//------------------------------//
// Punches and Kicks and Party Pony Tricks 
// Story: The Why of Pie 
// by Blank Slate 
//------------------------------//

 The Why of Pie, Chapter Two: Punches and Kicks and Party Pony Tricks.
Note: I do not own MLP: FiM and neither do I own the characters in this story, excluding Rhubarb Pie, Lemon Pie, Sea Star and Roundhouse. Furthermore, I do not own the cover art. All properties beyond the characters listed above are owned by their respective owners, obviously. All used sans permission, but I'd gladly give credit where due: Thank you, Hasbro and Lauren Faust!

[NOTE: This is just a next-scene-setter, with some humour thrown in to appease y'all.]


The wooden dock creaked, salty air blew through the manes of four ponies, and not a word was said for a few minutes. Rainbow Dash spoke up first. "...Wow... Three months with no Twilight or Pinkie Pie? I'm happy they get to go train with that Roundhouse guy, but just... Wow..."
"I know, I just realized it... It'll be fall before they come back!"
"Well then, I'll just have to make them some autumn-toned dresses for when they arrive, no?"
"Hold yer horses, Rarity. We gotta start Pinkie's little games first."

A trio of groans met Applejack in response. She shook her head and waved across the view of the ocean. "Ah know, girls, it doesn't sound like much fun, but look at it this way: While those two are off trainin' an' whatnot, we'll have a chance to see what it's like, livin' the other way around. Ah mean, Rarity, yer always preenin' and primmin' yourself up; why not take a chance to really let loose an' liven things up a bit?"
"I suppose living the fabulous life does get a bit, ehh... dull after a while. If I agree to do this, can we promise never to speak of it again?"
"Sure thing. Now, Fluttershy, you always talk about wantin' to be more assertive, right? So why not get in that ring and kick some flank? Why not show 'em that you'll take no foolin' from nopony? Rainbow Dash, can you honestly tell me you don't wanna at least try? You don't hafta like it, but stick with it and you'll get that ticket money you wanted."
The pegasi turned to each other. Neither could think of a good way to refute this.
"Well... Alright, AJ, you've got me convinced. I may as well go pack my things for law school... blegh..."
"I-I want to be assertive, not agressive!"
"Then grab this bull by the horns and assert that it won't aggravate you or nothin'!"
"Okay, I'll do it... Just don't expect me to win, okay?"
The farmer mare just extended a hoof to bump. "I doubted you'd have it any other way."

Rarity took the leading role after Applejack's speech. "Alright then, everypony, we should get going to prepare for our new lives. We'll have to meet at Sugarcube Corner so the Cakes can start our two months. Rainbow, come with me so I can make you a suit."
"I don't need a suit, Rarity, I'll be fine as I am."
"Oh, please tell me you're joking! You can't present a case in court wearing nothing but your birthday coat! Come with me now, that's an order. At the very least, it will be free, so no complaining!"

Rainbow began glowing a rich blue as she was levitated behind Rarity, struggling all the while to escape the magical grip. "Oh, come on! Lemme go!" The unwilling captive was magically dragged behind the dressmaker as she made her way to the boutique she called home. "Mmm... definitely something earthy... Rainbow, would you prefer corporate style, or a more casual look? Oh, forget it! I have an idea!"

Chuckling, Applejack watched them depart before bringing attention back to Fluttershy. "So, uh, y'all gonna head home and get some workout clothes?"
"All I have is aerobic outfits..."
"That'll do fine. Horsepower's gym will supply all the paddin' and such."
"Applejack, can I be honest with you?"
"Shoot, 'course you can!"
"O-Okay... I'm thinking about taking a dive..."

Applejack trotted to her side, looking the timid pegasus in the eyes. "Now, don't you tell me none of that. Even if you don't want or need the money, you should at least be willin' ta give this a shot."
"But I'm a pacifist... I already said this before..."
"Fluttershy, just think of it like this: Yer not tryin' ta hurt anypony, right?"
"No, of course not!"
"Right, then try to keep them safe while winnin'! There's more ways of sendin' a letter than burnin' it with a dragon."

