The god-rays pierced through the heavens like a bullet, bathing the land in a sea of light, feeding plants and the hopes of ponies alike. Warm rays from up above tore across the horizon, leaving a trail of carnage through the marigold-like cloud layer. And yet there were those who vehemently opposed the face of light – the remaining cover of clouds that stubbornly clung to existence
As was tradition, someone had to clear the cloud layer, making headway for the sun’s rays. A bulbous, fluffy mass of white exploded, leaving behind a thin wisp mist that just as soon evaporated in the daylight heat.
A pegasus mare shook her short-cut mane free of lingering wisp of cumulonimbus, shaking her rainbow-like mane and tail. Her lean and tone toned light-blue body glistening with cloud-borne moisture in the morning light. As she flew through the air, one would be hard-pressed not to notice her cutie mark: a cloud spewing a red, gold, and blue lightning bolt.
She could be but one pony: Rainbow Dash.
Her eyes stole a hungry glance at the sky around her, sizing up her prey, for she was the hunter. A bead of sweat rolled down her face, dripping down and plunging nigh a mile to the ground. The prey was slow, unmoving – a defenseless calf amongst a sea of bulls.
Rainbow Dash tore the sky asunder, her peripheral vision becoming a melange of blurred and undistinguished colors, the only thing she could see clearly was her target. And the prey was unaware it was even being watched.
Teeth bared, muscles tightened, she was upon the calf. She pivoted her wings up, sending her body twisting 180 degrees around and curled her hind legs back. Her wings pulled to near her side, sending her careening towards the newborn, her belly to the sky and legs ready to seize.
The calf never saw it coming. Dash bucked, her buck compounded in force by her impossible speed, breaking the prey’s neck and separating it from the body. Her momentum maintained, she tore its entire body in half.
Dash flared her wings, bringing herself to a jolting stop. Her prey lying dead and mutilated, it was time to feast. To feast, that is, on a concoction of pride and lactic acids, the wisps of the corpse-cloud swirling around it as it evaporating into aether.
Her body rose up and down in the air with an almost tidal rhythm caused by both her heavy panting and the beat of her wings. Before her stood a seemingly endless ocean of white, occasionally broken up by islands of green. The clouds seemed to be trying to strangle the patches of cloudless sky as they continued to breed and multiply.
Head lolling to the side, she groaned, “Great. All day. All flippin’ day this is gonna take.” Dash glanced at her shoulder, around which a specific patch was wrapped around, a golden star on a red background, indicating she was the leader of the Ponyville Weather Patrol. Today, unlike all other days, the Weather Patrol consisted of the entire pegasus population of Ponyville, the majority of them having been drafted for the word; why it was so important that everypony had to help out was a mystery to her – and it certainly wasn’t a mystery to her because she fell asleep during briefing. Honest.
Dash slapped a hoof to her face, groaning at her accursed luck. She and her big mouth had gotten herself the role of clearing the vast majority of the sky that day. Not that others weren't helping her – they were – but it didn’t make her any more happy about everything. And she’d make damn sure that everypony was doing their part, especially if it meant getting done faster so that she could go back to her nearly-perpetual naps.
She scanned the skies again, looking for the nearest cloud, only to have her attention drawn to a strange dark marring on a cloud. Her interest piqued, and sense of duty conveniently forgotten, she ducked forward and darted at the strange object.
One of the many things they taught young pegasi in flight camp was how to distinguish types of clouds. Almost out of pure memory, Rainbow Dash could recite the names, definitions, and descriptions of every type of cloud in the sky. And little black dots on a white background did not register as any such cloud.
As she neared the curious mar, she could more easily see what the object was: a napping pegasus. Her face scrunched with pure extreme annoyance as she reached him, close enough to hear his snores.
Rainbow Dash took a quick second to regard the offending pegasus with her eyes. He was young, not a colt, but calling him a proper stallion might have been pushing it. The word “buck” sprang to her mind as an adequate compromise between the two words. His coat was a faint black-grey like the color of storm clouds, his wild and uncombed mane and tail bearing an uncanny resemblance to a streak of fire.
