Even the spirit of chaos and disharmony knew that it was an unwritten law that it was absolutely inexcusable to be up at two thirty in the morning.
Especially to be not just up, but up and dancing and singing and baking.
So if Discord, who didn’t understand most of pony society and their strange, unwritten rules, understood this, why couldn’t Pinkie Pie?
Discord had learned, within a few days of experience, that Pinkie was a morning pony. And it wasn’t just that she's not pissy in the mornings, she literally wakes up at the crack of dawn and starts singing loudly and bakes cupcakes and thinks that that's totally okay and not possibly annoying to anypony that is, for whatever ridiculous reason, trying to sleep at two or three am.
The Cakes were used to it. The twins were used to it. Screwball was used to it. Even the neighbors were used to it.
Discord was not used to it.
Now Discord, of course, loved chaos. It was in his name, for pony’s sake. And getting up at three am and singing was certainly chaotic.
But, somehow, the draconequus couldn’t find it in him to like this particular form of chaos. Mostly because it disrupted his sleep, something he sorely needed to catch up on.
And now his sleep pattern was thrown off- more than usual, at least. So, he found himself awake at midnight, before even Pinkie, head aching.
He had so many headaches recently, due to his lack of power. He kept forgetting it, and would try to do something big, only to have sharp pains enter his noggin.
Now, he knew that it could have been far worse- the side effects of draining magic could be fatal, and he was pretty lucky to have only gotten off with a few bad migraines.
That didn’t mean he had to like it, though.
He groaned, shifting slightly, glancing out the window. He hadn’t even done that much yesterday.
The headache had started when he decided that Screwball should learn to make a cotton candy cloud. It was simple enough magic, so that wasn’t the real point. It was more to see how well she could focus her energy. He wasn’t sure how stable his daughter was yet, and leaving her to her own devices magic wise could prove to be disastrous.
A big part of Discord was perfectly fine with that, in all honesty. It would likely be fun to watch, and he doubted Screwball would actually hurt herself, so he didn’t have too many concerns.
Untapped chaos magic, though, could be really harmful, and might even kill somepony, which he doubted Pinkie would like very much, so he’d decided he might as well try to keep her under control.
Sort of.
To an extent...
Well, he’d do what he could to make sure there wasn’t any carnage or dead ponies, but that was it.
It was still something, right?
But the whole cotton candy plan, obviously, didn’t work out, to everypony’s disappointment. (Including Pinkie, who now had a giant swizzle straw and nothing to do with it.)
Reduced to the point he couldn’t even create a cloud or some chocolate syrup.
Pathetic.
Anger bubbled in his stomach at the very thought.
In fact, he decided, he was going to give Celestia a piece of his mind!
Yes, he’d teleport over to the castle and-
Wait.
He grumbled in annoyance. He couldn’t do that... his power had recharged a quite a bit since the whole cotton candy incident, but it was still nowhere close to being powerful enough to get him to Canterlot.
How was it that the ponies were in contact with Tia again? His eyes drifted towards the window, locking on a big oak tree in the distance. The windows were illuminated despite the ridiculous time, and he could see the faint outline of a unicorn hunched over a large book.
... Right, Twilight had that little dragon of hers, didn’t she?
And if she was up, he was sure her slave was up.
He grinned. It was early, yes, but he wasn't going back to bed at this point. And Twilight was up.
Besides, her home was a public library, wasn’t it? And he, of course, was the public.
Twilight couldn’t have any objections to an Equestrian citizen visiting their public library, now could she?
_______________________________________________________________________________________
She could, and she did.
“Discord, it is midnight. What in Celestia’s name are you doing in my home?”
Discord ignored her question. “Is Fax Machine up? I need to send Celestia a letter.”
Her eye twitched. “Fax Machine?”
“Yes, your little dragon slave.”
“Spike isn’t my slave! And no, he’s not up, he’s a baby dragon. He needs his sleep! It’s late,” she grit her teeth. “Meaning the library is closed. So get out.”
“Now, Twilight, is that any way to treat a friend?”
“Yes, it is, when they barge into your house in the middle of the night! This is a ridiculous time, and you know it! Only insane ponies are up right now.”
“Like you?”
“Yes, like- hey!” she scowled. “I happen to be doing research! What were you doing?”
