume into a pretzel. The dual costume waddled a few awkward steps in the direction of offstage before rolling over, smacking the head end into the stage. A distinctly Silver Spoon-esque yelp could be heard through the fabric. Truffle Shuffle scooted out from the wing, grabbed Discord by the tail, and slowly began to tow the whole mess offstage. Dinky cleared her throat. “Come on, everypony! We need to go find the elements in the maze and beat Discord so that everything goes back to normal!” “Yeah, I’ll totally kick his rump,” Diamond Tiara recited, rolling her eyes. “Let’s go.” “Yeah!” They all shouted in unison, though with vastly differing levels of enthusiasm. Then they all charged off the stage, running right past Discord, who was still partially visible from the audience. Snails slowly glanced at the audience, then back to the space where the rest of the cast was supposed to be. “Yes. You all have to go defeat Discord.” He waited for a moment, shrugged, and began to back up. He was just about off the stage when the curtains swung closed catching him by surprise and dragging him halfway across the stage. The audience winced collectively as they watched him scramble under the curtain, leaving a floury, white smudge in his wake. After a moment, Apple Bloom’s head poked out from offstage. “Uh, yeah. That was Act 2. Act 3 is gonna start in a couple minutes due to… technical difficulties. Y’all can go get more snacks now. All the money will go to the school, so buy a lot of stuff!” She darted back into the wing, leaving the audience to murmur to each other in confusion.