Gradually her eyes drifted to his wings, which were deceptively well-strung for a buck his age. Then her eyes dropped to his cutie mark: a storm cloud with a sanguine-esque thunderbolt. She frowned at its similarity to her own cutie mark. His legs were wrapped in a taut, black blanket, giving him an almost darling appearance when coupled with his cute snores. This, of course, had to be stopped, and Rainbow Dash was on the job, repercussions be damned.
She cleared her throat, put her forehooves on him, and shouted, “Hey you! Wake up!”
With an infuriating hesitance, the buck cocked an eye open. The brown eye slowly shifted to the light blue mare hovering before him. “Ya know, if not for the fact you’re yelling at me, violently shaking me like a retarded girl might a bunny, I might’ve assumed you were an angel.”
“Get your lazy flank up! We’ve got clouds to clear,” Dash said.
Opening his other eyes, he scanned the admittedly stuffed cloud layer. Tapping a hoof to his jaw, he considered the order. “Nah.” He shut both eyes, turned over as to not face the bossy mare.
She sighed. Then she said in an incredibly reasonable tone, “Look, buddy, I get it, I really do: you’re unhappy about-” Dash made a circular gestured with a hoof “-this whole ‘every pegasu is now legally obligated to help clear the weather do to some impending disaster or whatever’ deal. But the more of who work to fix this up today, the faster we’ll all get done.”
He yawned “You’ve got a big mouth, lady. Keep chatting and I’ll tell you where it might find better use.”
Dash’s eye twitched. “Alright that’s it! Wake up!” No response. Grinding her teeth, she spun around and bucked his cloud bed, utterly disintegrated it and forcing him into the air. The air below was at a glacial temperature, the wind speeds enough to blow a huge sailboat to whichever end of the horizon it so desired. A fact which Rainbow Dash failed to considered until he was already falling into it.
Rather than be sucked away by the gale, he flared his wings, twisted them at angles beyond awkward as he spun into a backflip. For a brief moment he was weightless in the nigh-jetstream current, just hovering there. And for another moment, Dash was almost awed – it took some matter of skill and wing strength to even withstand those wind speeds, let alone actually hover in them without breaking a sweat.
He dashed out of the current, up to Rainbow Dash. “Cute and mean. You sure do take the cake, lady.”
“Lady‽” Dash scoffed, indigent. “Just who the hay are you‽”
The buck laid down on a cloud, his left side on the cloud while his front faced her like an old French painting. “Me? That name’s Crimson Thunder.”
“Well then, Crimson Thunder, ya wanna get off your lazy flank and help out around here?”
Crimson scratched at his head and shrugged. “It seems you have me at a disadvantage, Miss...?”
Dash scoffed, “Oh, so now you’re being nice?”
He flashed her a toothy grin. “I like to know names. That a problem, oh great boss mare?”
“Rainbow Dash,” she replied through gritted teeth.
He leapt up and into the air. “Well then, Ms. Rainbow Dash. Let me offer you a formal letter, in vocal verbatim, of how I feel about that. ‘Go buck yourself. And if you need eight hooves, yours and mine, I’d be happy to assist – emphasis on the first syllable’.”
A seething well of white-hot rage boiled to the surface of Dash’s eye, melting her corneas and replacing them with a foamy, frothy mix of hate. “Every. Pegasus. Must. Help. Clear. The. Skies,” she growled through clenched teeth. She shoved herself into his face, his expression remaining bored. “It’s an order from Princess Celestia herself!”
“Either kiss me or get out of my airspace.”
She recoiled her head back. “I’m not gonna kiss you!”
“Then keep your distance,” he coolly replied.
“Well then clear the skies!”
Crimson rolled his eyes. “Lemme spell it out for you, sweetie. I’m gonna go back to sleep and you’re gonna go back to being bossy-” he pointed a hoof to his left “-over there. We clear?”
“No!”
“Uh, uh, uh, the correct response is ‘crystal’, or ‘crystal clear’.” He shook his head, a mock expression of sorrow on his muzzle. “Looks like you failed your exam. Tsk, tsk, tsk, another year of summer school for you, Missie.”
“It’s an order forms Princess Celestia herself!” Dash retorted, struggling not to strangle Crimson Thunder.
