Twilight had been doing fine, reading her books as she sipped on her cup of coffee. Staying with Dash until her home had been repaired was actually rewarding.
“Would you knock it off?!”
“I’m sniping the other team!”
“Get off your ass and actually run around the map!”
“Snipers don’t do that!”
Her performance when it came to flying had skyrocketed thanks to her daily lessons with the Wonderbolt.
“Pinkie, stop camping!!”
“Im not! I’m surveying the area from a particular spot!”
“THAT’S FUCKING CAMPING!!!!”
She had also been a great hostess. She cooked almost every meal, and she did it well. She would even go as far to say that she makes the best roasted almond and seasoned daisy flower sandwiches she had ever eaten.
“Oh my Gods, get your shit together!!”
“Oh, so you’re gonna blame me because you got killed? That was clearly somepony being a noob!!”
“They would’ve had to get in your line of sight in order to kill me! You suck at sniping!”
“You couldn’t avoid an rpg round?” there was a giggle, “Sounds like you’re the one that sucks, not me.
And despite her rough and brash personality, she was a very prim and clean pony, and kept her house just that way as well.
“OH MY GODS!!!”
“Dashie, get it together!!”
“Shut the hell up!!”
She honestly couldn’t complain about much during her stay. There was only one thing that irked at her nerves,
“Pinkie Pie, you’re such a fucking troll!!”
And it was Dash’s gamer rage.
Twilight sighed as the bickering between Dash and Pinkie raged on. She got up and trotted into the living room. She walked in on Dash having a hoof digging into Pinkie’s stomach, and Pinkie had her teeth latched onto the Pegasus’ ear. Twilight rolled her eyes,
“What seems to be the problem?”
“Pinks keeps camping in the game, and it’s pissing me off!”
Twilight turned to Pinkie, “I meant to ask earlier, but how did you get here? We’re, you know, in the air.”
Pinkie let go of Dash’s ear, “Well, duh silly!! I got up here just like you did!”
Twilight arched an eyebrow, “You flew up here?”
“No, the author wrote me into this scene!”
“What?”
Dash spoke up before Pinkie could reply to the Alicorn, “Anyway, Pinks is being a fucking camping noob! And it’s pissing me off!”
Pinkie giggled, “It’s not my fault that you kept dying, Dashie.”
“Pinkie, what scene are you talking about? You mean like, in a show?” Twilight questioned. Her question went unanswered as Dash lunged at Pinkie, starting up another brawl between them. Twilight’s horn lit up as she used her magic to break the two apart,
“Alright you two, that’s enough. You’re acting like a couple of foals.” She plopped Dash on one side of the puffy cloud couch, and Pinkie on the other end. She stepped in front of them,
“Rainbow, you really need to get that gamer rage of yours in check. Pinkie may be able to handle your anger, but can the same be said for your other friends?”
Dash crossed her forelegs and let out a huff, “No…”
“Okay then. So let’s apologize and let Pinkie play the game however she wants to play it. Remember, it’s just that, a game.”
Dash looked over at Pinkie, “I’m sorry for getting upset with you. You got a different playing style that I just…you know, don’t like. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t like you.”
Pinkie smiled, “I totally accept your apology for your rage, and your suckiness at ‘BattleField 4’. It’s not your fault, and I’m not upset at you for it.”
Before Dash could retaliate, Twilight shoved a hoof over her mouth,
“Thank you, Pinkie, for that well thought out and sincere apology!!” she looked back at Dash, slightly shaking her head. Dash rolled her eyes and moved Twilight’s hoof,
“Yeah…thanks.”
With a satisfied smile on her face, Twilight stepped away from them, “Now that that’s cleared up, I can go and look up what ‘noob’ means.”
Pinkie and Dash stared at her, dumbfounded. They then looked at each other, and proceeded to burst into a fit of laughter. Twilight looked at the duo with confusion,
“What’s so funny?”
“Y-y-you don’t know what a ‘noob’ is?” Pinkie questioned as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Is it some type of strange animal?”
