//------------------------------// // Nope // Story: Extraordinary League of Equestrian Gentlemen and Assorted Nettling Travesties // by BlasserundTeurer //------------------------------// Chapter V Nope The sun above canterlot was slowly drawing closer to the horizon, stretching out the shadows it's light cast and preparing the world below for the coming night. All was quiet in the castle's courtyards, the guards were as stoic and unmoving as always, the birds were chirping their songs in the royal gardens, and the leaves were dancing their way towards the ground in the gentle autumn breeze. All was indeed quiet, except for an exasperated draconequus and a flustered human arguing back and forth, bouncing back and forth between going towards or moving away from the castle's throne room. Discord was pulling his face down with his talons in a show of annoyance. "You are overreacting John. They are not going to lock you up, nor are they going to dissect you.", He sighed. John snorted and looked at Discord as if that was the single most stupid thing he had ever heard. "Oh right, you would say that wouldn't you. You're probably in on it too!", He cried out. "Yes that's it isn't it! You... You did that thing to me so... so I would come here and... a... and those princessess could study me and then do whatever they want with me!", John yelled and his left eye twitched a little bit. Discord snorted in indignation and answered. "I only did what I had to so you would calm down John. It's not my fault that you are so unreceptive to the truth." John was incredulous and flung his hands up in the air. "THE TRUTH?! THE TRUTH?! There are pastel coloured talking horses here Discord! Talking Horses with pastel colours! How is this the truth! And what about Magic?! The sun and the moon?! Have you ever heard about the laws of physics?!" The Draconequus rolled his eyes. "Physics shmysics. Besides, if you are so unbelieving of this whole situation why aren't you running away from me? Why are you even talking to me?" That stumped John. His mouth jaw opened and closes uselessly before he finally managed to speak some jumbled words in response. "Uh... Bec... Stop changing the subject Discord! Physics! The laws of physics! And Magic! It doesn't exist!" "Oh really?" Discord asked rhetorically. "And what was it then that I did to you?" Again, John was flabbergasted. "That's different! You used some KGB grade mind altering substances while I was asleep or something! That's the only reasonable explanation!" Discord had enough of the conversation. "How about I just do it again so we can finally move on from your stubbornness and get on with it?" John blanched. That was a prospect that he didn't particularly like much, on the off chance that what he remembered about the procedure was, in fact, correct. "You wouldnt dare!", He exclaimed. "Wouldn't I?" Discord inquired rather suggestively. The corners of his mouth twitching upwards ever so slightly. At that, John took flight, screaming bloody murder all over the castle grounds while Discord chased him relentlessly. It wasn't like Discord actually had to chase him, no, he could just snap his talons and John would be completely immobilized. However, for some reason he didn't. Instead opting to push John closer towards the throne room in his frantic attempts at escape. Get a little closer here, fall behind a bit there, and in less than five minutes they had come close enough to the throne room that the motionless guards were looking at each other in confusion at the sight. Five minutes later and they had a flock of pegasi guards hot on their tails in a scene worthy of the Benny Hills Theme. This all stopped however, when a tidal wave of air passed over them in an exclamation of agitated confusion. "Discord!" The entire procession stopped, including John. Had a pin fallen to the floor now, everyone present would have heard it. Discord looked at a guard to his left and fearfully asked. "She's behind me, isn't she?" The guard didnt respond, instead electing to stand still, executing a perfect impression of a stone statue. Discord gulped, taking a deep breath and bringing inner calmness about him before whirling around and greeting the newest member of the procession in his trademark pose. "Celestia! How good to see you! How are you?", He voiced in a cheerful greeting. Too cheerful. The white alicorn, normally effervescent in her gait and expression, stood a few feet in front of discord now, with none of her normal cheerful calm present on her face. The only mark of normalcy on her was her ever flowing, almost rainbow coloured mane and tail. "Discord", She repeated. "What is going on here? why are my guards chasing you?" Discord was busy looking for an appropiate answer when Celestia's gaze fell on the unmoving form of John. She gasped, almost inaudibly. "Is that who I think it is?" she asked Discord. Discord was confused for a short moment, between him chasing John, and being caught by Celestia, he had almost forgot about the former. "Oh? Oh! Yes that's him. He was a bit unruly and didn't think too fondly of the idea of meeting you. So I've been trying to make him see reason." Celestia's gaze hardened and she looked upon Discord again. "Why is that? You haven't been telling him those silly stories of your's, have you?" Discord blinked. "No. no no no no. Of course not Celly!", He exclaimed. "He just think's that you're going to lock him up and vivisect him or something like that." It was Celestia's turn to blink. Her expression remained unchanged for a few seconds before a few giggles could be heard escaping her muzzle. Not soon after that she was laughing full on. Tears stained her face when she finally got herself under control. "Oh. Oh my.", Was all she managed to get out, hear breathing labored from laughing so much. She moved towards John and laid a wing upon him. He cringed a bit at the touch but didnt move away from the sudden contact. "What is your name my little pony?", She asked, her presence once again radiating everlasting calm and her muzzle locked in her trademark maternal smile. John didnt look at her, directing his gaze towards the ground instead. "J-John. a-and I'm a human, not a pony." Celestia brought her wingtips up to his chin and nudged his head to look at her. "It's a pleasure to meet you, John. And I'm sorry my little human. It's not often I get to meet new species. I am Princess Celestia, but you may call me Celestia." "H-h-hello Celestia.", John mumbled in response. "Now John, rest assured that I am not going to lock you up, that fate is reserved only for criminals and you are no criminal, are you?", She chimed in a motherly tone. "N-no", John answered. "And I must commend you for your active imagination. It's been a long time since someone thought the Royal Family might torture them for some reason or another. Such a fate shall never befall you as long as you are under my care John, unless of course you happen to be filled with cake on the inside.", She chuckled a bit at the end, mirth evident in her eyes, but quickly noticed John's face paling. "I am joking John, rest at ease please my little human.", She said reassurringly. Celestia continued shortly after John seemed to calm again. "Now John. My sister has told me of your 'arrival' and that she left you in good care before returning to canterlot. However, I would like to hear the story from your perspective over a cup of tea. Does that sound good to you?" John was calmer now, but still more or less unable to form more than one word verbal responses. "Okay." "Wonderful", Celestia said, simply. She closed her eyes, took a breath and instructed hear guards. "Guards, thank you for your service, I must commend you on your quick response. The situation is resolved and you may return to your posts now.", She finished and looked to Discord. "Discord, will you join John and myself for tea?" It sounded like a question, and there was no evidence of anything else in her voice, but anyone who has served under Celestia, or had known her for longer than a year knew that this was not a request. It was completely lost on Discord however, since the prospect of learning more about John and what brought him here was more than enticing enough to guarantee a positive response from him. "Of course Celestia. Thank you for the invitation." With that, the guards slowly went back to stand at their posts, The trio walked inside the castle halls towards Celestia's study, and the courtyard slowly came back to its former stillness. As if nothing had happened at all.