He sighed. “Celestia, Shmolestia. Who gives a flying buck about orders, huh?” Crimson shrugged. “This whole cloud clearing and actually doing work business is boring anyways. And it’s not like I actually care about the Solar Princess worth a bit, anyhow.”
“How dare you talk about Princess Celestia like that!” Dash snarled, physically restraining herself from bucking him right in his smug face.
His expression slowly began contorting with indignation. “And why can’t you do it?”
“Because I need eveypony’s help!”
“So... because you’re incompetent, hmm?”
“I am not incompetent! You need to do work and-”
“Work?” he laughed. “I don’t know what that even is! I’m sorry, I don’t speak incompetent vixen!”
“Why you-” Dash screamed.
“You’ll have to explain your fascinating, bizarro language to me. I’m not familiar with your culture, especially since I’m actually competent,” Crimson said, his maw seeping condescension. “Tell me of your rich heritage of incompetence and idiocy! Sing to me in your native buckin’ idiot songs-”
“Shut your bucking mouth, you-”
“PAINT ME A TAPESTRY SO THAT I MIGHT EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTIFUL ART OF THE INCOMPETENT VIXEN PONIES!”
“What is wrong with you‽”
“You will leave me alone this instant and let me sleep, got it‽” he snarled, jumping up onto a small cloud and punching at another cloud, like a completely reasonable pony would.
“I’ll leave you alone only after you get to work! We clear‽”
“Molestia-ing Celestia! Will you just shut up up! Your dang mouth is like my mother’s lap!”
“And what does that mean‽”
“A place where only disappointment comes out of!”
She shook her head. “I don’t know whether to be offended, disgusted, or sorry for you.”
“That’s what she said,” Crimson replied, giving a sagely nod of his head.
“That’s what I said,” she said.
“Can it! Don’t tell me what I said. If I wanted to know your opinion, I would have beaten it out of you.”
Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, a rebuttal prepared, only for no sound to come out. A twinkle in her revealed that inner workings of her devious mind. “Okay, let’s take a step back here, kay?”
“Yeah, sure,” he replied through bouts of panting.
She locked her eyes with his. “How about we settle this with a little bet? Equo y equo, eh?”
A spark of elation came to life beneath his brown irises. “I like the sound of that, lady. Name the game.”
“A race to-” she pointed a hoof to the snowy mountain peak, at least a mile away “-that mountaintop.” She pointed a hoof to herself. “If and when I win, you have to get off your lazy rear and get to work, and-”
“If I win, you leave me alone. And kiss me – on the lips.”
Dash recoiled her head back. “I’m not gonna kiss you!”
He shrugged, cooing, “Then that’s too bad. See, ‘cause I’m all game for this race, if you’re not then that means you forfeit. Victory automatically goes my way, dollface.” Dash grimaced as he hovered over to her, patting a hoof to her cheek. “What’s the matter, old maid-” her eyes exploded in an all-consuming conflagration that spread through her entire body, coursing through her veins like the rapids of the Coltorado River “-‘fraid of little ole me? ‘Fraid to get your big, tough flank kicked from here to high noon?”
“Kiss my flank!” she snarled. If Dash had possessed canines, she would’ve have bitten him as hard as she could have. Regardless, he recoiled his hoof at her outburst.
“Ya know,” he said, tone seeping in a frothy muck of condescension, “if that’s your fetish, we can arrange that into our deal, hm? ‘Cause I wouldn’t object to it – not even on both sides of the cutie mark.” Chest heaving with hate, she snatched him by the collar. “Woah, woah, don’t I have to buy you dinner first?”
“Listen here, you little twerp! We’re gonna race to the cliff! I am going to kick your bucking flank! You are going to clean every-flipping-one of these dang clouds if it takes ALL DAY! GOT IT‽”
“Oh, you’ll be gettin it alright, and gettin’ it hard – and the more you resist, the more shame I’ll bring you come the end,” Crimson growled.
“Care to put your money where your mouth is, kid?”
“I’d like nothing more,” he calmly replied. Rainbow Dash, still holding him the neck, physically dragged him over to a sizable, fluffy cloud. She let him go, practically throwing him to the ‘ground’.
