"Preeeesenting your favorite party pony! The one who brings smiles to faces all over Equestria! The one, the only, Pinkie Pie!"
The sick foals all let out a cheer as Pinkie Pie bounced into the room, confetti and balloons floating behind her. She grabbed the balloons and began hoofing them out to the various foals, much to their delight. A foal hooked up to an I.V. went up to Pinkie and hugged one of her legs, causing Pinkie to return the hug with as much vigor as appropriate, while still being gentle. She bounced around, giving the sick fillies and colts smiles, balloons, little gifts, and joy. Fluttershy smiled, but hung back. They were more interested in Pinkie than her.
Fluttershy surveyed the foals ward and allowed herself a small smile. Pinkie was right: most of them seemed to be in for things like broken bones or minor illnesses. Most of them didn't even have IVs in their legs.
That is until she spotted one of them. An earth pony filly with a light blue coat and no mane. She was smiling at Pinkie, but her face looked gaunt, and there were bags under her eyes. Fluttershy recognized the effects of chemo when she saw them. She walked over to the filly and stood by her bed until she noticed her and smiled.
"Hello, little one," Fluttershy said, putting a hoof on her bed. "How are you today?"
"I'm doing good, Miss," the filly said. Even her voice sounded weak. "Are you here with Miss Pinkie Pie?"
"Yes, I am," Fluttershy said, taking a seat next to the bed. "I wanted to help her make the fillies and colts here feel better."
"I'm glad," the filly said, taking Fluttershy's hoof and nuzzling it. "It's boring here sometimes."
"I'll bet it can be," Fluttershy said with a gentle laugh. "But the ponies here really are working hard to make you all better."
The filly's smile faltered, and she laid her head back on her pillow. "I know. That's what Mommy says, too. But whenever they give me the chemo, I just feel worse."
"Well, it'll eventually make you feel better. I know it's bad now, but I believe that soon you'll be able to go home and you won't be sick anymore."
"They said that last time, then I got sick again," the filly muttered. "I can't remember what it's like to not be sick. The doctors keep saying that I'm gonna get better, but I dunno."
Fluttershy smiled warmly at the filly and put her hoof on her shoulder. "Don't you worry about any of that. I'm sure that everything will be okay. You're going to get better, then I'm going to see you around playing with some of your friends like this whole thing never happened."
"I hope so." The filly leaned her head back on her pillow and sighed. "They keep saying that but it never happens. It hurts, Miss. I don't like feeling sick all of the time."
"And you won't, I'm sure of it. We have some of the best doctors in Ponyville here. They'll fix you up."
"I dunno."
A cheer from the rest of the foals caused Fluttershy to look back over to Pinkie. She was bowing to the group, thanking them for their praise. She turned back to Fluttershy and smiled at her before beckoning her to follow. Fluttershy nodded and turned back to the filly.
"I'll be right back. Pinkie Pie and I just need to take a little break."
"Okay. That's fine," the filly said, nuzzling Fluttershy's hoof again. "Don't take too long, though."
"I won't. And I'll come back to visit you even more."
The filly let go of Fluttershy's hoof, allowing her to stand up and follow Pinkie out of the room. Fluttershy picked up her pace to get to Pinkie's side.
"So how was that, Fluttershy?" Pinkie asked. "Aren't they just the best bunch of foals?"
"Oh yes, they seemed very friendly," Fluttershy said with a smile and a nod. "They really do like you."
"And like I said: most of them are just there for little things. They'll be as right as rain soon enough."
"I was talking to a little filly who was really sick," Fluttershy said. "Do you think that she'll be okay?"
"The one with no mane?" Fluttershy nodded in response, causing Pinkie's wide smile to slowly fade away. "Oh. Yeah, her."
Fluttershy frowned and tilted her head. "What? She's going to be okay, isn't she?"
Pinkie took off her top hat, putting it in her bag with a slight sigh. "Sometimes ponies get really sick and doctors can't help them. I'm friends with that filly's parents. She has Melanoma. It's come back twice." Pinkie's ears drooped. "She has about five months left, the doctors think."