Again, he ignored her question, instead looking at the book she was reading. He smirked. “Twilight, I’m flattered! Am I really so fascinating that you have to study late into the night about me?” he held up the book, which was currently on a page about his “reign of terror.”
She grumbled, snatching the book from his grip. “If I’m going to have to spend time with you, I should at least know about you. It’s called research.”
He grabbed the book right back, flipping through it, laughing. “Well, I can’t say this is going to be very helpful!”
“Why not?”
“Well, my dear, it’s all wrong! The bits on me, my species, my rule- it’s flawed at best, and utter trite at worst!” he cackled. “It’s hilarious!”
“What’s wrong about it?” she asked, looking up at him.
He blinked, surprised. “What?”
“You said it’s wrong, so enlighten me. I take my studies very seriously, Discord, and if there’s any chance for me to learn, I’m going to take it. Even if I have to learn it from you.”
“Really?” he cocked a brow, not believing a word of it.
“Really.”
“Then will I be allowed to send my letter?”
“Fine, sure,” she shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
“Hmm,” Discord nodded approvingly. “Fine. Where should I begin?”
“You said you grew up with Celestia and Luna, but there’s no historical evidence of that. Start there.” she whipped out a quill and a piece of parchment, prepared to take notes.
“Very well,” he snapped his fingers, and the picture of him in the book peeled off the page, changing shape until it was a much younger, much more innocent version of the draconequus. The figure pranced around and Twilight looked at it with interest, especially once other draconequui joined him.
“I wasn’t the only one to be adopted by the royal family. The King found a few of us draconequui when we were pups... Loki, Clutter, Bedlam, the twins, Topsy and Turvy, Entropy, myself, of course, and my sister, Eris...” he pointed to each little creature in turn as it joined him, smiling softly when it got to a tiny female draconequus that Twilight could only assume was his sister. She was scribbling down notes feverishly, glancing up every so often to look at the figures. She noted, with interest, that although draconequui all had the same assortment of parts, they weren’t from the same animals. There were butterfly wings and zebra tails and things she couldn’t identify, but certainly weren’t on Discord. Structurally, though, they all remained the same. “We had been separated from our parents during the war, I assume. I can’t say I really remember.”
“But you said-”
“I’m getting to it, don’t get your horn in a twist. I don’t remember precisely what happened, but I can still tell you a bit, I’m just not there yet.”
She scowled, but nodded, and motioned for him to go on.
“We were the only draconequui left, it seemed. Father knew that we had to be taken care of, or balance would be disrupted-”
“Why would balance be disrupted?”
He looked at her flatly. “I was getting there. Ponies, as you may or may not know, represent harmony. Draconequui, on the other hand, represented disharmony.”
“But if you guys were all gone, wouldn’t the world just be really harmonious?”
“No. Too much of anything is a bad thing- without chaos, there would be no progression, no moving forward. How many brilliant scientific discoveries, how many bonds and friendships, how many leaders and creative inspirations came from unrest, from an accident, from chaos?”
“Hmmm,” she rubbed her chin. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“Good. So we were necessary, and we were taken in. Our very presence in Equestria was enough to keep the balance, so Father-”
“King Solaris, right?”
“Yes, very good, I’m glad you’re keeping up,” he rolled his eyes. “So Father decided to raise us as his own, in the hopes to curb our chaotic nature. He didn’t want more disharmony than was absolutely necessary, after all.”
She watched as the creatures grew in front of her, their stubby bodies elongating to become more serpentine, fangs growing in, faces maturing. She noticed, for the first time, that the Princesses had joined them, and they seemed to be getting along. It was beyond strange to see any version of Celestia, child or not, getting along with Discord.
Somehow, it didn’t seem as strange with Luna.
“So, you all got along?”
“Ah, we had our fights, of course- I practically tormented them, but isn’t that what a big brother does?”
“Well, that’s not what Shiney did, but-”
“Then you and your brother have a very bland and boring relationship. Anyway, we fought, but it was generally all in good fun... until someone loses a fang." She noticed that the little Discord actually had two fangs, unlike the one I front of her. "Let me tell you, Twilight, never get Luna mad. She can throw a mean punch.”
“What happened?”
“Well, apparently it’s only funny when I turn Celestia’s coat pink-”
“You turned Celestia pink?”
