Angelos had seen flying. He'd seen birds fly, pegasi fly, blimps fly, heck he'd even seen a unicorn fly after a minor incident in the chemistry labs at the palace. But what Rainbow did? That wasn't flying. It was as if the very laws of flight just gave up when it came to her and let her do whatever she wanted. Friction? Drafts? Momentum? Buck that, she was Rainbow Dash.
Unfortunately, since they had to give up on her, they seemed to be working double duty on him. He slammed into yet another obstacle in her little course, before slowly sliding down it with his face. He then fell onto his back with a whimper. “Is... is all this n-necessary?”
“Hah! You think you can be a wonderbolt with THAT kind of attitude?” Rainbow asked with a chuckle. “I could do this course in my sleep!”
Angelos rubbed his face and looked up. “I don't wanna be a Wonderbolt...” It required him to weave around tall, thick poles of wood, each laced with cloud rings between them, followed by flying through something she called a 'sap tree'. He could see why, since the tree stood almost fifty feet in the air and from all its branches long, thin lines of sap leaked into little pools on the ground. He wasn't a bad flier, not in the slightest. In fact, he'd averaged an A- in flight back in training. But this mare expected beyond the impossible. She wanted him to dive through the entire thing, making rapid split hair turns then weave around the sap without getting a drop on himself. It was impossible, in fact at the speeds she wanted him to do it, he hadn't managed to make it past the fourth pole. It was impossible. Completely, utterly impossible.
Even worse, the mare had done it a half dozen times already just to show him how 'easy' it was. “H-how... are you not... a-a royal guard?” he asked with a groan before crawling back to the starting line. A small ball of sap splatted into the pools a bit away, making him shiver.
“Royal guard? Laaaaame. Why would I want to stand around all day making a serious face? I'd much rather be flying through the air, having everypony cheering my name. Guards don't get that.”
“We get full benefits, vacation time, a retirement plan and health leave?” he said with a smile.
“Ughhhhhh. I can feel my coolness draining just listening to that. Come oooon. Do you wanna know a bit about Fluttershy or not? Why don't you just go back to Canterlot if you're going to be such a wuss about it. She's one of my best friends, I won't let just anypony ask her out.”
He took a deep breath and steadied himself. “Fine. I'll do this. Just you watch. This time for real. Yah!” He took off, full speed. He whipped through the first cloud, turning so fast his wing skimmed against the wooden pole as he moved between the second. The world was a blur, but he kep going. He turned again, darting through the third cloud. Only three more to go, he could do this. He turned again, his wings vibrating as his momentum fought against him, but he forced himself to go. He passed the fourth one. Two more! He could do it! His wing clipped through the fourth cloud, but he didn't care. He was going to do it. Fifth ring. One more, one mo--
He slammed through it, but not the center. He ran into the edge and slammed face first into the last pole, his turn not solid enough. He dropped to the ground with a moan as the rest of the world caught up to him, snapping his body into place. “Owwwww...”
“Well, you almost made it to the sap. Dust yourself off and try again,” Rainbow said with a chuckle.
------
Angelos moaned from his position. He'd love to get up and just crawl to the spa for a long, gentle massage. Along with a steamy bath. But that, frankly, was impossible. Even if Rainbow wasn't busy laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes, he could't bring himself to leave. Frankly, he couldn't even move. He was buried up to his knees in sap and, even after a few minutes of tugging and fighting it, he'd only managed to get himself more and more covered in it.
“Will you stop laughing and give me a hoof?” he snapped at her.
She just looked at him, before bursting into laughter again. “Really? Got yourself in, hee hee, a bit of a sticky situation, didn't you?” She started laughing even harder.
He sighed and tried yanking himself out again, but all he managed to do was fall on his side. “Can you just help me get out of this so I can clean up?”
“Fine, fine, you give up?”
“Buck no!” he said before drawing a hoof out. “I've almost got it. I finally made it through the poles!”
“You clipped them with your wing and crashed into the sap pit. You've hardly passed with flying colors,” she said in a teasing tone. “You're just going to get hurt if you keep doing this.”
“D-don't care. I'll get it done if it kills me.”