Fluttershy's eyes widened, and she let out a quiet gasp. "B-but they can fix her, can't they? They're doing everything they can, right? She's too young for that!"
"Yes, she is," Pinkie muttered. "Working in the foals' ward as long as I have has taught me that... not everything can be cured with smiles and hard work. Sometimes a foal is in this world for too short a time. She's one of them."
"But..." Tears began brimming in Fluttershy's eyes as she looked back to the ward. "Is she suffering?"
"She's really sick, Fluttershy. It doesn't feel good. Normally I spend the most time with her, but I saw her talking with you today. She really seemed to like you."
"Are her parents here?"
"They visit every day, but they can't be there all day," Pinkie said. "That's why they appreciate ponies like us who come to cheer the foals up. It lets her know that she's still loved and cared for, even if her parents have to work."
Fluttershy flattened her ears and lowered her head. Pinkie put her hoof on Fluttershy's back and gave her a smile. "We're going to work hard to make sure that the rest of her life is as happy as we can make it. She's gonna go to Paradise knowing that she had ponies all around her who loved her and cared for her, even if she was sick all of the time. Then when she does get to Paradise, surrounded by ponies who love her very much, she's not going to be sick anymore."
Fluttershy perked her ears up a little as her mind went back to the stallion she had saved. Yes, he wasn't suffering anymore, and while his family was probably very sad, they were probably also a little happy that he wasn't in any more pain. They could remember him as he was, not the sickly pony he became. Fluttershy raised her head a little more. This filly could be like that. Pinkie Pie was right: once she got to Paradise, she wouldn't be sick anymore and she'd be happier than she ever was in life.
But maybe there was a chance.
"Is it definite that she can't get better?" Fluttershy asked. "M-maybe there's something."
Pinkie Pie squeezed Fluttershy's shoulder. "I'm still hoping there is. The doctors here are trying everything, and medicine keeps getting better all the time. We just gotta keep hoping and supporting her. Either way, she'll know that she has ponies who love her."
And don't want to see her suffer like that anymore, Fluttershy thought. Her mind flashed to her box. That evil, wonderful box. Maybe there was some medicine that could cure the filly.
* * * *
"How are you today, Starshine? Are you feeling any better?"
Starshine gave Fluttershy a weak smile. "Not really, Miss Fluttershy, but I am happy that you're here. It does make me feel a little better."
"Well I'm glad," Fluttershy said, returning her smile. "Here..." Fluttershy nosed her saddlebag open and took out a stuffed bear. "I brought something for you. He can be here to keep you company and watch over you when your parents or I can't be here."
Starshine took the bear and squeezed it as much as she could. "Thank you, Miss Fluttershy. I'll treasure him fore--" A wheezing coughing fit cut Starshine off. She continued coughing while Fluttershy poured her a glass of water. When she stopped, Fluttershy brought the glass over to Starshine, helping her drink through the straw.
"Thanks," Starshine said, her voice gravelly from the coughing. "I don't like it when that happens."
"It's okay, Starshine," Fluttershy said, putting a hoof on Starshine's shoulder. "Should I get a doctor?"
Starshine shook her head and squeezed the bear closer. "No, that's okay. They said they can't really do much about the coughing." Starshine reached out and grabbed Fluttershy's hoof, while Fluttershy moved closer to the bed to allow her to hold it closer.
"You're a very brave filly. The bravest one I've ever met."
"I guess," Starshine muttered. "I don't want to have to be brave anymore, though." Starshine's jaw quivered, and she nuzzled Fluttershy's hoof. "I don't wanna die, Miss Fluttershy," she whimpered. "The doctors say I'm probably gonna, though. They told my mommy and daddy that the chemo is just to make me comfortable until..." Starshine sniffled and wiped her eyes with her hoof. "But I hate the chemo. I feel really bad when they do it."
