//------------------------------//
// The Kiss 
// Story: You Can't Always Get What You Want 
// by FireflyDash 
//------------------------------//

You weren’t always like this, hoping that by some miracle she would even hint in your direction. You used to be that guy who went with the flow and took things in stride, never forcing anything to go your way. If you ever did want something, you’d put some effort into it and it usually paid off in the end. Now here you were at an impasse, flowing against the current instead of with it. There was something you wanted, or rather somepony. Her name was Rainbow Dash, self-proclaimed fastest flier in all of Equestria. You never expected it to happen, but sometimes life throws things that you would never expect. Perhaps it would make more sense if you started from the beginning.





It was another bright and sunny day in Ponyville. You had the day off from your day job, giving you a full day to yourself. You hummed a simple tune as you walked around deciding what to do with myself, waving at everypony who passed by. Being the only human in Equestria, it wasn’t hard to bring attention to yourself what with your long arms and dangling fingers. It was awkward in the beginning, similar to what happened with Zecora when she first walked into this crazy town. The Mane Six were more than ready to accept you, since they already learned that lesson with her. The rest of the inhabitants took a while longer to warm up, as they weren’t directly involved.

You walked into the library where you greeted Twilight Sparkle. It was a public library, so you could have barged whenever you wanted to, so long as they fell within the business hours (which were considerably short as Twilight only worked it as a part time job). 

“Hey Twi, have anything planned for today?” you asked, shutting the door in stride.

“Anon! It’s been a while,” Twilight ran up to greet you. She wrapped her front hooves around your waist, giving a tight hug. She was considerably smaller than you, only reaching your waist on her hind legs, like she was doing now. It was awkward at first, but it became such a daily occurrence that it didn’t bother you as much. These ponies were certainly touchier than your human counterparts, though. “After taking care of the library, the girls and I are participating in a fundraiser for the orphanage. You should come!”

“Sounds interesting. When is it at?” you asked, grinning that you only sported when talking to your friends.

“Two o’ clock at the park. Make sure you brush your teeth before coming,” she winked.

You looked at your Daring Do watch, which read ten past noon. That was convenient, as you planned on eating after visiting Twilight. “Wait, why do I have to brush my teeth?” It just dawned on you what she said. Why would she give such an odd request?

“Well, for the fundraiser, we’re giving everypony who donates a kiss, or a hug. So bathing might be optimal as well. One bit for a hug and two bits for a kiss,” she says without losing stride in her voice.

“What? Ew! Twilight, that’s unsanitary!”

“What do you mean, Anon?” She was clearly confused.

“Don’t some ponies have diseases? What if somepony is sick and decides to swap saliva with you?”

“What? I never heard of that. Is that something that was common in your world?” she asked, obviously curious. You swore that this world was too innocent at times, never worried about disease or famine. It was optimistic, happy, and full of warmth—almost like you. Yet, there was a naughty undertone to this world as well. Let’s just say that love and friendship was a huge part in the success of Equestria, and with love came the good times behind closed doors. It was confusing for you to even think about it.

“Yes. There’s a host of bacteria in your mouth. The common cold isn’t what I’m worried about. What about sexually transmitted diseases? Granted I don’t have any of those,” admitting, hoping Twilight wouldn’t become suspicious of whatever potential diseases you may have had. Which was NONE, as you thoroughly stated.

She seemed thoughtful for a moment, raising her hoof to her chin. “Interesting. I’ve never heard of a case like that before. I’ll have to do some research on it later when I have time.”

Oh boy, what did you just do? Soon she’ll be known as a classic OCD patient, constantly brushing her teeth. Maybe telling her about this wasn’t such a good idea. Oh well, sanitation wasn’t the only problem you were worried about.

“I’m not too keen on kissing a pony, but I can manage a hug," you admitted.

“Come on, Anon. I understand your adversity in forming intimate relationships with the inhabitants, but it’s for a good cause. You should at least try it. I’m not saying you should commit to whomever you kiss, but it could be a whole new experience for you. You’ve been avoiding this subject for a while and it’s unlike you to try new things.”

“How aren’t you ponies disgusted at the thought of kissing something else that isn’t your species? Our culture frowns upon things like that,” you countered. 

“Like I said before, Anon, interspecies relationships aren’t uncommon. Nopony is going to ostracize you for it. It’s worth a shot.” You understood that she was trying to help you, but this subject was taboo by human standards. Perhaps she was right. These ponies weren’t like the ones on Earth. They could speak and had vibrant personalities, much like humans did. Maybe it was the whole anatomy aspect that scared you a bit. Even then, these ponies were civilized to the point where they had treatment for sewage.

You remained silent for a moment. There really weren’t any downsides to it other than a potential zoonotic infection. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s the spirit!” Twilight smiled.