She nodded. “I see. Well, okay. You pass. Test two complete.”
“I... what? But... what?” He'd have been taken aback if he could move.
“Test two complete. You're stubborn enough to keep trying, so mayyyyybe you're a little worth it. Maybe. Still got two tests to go, so don't get too excited.”
He stared at her for a few moments, blinking in confusion. His eyelids got stuck shut. “What? That's it?” He tried wiping his eyes and eeped as his face got stuck to his leg.
“Yup. That's it, now come on, I'll help you out. Or at least toss you in a lake.” After a few moments something, that felt disturbingly like a catapult, was shoved under his sap covered self. After a few minutes he heard a snap, a lot of force pushing him up. For a few moments he didn't move, as if time itself had forgotten about him. Then the sap gave in and he was sent rocketing into the air, screaming into his hoof as he blindly sailed. A few moments later there was a splash.
“Hah! Nailed it!” Rainbow said before trotting towards the lake. “Don't worry, I'll fish you out!”
------
Angelos groaned as the two spa ponies worked at him. Sometimes they used gently oiled rags, other times they used a hammer and chisel. But, through great effort, and no small part of suffering on his part, he was soon relieved of a good fifty pounds of sap and finally able to walk out from the spa of his own power. He glared at the wheelbarrow he'd been hauled here in.
He made a mental note if he ever survived to meet this Fluttershy, they fell in love and finally got married, he was not inviting Rainbow to the wedding. Granted, he'd have to have it in hiding since he was pretty sure she would kill him if he tried to leave her out, but it was a risk he was willing to take. Probably. She'd probably dive bomb his cake, anyway.
“So, finally done?” the voice of his tormentor asked, making him lock up before slowly turning around.
“Y-yes?” he squeaked. He hoped she didn't hurt him. Could she realize what he was thinking?
“Okay then. Come on, let's get going. Bring the wheelbarrow.”
He grumbled but did as she said, following after her with it strapped on his back. “Razzle frazzle...”
She led him through Ponyville, humming softly as she walked. He couldn't imagine what diabolic, wicked, evil, cruel and... was that a giant cupcake? “What the hay?”
Rainbow trotted ahead before motioning towards the giant pastry. “And here is our next destination! Sugarcube Corner!” she said enthusiastically.
He stared for a few moments with a cocked eye. “Sooo... I have to...” He then realized the giant cupcake had windows. “Wait, that's a BUILDING?”
“What, a two story cupcake makes sense to you, but not a two story building shaped like a cupcake?”
“Well... I mean, it does, but... it uhhh... shut up...” he said with a blush as he followed after her. “So what's my trial this time? I really hope I don't have to eat the building.”
“Oh no, nothing that easy. Just have to survive two hours.”
“Survive two hours? What's the catch?”
Rainbow grinned and shoved open the door. To her delight, the place seemed empty aside from the pink mare on the counter who was playing a delicious game of tic tac toe with cupcakes. She was winning. “Hey, Pinkie!”
“Hmmm?” the mare asked as she looked up.
“This is a new friend, ummm...”
“Angelos,” he offered.
“Angelos. He's wanting to ask out Fluttershy. Be back in two hours!” the pegasus yelled before flying off.
Angelos blinked before slowly looking up at the pink mare. He'd never quite seen that look before. He was pretty sure the mare would explode at any moment. She actually vibrated. “Err... miss? Are you okay?” He tried to back up, but found it was quite difficult when you had a cart behind you. Then suddenly the pink mare was in front of him. He had no idea how. One moment she was across the room, the next she was in front of him. As if the she just willed it and pop she appeared.
“SoyouwannaaskFluttershyoutwhereareyougoingwhatareyougoingtodowhenareyougoingtoaskherwhatareyougoingto--”
------
“--howmanydoyouplanto-- Here's your muffin Mr. Tootinany. --havewhat'llyounamethemhowmanypuppieswillyouhave--”
Angelos just stared, his mouth agape and... he had no idea what was going on. He knew he was working at a bakery now, for some reason. But the mare never stopped. A number of customers had arrived and she had dealt with them, though he had helped. But the questions never stopped. She must have had lungs that would have made his old commanders jealous. All of them at once. She didn't seem to breath, think of new questions, anything. They just spilled out of her like a fountain of never ending words. She even served all the guests without skipping a beat.