They laughed briefly at the small joke before an awkward silence fell. "So, uh, Fluttershy?"
"Yes?"
"How exactly do ya start writin' a book?"

*	*	*	*	*

Twilight and Spike sat outside a chalk ring drawn on the massive deck of the ship, avidly waiting for the upcoming duel. Inside the ring, Roundhouse and Pinkie Pie stood forty paces from each other. Each was armed with a single pair of cupcakes. The captain of the ship, as asked, rang the ship's bell as soon as noon struck. "Beeeeeegiiiiiin!"

Pinkie flipped the cupcakes into the air, snatching them in her mouth as they fell. Roundhouse went the traditional way, leaning forward and biting into the confection. In seconds, both sides had finished their cupcakes. Twilight was confused.
"So... it's just an eating contest? Yaaah!"

Pinkie and Roundhouse both began glowing the colours of their respective coats. With a primal scream, Pinkie's mysterious pink light drew back to her hooves and she leapt forward. There was an explosion, and the sound of noisemakers, as she went flying forward a good twenty feet. Her foreleg whiffed past Roundhouse's mane, who promptly turned and struck at Pinkie's side with a massive hoof. But she wasn't there. His eyes widened as Pinkie bucked, both rear legs connecting with the side of Roundhouse's head. The old pony fell to the ground, much to Twilight's horror.

But it was just a ruse. The stallion quickly rolled to the side, light glowing around his front hooves as he stamped mightily upon the deck. The entire front half of the ship nosed into the water as the aft rose, propelling Pinkie Pie into the air. He stomped again and flung himself upwards, shouting and aiming right for Pinkie's stomach with an outstretched hoof. Twilight and Spike hugged each other in terror at the sheer might he could put forth. There was no way any of this was actually possible, and if it were, Twilight surely couldn't expect what happened next. The noisemakers sounded again, and just before Roundhouse struck, Pinkie temporarily stopped existing.

Twilight rubbed her eyes to make sure she'd seen correctly. First, Roundhouse had tilted the ship and leapt into the air after Pinkie Pie. Then, she just vanished. That... that just doesn't happen. She looked to the cowering dragon. "Spike... you saw that too, right?"
"Y-Y-Yeah..."
"You know that doesn't just happen, right?"
"Ye- Aah! Aaahhhhh!"

Pinkie rematerialized in the ring just in front of the shrieking dragon, and the light enveloped her back hooves. Bending at the back knee, she sprung forward in a repeat of her first attack, colliding with Roundhouse's stomach just before he struck the deck. The elder skidded across the water a few yards like a stone before slipping into the drink.

"P-Pinkie Pie... what did you just do?"
The light disappeared with a balloon-like pop! as Pinkie giggled. "I think I just won!"
Roundhouse surfaced after a few moments, treading water to the side of the ship while Pinkie Pie launched a rope to him. He bit on eagerly, and she began to pull him up onto the deck. Once his hooves connected with the hard wooden surface, he shook violently, clearing himself of the brine.
"Pinkie, when did you get so strong? Even I can't move at that speed!"
"Silly Master, I just practiced!"
"Would somepony please explain just what the hay happened!?"

Twilight's mane and tail were beginning to smoulder as the Earth ponies chuckled. "Silly filly, we were sparring!"
"Sparring!? He just flew into the sky, and you teleported! What are you two!?"
Roundhouse tilted his head. "Uh, we're not unicorns if that's what you're thinking. Did Pinkie tell you nothing?"
"Sorry Master, I thought she knew! Twilight knows everything about everything!"
"Huh. Well, guess I better explain for ya, Miss Sparkle. Pinkie, First Stance!"

The party pony snapped a salute and bounced to the centre of the circle, assuming a fighting crouch with her back hooves. Roundhouse dropped his usual cheery attitude, instead almost narrating. "You see, Twilight, Pinkie and I have trained in the martial art form known as Shugakain."
"Sugarcane?" asked Spike.
"No, Shu-ga-kain, although you're half right. This story's a long 'un, so sit tight. A long while back, when ponies first explored beyond the original homelands, a ship of Earth ponies found the zebra tribes. The two groups met each other on the shores, and had a massive feast. The zebras brought out a huge array of foods, including these strange, sweet sticks. The Earth ponies asked about them as best they could, and the zebras just cracked them open. The sticks, as I'm sure you guessed, were sugarcane plants. The Earth ponies had never seen anything so sweet, let alone eaten it, and they began to get very hyper.