As if on cue, your stomach began to growl. Funny how these small coincidences happened here in Equestria.

“Well, I’d better go if I want to make it on time to the fundraiser. I’ll see you later, Twilight.”

“Bye, Anon! Don’t forget to brush your teeth!” she reminded.





After eating, you headed home to brush your teeth. You lived in the midst of the town, in an apartment near Town Hall, so you weren’t squeezed on time or anything. After taking a nice shower and making sure that your teeth were squeaky clean, you started for the fundraiser.

You thought about earlier on what Twilight said about interspecies relationships. You weren’t against it or anything. Ponies could do whatever they wanted behind closed doors and it wouldn’t have affected you. It was just the thought of you doing such an act to a pony. Sure these weren’t your run-of-the-mill ponies you had back on Earth, but your cultural conditioning still conflicted with the culture these ponies set up. You remembered the first time when a pony started flirting with you. Minuette was her name. She had a mane that reminded you of a certain toothpaste brand back on Earth. You were clueless at first, but Pinkie Pie made it obvious that she wasn’t just trying to be friendly. You, of course, let her off easy, but it was one of those things you quite didn’t understand until Fluttershy and Twilight told you. It was probably one of the weirdest things you experienced that was—like Twilight said—not uncommon.

As you approached the park, you could see various ponies in the distance setting up booths. As you came closer you saw how it was organized. There were six tables, each with a red blanket draped over them. They were laid out across the grass adjacent to one another, each with its own vendor. There was a sign next to each of the tables that showed how much a hug and a kiss was worth. Other ponies began to crowd the area, most of which were Stallions and younger teenaged colts. You spotted Twilight operating a vendor and decided to make your presence known.

“Hey! You made it!” she greeted.

“Hi,” you said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. You scratched the back of my head, avoiding eye contact with Twilight.

“We’re about to get started, so go on ahead and choose which pony you want to hug or kiss.”

“Okay,” you turned away from Twilight.

“Oh, and Anon!”

You turned towards her once again.

“I did a little research about those diseases you were talking about and apparently the magic fallout around Equestria prevents any deadly diseases from coming in contact with other living creatures.”

“Um, good to know. I guess.” You were short with her.

You walked away from her booth. It was awkward enough that she wanted you to participate in a kissing fundraiser, let alone choosing her as someone to kiss.

You coughed slightly and looked around to see who the vendors were, other than Twilight of course.

There was Fluttershy, and boy did she look nervous, maybe even more than you. She was out of the picture. On the other end of the spectrum, there was Pinkie Pie who wasn’t shy at all, giving hugs and kisses to ponies left and right for free. She was out of the picture. There was Rarity, who seemed a bit formal about the whole ordeal, commanding the pony on how to kiss a lady properly. No thank you. Then there was Rainbow Dash, bragging to the whole crowd how awesome it would be to kiss the fastest flier in Equestria. Maybe, if you could get over her ego. Finally there was Applejack, who was in the middle of the rest of the ponies. If you could visualize a number line with Fluttershy at one end and Pinkie on another, Applejack would be right there in the middle.

Initially, Applejack seemed like the best choice as she was the most understanding of your situation of interspecies relationships, but you couldn’t help but think that your first kiss in Equestria should be a bit more spicy. Rainbow Dash it is.

BUT, you really didn’t have to go through with this. It was a charity and charities ran around the concept of doing it because you wanted to, but that was the problem. You wanted to help donate to the cause, but you could do without the reward.

“Hey Twilight!” you said, returning to her booth.

“Hey, Anon! What can I help you with?” she asked, with a slight suggestive undertone.

“I was wondering if I could just donate and not receive my reward,” you asked.

Twilight frowned. “Sorry, but the Official Equestrian Rule Book on Charity states that you must receive your award upon payment.”

“Why?” Couldn’t they have just taken your money and be on your way?

“Well, for legal protection. A pony participated in a charity fifty years ago, not wanting a reward. Three months later, he came out saying that the charity refused to give him a reward, thus rising what was at the time, ‘The Biggest Charity Scandal.’”

Well, there went your trump card.

“Come on, Anon,” Twilight assured you. “It’s for a good cause. All it calls for is a simple kiss. You don’t even have to if you don’t want to. You can just give two hugs and be done with it.”

“Okay, I guess that works,” you nodded your head in agreement.

You were just about to walk away when Twilight stopped you again. “Oh and Anonymous?” You craned your head back to her. “Sorry if it seemed like I was forcing you. I just wanted you to try something new. Hope you aren’t mad.”

You turn away from her and casually waved it off, understanding. 

Creeping up to Rainbow Dash’s booth, you gave a sheepish smile and waved. “Hi.”