He felt he was going to explode, his mind unable to process all the questions or the mare's complete ability to just... to do whatever it was she was doing. Magic? She was an earth pony though. Earth pony's couldn't do spells. Their magic was all about their hooves and stuff. He couldn't grasp it. Just thinking about it made his head hurt.
She also seemed to move strange. Rather than moving from point A to point B, it was like she just appeared at point B. It could be ten feet away and she'd just... be there when she needed to be. He swore he saw her actually appear at point B before leaving point A once. His mind couldn't process it. It didn't make any sense. None of it made any sense. Then Rainbow walked into the room. He glomped her so hard she nearly fell over. “Save me!”
She chuckled softly and shook her head. “Really? Just what has...” She glanced up to Pinkie who was still in mid sentance. “Ah. I see. Don't worry, your time is up. You pass this test.”
He whimpered and nodded.
“Pinkie, I'm taking him out for the next test! Thanks! I'll make sure he stops by soon!”
“Okie dokie loki!” she said with a happy wave. The two then quickly trotted away.
He looked back and shivered. “What was that about?”
“Oh, just giving you a taste. Pinkie Pie is one of our best friends. She can be a bit annoying at times, but trust me. She's friends with everypony in town for good reason. Throws the best parties, always looks out for those around her. Everything you'd want in a friend. You'll need to get used to her.” She paused. “Also, expect a celebration party later.”
“I'm not really one for parties...”
“You've never been to one of Pinkie's parties. Trust me. You'll love it.”
He took a deep breath and sighed, before slowly nodding. “I... I guess. I mean, you'd know, right? Eh heh. So who's next? Only one trial to go, right?”
“Yup. You've got speed, endurance and you cover the meals. Only one test to go. I wanna see if you're scientifically a good pony.”
He paused for a moment, but quickly caught back up. “Scientifically? How can a pony measure if you're good or not?”
“If any pony can, Twilight can.” She gave a small burst to her trotting, coming to a large doorway built into a tree. “Here we are, the library.” She gave it a swift knock.
He followed behind, though something was nagging at him. He just couldn't place what it was. Something... something... something was definitely off. Something important. If he could only figure out what it was, he could deal with it. But it just wouldn't click.
The door to the library swung open, revealing a purple unicorn. “Twilight Sparkle!” Angelos said, his eyes widening. He then saw the veritable wall of books behind her. His eyes dilated and he screamed as visions of flowing books rocketed at him. He tackled Rainbow to the ground, covering her head with a hoof as he covered his own with the other hoof.
'No, no, I can put it away I know the magic!' echoed through his mind in a little filly's voice as he laid there, trembling.
“Do you mind?” Rainbow asked, glawing over at him. “Stop being all creepy.”
“T-they're everywhere. Books... the horror... the ponyanity... so many books... so many books...”
Twilight blinked a few times, then her eyes narrowed. “Really? You were one of the ponies from the Great Restricted Bookalanche of '62? I told Princess Celestia that she had to make sure not to send you here. I was a little filly, I didn't know any better.”
“Horrible... the chaos... the anarchy... magic books as far as the eye could see. An ocean coming right at me...” He stared off in the distance, his body still shaking.
“Really? Just how bad was this bookalanche thing?” Rainbow asked as she crawled out from his grip.
“It was... err... I'm not actually allowed to give the details to a civilian,” Twilight said with a light shuffle of her hooves. “B-but I can say there were no fatalaties! And everypony was returned to their original form. Or near enough you couldn't tell the difference. Well, except one. But he's very happy in his new form. Seems to love being a monkey.”
Rainbow stared for a few moments, before glancing down to Angelos. “Poor guy looks horrified. Guess those books were restricted for a reason.”
“Oh Celestia, they put her in charge of a library,” Angelos said, his eyes wide with horror.
“I-I'm not a filly anymore!” Twilight said again, her cheeks bright red.