"As it happened, a scientist pony was on the ship, and he found a way of controlling the energy from sugarcane and other sweet things through muscle movements. In doing so, he found he could make ponies faster and more energetic while burning said sugar energy. When the Earth ponies introduced their baked goods, it was common sense to sweeten the dull and boring bread up a bit. The scientist, known as Rhubarb Pie, made the first cupcake from the mixture, and ate it right away. 

"The sugar, fats, and carbohydrates drastically exceeded the energy he thought possible, turning all that wasted caloric energy that fattens ponies up into massive muscular impulses, in the right hooves. Rhubarb began refining the muscle control techniques he created, until one day he began to glow. All those calories were turned into pure energy his body could safely use. Delighted, he channeled the energy to his back hooves, and jumped. The next day, when he crashed into the ocean, he claimed he'd invented a revolutionary new exercise that necessitated eating sweets.

"His daughter, Lemon "Lightninghooves" Pie was a born fighter. She learned her daddy's techniques and used them in her martial arts. She was half deaf, so when asked to name her new style, she repeated what she thought they had called the plant, naming the techniques 'Shugakain.' Now, Lemon Pie kept up her training for years, and made some amazing discoveries. She found she could move faster than an eye could see, could smash things with the strength of a thousand ponies, and, as you've probably seen Pinkie Pie here do once or twice, even break the barriers of reality!"
"Break reality?"
"Yeah, break reality! You know all those times when we were just sitting there and I pulled some random doohickey out of nowhere? I was really using my skills to reach back home and grab stuff!"
"The Pie family has been historic in the martial arts world for their mastery of Shugakain ever since they invented it, so don't be surprised that she can do things like that."

Twilight didn't know which was worse; Pinkie Pie being a prodigy in martial combat, or that Pinkie had powers even she couldn't replicate. "It doesn't make sense, though! I can understand using caloric energy as a stimulant for muscles, but how can she open a portal to another location when I can't do that with nearly two decades of magic practice and study?"

"We dunno how it works, but it does! Wanna see?" Pinkie Pie went to her cabin, grabbing a few pastries she'd laid out for just this sort of thing. She came back out a few seconds later, munching them down one by one. Her right forehoof began to glow with the energy her body extracted, and her face was dead serious. "Kiyaaaa!" 

The hoof on the end of her leg disappeared as she struck towards Twilight's face. Twilight nearly fainted as Pinkie Pie pulled back, bringing Gummy the alligator through the rift. "That's not possible... that's not possible..."
Spike's stomach rumbled loudly, waking him up from his daydream of saving Rarity from ninja attack dogs. He patted his ample belly and stood up, scanning the horizon.

"Hey, Master Roundhouse?"
"Just 'Roundhouse,' please."
"Oh, okay. Roundhouse? They have any good gems in Neighppon? I'm starving!"
"No, I'm afraid not. Neighppon is actually a very poor land; we eat well enough, but there's no wealth to be had. Everypony grows their own food because we can't buy a thing. No rare metals, no good timber, and certainly no jewels to be had. I'm sorry."
Spike was annoyed, but didn't show it. "Oh, no problem, I'm just a bit snacky right now. Pinkie, can you punch a portal back home and grab me some gems?"
"Well, do you know where some are?"
He scratched his jaw thoughtfully. "Nope, not unless we rob Rarity. Is that gonna hurt my chances of gettin' some gems?"
"Sorry, Spike, but it will. I can't grab things if I don't know where they are, and if I guess, I might open somepony up!"

"Oh, wow, that sounds painful; maybe I should just teleport... Oh, right." Twilight tapped her numb horn, cursing herself for agreeing to this. "Uh, sorry, but I can't do anything about it. Looks like you'll have to wait until we get back to Ponyville."

Spike fell to his knees, screaming up at the heavens. "NOOOOOOO!!!"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Drama king..."

