Pinkie reached her destination, a shoe outlet called Shoe Strike! Their motto on the sign read, "Looking for shoes? Strike up your chances for success today!" Dustin just looked at the store and was amazed he was still living. Being dragged inside forcefully, Pinkie sprinted up and down the aisles, eyeballing various shoe styles and colors. When she returned, the boxes were above her head.
"All those for me?" asked Dustin.
"No, silly, these are all for me. Your box is next to your feet," she chuckled, the boxes falling sharply on the floor.
Dustin opened the box to see a pair of open toe sandals. The black band covered the top of his foot, leaving his toes dangling carefree in the open air. He was stunned at the fact that there were normal shoes for him to wear. He thought for sure there would be some kind of like malformity to the shape or size of the shoe. He glanced at the shoe size on the side of the box. It read: Foals Size 8. Dustin's eyes squeezed shut, his soul splintering into more tiny fragments inside of himself. Dustin could feel his life essence slowly fading away, his masculinity the size of a chick pea. Dustin swallowed his pride and just accepted his lucky chance of finding a pair of shoes that fit, even though they were children's shoes. Dustin kept the pair of sandals on his feet while Pinkie finished going through the pair of shoes. What seemed like hours passing, Dustin wavered in and out of consciousness, Pinkie politely nudging him.
"I didn't find anything good. Let's just go check yours and we can go have some fun ok?" asked Pinkie, her cheery smile bringing warmth into Dustin's ice cold, black heart.
Dustin nodded coyly like a five year old, his hand holding onto Pinkie's hoof as the two of them went to pay for the shoes. Pinkie paid 12 bits for the shoes, kindly thanking the elderly stallion as he gazed in wonder at the hideous, befoul creature that now wore a brand hew pair of sandals. As soon as the duo walked out of the store, he threw up his lunch into the wastebasket next to him.
"Well what now?" asked Dustin.
"Well, I have a question, Dustin. What are you?"
"Well, I'm a human. I come from a planet called Earth in another dimension. I am a sentient creature that loves to have a good laugh. My life on that planet was very dull to be honest."
"Hmmm, well, you don't seem like you would case harm. Ok, well, I'm Pinkie! Nice to meet you!" she smiled, extending her hoof out.
Don't say you know her, don't say you know her Dustin thought to himself. "Heh, I know that," said Dustin aloud. That's it I'm outta here! Dustin's brain said, a car driving away inside of his head.
"How do you know me? That's impossible.....unless...you are a psychic!" she shouted, striking a ninja pose.
"No, I just saw a glimpse of you in the dimensional rift, but I didn't know your name until you said it." Alright good save, idiot, I'm back in for the long haul, Dustin's brain said to himself.
"Oh, ok, I was wondering because I've been to other dimensions before. He looked like you...only more fit."
"Hey!"
"Wait wait wait, I wasn't done. He called himself a time lord? I think that's what he was. I don't know, but his wand was all like vshhhh, voooom, pshhhhh," replied Pinkie, making whooshing sounds. "Oh and it was on this like stick thingy."
"Is it a wand?"
"Yeah! That's it! And it glowed green! It was awesome! There were robots, and these little pod things called Daleks, ooh, there was-"
Dustin zoned out immediately, the pink pony's words falling on deaf ears. Dustin couldn't believe what he was hearing. She has gone into other dimensions. She met the Doctor.....the REAL DOCTOR! THE DOCTOR IS REAL! DALEKS ARE REAL! What else is real!??! he thought to himself before blurting out, "SWEET CELESTIA I AM SO PUMPED!"
Pinkie's eyes went as wide as dinner plates, her face slowly changing into a strawberry red. Her eyes drifted from his face down to his bulge. Legend says that it grew three times the normal size that day, an iconic image forever burned into the pony's mind. In all of Dustin's excitement, he didn't realize that he had awoken his sleeping friend downstairs.
"Ummm, Dustin?" her tone going higher with each syllable.
"Yes?" he shouted, still excited.