The stallion gulped and slowly nodded, though he looked inside. “I ummmm... I... s-sorry. Horrible, horrible memories. AHHHHHHH!” He flew up into the tree, hiding behind one of the branches as a book sailed by.
“Rainbow!” Twilight yelled angrily. “Don't throw the books!”
The blue pegasus giggled. “Whatttt? Come on, it was just too easy. Angelos, come down. No more throwing books.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
He slowly glided down and gulped. “O-okay. H-hello again Ms. Twilight. I'm not sure if you remember me. Angelos? I used to escort you in the library?”
She hook her head, eying him curiously. “I'm afraid not. When was this?”
He took a deep breath and sighed. “I... doubt you'd remember my name. You used to call me, ahem...” He put on his best imitation filly voice. “'Shiny wings!'”
“Ohhhhh!” Twilight nodded. “Yes, I remember you now! Because your mane was... errr...”
“Blue manes and white coats are quite common, I assure you,” Angelos said with a smile, before giving a nod. “You were a filly, I can hardly blame you for not remembering me.” He paused. “Though, nearly killing me in that... event...”
“There were no fatalaties!”
He chuckled nervously before nodding. “Of course not. So you do remember me then?”
“Oh, yes. What brings you here?”
“He's hoping to ask out Fluttershy!” Rainbow said quickly before he could get a word in.
She gasped. “Really? Ohhhh! That's marvelous!” Twilight clapped her hooves together. “You'll let us help, won't you?”
“I... I... s-sure?” Angelos said softly. Puzzle pieces slowly clipped into place as his eyes bulged. “W-wait a minute! You're... I remember now! You're an element of harmony!” He said, pointing a hoof at Twilight. “That... that means...” His eyes turned to Rainbow. “You're one as well, aren't you?”
Rainbow snorted. “Wait, you didn't know? Don't you ever read the paper?”
He gulped and shuffled his hooves. “Not... not often. Most of the stories tend to be... well... dramatized. I did see the article about you and the other elements, but I didn't really... well, I never thought I'd see the others or... I mean, if I did it would be at an official event and ummm... sorry... I just didn't memorize the features. I did see a picture once, but that was a long time ago. It was black and white, too...”
Rainbow snorted. “Right, so you couldn't even remember them mentioning a rainbow maned pony?”
“Most of the story focused on Miss Twilight. Sorry...” He lowered his eyes and coughed. “Please ummm... don't let this directly affect my chances of asking out Miss Fluttershy.”
Twilight giggled. “Ohhhh! You need to give her a token of your love! Something... romantic! And adventurous. Something that shows that you truly mean it! You're a guard, right? It has to be something from the knights of old.” The unicorn dashed into the library, gathering books as she went. They flew around her head, flipping through pages as they went. “Spike!”
“Huh? What is it?” a little purple dragon asked as he came down the stairs, holding a stack of books in his claws. “I found all articles about fungus and the effects of--”
“That doesn't matter right now, more important things are ahoof!” Twilight said as she picked up the dragon's books in her magic and pulled them away, to neatly place them on the floor. She then dumped a new, taller stack into his claws. “Go through these, find everything about knights and maidens.”
“What? But I just... but... fine,” the dragon grumbled as he walked off, shaking his head. “Pony doesn't know what she wants, says she wants fungus, I find her fungus. Now she wants knights, I'll find her knights. Bet when I get back she wants wiffle bats...”
“Isn't this all a tiny, itty bit over kill?” Angelos asked softly as he looked between the two mares. “I ummm... aren't you just supposed to find out if I'm a good pony?”
“Huh? Oh, you're a fine pony,” Twilight said dismissively. “But if you're going to woo one of my best friends, you're going to do it right. That means by the book.” She pulled out a small book and motioned to it. “Hmmm... Hoofeo and Unicornette. Do you have any objections to drinking poison to prove your love?”
“Yes!”
“Fine. If you want to be difficult.” She tossed the book away and grabbed the next. The original book stopped in mid air a few inches from the ground, closed and neatly slid back into the bookcase.
Angelos sighed and looked to Rainbow. “Do you do this to all ponies who try to ask her out?”