Pointing to the cloud beneath them, she barked, “Starting here!” Crimson rolled to his hooves, striking a starting pose much like Dash was. “One your marks... Get set... Go!”
Dash flared her wings out to their fullest, hurdling her body forwards as she batted her well-used wings through the great blue yonder. She lived for speed, she lived for the air, she lived for racing. Nopony had ever beaten her when it came to sheer speed, and she intended to keep it that way.
Her peripherals a blurring mess of sky and cloud, she found the right corner of her mouth twisting into a nefarious smirk. The sound of the air being split asunder by her speed deafened her to all but her thoughts. A part of her, a part which she quickly dismissed, almost felt sorry for Crimson Thunder. Especially considering that he had started a fraction of a second after her, giving Dash a critical edge that he would likely not overcome.
In a moment of pride-over-logic, she glanced over her shoulder to see just how much dust Crimson was eating. The currents threatening to spin her around from her mis-angled head, her eyes bulged. The sight before her, or rather behind her, just so happened to be a pair of brown eyes.
“Hey there, buttercup!” Crimson chirped.
“You-bu-wh-how‽” Dash sputtered, almost tumbling out of the skies.
Cackling like a madstang, Crimson barreled past Dash, leaving her jaw open and catching the breeze. A thunderous aura surrounded him, bolts of red electricity surged around like a Tesla coil, all compacting into a conical shape that seemed to send the air screeching away from him.
Her wings almost refused to beat, her body freezing up with something akin to shock as she watched him careening through the atmosphere, turning into a speck as he neared the mountain.
For a brief moment he paused, allowing her to catch up. At a speed dangerously approaching the sound barrier, Dash stormed past him – the only thing she saw of him was a faint, cocky grin.
The sky exploded. Clouds for miles around evaporated as Crimson Thunder plunged into a conical, horizontal tornado of red lightning. It tore past Dash, the energy washing her and sending her mane on end with static. Her head stopped. It just sat there and died, its faculties clogged up with failing attempts to process what she was seeing.
Each second of flight felt like a brutal torture to Rainbow Dash. The air itself seemed as though it were purposefully hampering her. Gravity acted as though it had harpooned her through the gut and was trying to reel her into its slavering maw.
When at last she did reach the finish line, her body threatened to abandon her to fend for herself. Her blood pressure had skyrocketed, her pupils dilated to their logical extremes for a sunny day, and her voice box interpreted her commands as hostile and alien. Her chest heaved up and down with an almost epileptic fervor, her sweat threatening to blind her.
Crimson, on the other hoof, didn’t look nearly as tired – there wasn’t even a drop of sweat on his smug face. He just stood on the peak, building a snowpony, the body already finished and was complete with two coal eyes.
He angled his head to her. “Well looked who showed up to the party – late as usual, Ms. Dash.” He shook his head. Gob gooing with condescension, he continued, “I guess we’re gonna have to fail you from flight school. Tsk, tsk, tsk.”
“How did you-”
“Win? Simple: I’m better than you.” He glanced at his snowy creation and frowned. “Pity. It could use a nose.” Cocking a brow, he turned back to Dash, “Say, you wouldn’t happen to have something vaguely rod shaped, would you? Like, say, in your dresser?”
Dash gritted her teeth. “How. Did. You-”
“Oh, shove a sock in it.” He trotted up to her position on the snowcapped peak. “I believe you owe me a little something, hm?”
“I will not-” she tried, only to be violently grabbed by Crimson. Wrapping his a forehoof around here back to hold her wings down, and another forehoof to the back of her head, he shoved her lips to his.
Something inside Dash popped, snapped, cracked, sparked, and exploded all at once. Her right forehoof rose into the air and clashed against Crimson’s face with as much strength as she was worth – a strengh one would do well not to sneeze at.
With a loud popping sound of detaching lips, he was thrown to his back. Mouth open to the sky, it took him three seconds to fully comprehend what just happened.
Rubbing his mouth and bruised cheek with a hoof, he groaned, ”Ow.” He made a smacking sound with his mouth. “Huh. Did you know that your mouth tastes like electricity and berry-flavored yogurts?”