“Eh, Eris and I were bored. It wasn’t as if it was hard. Father wasn’t happy, but Mother thought it was funny...”
“You mean Queen Selena?”
“Why do you keep asking questions you know the answer to?"
"Sorry..."
The chimera continued, looking a little ticked. "Anyway, we grew up together. Mother was always more forgiving,more willing to let Eris and I play pranks and let out our chaos magic. The others did, too, of course, we were just the closest to Mother."
"Why?"
"Because we frustrated Father the most, and she realized we needed affection from somewhere. Eris and I were the worst behaved- oh, Bedlam was a handful with his fits, and Loki was moody, and Topsy and Turvy were all over the place, Clutter was a mess... And Entropy could honestly just be frightening. But Eris and I- oh, the trouble we would get into! Often with Lulu's help, actually. She was quite the prankster as a filly."
He smiled at the little figures again, which were currently snickering as a very confused Celestia tried to stop her mane from melting all over her coat, as it was suddenly made of sherbet.
The figures grew into adults. "She wasn't too bad of a prankster as a mare, either."
"Hey, wait, Discord, you just skipped a huge chunk of your life! What happened when you were a teenager?"
"I skipped it because draconequus puberty is quite frankly horrifying and I really didn't want to share it with you."
"It is?"
"Imagine pony puberty, which I know from Celly and Lulu is bad enough, mixed with goat puberty, mixed with dragon puberty, mixed with lion puberty, mixed with-"
"Okay, I get it, it's bad!"
He nodded, and continued with his stories, quite happy he hadn't had to recount his painful nights of headgear and his days of horrible acne and strange voice cracks. (Along with, of course, the wonderful things that came with being a mixture of different species, like wanting to show your dominance as a predatory animal by eating the parts of you that were not.)
Hey, puberty was bad for everypony.
He had finished telling her of Celestia's first real attempt to raise the sun that hadn't ended in horrible, near apocalyptic failure when she stopped him.
"So what happened?" She furrowed her brow. "Why did you try and take over Equestria if you were so happy?"
He sighed. "As a part of being in the royal family, I had access to any part of the library I wanted. As I got older, I, of course got curious as to where I had come from. Now, Mother and Father had never told me I was adopted, per se, but somehow I had figured it out."
Twilight couldn't help but laugh a bit at that.
"So I went digging. Now let me tell you, research is boring- oh, don't give me that face, it is- but I was curious. And I knew this wasn't something I could find out the easy way, with magic, or even with charm. Every time I brought up the subject with Mother, she would quickly change it, and I didn't dare to ask Father. He may have raised me, technically, but we never truly got along." He motioned to a younger looking version of himself, pouring over a large book. "After quite a bit of research, I found what I needed- a book not on draconequui, but on historical battles throughout history."
Her stomach clenched and a feeling of doom ran up her spine as he continued.
"Now, I knew there was a Great War between draconequui and ponies, and I knew that after that, the draconequui had disappeared. Mother had told us many times, and had made it sound like they had left Equestria, abandoning us. I trusted her well enough, but I still wanted to know why we had been left behind.
"That wasn't the truth. We had not been abandoned, we had been orphaned. The war wasn't ended in a stalemate, with our species moving to greener pastures, as this book would have you believe," he looked at the thing distastefully. "It was a slaughter. A deliberate plan to destroy any chance of disharmony in Equestria. All on Solaris' orders."
"You mean-"
"He didn't realize his mistake until it was too late, and there were only eight of us left, that he could find. So he took us in, raised us, tried to shape us into something we weren't- ponies. We had our royal duties, our royal purpose, just as Celestia and Luna did.
"Luna raised the moon, Celestia rose the sun, and we were supposed to raise Hell. Simply by existing."
"But your takeover!"
"I had been neglecting my royal duties far too long. I simply decided to fulfill them for once."
She looked at him, disbelief etched upon her face. "What about the others?"
"Clutter, Eris and Topsy joined me. They weren't as strong as I was magically- why, I don't know, it might have just been genetics, I might have been of royal birth, it might have been age. I was the oldest, after all. Or there might have been no reason at all. Turvy, Bedlam and Loki fought us, feeling that the family we had been raised into was more important than our species. Entropy hung in the sides, and she basically chose whichever side was doing the best at any given moment. My rule lasted maybe three years? Four? It was a tiny amount of time, really. I thought incapacitating Mother and Father would have bought me more time, but Celestia and Luna had other plans."