Fluttershy's own eyes began brimming with tears, and she began stroking Starshine's head. "It'll all be okay, though. You--"
"No it won't!" Starshine wailed. "I hate how I see other foals leave and they're feeling okay. I hate how their parents promise them that they're gonna go to the park or Sugarcube Corner to celebrate but my parents can never tell me that! I hate how I can't eat anything without feeling like I need to throw up! I just... I just want it all to stop! I'm tired of being a brave little filly. I'm tired of being strong, Miss Fluttershy. I just wanna go home!"
"It will stop, though," Fluttershy said, tears streaking down her face. "I... I promise you. You're going to feel a lot better very soon. The doctors will find something to help you and you'll be able to go home."
"But that's what they said last time, and the time before that," Starshine moaned. "I think they're lying when they say they can make me comfortable."
"I'm so sorry," Fluttershy said, gingerly pulling Starshine in for a hug. "But I'm here. Your mommy and daddy will be here just as soon as they can. It's four thirty. They're always here by five, aren't they?"
"I know, and I know they're trying, but they can't make me feel better either." Starshine sniffled and wiped her eyes again. "I hate making them sad because they have to look at me and see this. I think I want that to stop the most. I hate making them see me sick like this. I don't wanna die, but... it'd stop making everypony sad. M-maybe Mom and Dad could have another foal afterwards. One who wasn't sick all the time."
"Don't say that!" Fluttershy said, hugging Starshine closer. "Your mommy and daddy love you and will do everything that they can to help you. If they have another foal, it won't be because they want to replace you. They could never, ever do that."
"Maybe they should," Starshine muttered. "Then they wouldn't be sad all the time. I know they're trying to hide it, but I can see it. They're always sad a--"
"It's not your fault," Fluttershy insisted. "You haven't done anything wrong. You're a wonderful filly, and if it happens, your parents are going to remember you with love and joy. It'll all be okay, I promise."
Fluttershy swiveled her ear when she heard the door of the room Starshine had been moved to open up. She turned her head and smiled when she saw Starshine's parents walk into the room. She got to her hooves and nodded in greeting.
"Hello, there. How are you?"
"Never mind that, how are you doing, Starshine?" Starshine's mother said, rushing over to her daughter and wrapping her into a hug. Are you feeling nauseous?"
"Not too bad," Starshine said, nuzzling her mother's chest. "Miss Fluttershy gave me a teddy bear so I wouldn't have to be alone when you can't see me."
"That's wonderful," Starshine's mother said, smiling at Fluttershy. "We'll still keep seeing you as much as we can."
"So will I," Fluttershy chimed in.
"Thanks." Starshine let out a small yawn and hugged her mother's foreleg. "I feel better when you guys are here."
"We'll always be here," Starshine's father said. "It's gonna be okay." Fluttershy didn't miss the strain in his smile.
"Well, I'll be heading out," Fluttershy said, slowly backing away. "I'll be back to see you again tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay," Starshine said, yawning again.
Fluttershy exited the room, but stopped when she heard Starshine's father coming up behind her. She turned back and smiled at him, something he weakly returned.
"I never told you this, but thank you for everything you're doing for Starshine. Pinkie's weekly visits help out, but having you here over the past few months when we can't be helps more than you can imagine. It gives her something to look forward to."
"I'm happy to do it," Fluttershy replied. "She's a wonderful filly and..." Fluttershy's ears flattened. "I wish she didn't have to go through that. She's gonna miss a lot of cool things. She probably won't even get her cutie mark."
"I know, and I'll admit that it's hard for us, too," Starshine's father said. "But we won't miss a single opportunity to spend time with our daughter. We want every minute we can get with her."
"But..." Fluttershy tilted her head a little. "Doesn't it hurt to see her like that? Wouldn't you want that to be over?"