Dash’s expression deepened so hard that it threatened to cave her face in. “Listen here, you little disgusting pervert! I don't know who the hay you are-”
“Crimson Thunder,” he grumbled. “I already said that.”
“-but I want you out of my sight before-” she rose a hoof and shook it at him “-I decide to destroy that pretty, little face of yours with my hoof! Got it‽”
“My, my, my, is the old hag hitting on me now through unveiled threats?”
Dash stamped a hoof, eliciting a crunch from the snow beneath her. “Get. Out. Of. My. Sight!” she practically shrieked. Taking the message to heart, he rolled to his hooves and darted away through the air, tail tucked between his legs.
Seeing Crimson fly out of view, Dash collapsed to the ground into a sea of self-pity, tears threatening to well up in her eyes. Her her reason to exist was speed, and it had just been dismantled piece-by-bucking-piece by another pony.
Her whole life had been one big race to be the fastest; to join the Wonderbolts, the fastest pegasus in the whole of Equestria. It had been her life dream. And it an afternoon it had been crushed.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash? Ya okay?” a pony, another pegasus on the weather team, called out.
In an instant, Dash had put up a facade, hiding the threat of tears and wobbly legs behind her feigned arrogant posture. “Y-yeah!” she called back. “Yeah, I’m fine!”
*****
The birds remained silent in their trees which lined the road, watching the ponies standing off upon the dirt road.
“Well well, isn’t that our little Azure, Narcissus?” Cauterium remarked at Azure knowledge.
Narcissus, standin next to Cau, bowed his head. “Oh, mademoiselle! You ‘aven’t changed since our last meeting in HQ, n'est-il pas?”
Azure struggled to maintain her professional demeanor in lieu of a wall of anger frothing in her core. “Cauterium! By order of the High Five, we place you and Narcizzus under arrest! You are zuzpected of ztealing the Cerchen’s property and abuzing the headmazter’s influenze!”
“Good ol’ Azure! Oh how I missed the cute, little accent,” Cau replied, his tone brimming with condescension. “Oh, wait. I forgot. It’s not an accent, it’s a speech impediment. So sorry.”
Azure’s face contorted into a grimace, her cheek bristling with red. “H-how dare you‽”
Claude regarded each member of the Cerchen, his eyes seeming to deconstruct them at the atomic level. “Uh-huh. And these freaks are... who, exactly?”
“These nuts are from the ‘Cerchen’, a bunch of arrogant self-righteous fools,” Cau replied. He glanced at the Azure. “And a bunch of scientist who can’t guard their archaic secrets worth a damn!” He took a moment to bask in enjoyment at the sight of Azure’s face further twisting with spite.
A gigantic unicorn stepped forward, his ludicrous bulk practically shaking the earth around him. “So, you don't deny your crime and, in fact, openly admit it?”
Cauterium smirked. “Is that a problem, Doc?”
The Doc sighed, and then a devious little idea crossed his mind. “You’re one awful villain, ya know? The rules of villainy clearly state that you’ve gotta reveal your evil plan and admit your misdeeds right as you're about to kill or think your gonna win or whatever.” He shook his head. “You really are incompetent, aren’t you?” Cau’s left eye twitched. Doc gestured to Claude. “Who’s the earther and why’s he with you lot?”
“It just so happens and he and I share... ehh, a certain moral basis for which our burgeoning acquaintanceship is blooming forth.”
“Pity me for the added challenge on dragging you in as well,” Doc sighed, his rich, gravelly baritone tinged with a facade of sadness.
“And speaking of which,” Cau said, “just who the hay are you? You’re not exactly Little Miss Teapot. In fact I don’t think there’s anything little about you, fat ass.”
“How dare you inzu-” Azure snarled.
“Easy now, Azure,” Doc interjected, his tone as plain and to-the-point as ever. “My name is Doctor Power Pill, but most folks just call me ‘doctor’ or ‘doc’. I am the new commissar of the Truth Brigade.”
“Oh, is that so...?” Cau goaded, a bored expression plastered over his muzzle.