“Hey cowpony, think you can handle this mare?” Her scratchy tomboyish voice sent a chill through your spine. She was way too confident. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe Applejack will calm it down a notch.

“Uh…”

“Hey, relax. I’m only teasing.” God, she can be so…Rainbow sometimes. You had forgotten how she could be. You never spent a lot of time with her, only on the rare occasion when she was with her friends. “So Anon, what’s it going to be?”

You stood there for a moment as time froze all around you. This was it. Your decision. It wasn’t hard considering what Twilight told you, but you still couldn’t get this species boundary out of the way. You avoided her gaze, not wanting her to see how nervous you were. You couldn’t have felt more like Fluttershy if you tried.

“A hug,” you said, tossing a bit onto the table.

“Heh, no problem.” She flew up to you and wrapped her forelegs around you. Even her hugs were filled with confidence. You couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved as a sigh of contentment escaped your throat. You returned the hug. It lasted for only a moment as you felt her retract from you. “I’m not much for the mushy stuff,” she says, “but even I know a good hug can calm down a manticore. Trust me, I’ve seen Fluttershy do it.”

You felt more confident after that. Still a bit shaky, but she knew how to hug, even though she was a bit tomboyish. In fact…

“Hey Rainbow, how ‘bout a kiss?” you asked. 

“Feeling confident are we? We’ll see about that. I think you’ll just chicken out.”

Was she challenging you? Oh, did she just challenge you? She had no idea what you had in store. You liked a good challenge and you know what? Pony or not, this pegasus was about to get the kiss of her life! It had been a while since you have actually kissed, though, so here was hoping to whatever deity these ponies believed in that you could satisfy her.

You dropped your two bits on the table and added an extra one for insurance. Confused by your actions, you smacked your lips together and brought her head to yours.

Upon impact, it was sloppy due to her surprise and your lack of familiarity with a pony’s anatomy, but you didn’t stop there. The initial surprised yelp immediately gave you entrance to her moist mouth. Her cries of disgust are drowned as you violently fought with her tongue, dominating every corner of her mouth, while still trying to massage her lips with yours. She began to stop struggling as you stroked the back of her mane with the hand you held her head with, occasionally making swirl patterns with your fingers. You dared not to open your eyes even though you felt her tongue beginning to fight you rhythmically with hers. Your cheeks heated up as she began pushing towards you, giving into the kiss. It felt like forever, as your lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. Finally, you broke the kiss, inhaling as much air as you could muster and breathed a sigh of contentment.

You locked eyes with her for a moment, feeling something in the pit of your stomach that you haven’t felt in a long while. A cerise color formed on her cheeks as the heat of her blush intertwined with the light blue of her coat, nearly matching her eyes. She was panting lightly as you slowly withdrew your hand from the back of her head. Something about kissing this pony felt…right. 

You were in heaven, until a noise made its way to your ears. Snapping out of your stupor you broke contact with Rainbow and noticed how everyone was staring at you two. Your sudden awareness brought Rainbow out to the real world as well. A few Stallion pegasi had their wings fully erect at the sight they just witnessed. This couldn’t have gotten any more awkward.

“Um…well thanks for the kiss Dash. I’m sure it was for a great cause!” you said, trying to not act suspicious at all. You tossed two extra bits on the table for damage control between you and her.

“Heh, sure thing. Glad to see you have a generous heart. Your contribution is greatly appreciated,” she followed.

Now was a great time to get the heck out of dodge as you took your leave back to your house, watching more and more stallions lining up to Rainbow Dash.


Your head was racing a mile a second as you threw yourself on your bed. What in the world did you just do? You rubbed your eyes, hoping to find some relief from the embarrassment that you felt. Not only did you kiss Dash, you did it quite intimately.

“Ugh, why did I do that?” you asked yourself. “A simple kiss and that would have been the end of it! But no, I just had to make a fool of myself!”

You never expressed your feelings through monologue, unless you were trying to work out a difficult problem.

“It was Dash’s fault! If it wasn’t for her overconfidence, I wouldn’t have done such a thing! I should have gone to Applejack!” Pinning the blame on Dash was a bit out there. Yeah, she did give that hug that just made you feel unstoppable, but it wasn’t her fault that she was the one there. She was just caught in the crossfire between you and your problems.

“It’s not that I liked it or anything,” you mumbled, unsure of your feelings. “Maybe I just need some rest. Can’t think like this with all this stress.”

You hopped out of bed, and stripped to your boxers. You didn’t like sleeping with your clothes on. It just felt too restrictive to keep them on, especially when you occasionally tossed and turned in bed.

You jumped back in bed and laid there for a while, but sleep didn’t come easy as today’s actions were still fresh on your mind. Eventually, with enough effort, sleep took hold of you and you drifted off into some troubled dreams.