"Incapacitating them?"
"Oh, I didn't kill them. Entropy did that instead. As I said, she was rather frightening. I didn't want to hurt them... Maybe Father, but not Mother."
"So after you were defeated, what happened to the others? You're the only one left."
"This is all from what Luna told me before she was banished, so it may not be accurate, but this is what I understand. Celestia didn't know what to do, but she knew that Eris, Clutter and Topsy still posed a 'threat.' She was also worried about the others becoming a 'tyrant' like me, even those who had fought with her. So she and Luna drained their magic. All of it. They didn't see it coming, and couldn't fight back. " His gaze turned dark and he clenched his fist, watching as the images of Loki, Entropy, Topsy and Bedlam shattered. "Some of them didn't handle the process well."
Twilight gulped, afraid to ask what she really wanted to. "And the others? Your... Your sister?"
"They had no magic, and were faced at every turn with furious ponies who looked at them and only saw me, instead of them. They never stood a chance." He watched as the others shattered one by one, his eyes lingering on the figure if his sister.
She blinked, not sure what to say. She cleared her throat, though, and asked, "If you're just a draconequus, though, why do you call yourself a god?"
"Because I am one. I'm the only none of my kind left, the only one able to represent what we represented. Therefore, I have all the power of chaos. There's no one else to spread it to."
"So there are no other chaotic beings?"
"No, not in this world. There are minions of chaos in others, of course-" instead of little glass like figures, Twilight could now see strange creatures she had never seen before. "None of them truly represent it like I do, but they act on it. Some of them do it out of spite," a strange, tiny creature in a black t shirt could be seen, sitting in a dingy apartment, watching some sort of box with a scruffy kitten on his lap, yelling at a tall, bumbling man over the phone to "get over here, post haste! And also, shut up!" "some do it to spread joy to others," a pair of twins, the same creatures as before, but with fiery red hair and matching grins, selling strange candies and trinkets in a joke shop in a strange, magical alley, "some attempt it and are quite frankly disappointments," a small boy in a costume of tin foil laughed maniacally as he switched bowls of soup at a restaurant, claiming they would all rue the day they had dared to cross "Professor Chaos." He really did seem pathetic. "Some are hated for it," another pair of twins were shown, in red and white striped footie pajamas, looking down at a peaceful, overly picturesque town from their tower, grins on their pale, gaunt faces, "some are loved," surprisingly enough, Pinkie was shown, "some try to bring order but only bring trouble wherever they go," a tall man with crazy, spiky hair and a long brown coat ran into a blue box, "and some just want to be noticed." A strange, metal man tossed a fossilized dog into a pit of boiling lava as a red haired man gasped in horror. Twilight had the feeling that being noticed wasn't the only thing the robot wanted, but winced all the same.
"Can I send my letter now?" Discord asked, suddenly sounding very tired.
The unicorn shook herself and nodded. "O- of course, let me go get Spike..." She gave one final look to the draconequus, before heading up the stairs to wake the baby dragon.
Said baby dragon was not exactly thrilled to be woken up, especially when he found out why he was being woken up, but after a bit of grumbling and a promise for a large emerald, he appeared, glaring at Discord.
The draconequus brightened a bit and recited his letter, asking for a little more free reign with his powers, if only to help Screwball and prevent too many dead ponies and explosions.
"Signed, your mindless puppet, Discord."
Spike groaned and wrote it down, before sending it off and shuffling back to bed.
"Thank you, Fax Machine!" he called after the dragon, before starting to leave.
"Discord?"
"Yes?"
"If this all true, if this is what happened... Why hasn't Celestia ever set it straight, gotten the story right?"
He looked at her, the began speaking. "You know, I never once told a lie in that labyrinth? Everything I said was true."
A non sequitur? She wasn't sure what else to expect from Discord, but she'd hoped to get a real answer.
"And like I said to Applejack," he continued. "Sometimes a lie is easier to take."
And with that, he was gone, leaving Twilight alone with a pile of notes, a grumpy baby dragon, and more self doubt than she had ever experienced before in her young life.