"I'd give anything," Starshine's father said, running a hoof through his mane. "I'd give anything to see her not suffer like this anymore. I'm struggling with wanting to see her as much as I can while still wanting it to be over for her. When it... happens, she'll be perfectly healthy in paradise, and when, Celestia willing, my wife and I make it there, we're going to be so happy with our daughter again. She won't be hurting anymore." He sighed and leaned his head against the wall. "I don't know what to feel."
"Just be there for her right now," Fluttershy said. "If you can do that, she'll know that she's not alone. I'll do whatever I can to make her feel better."
Whatever I can.
* * * *
Fluttershy sighed as she walked into her kitchen. Starshine was suffering, that much was abundantly clear, but she was staying alive as much as possible to see her parents. Fluttershy opened up her cabinet and took out her box. It would be fairly simple to do, she mused. She'd have to be very careful about it, but it wouldn't be impossible. Fluttershy popped the lid off of the box and stared at the ingredients inside. How much happier was that old stallion now that he wasn't in the hospital all of the time? His family had doubtlessly begun to heal from the pain of his loss, too. It was just like setting a broken bone. It would hurt to set it, but once it was over, the bone could begin to heal correctly.
Fluttershy took a few ingredients out of her box, but stopped halfway through as another thought entered her mind. The stallion had an entire lifetime with his family. He was old, and old ponies had a long, happy life. Certainly enough to experience the joys that came with it. Starshine was still a filly. She didn't even have her cutie mark. Her parents wanted to spend as much time as they could with their daughter, no matter how sick she was. If Fluttershy helped her, that would be over, possibly before the three of them spent as much time as they could together.
I just... I just want it all to stop! I'm tired of being a brave little filly. I'm tired of being strong, Miss Fluttershy. I just wanna go home!
I know, and I'll admit that it's hard for us, too, but we won't miss a single opportunity to spend time with our daughter. We want every minute we can get with her.
I know, and I know they're trying, but they can't make me feel better either. I hate making them sad because they have to look at me and see this. I think I want that to stop the most. I hate making them see me sick like this. I don't wanna die, but... it'd stop making everypony sad.
I'd give anything to see her not suffer like this anymore. I'm struggling with wanting to see her as much as I can while still wanting it to be over for her.
Fluttershy whimpered and thunked her head onto the table. They didn't have enough time with their daughter, but at the same time, she was suffering. She'd be so happy once it was over. No more pain. But her parents would lose their only daughter too soon.
Fluttershy sighed and began putting the ingredients back. Maybe she could wait a few days before making her choice.
* * * *
Fluttershy sniffled and wiped her eyes as she stared at the picture of Starshine surrounded by her few personal effects. She became aware of a few mourners behind her, and she moved on to find Starshine's parents. She found them sitting in front of the small coffin positioned on the stage. They looked up when she approached them and all three exchanged watery smiles.
"Thank you so much for coming, Fluttershy," Starshine's mother said. "She would have been very happy to have you here."
"I wouldn't miss it. I wanted to say goodbye too."
"We really appreciate all of the support you've given us," Starshine's father said. "And so did she. She insisted that she be buried with the stuffed bear you gave her. It really did mean a lot to her."
"I was happy to do it," Fluttershy said, wiping away tears. "She's okay now."
"I just wish that she didn't have to suffer so much in the end," Starshine's mother said. "You saw her: she could barely move. I wish she didn't have to feel that."
"So do I," Fluttershy said, her voice cracking. "She was such a wonderful filly, and I wish I could have known her before all of this."
"So do we," Starshine's mother said.
"She may have hurt a lot in the end, but she's not hurting now. E-everything is going to be fine for her."
"I keep trying to tell myself that," Starshine's father muttered. "I would have given anything to make the last few weeks not so painful."
"Painful," Fluttershy repeated. She sniffled and took in a shaky breath. Looking behind her, Fluttershy saw a few other mourners lining up to talk to the grieving parents. She excused herself and went into the bathroom, where she finally broke down completely.
"I'm so sorry!" she moaned. "I'm sorry, Starshine! I made the wrong choice! I'm so, so sorry! I could have helped you!" She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I could have helped you."