“Only ones who try to ask her out through me. Just be thankful you didn't ask Rarity. You'd have had to spend eight hours getting a dress or something made,” Rainbow said with a snicker.
“I wasn't dressed as a maid!” Angelos added quickly.
“What?”
“What?”
“You just said you were dressed as a maid...”
“What? No I didn't. I said I wasn't. You're hearing things. Look! I think Spike found something!” He quickly trotted over to the dragon.
“Well... I did find one thing,” Spike mumbled as he flipped open the book. “About what you'd expect, though.”
“And that is?” Twilight asked, eyes gleaming.
“Well, when a solar knight about half a millenia ago wished to... well, proposition Celestia for--”
“Wait, Celestia was propositioned?” Twilight asked, her eyes going wide as her mental defenses quickly tried to form a cement wall around this new bit of information, before collapsing a mountain on top of it.
Spike stared up at his caretaker for a moment before. “Errr... I mean, proposition a princess, he or she would traditionally go on an epic quest. Usually to defeat some great evil, slay some powerful beast or perform some noble deed. They'd then bring home an offering from this feat. In one case, a knight slew a dragon and brought the scale as tribute.” He paused. “Apparently the princess ended the tradition once she found out about it and told them they could just ask her out. To leave the... defeating of great evils to her.”
Twilight nodded. “That's perfect. All we need to do is find a great evil for him to destroy.”
“Maybe he could try to finish off Discord?” Rainbow offered.
“Rainbow! That's mean!” Twilight said, glaring at her.
“Well, he's still evil, I don't care what Fluttershy says. I know an evil pain in the flank when I see one.”
“Oh, no. Definitely still an evil little monster. But he'd destroy poor Angelos. Probably turn him into a statue of soap or something.”
Angelos opened his mouth to make an objection, before quickly remembering who and what Discord was. He promptly decided to shut his mouth before they decided it was his job to do it.
“Well, maybe he can go slay an evil dragon or something?” Rainbow offered.
“Aren't really many of those flying about these days,” Twilight muttered. “Sure, a few of them can be a bit curt and rude, but we have an alliance with them now and very few actually try to be tyrannical or wicked any more.”
“That and no killing dragons!” Spike objected. Every eye turned to him, before the three ponies looked at each other.
“Well, he is a dragon...” Rainbow offered.
“Technically, a single scale could suffice,” Twilight added.
“But isn't that a little unfair? Besides, don't I have to beat him first?” Angelos asked.
Twilight nodded and winked. “Oh, just leave that to me.”
------
Spike rolled for his life, roller skates over his claws as he tried to out run the pegasus behind him. It wasn't very hard since, well... Angelos seemed to have no idea how to skate. That, and he wasn't allowed to use his wings. The pegasus wobbled dangerously as his four hooves tried falling out from under him.
“Is, is all this really, really necessary?” Angelos asked as he took a ginger step forward, only for his hooves to slide out from under him and send him flat on his belly.
“This is technically the most... warrior like sport I'm willing to let Spike play,” Twilight yelled. “All you have to do is win then you can have a scale!”
“I never agreed to this!” Spike said as he skated away from the pegasus. “I just wanted to help you with your books, I need my scales! They're a part of me!”
“C-come on Spike,” Angelos said as he got to his hooves. “I just need the one to-- eek!” All four hooves went in different directions, making him land on his belly again. “Ow...”
The dragon watched with pity and shook his head. “You look like Twilight when she tried ice skating.”
“Come on, Angelos!” Rainbow yelled as she flew up behind him, lifted him by his tail and gave him a shove. “Show him what you're made of!”
The pegasus shrieked as he rolled forward, struggling to keep on his hooves and, mostly, succeeding. He flew past the dragon who couldn't help but watch with a fascinated, if slightly cruel grin.
The pegasus blinked and slowly grinned. This wasn't so bad at all. So long as he kept his legs close, all he had to do was just let himself go forward.
“Steer, steer!” Twilight's voice came from behind him.
“Huh?” He looked up, just in time to see the turn in the track. He shrieked as he raced up the curved side and over it, dangling upside down in the air for a few moments, his hooves flailing, before crashing down on his back. “Oww...” he moaned.