*	*	*	*	*

Countless ponies were wandering around the ever-busy market, forming a ring outside of Sugarcube Corner. The rumours held that the four ponies that came out that day would be strange, but in such a way that nopony in the town could have expected. The door opened, the bell rung. The first to step out was a cyan pegasus, her windblown mane and tail slicked back into a professional pair of multicoloured ponytails with only a fringe of red still on her face. Her brown business-executive style suit cramped her wings down, preventing her from flying away from the staring crowd.

Next came the white unicorn, her purple curls hidden by a monstrosity of a hat. The hat, a large red cone bedazzled with sequins, reflected coloured light in every direction, with pom-poms and bells bouncing around every time she swivelled her head. Her dress came after the gaudy hat, a sagging tent of sparkle and silk. The baggy clothes tripped her every step, nearly causing her to lose the squeaky red ball on her face. Deep inside, she thought she could hear her heart snapping.

Third was an incredibly shy pegasus, her pale yellow fur contrasting her light blue jogging clothes. Around her hooves and forehead were red and white striped bands. A pair of Vinyl Scratch's finest earphones hung loosely around her neck. She squeaked in fear and dashed toward the lawyer and the clown.

With a sigh, the orange Earth mare trotted out of the bakery. Her traditional hat was gone, her blonde mane no longer tied back behind her. Now, every bit of blonde on her had been straightened, leaving her mane down past her knees. Muffled by the crowd, Rarity whispered to Rainbow, who had just bitten holes at the wing-joints of her suit, "When was the last time she got it cut?" Applejack continued her walk, showcasing the black sweater she'd been cajoled into wearing. The thing was tight, itchy, and unbearably warm, but she put up with it, making her way to the others.

"Well, girls, now's the time. Rarity, yer first gig is at that spoilt little brat Diamon' Tiara's birthday party. She's gonna try rippin' on ya, so don't let her get under yer skin." Rarity sighed and raised a hoof to her eye, wiping away an imaginary tear. "Oh, such a beastly young filly! Oh, spare me from this, Applejack! Take pity on me, and let's trade challenges!"
"Sorry, Rarity, no can do. Pinkie's rules, you unnerstand. Besides, you'd probably just copy one of Twi's romance novels and get done early."
"How dare you accuse me of... No, no, you're probably right, now that I think of it..."
"Heh, exactly. So long, Rarity!"

The formerly fashionable mare made an about-face, trotting in the direction of the Rich family estate. Rainbow prodded Applejack, unfurling her wings. "Sorry to cut this short, but I've gotta fly! My first class is in two hours, and these winds are really gonna kill me when I get going."
"Not a problem, R.D., you go ahead an' git goin'."
Rainbow nodded and wooshed into the sky, turning corkscrews and barreling into the wind. This left Fluttershy and Applejack at the back end of the dispersing crowd.

"Well, Fluttershy, we'd best move on. Horsepower's gym is just a few minutes past Sweet Apple Acres. C'mon, I'll walk ya there."
"O-Okay... Anything I should know about buckboxing first?"
They chatted about the finer points of combat while they trotted before Fluttershy questioned the rules. 
"No, Fluttershy, you most certainly may not surrender before the match starts. Nor durin' it, fer that matter. Wouldn't be right of ya to just back outta this kind of agreement."
"Got it. ...So, can I just fly above the ring so I don't get hurt?"
"No, and if'n ya ask again, Ah'm gonna put weights on those wings."
"Sorry... Do I absolutely have to attack the other pony?"

"Fer land's sakes girl, yes! It's a fightin' sport, ya need to do some fightin'. If Horsepower gets a little too, er, macho for ya, just come on by the farm and have Big Macintosh teach ya. Think he was born with all that empty-headed muscle?"
The two friends laughed before reaching a fork in the dirt road. The left led to downtown Ponyville, home of the infamous bodybuilder Horsepower's gym. The right fork led down to Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack's shiny new typewriter. She sighed and waved her friend off before trudging home. "Ah'm not much of a poet, but this is just ridiculous..."
*	*	*	*	*

Back on the deck, Twilight was taking notes on what she'd learned thus far on her journey.