Pinkie and Dash’s laughter turned to wheezing, as they struggled to get air in their lungs. Twilight stared at them, unamusement added on to her confusion. Dash turned to her and gasped for air,
“Do…do you at least know what ‘camping’ is?”
The Alicorn rolled her eyes, “Of course I do! It’s when we go out into the woods, and do camping activities such as telling storied over a fire, making s’mores, and sleeping under the open sky.”
During the reply, Dash and Pinkie had gotten air back into their lungs, because when she was done, their laughter exploded. She sighed and started to turn around and head back to the guest bedroom. Pinkie grabbed on to her hind leg,
“Wait, wait!! I’m-” she snickered. “I’m sorry!!” she took a few deep breaths before rising to her hooves, “Okay…how about Dashie and I just show you the definition?”
“I’ve never even seen that word in a book before.” Twilight replied. “Is there some new edition of the di-”
“Twilight, please don’t finish that sentence.” Dash cut her off. “I can’t take anymore.” She finished it off with a giggle. “C’mon. Pinks and I know a website where you can find out what it means.”
The three ponies traveled up the fluffy cloud stairs, to an even fluffier cloud room. It consisted of a few pieces of exercising equipment, a yoga mat, and a laptop sitting in black bean bag. Dash hovered over to the laptop and grabbed it. She opened it, turned on the power, and brought it over to the other two, who were comfortably laying out on the floor.
“Okay, so there’s this website called ‘Urban Dictionary’, and you can look up pretty much any slang term you’ve ever heard in your life on this website.” Dash started to explain. “All you gotta do, is type the word, or words, you’re trying to find, just wait!”
She slid the lap top over to Twilight, who proceeded to type in ‘noob’,
“Originally an (shortened) insult to newcomers in forums or internet games e.g. counter strike, the word has been stolen and is currently being used as an insult with a different meaning. It is used in certain places to describe somepony who is slightly - ahem - slow and ditsy. Basically it is used to insult a pony who makes a stupid comment or somepony who makes many stupid comments.” Twilight read out loud, as her eyes scrolled the texts. She looked over at Dash,
“This is actually pretty helpful. Thank you.”
Dash smiled and grinned, “No problem, Egghead. Now please…look up the other meaning for camping before you embarrass yourself again…”
Twilight sighed and typed in ‘camping’.
“A term used most frequently in first-pony shooter video games, ‘camping’ refers to the act of hiding or otherwise remaining in a hidden, obscured, or safe location in order to ambush an enemy or objective, or to avoid harm. There is much controversy over whether or not camping is a respectable strategy; some claim camping is cowardly and cheap, while others maintain that it is intelligent and strategic.” Twilight turned to Pinkie,
“So…you were cheating.”
Pinkie shook her head, “No I wasn’t. You just read the definition for yourself!”
“Nah, you were totally cheating.” Dash stated in a flat tone. Pinkie growled and shoved the Pegasus, who in turn, shoved right back. Twilight swiped up the laptop and proceeded to move, as she knew the brawl between the two was about to begin. She ignored the sounds of punches and shouting, she began to type in more words that she had heard before, but didn’t quite understand.
“Ooh…that’s what that meant?” she questioned as she looked over definition after definition of words. Hmm…that is really strange they’d use that word in such a way…”
The search continued on. So long in fact, that Pinkie and Dash had stopped fighting, and were taking turns playing ‘Destiny’.
“You think Twilight fell asleep up there or something?” Dash questioned as she pounded a couple of the controller’s buttons, “Fuck! I died…”
Pinkie snatched the controller away from her, “No, she’s probably still on the laptop looking up EVERYTHING she’s EVER heard. You know that she doesn’t speak much slang.”
“WAZZUP MOTHAFUCKAS?! T-Y Sparklez in the hizzouse!!!”
Dash and Pinkie craned their heads around, and looked up at Twilight.
“Where’d you get that bandana from?” Pinkie squinted and leaned forward, “Is that…is that a grill in your mouth?”
Twilight let out a hearty laugh, “Hell yeah!! I got the freshest, best karats I could get! And these rocks are so icy, that the Crystal Empire ain’t got shit on me!!”
Dash snickered, “Twilight-”
“T-Y!!”