Spike skated by with ease. “See, I told you this wasn't going to work.”
“My organs...” Angelos said with a whimper.
“I guess we could try something less physical...” Twilight said with a sigh.
------
“Check mate,” Spike said as he put his bishop on the chest board. “Wanna go again?”
“That's five to zero,” Angelos said with an annoyed sigh. “How are you so good at this?”
“I play against Twilight,” Spike said with a chuckle.
“Let's try something else. How is this even a battle?”
“Chess is a battle of wits!” Twilight said happily before gathering up all the pieces and humming. “Fiiiiine. I guess we'll do it the old fashioned way.”
------
“AHHHHHH!” Spike screamed as he ran for his life.
“Come back! I just need the one scale!” Angelos yelled as he chased the dragon, holding a padded lance to his side. “It'll only hurt for a second!”
“You're all insane!” Spike screamed as he darted behind a bookcase.
“Come on, it's even padded!” Angelos yelled.
“Safety first,” Twilight said as she watched.
Spike yelped as he avoided another piercing sweep with the lance, ducking under the pegasus' legs and running back into the main room.
“Come on, you've got him on the run, you can do this!” Rainbow yelled. She then paused and glanced to Twilight. “Do you think we're going a bit too far?”
Twilight shook her head. “Of course not. The research clearly shows a dragon scale is a wonderful first date gift.”
“I meant for Spike?”
The unicorn blinked and looked over the scene. The dragon climbing up a bookcase as Angelos charged, missed and embedded his lance into the wood. “O-oh. Right. I just got caught up in t--” She was cut off by the sudden sound of the bookcase toppling over, burying Angelos in books and leaving Spike to gracefully leap off, run up stairs and slam the door shut. There was the sound of the lock clicking. “We went a bit too far.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes and charged forward, shoving the bookshelf back up and unburying the other pegasus. He was curled into the fetal position and whimpering. “B-books... s-so many books...”
“Think we might of broke him,” Rainbow said with a nervous laugh. “Good news buddy, we uhhh, decided you passed. You can ask Fluttershy out.”
“Whimper...”
“Let's get him some hot cocoa or something...”
------
Angelos stared at the small little cabin outside of Ponyville. It was everything he'd imagined, and more. An adorable little path leading to it, animals in their little adorable pens and, of course, he could hear her adorable little voice inside. His wings were twitching awkwardly after dislodging some books, but he was sure it would go away. Probably. It was all worth it though. He was about to meet Fluttershy.
His hoof stopped mere inches from the door as his face turned completely pale. He couldn't believe it. He'd been so focused on not dying to the insane pegasus, he'd completely forgotten one very, very important detail.
He'd never actually asked a mare out. At least, not one like this. Sweat began forming on his brow as he stared at the doorway. It was only an inch from his hoof, but it felt like miles. Fluttershy was... well, beautiful. And amazing. And if he was correct, an element of harmony. Rainbow hadn't exactly confirmed that and he hadn't directly asked, but he was still pretty sure. More importantly, she was way, way, way out of his league.
Suddenly the trials and tribulations he went through to get to this point seemed insignificant. If anything, he was pretty sure he could, and would, spontaneously combust on her porch. She'd probably sweep it up, singing the whole time, completely unaware. Her heavenly wings flapping gently as she worked.
Oh gosh, she was going to say no, she was going to tell him to get lost, she was going to say she didn't date guards, she was going to--
--open the door. It swung open to reveal the yellow pegasus. His eyes bulged as he stared at her. Oh, she had been beautiful before, but now? It was like gazing into the sun. She was so radiant, so beautiful, so amazing. He didn't have a chance.
He cleared his throat. “F-F-Fluttershy. M-my name is Angelos. Would... would you... would you do the honor of... honor of g-going with me on... out to dinner? I mean, as... as a date?” was what he tried to say. Instead all that came out were gurgles and hisses. She stared at him curiously.
“Can I help you?”
He watched her. So radiant. So amazing. He took a deep breath and placed both hooves firmly on the ground. It was now, or never. He steadied himself and willed every stutter away. He could do this. He would do this. “Miss Fluttershy, would you...”