1. Pinkie Pie is insane!!!
2. She also seems to have powers I can't even understand, and these powers just shouldn't happen. How does she pierce the barriers of reality using just caloric and sugar-based energies? Is there another dimension she reaches through when she's grabbing things from far away? Clearly she can pull living creatures through the portal/tear/whatever it is she reaches through, but the only subject for this so far has been that toothless 'gator. This demands experimentation!

Satisfied, she looked at her notes. A hideous scrawl of black ink looked back, the shapes of letters hideously twisted into forms unrecognizable by the sane. She spat the quill out from her mouth and looked at Spike.
"Hey, Spike, I need your help..."
The young dragon plodded over and read through her notes.
"...So, is your magic like a seperate part of you, maybe the one that can actually write?"
"Hey! It's been ages since I wrote without magic, give me a break!"
"Okay, okay, what did you want written?"

He held the savaged paper at arm's length, focusing a stream of emerald fire onto it. The ash scattered into the wind.
"SPIKE! Why did you send that?"
"I didn't, I burned it. You need to address it, first. How much about hoofwriting letters have you forgotten, anyhow?"
Twilight groaned and gave up, turning to watch the two martial artists demonstrate what they were capable of.

Roundhouse's back left connected neatly with Pinkie's shoulder, sending her careening into the side wall of her cabin. She shook her head and returned to her hooves, determined not to lose this match. She kicked off the wall, sending a barrage of strikes towards Roundhouse. Those he couldn't deflect he weaved around, sweeping Pinkie's hooves out from under her. As she fell, her forelegs reached past her fluffy mane, settling on the solid timbers of the deck. She pulled with all her strength, her body slingshotting back toward the cabin wall as Roundhouse's front hooves struck the spot she had been falling towards. He smirked, impressed.

"Well done, Pinkie! Now, let's get serious!"
He motioned towards their saddlebags, placed on the prow of the ship and tightly knotted. "Blueberry sound good to you?"
"Yuh-huh!"
He effortlessly retrieved the bags, pulling a pair of muffins from his own. With a quick sling, the first hit Pinkie square in the face. She slurped it off herself, smiling as she ate.
"Mm-mm! Ooh, Master! Think we should start teaching Twilight yet?"
"Nah, not here. Don't want to ruin the ship any further, do we?"

The two combatants inspected the ship. The top deck was dented in at both ends, and the cabin wall had seen enough abuse to warrant reconstruction. The captain was steering with a single back leg, not moving his gaze from the sugar-fueled fighters. Pinkie frowned, shuffling a hoof through the sawdust that once was the mizzenmast.
"Right... well, what should we do now?"
"Nothing, it's getting too late to keep sparring."
"But we just ate!"
"Then burn it off with a few laps in the ocean."

He leaned onto his front hooves, giving Pinkie a quick kick to the flank and knocking her overboard. Upon surfacing, she glared up at Roundhouse. "Hey! You don't go shoving ponies into stuff like that! What if we were on a volcano? No, wait! What if we were on the moon? It'd take forever before I got back!"
"A little exercise'll do you some good! I want forty laps of this vessel in twenty minutes!"
"But-but- ...Yes, Master."

Roundhouse walked towards the other two occupants, grinning pridefully. 
"Miss Sparkle, Spike? You two don't mind me being a bit hard on Pinkie Pie, right? From what I heard, she was acting like a complete airhead in Ponyville, so I need to get her mind back in the right state."
Twilight drew circles on the deck with the tip of a hoof, watching the dust motes catch the sun's rays. "I don't really mind, she can clearly handle it, but it's just so different from how she used to be."
"Different? Used to? She's always been the same pony, you know. I've seen her sad only a few times during her training, and believe me, it wasn't pretty."
Twilight thought back to the time Pinkie's hair fell straight and she more or less snapped. She shuddered, and Roundhouse continued.
"What I'm saying is, she's always been the happy-go-lucky party animal, and that won't change now that she's back in her training. You're just seeing a side of her you didn't know existed, and it's clearly bothering you."

Twilight was very impressed at how well the stallion read her. "Wow, that was good! How'd you know what I was thinking?"
"Simple, really. I'm reading what Spike's writing in that little diary he carries around."
"HEY!"

