//------------------------------// // Her Butler, Kissed // Story: Grey Little Pony // by Dusty Miller //------------------------------// “Teasing's part of the fun that comes before kissing” ― Lois Lowry, Messenger Pinkie Pie bounced down the field towards the Everfree forest palace until she was nose to nose with Grey. She had her pink Sugarcube Corner uniform on, a pink pill box hat and a large pink box with a string held in her mouth. Pinkie passed the box to him. Grey mumbled a ‘thank you’ and walked into the palace. He returned ten minutes later to find Pinkie still standing in front of the palace. “I’m sorry Pinkie; I don’t know how to tip. Maybe you could just add it to the bill?” “I don’t care about that. What’s the stuff for? Is there a party here todaaayyy?” “Luna is having some very important guests over.” Pinkie squeaked, “Is that why you’re all dressed up? I’m all dressed up. Hey, Grey, Let’s play dress up today.” “I can’t at the moment.” Rainbow Dash swooped down into the field. She flared her wings and landed in front of Grey blowing wind in his face. “Hey Grey, where are those Bat Ponies at? I wan’a take them on.” She shadow boxed the air with her forehooves. “I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about them.” “How about the Manticore? I wan’a race him.” “The Manticore is not really built for racing and I don’t know how to approach him. Everytime we’ve met, it’s him who comes to me.” Rarity appeared in a flash of white magic wearing her explorer’s outfit including a pith helmet with a purple peacock feather. “Sir Grey, dear, I really must see the palace’s tapestries today. I never noticed them on my last visit and I absolutely must study them. Whatsoever are you wearing? It looks as though it’s the first time you have ever worn clothes. Allow me to tie that tie for you.” Grey’s long black tie became animated in Rarity’s magic and danced around itself. It then tucked itself into Grey’s black vest. Rarity’s white magic adjusted his shirt collar and the black coat tails evenly on either side of his tail. “I’m sorry Rarity, today is not a good day for looking at tapestries. Thanks for fixing my tie. Perhaps you could make an appointment?” Applejack ran up to Grey almost out of breath, “Grey, I ain’t got much time. Quick, show me this apple tree that y’all have and I’ll tell ya what kind it is.” “I’m sorry you came all this way Applejack, but today is not a good day. I hope you understand.” There was a purple flash to Grey’s right and Twilight Sparkle appeared with Spike the baby dragon on her back. “Spike, today we are going to study ancient soil fertilization techniques from Princess Luna’s library.” “Words can’t express my excitement,” Groaned Spike. “Oh no. No no no. Not you. Not today.” Grey moved to intercept Twilight when he saw Fluttershy kneeling by the flower bed on the other side of the stairs. Fluttershy was talking to Angel Bunny who was biting the heads off the flowers. “How do they taste Angel? Will these strange flowers upset your tummy?” When Grey walked over, Fluttershy tilted her head so her mane covered her face. Angel stood between Grey and Futtershy arms crossed. “I am so sorry Fluttershy; I planted those flowers for today. Luna is having some very important guests over.” Fluttershy remained quiet and still. The rest talked to Grey all at once. “Pastries, play and partay!” “Manticore.” “Tapestries.” “Magic apple trees.” “Luna’s library!” Not today, not today! NOT TODAY! Princess Luna is expecting some very important guests…” Grey’s head dropped. “It’s you, isn't it? Luna said to expect ten, there are eight of you.” Twilight smirked, “Have you ever seen Spike and Angel eat?” “I’ll have to reset the table. Was Luna in on this prank?” The girls spoke in unison, “We’ll never tell.” Grey straightened himself, shook his mane and inhaled deeply, “Welcome to the Everfree Forest Palace of Princess Luna, co-ruler of the realm of Equestria. You will find that all doors will open automatically for you.” As soon as Grey spoke he knew that he would be wrong. He ran up the steps to the double doors threw them open and bowed as the gang walked in. “Please enter and be welcome.” The girls oohed and awed.   Rarity pointed at the drapery, “You see there Sir Grey, that is a tapestry.” Oh, the rug on the wall. Grey led them to the staircase and they climbed the stairs together. “So tell us Grey, how many times have you been lost in your palace?” Twilight asked. “I can honestly say that I have never been lost in the palace. And I can prove it here and now. It is physically impossible to get lost. You can’t go in the wrong door because that door will not exist. You can’t go down the wrong hallway because that hallway will not exist. You can’t get off on the wrong floor because that floor will not exist. As for proof, while I have been talking we stopped climbing stairs, yet we are still moving up the stairs. Remember Twilight, I asked you about palaces and moving floors and you said, floors don’t move.” The group had stopped but the stairs were moving up like a conveyer belt. Fluttershy squeaked and leaped into the air. Rainbow Dash joined her ever at her side. /]*[\ The moon room composed of the top north-west part of the palace. Half the roof was crystal glass that curved down to the wall where it was met by long windows. Grey was removing two place settings from the table when Princess Luna made her entrance. She was resplendent in a cotton cream dress covered in red roses. Her tiny lace hat had a fresh rose on it. To Grey, it seemed odd that the hat stayed in place even as her mane flowed. Everyone bowed formally to Luna. She bowed back and let Grey hold her chair for her. Grey served tea and the Sugarcube Corner pastries. Twilight