For the next week, you avoided Rainbow Dash and any other type of social interaction like the plague, only going out when you needed to work, shop, or pay bills. For the most part, many of the ponies who saw you at the fundraiser went about their week, never batting an eye in your direction (which was a blessing for you, because it was quite embarrassing). Avoiding Rainbow was more difficult in that she was the master of the sky. She noticed everything and had a bird’s eye view. Every morning you took the precaution to check all of your windows to make sure she wasn’t in sight. She nearly caught you one time as you were making your way to work as you neglected to notice that she was on the ground, casually talking to other pegasi. You couldn’t help but notice that every time that you saw her you felt that same feeling in the pit of your stomach from when you first kissed her. It wasn’t because you were nervous or scared that she would spot you, because you were already on edge. Whatever it was made you feel giddy for some reason, like you were looking forward to talk to her.

Here you were in the present, reading a textbook on magic that you borrowed from Twilight a week before your social mishap took place. You always wondered how magic worked in this world, as it seemed to have defied physics for the most part. More particularly, you were interested in this “magic fallout” Twilight talked about.

Apparently, magic was everywhere like air was. Every time a unicorn used magic, a pegasus flapped their wings, or an earth pony tended to preparing food, magic was released into the air, producing “magic fallout.” On a microscopic scale, it was hazardous. You hoped that you wouldn’t develop cancer from this, but a little further into your reading put you at ease. There were two types of magic: Hostile and non-hostile. Most of the magic used in Equestria was non-hostile, meaning that the ponies were blanketed with magic that protected them. Hostile magic was rare, seen only by Nightmare Moon. Huh, the more you know?

Your thoughts couldn’t focus on your book for long as it drifted back towards Rainbow Dash. It started with a question: if Rainbow Dash has powerful wings, will her magic runoff be greater than other pegasi? Then it delved into you and her hanging out at a picnic, talking about life. Then you thought of that kiss. The way her flat tongue tried to battle yours as she pushed to try and access your mouth unconsciously made you smile.

Your thoughts were interrupted as a knock came to your door. You shook yourself free from your thoughts and began to wonder who it could be that was knocking on your door. You didn’t get much company, aside from the unusual visits from Pinkie Pie. You casually sauntered towards the door and opened it.

“Oh hey, there you are!” Your mouth hung open as Dash greeted you. Those feelings of butterflies in your stomach began to surface. Like it or not, you were happy to see her. “I’ve been looking for you all over, but once Pinkie told me where you live, I thought I’d drop by.”

Curse that pink mare. You’ll have to have a chat with her next time you see her.

“Um…hi,” you started off awkwardly. Gosh, why was it so hard to talk? “About last week, sorry I did that. I wasn’t intending to do that.”

“Hey, I understand. Even our local human resident wants a piece of the Dash,” she bragged, much to your amusement.

You lightened up a bit more. “Well, let’s get one thing straight. I’m not interested in ponies. You challenged me and I took the challenge,” you grinned.

She snickered entering your house like it was her own, much to your surprise. Yet, you didn’t mind it. “Well, I’m glad to hear that,” she said taking a seat on one of your couches. “I thought we’d have an awkward talk about what happened, but you seem pretty cool about it.”

“What about?” you asked curiously.

“Well, let’s just say my coltfriend wasn’t too happy when the word reached him,” she admitted.

So she was taken? Huh, never thought you’d ever see Dash committed, even though she was the element of loyalty. “Ha, I’ll have to apologize to him once he cools down. I didn’t mean to shake up your relationship or anything. I wasn’t even aware you had a boyfriend,” you smiled coyly. 

Hmmm…why do you feel sad all of a sudden?

Another chuckle escaped Dash. “Yeah, you better let me talk to him first so he knows what’s up.”

“Well, I don’t mean to be a prude or anything, but didn’t you return the kiss?”

“Yeah, yeah. It wasn’t like I wanted to or anything. There was that whole, ‘you have to kiss once payment is received’ spiel. You dropped a few more bits than necessary, so I just took it in stride. Besides, I know who I’m loyal to,” she smirked. “It was for charity after all,” she giggled. “But once you left, I had gotten a huge line all thanks to you. Saved nearly 500 bits alone that day.”
Gosh she was so cocky! But it didn’t bother you as much as you thought it would. Rather, the whole coltfriend irked you for some reason, but you couldn’t put your finger on it.

“Anyways, I better go. Gotta clear up some air around Soarin’ before he has a fit. Thanks for being understanding,” she said as she flew towards the still open door. “We should totally hang out more.”

Before you could usher in a word, she was gone. A sinking feeling came from within, like you were alone. It worried you as you never felt such a feeling before. You looked towards the sky, hoping that Dash would return, but it never came. You closed the door and picked up your book, hoping that by some miracle, time would pass by faster in order to see her again.