"Your ummmm, stallionhood has awoken from his slumber," she said embarrassingly, her tail forming an arrow and pointing at the bulge in his pants.
"AAAAHHH COME ON! Pinkie, I need your help!"
"B-But I've never done it before," she replied bashfully, drawing small circles in the dirt.
Dustin's eyes stared in disbelief, his eye twitching in frustration. "No, I need you to hit me, like physical humor! It'll help me from being so pumped up! Please, Pinkie, help me!" cried Dustin, his hands cupped together, begging for her help.
"Well Dustin, what's a hands favorite snack?"
"I don't know what?"
"A knuckle sandwich!" she shouted, throwing a hard right hook into his jaw.
An audible grunt emerged from his mouth, but he was still excited. "Yeah, that's it!"
"What can hurt you even if spoken?"
"Uhhh, words?"
"Correct!" shouted Pinkie, the literal word "Correct" being pulled out of thin air and breaking in half over Dustin's cranium.
"What do you say to cheer a donkey up?"
"What?"
"Buck up!" she yelled again, her hind legs landing sharply into Dustin's stomach, his entire body being lifted off the ground.
"Hehe, yeah, a little....more," he gasped.
It took a full 30 minutes, but Pinkie had finally calmed Dustin down. He lied motionless on the ground, his body covered in bruises, his clothes soiled and ripped. He lie there, battered and still, his sandals still in mint condition. Pinkie was sweating now, her brow furrowed at this new sensation called exercise. She panted to catch her breath, her mane frizzled and matted together with sweat. She exhaled the words "Are you okay?" in between breaths, but no response came. She meandered over to his mangled corpse, his face black and blue from the harsh punishment of one Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie. She shook him frantically, his head rattling back and forth. She stopped shaking him to see a long stream of drool escape the corner of his mouth.
"HE'S DEAD!" she shouted sadly. "I killed him," she sobbed, tears falling on his body.
"Pinkie, I'm not-"
"AAAAAAAHHH, what have I done? I'll be put up for murder. Oh no, Princess Celestia will banish me to the moon! Or worse, I'll be turned into a cylon! No, we can just bury him! Yessss, bury his corpse where no one will find it," she muttered, her hair falling to her sides in silky, smooth strands. Dustin knew all too well what had just occurred in front of him. The innocent Pinkie he knew was gone, replaced by the sinister Diane Pie. I best play dead. If she finds out I'm alive, she'll kill me for real! Dustin thought to himself.
"Now then, where to hide the body? It has to be nearby and some other pony to take the blame. Wait, i know a gullible, weak minded pony. Dear old Fluttershy will take the fall, but how? Hmm, wait, she takes care of animals, right? I can just say she was supposed to watch him real quick while I went out to get some ice cream for both of us. Yes, that'll work! But the bruises. Hmm, what to do? I know! I'll just say that I saw Discord beat him up for fun, Fluttershy tried to intervene, and knocked Dustin out of Discord's grasp, his skull hitting the pavement. It will be death by brain damage. If this was any other circumstance, I would dissect you and study all of your insides. I wonder what you look like on the inside," she moaned, her body quaking with excitement.
I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die thought Dustin to himself, his eyes still shut tight out of fear.
Dustin felt his body being carried at a freakishly fast pace. He opened his eyes just a bit to see a very fierce Diane Pie sprinting through the outskirts of town. His body was as listless as a rag doll, his head rolling occasionally from side to side. He felt the movement stop and his body thrown to the ground like a bag of trash. He continued to hear fast hoofsteps and the occasional sound of hammers, drills, and other construction material. He was too scared to open his eyes to find out what she was building. He felt his body carefully being put inside something soft and warm. He felt his arms cross over each other, while an object was inserted into his hands. With one eye opening, he could make out a familiar shape. Widening his field of vision, he saw that a peace sign had been inserted into his hands.
"I'M NOT DEAD!" he shouted, jerking upright.
"AHHHHHH, ZOMBIE! TWILIGHT, HELP!" Diane shouted running away, her hair going back to a frizzle state.