Before Twilight could see, Spike scribbled a name on the front cover of the book, burning it and sending it off into the sunset.
"Spike? Why'd you do that?"
" I didn't want you reading it, so I sent it away."
"And asking me not to didn't cross your mind?"

The dragon hatchling slapped himself, muttering. "Nice one, Spike. Three months without a single entry, how am I gonna cope?"
Twilight sat beside him, trying her best to cheer him up Pinkie-style.
"It's not that bad, Spike. Look, just ask whomever you sent it to to send it back!"
"There's a problem with that, Twi."

Back in Ponyville, at Fluttershy's cottage, Peewee the phoenix was napping, nestled deep in his plumage. The blue book materialized in front of him, landing with a slam! on the hard wooden floor, waking the newly hatched bird up.

"You sent it to a phoenix?"
"What? It was the quickest name I could write."
"Well, write this down, okay?"

Ship's log 1. Sunset, day one, month one.

"Dear Princess Celestia,
Just recently, I learned something new about friends: Even somepony you've known for years always has something new to surprise you with. My good friend Pinkie Pie is more than she appears. Just the other day I thought she was a nuisance, and now, we're setting sail across the ocean for Neighppon! Her zany antics and all the sweets she eats have a connection to all the strange happenings around her, and I've been invited to learn with her!

"...Ok, it's just me trying to trim a few pounds, but that's beside the point. What I learned is that you should never assume that anypony's totally one dimensional, because if you look below the surface, you'll find levels of depth and mystique greater than you could have ever imagined. I should be back in Ponyville in three months, so I'm afraid I'll have only Pinkie Pie for company, and that means fewer letters to you. I hope you won't be disappointed, but I can only learn so much from Pinkie about friendship if I only experience one facet of it.

"Listen to me ramble; I just contradicted what I had you jot down! Hey, Spike, can you hurry up and send this? You're still writing? ...And you're recording everything I say? Aah! Spike, hurry up and sen- NO! Stop writing!"

Ink blotted the scroll as Twilight gave Spike a playful shove, and the dragon torched the letter. They watched in silence as  it began to weave its way as a cloud of smoke, slithering between the clouds and speeding towards Canterlot. 

The quiet moment was shattered as the foghorn sounded and the captain called out, "Attention all passengers, this is Captain Sea Star. We should be making land at Neighppon's eastern coast in twelve hours. At this time, we request that those of you with freaky karate powers kindly simmer down and head to bed, as visibility will soon be zero and you'll probably crush me against the tiller. Thank you, and have a peaceful sleep."

Twilight scooped Spike onto her back, trotting towards their cabin. Pinkie Pie finally completed her laps and clambered aboard, yawning. "Whooooooahhhhhh! I am beat! You two better get some rest, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow! Twilight, I hope you like cooking breakfast, because that's all we're doing once we get there!"

Twilight blanched, looking to Spike for some confidence. The dragon was, however, barely suppressing his laughter at the concept. "Heeheehee! Oh, Pinkie, don't worry! She'll do fi-hahahaha! Sh-she'll do fine!"
Twilight bucked upwards, launching him into the cabin.
"You think I can get some help with that?"
"Sure, but get some sleep! It's way past your bedtime!"

With nothing more to say, she joined Gummy in her bunk, leaving Twilight and Roundhouse on the deck. She didn't even know he was there until he spoke. "I'm guessing you're the food eating type, rather than the food making type?"
"Gah! Oh, it's just you... Um, well, yeah, I guess I am a bit of a snacker... Is that going to make this more difficult?"
"Shugakain is an art powered by the overconsumption of snack foods. I think that'll give you an unfair advantage!"

He got onto his side and closed his eyes, drifting to sleep on the hard wooden deck. Twilight shrugged and clambered into her bed, closing her eyes and giving in to the darkness of slumber. All the preparations made that day, combined with the excitement of the duel between Pinkie Pie and Roundhouse, soon found her consciousness fading away into the tranquility of the sea at night. The lone ship rocked back and forth, making its slow, steady way towards Neighppon.

*	*	*	*	*