//------------------------------//
// Chapter 7 
// Story: Soarin's Folly 
// by a human 
//------------------------------//

"Guilty."

Soarin was a bit shocked at this. He had just entered what could generously be called a courtroom five seconds before, and already he was being proclaimed guilty. "What? But I—"

"Your verdict has been handed down," the judge said. "It is guilty. There is no fighting against it now."

"But I never got a chance to defend myself!"

"You should've been here an hour and five minutes ago," the judge said. "We're busy people too, you know. We can't afford to spend hours waiting for each defendant to show up."

"This is absurd!" Soarin said. "No one told me what time the trial is starting or what room it was in! I had to run through all three floors of this building and check every single room to see which one was a courthouse. And this isn't even a courthouse! It's just a someone's living room that you commandeered!" A couple, presumably the people that lived in this apartment, awkwardly waved at Soarin from the couch. Soarin turned to Mr. Gracious, his lawyer. "You tell them. There's no way this is legal."

Mr. Gracious shrugged. "There really isn't much that can be done in this situation…"

"What!?"

Mr. Gracious put a hoof on Soarin's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I've done all I can do."

"There's got to be something!" Soarin said. "Come on! Think of something!" He thought back. "Isn't your middle name Kindness?"

"Yes, but my first name is Meekness," Mr. Gracious said. He looked up to the judge. "There's not much point in me staying longer, is there?"

The judge shook his head.

Mr. Gracious grabbed a hat from the table, put it on his head, and shuffled some documents into a briefcase. "I'll be going, then," he said. He looked at Soarin. "Good luck! I hope they aren't too harsh with the verdict!"

And with that, he walked out, pushing his way through a large crowd of spectators that were awkwardly squished into the back half of the room. Soarin could do nothing but stare in shock.

The judge clicked a pen with unicorn magic, which was, for every other species, the pony equivalent of giving someone the finger. "Now, for the verdict…"

"Wait," Soarin said. "Can't I at least find out what I was charged for?"

The judge shrugged. "You should've been here an hour and five minutes ago."

Soarin lost his patience. "This is ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. There is no way that any of this is a real court of law," he said. "You call me out, keep telling me I've missed appointments no one told me about, charge me with something without telling me what it is, commandeer other people's houses for your duties, and now you're handing down a verdict on me?"

Someone in the crowd spontaneously cheered, which infused Soarin with confidence, at least until he realized someone on the other end of the room was holding up an "applause" sign.

The judge jotted a few more things down. "You are now guilty of contempt of court," he said. "Your sentence has been adjusted accordingly."

Soarin laughed. "Adjust it all you want!" he said. "A kangaroo court like this doesn't have any power over me!"

The judge raised an eyebrow. "Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do!"

The judge smiled, and odd move for such a stoic man. Then, he unleashed magic that enveloped his body, and suddenly, standing before Soarin was none other than Princess Celestia.

Everyone else in the room instantly bowed, but Soarin was two shocked to move. He had heard of things like this happening to other people, of course, but not him, never him. He knew that with her involved, there really was nothing he could do to save himself.

"Oh, frozen. I like frozen. Fifth time this month I've made someone frozen. One of my favorites," she said. She stepped off the podium. "I assume you recognize the legitimacy of this court now?"

Soarin didn't speak.

"Not that you have any choice in the matter," she said. "Oh, this really was so much fun. It's so hard being the perfect, benevolent ruler of Equestria, you know? Sometimes I just need to take it easy. Do a harmless prank. I'm sure you understand." 

Soarin had expected her to tell the other people to leave, but she hadn't. She must be making a show of this, he thought.

"Now, let's get that verdict. First of all, you'll be stripped of your title, possessions, and wealth, but I think that goes without saying," Celestia said. She thought. "I suppose I could send you to the dungeons, but that just seems so unoriginal. Besides, it seems a bit excessive for you. I usually only do that to the completely guilty or the completely innocent." She paused. Then, an idea struck her. "I know!" she said, placing her long, sharp horn in the space between Soarin's eyes. Her wings fluttered. "I'll make it a long death. A drawn out death. Something new. Abstract. That sounds fun."

Soarin gulped. "Long?"

Celestia leaned in a bit closer, letting her horn poke into his skin a bit, causing a trickle of blood to run down his face. "Oh, don't worry, it's not what you think," she said. "You'll understand what I mean soon enough." Her horn glowed for a couple seconds, and Soarin felt a tingling sensation through his body, and then, she was done. She pulled back, and turned away from him, walking away.

Soarin blinked. "That's it?"

"That's it," Celestia said. "Now run along now."

"What… did you do?"

"Oh, just altered your wavelength a bit," she said. "Have you ever noticed that everyone in this world moves according to a rhythm? Some people can see it. You might be able to, after your mind goes. But probably not." Suddenly, her features hardened. "Anyone thick enough to stay when I ask them to leave can't be too intelligent."

The next thing Soarin knew, he was being flung at a wall.

– – – –

Once Soarin came to, he was leaning against a wall in an empty alleyway, bruised. He looked at himself. Aside from some minor injuries, he seemed fine enough. He wasn't sure what Celestia was talking about with a slow death. As long as he was still alive, even if his fortune had been taken away, he would be able to find a job somewhere, and live fairly comfortably… right?