"Well, I guess she's back to being Pinkie. Now then, ow, what now? I can't just walk back can I?" Dustin asked aloud. It took him a full three seconds for him to make a decision. "Yeah, I can just walk back."
While Dustin began to walk his way back to town, Pinkie saw the outline of Twilight's house in the distance. She began to feverishly bang on the door, its solid frame echoing loudly upon the horizon. A few seconds passed before Twilight opened the door in a bemused mentality.
"Pinkie. I just got this house. And now... you're destroying it. Please stop," she muttered, her words calm and disgruntled.
"BUTOHMYGOSH TWILIGHT! THERE WAS LIKE THIS ZOMBIE! WELL HE WASN'T A ZOMBIE, BUT HE TURNED INTO ONE!! IT TALKEDAND-
Pinkie's mouth had been replaced with a zipper, her speech garbled until the pink pony stopped speaking.
"Now, Pinkie, when I undo my spell, will you calmly explain what's going on? I've had a busy day signing meaningless papers, attending dreadful staff meetings, and I can't explain how boring it is to try and explain laws to less than intelligent griffons. Now, will you CALMLY explain what is going on?" asked Twilight, the zipper disappearing off of Pinkie's mouth.
"Well, you see, I went clothes shopping for Dustin. And then afterwards, I helped him with a certain problem. And then, he died from the treatment. And then he came alive in the coffin Twilight! He's a zombie! We need to dismember him!" she grinned, her hair falling to her sides once again.
"Pinkie, did you snort sugar again?"
"What, psssh no," she snorted.
"Pinkie. You have white stuff all over your nose."
"Oh, it's not sugar, I can tell ya that."
"Then what is it?"
"It's uhhh flour, yeah, specially made flour. The kind of flour you need to stop asking about if you know what's good for ya, you little BRIGHT RAY OF SUNSHINE!" shouted Pinkie, her hair going to a frizzle state again.
"Pinkie, it is too early in the week to deal with this right now."
"What day is it?"
"Tuesday, Pinkie. It's Tuesday."
"Oh, would Friday be a better day for the problem then?"
"Pinkie, I just love you so much I want to just strangle hug you."
"Awwww, that's so kind, Twilight."
Twilight stood there, her left eye twitching as steam bellowed out of her ears. While the two of them were spending quality time together, Dustin was attempting to make his way back to town. The problem was that Dustin had zero clue about where he was going. He tripped over various branches, the wet mud sticking to his clothes and face. Various twigs bitch smacked him along his path, his head swirling with pain. This process repeated many times until he lurched through the dense forest, his occasional moaning becoming louder over time. He finally cleared the dense forest and saw Lyra sitting on a bench, a newspaper in her hooves. Dustin approached her from behind and attempted to make contact with her but the only thing he could muster was, "Lyyyrraagghhghgh," his headache intensifying.
"ZOMBIE!!!!" she screamed, running through the town.
"Oh c'mon," Dustin whined.
Loud screams started to emerge from the center of town. Twilight and Pinkie heard them, their conversation ending quickly. The two of them nodded and headed to the center of town, unsure of what to expect. When they arrived, they spotted a hunched over creature, its arms lazily extending outwards. It crept forward on two legs, its moans haunting Pinkie to no end. She clucked like a chicken, Twilight rolling her eyes in response.
"Alright, enough of this nonsense. You there! Halt!" demanded Twilight.
The creature stopped in its tracks before lurching its way faster towards Twilight.
"Alright, I warned you!" shouted Twilight. Her horn glowed intensely with magic, her wings extending outward for combat. She molded the ground around the creature and made a cage, trapping him inside the earth. Grinning, Twilight meandered her way over to the specimen.
"Twilight, I didn't know you could do that!" yelled Pinkie.
"I'm an earth bender. There's many things you don't know about me, Pinkie. Maaaaany things I keep hidden from you all. Now then, creature, what business do you have here?"
The creature tried to form words but only raspy moans escaped its lips.
"Twilight, it's a zombie. It can't talk to you anymore. It's dead, kill it!" screamed Pinkie.