corrected every mistake he made. “Serve to the right, remove from the left.” The babbling voices blended together and Grey had no idea what they were talking about. Rainbow Dash was about to push an entire éclair into her mouth when Luna asked, “Ms Dash, are you ready?” “Fer what?” She froze. “I mean, I’m always ready. What’s happening?” Casually Luna replied, “There is a crack in one of the crystal window panes above us. When the sun light touches it, in precisely three seconds, you shall see.” Rainbow Dash looked up and saw a bright blue dot that expanded into a rainbow. A brilliant red over a light brilliant vermillion over a light gold to moderate sap green. Brilliant cornflower blur to moderate violet. Everything in her line of vision was painted with that rainbow. “That’s. So. Awesome! I’m going to hang a shard of glass in my window from now on.” “That, girls, is why we’re having tea here instead of the drawing room or the parlour. I hope you enjoyed that, Ms Dash.” “Sure did. That was amazing. And great grub… I mean, I like the sweets. The tea is good for washing them down. I’m not a tea pony, like your butler.” Twilight thought of another tease for Grey, “Princess Luna, if I may, what exactly is your guard pony’s rank in comparison to the rest of the Royal Guard?” “Twilight, please don’t torment my guard pony. He works very hard.” Internal squee. “Now tell us Grey, where did you find that old fashioned butler uniform?” “A closet door opened when I walked by. I thought you wanted me to wear it.” “You should know the palace’s sense of humour by now.” She paused and tittered. “Ladies, this brings us to our last bit of business. Do you believe my guard pony deserves a reward for his hard work? “Abso-durka-lutely.” “Sure.” “Most assuredly.” “Yup.” “Um.” “I don’t think so.” Thanks Twilight. “Then it is decided. Guard pony please escort Ms Fluttershy on a walk through the garden and the path you are making into the forest. See if you can find the nest of the phoenix.” Fluttershy said. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a bother.” Fluttershy floated in Luna’s dark purple magic up and away from the table and was placed next to Grey. She hid her face behind her mane. Grey stood at attention, blushing. “No bother at all. Be gone, both of you.” The table was quiet for a few minutes. Then Rarity remarked. “Princess Luna, this is such a lovely palace and so well designed. Do any of the windows up here perhaps look over the garden?” “Why yes, the one directly behind you.” Stampede to the window! “No pushing.” “Let me see.” Spike and Angel were sent rolling around the table top. “Now girls, this is my palace and I can do anything I wish.” The windows doubled, and then doubled again. The windows bowed out and the floor stretched out so all could see the garden. Twilight Sparkle said. “Princess I don’t suppose you could make it so we could hear them?” “Perhaps I may, but that would be eavesdropping. Besides, they are not saying anything anyway.” Spike and Angel were throwing berries into each other’s mouths. Spike remarked, “If that’s eavesdropping, what do you call what the girls are doing right now?” “Snooping.” /]*[\ Grey was saying his goodbyes to the guests in front of the palace. Spike and Angel were asleep in Twilight’s saddle bags. The girls beamed large smiles at Grey. Except Fluttershy, who stood staring at the ground pawing the grass with her hoof. Oh no, what social blunder have I made now. She said in her very shy voice, “I’m sorry Grey, but I thought you might want to kiss me goodbye?” Grey gasped, “More than anything.” Grey thought that the girls would make ‘woo’ and kissing noises, but it didn’t happen. As their lips met, a sphere of light appeared, covering their faces. It grew; it flashed all the colours of the rainbow and all the colours of a metallic rainbow. When their lips separated the sphere exploded like a soap bubble. Grey was knocked back a full body length. Fluttershy didn’t notice. She said, “Come on girls, time to go home.” The group walked quietly through the forest until Twilight couldn’t take it anymore. “Will somepony please explain what just happened? I pushed that pony with all my might and magic and I could barely move him. Fluttershy gives him a kiss and knocks him back a pony length. I’ve seen lovers kiss. I’ve seen newlyweds kiss. I’ve seen mothers kiss their new-born babies. I have never seen that. I require an explanation.” Pinkie piped, “I can explain. Twi is purvy for watching ponies kiss.” Fluttershy dropped deeper into shyness mode. “I’m so sorry if I did something inappropriate. I’m trying to be brave. I really am. And that was the bravest way I could think of to say goodbye.” Rarity comforted her, “Fluttershy dear, you did nothing improper. You kissed him in front of your best friends with your eyes closed. He kissed you with his eyes open.” Rarity explained their point of view. “Yes.”  Fluttershy sniffed, “That is exactly what it felt like.” Applejack said, “Don’t worry sugar cube, we’ll keep Twi away from your boyfriend.” Twilight bellowed, “What!”  “Well it’s pretty obvious. The way you played the teasing game with him all day.” Rainbow Dash said. “What!” Rarity remarked. “Green is not your colour, dear.” “If you think I am at all interested in that rude, stubborn, clumsy, unsocial, uneducated, and ignorant… Wait, is this the teasing game?” Fluttershy said, “Um, do you guys think my boyfriend is cute?” “No!”  “Silly.” “Uh-uh.” “Nope.” “Not quite dear.” Rainbow Dash chuckled, “The look on his face after you kissed. Priceless.” Twilight snorted, “I hate mysteries.” /]*[\ Grey was still frozen stupified when Luna approached him. “Ahem, dishes, lover boy.” “I love dishes.” Grey floated back inside the palace.