A snort escaped from her nose, “Okay…T-Y…what’s that’s on your foreleg?”
Twilight snorted and grinned, “It’s my sick ink, dumbass. It says ‘Thug Life’.”
“I have a tattoo too!!” Pinkie screamed with glee, as she defied physics once again and rolled up the coat on her right foreleg like a sleeve. She showed her pearly whites, as Twilight and Dash looked at the ink,
“’Hug Life’?” they both questioned in unison, as Pinkie practically trembled with joy,
“Yeah!!”
“Pffft, you ain’t no bad ass like me!” Twilight declared. “T-Y would wipe the floor with yo’ asses like a fucking mop!!”
Dash’s brow furrowed, “Well Rainbow Dash would school you like a teacher!”
Pinkie clacked her hooves together, “Yay, third-pony speech!! Pinkie Pie loves Twilight and Dashie!!”
“You don’t wanna scrap with me son! I got 99 problems, and bitch, you ain’t one!!”
Steam spouted from Dash’s nostrils, “What the fuck?! Did you really just go there?!”
“Pinkie Pie doesn’t want Twilight and Dashie to fight!!” Pinkie screamed out. “Twilight and Dashie are friends!!”
“My name is T-Y. It’s not that hard to say!! What are you, retarded?!”
“This has gotten out of hoof, Twilight!” Dash shouted, “Cut the shit!!”
“I don’t have to do a damn thing you say, you punk ass bitch!!”
Dash’s magenta eye twitched, “What…did…you…just…call…me?”
Twilight gave her an arrogant smirk, “I said…you’re a punk ass bitch!!”
“NOPONY CALLS ME A PUNK ASS BITCH!!”
“I just did! And I’ll call you anything I want to!"
Pinkie’s body trembled. Something bad was about to happen.
“Like how you’re a bitch ass nig-”
Pinkie jammed her hoof into Twilight’s mouth.
“Don’t say that word!! We’re not supposed to!” Pinkie frantically looked around her, “She’ll be mad if you say it...”
Twilight chomped down on Pinkie’s hoof, causing the pony to pull it out, “I’ll say whatever the fuck I wanna say!! Now, I learned if off of Urban Dictionary, and I’m gonna use it!!”
Dash put a hoof to her lips, “My Gods…we’ve created a monster…”
“You…are…a”
Dash made a cross over her chest,
“…bitch…ass….”
Pinkie shook her head as Twilight inhaled,
“Twilight, NO!!!”
“NIIIIIIIGGGGG-"
***
“AAAAAHHHH!!!!”
Twilight jumped up with a start, heart pounded and sweat on her brow. She looked around at her surroundings. Pinkie and Dash were honed in on the TV, playing on the Playstation.
“Pinkie…”
“Yup?”
“What happened?”
Pinkie paused the game, “What are you talking about?”
“How did I end up on the couch?”
Dash chuckled, “Okay so get this; you were on Urban Dictionary, right? And you told us about how you heard about ‘Donkey Punch’, and that you wanted to know what it was.”
“We tried to tell you not to bother with that, but you didn’t listen!!” Pinkie continued for the Pegasus. “So you looked it up, and ‘BAM’, the information overloaded your brain and you passed out on the floor!”
Twilight rubbed her chin, “So I guess it was just a dream…”
Dash arched a brow, “What was just a dream?”
“Well, there was some word I was going to use, but Pinkie stopped me, and told me that ‘She’d be mad’ if I said it. I don’t even know who ‘She’ is.”
The pink and cyan ponies leaned in. Dash leaned even closer,
“So what was the word?”
“It was ‘nig’-”
Pinkie smashed her hoof to Twilight’s mouth, shaking her head vigorously,
“Oh no no no. I know what you’re going to say. You can’t say that word, it’s not ‘Okie Dokie Lokie’!”
Twilight removed the offending hoof from her mouth, “Why not though?”
With a smile, the pink pony replied,
“Because the writers will be upset!!”
Steam spouted from Twilight’s ears, “WHO ARE THE WRITERS?!”
“The ones who write what we say!!”
“WHAT?!?!?!”