"No, there is one test." Twilight molded a piece of the earth and smacked the creature in the groin. Dustin held his crotch tightly, tears streaming down his cheeks. "See? Not a zombie," boasted Twilight. Her horn stopped being aglow with magic, the earth merely crumbling back to the ground.
Dustin moaned in agony as he questioned his choices in life. Twilight demanded who he was, what he wanted and why he was terrorizing innocent ponies in town. Dustin pointed to his throat, signaling that he needed water. Obeying his need, Twilight ordered Pinkie to fetch some water. Pinkie returned with a small barrel of water. Dustin drank heavily from it, his dry throat being quenched.
"My name is Dustin as Pinkie can explain. I am from another dimension, your highness. And as far as why I'm terrorizing innocent folk is due to the fact that I couldn't talk. See Pinkie was helping me with a certain condition, which explains the bruises and such. Well, that and I was making my way back through the forest and I fell....a lot....and was smacked by trees. It really hurt."
"Another dimension? That seems to be a problem recently. Anyways, why were you in the forest?" asked Twilight.
"Pinkie was tying toooo-"
Dustin's vision went behind Twilight to a now very angry Diane Pie. Her straight pink hair parting from her dilated pupils. She smiled widely, her head slowly turning in a clockwise motion.
"Help me find food. I wanted some fresh berries and she knew where to get them."
"Why didn't you just ask Berry Punch? She makes her juices from them after all," said Twilight.
"Well, yeah, but I didn't want to be a bother."
"Oh, and where is the spot she took you. Pinkie, you show me."
"Okie dokie lokie!" she smiled, bouncing ahead of the group.
Pinkie led the trio, her bouncing steps leaving small hoofsteps in the soil. Dodging trees and branches, Dustin began to ask Twilight questions.
"What did you mean when you said that people from different dimensions are a problem?" whispered Dustin.
"Well, you humans continue to find a way into our world. You know how hard it is to wipe everyone's memory of a strange creature entering our world is? You know how much magic and time is used? No, you don't. I wouldn't expect you to anyways, it's just a minor nuisance, that's all," she replied.
"Why do you have to wipe everyone's minds?"
"It happened after we met our third human. His name was Jake."
"And?" inquired Dustin.
"It was a horrible spectacle. I'm just glad you arrived here clothed. This human ran around trying to hug everything in sight, causing all of the ponies to run for their lives. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want a 300 pound lump of flesh chasing me around. But the worst part was the fact that he had this orange dust on his fingers and reeked of cheese. I wiped all of their minds to keep their sanity and well being in check. Ever since then, I wipe away all memories, both good and bad, for our citizens' sakes."
"Does that mean she won't remember me?"
"Yes, highly likely. But we first need to find your way home. If it's the same place as the other's it should be easy. I have a portal for this occasion."
"Really? How did you build it?"
"Building it was easy. Using human clinical trials was tricky."
"Ummmm-"
"I still wonder if the first ones ever made it back home with all of their structure fully intact. Oh well, look we're here!" pointed Twilight.
Dustin started to shake, his nerves getting the better of him. When all three cleared the brush, a wooden casket lay next to an open pile of dirt. Inside the casket were various peace signs.
"Pinkie, were you trying to bury him?"
"Noooooo-"
"Pinkiiiiie-"
"Well, I didn't know what to do. I mean I thought I killed him, so I decided to at the very least dig him a proper grave."
"But why the peace signs?" asked Twilight.
"Duh, Twilight, so he could-" Pinkie paused to reveal a pair of dark sunglasses.
"Pinkie, I swear! Don't you dare-"
"Rest in peace," Pinkie responded, donning the sunglasses. An audible YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA could be heard in the distance, followed by a theme song. Pinkie stood on her hind legs and crossed her forelegs in front of her chest.
Twilight facehooved hard, a slap sound reverberating from her face. "Dustin, follow me to the portal. Pray that it works," said Twilight as she walked back towards her house.
Oh this cannot get any worse Dustin thought to himself.