Claude stamped a hoof into the dirt. “Enough o’ this charade! Y’all a’ here to fight, ain’t ya? Then less talkie, more fightie. Capiche, ya freakin’ egg’ead marines!” Narcissus rolled his eyes.
Cau facehoofed. “I’m afraid it chagrins me to say it, but I must concur with Claude. We haven’t the time nor the lust to chat with you lot.”
“Doctor!” Azure barked. “Permission to-” she droned on about a plan of attack, but the Doc ignored her.
Power Pill had his attention rapt to the three outlaws before him. “It seems like our relations have failed us – you must be apprehend via force,” he stated, voice ringing with a vague undertone of condemnation. The Doc stepped to the side, revealing a small army of ponies in blue masks.
Cauterium’s face contorted into an epileptic fit of twitches for all of two seconds, when it was over his expression took on a savage, primordial look of a hunter about to feast upon his prey while it yet lived, enjoying every minute of the pained shrieks. Azure took a single glance at his newfound eyes and gasped, his eyes had turned into feral slits not unlike those of a cat’s.
“Why are his eyes like that, Narc?” Claude asked.
Narc’ leaned slightly to the side. “A ‘orrible thing. Dzat spell ee is using naw? It cost ‘im ees eyesight. It turned ‘is eyes like dzat, but cat-like eyes do not see so good as we ponies. Cauterium is ‘alf blind. Moi does not know how dze Nightmare even saw, those eyes are so ‘orrible. ”
“So it’s a disability?”
“Cau ‘as no depth perception and is cripplingly nearsighted. Not too long ago he was 20/20 in vision.” He shook his head. “Cauterium ees an idiot, moi swears to you. But zat spell is kind of ‘elpful, moi guesses. Et ees a case of risk versus reward.”
“Seize them,” the Doc ordered, his tone almost exceptionally indifferent. A watery stream of the twenty-some ponies marched around Doc and Azure, attempting to surround those who fought for anti-Harmony.
Claude shifted his legs and lowered his body, assuming a combative stance. He licked his lips with anticipation, he planned on enjoying their shrieks of agony – if they were that weak then they logically deserved it. Somepony tapped his shoulder.
“Whadda ya want, sugar boy?” Claude hissed at Narcissus, the offending poker.
“Moi does not think you shall be need ‘ere,” he replied.
Claude blinked, arching a brow. “Whaddya mean, sugar mane?” Narcissus merely gestured over his shoulders, gestured to Cauterium. Eyes following Narcissus’ gaze, he came to see why his talents wouldn’t be anything but extraneous.
A tsunami of green energy collided with the charging ponies, forcing them all to the ground, the strongest being sent into a stumble that ended on the ground. Cauterium spread his forehooves to their respective sides, making a T shape as his body was enveloped in a seething emerald glow.
His arms curled to the back of his head, his body reclining as if in a particularly comfortable sofa, hovering in the air the whole while. Eyes nonchalantly scanning the battlefield, Cau looked exceptionally bored, like a cat who had played his captive mouse to death and was trying to get it to squirm one last time before he ate it.
Out of the aether of emerald magic came three balls of same-colored fire. The spheres drifted and orbited around him of their own accord, Cau’s eyes transfixed on his metaphorical prize. By some unholy device, the spell-spheres seem to radiate pure malice and bad feelings. The Cerchen who foolishly gazed upon them for too long felt their souls being prodded at my an almost daemonic force. Even Power Pill felt something uncomfortable gnawing away at him from the inside.
Cauterium’s expression twisted into a malevolent grin as he raised a hoof skyward, a solitary fireball accompanying it. He flicked his wrist at a column of masked stallion, sending the ball of malice careening towards them.
Those who were too slow to dodge the attack, most of them, found themselves rolling around on the ground, screaming prayers to On High. “It’s non-lethal, you twits.”
Claude whistled as the flaming ponies stopped moving, their bodies utterly devoid of telltale burns.
“Break formation!” barked the tallest of the remaining masked ponies, making gestures to every-which-way the Cerchen divided, the five standing unicorns holding ground for missile support as the pegasi took to heaven, circling the Cauterium’s like a gang of vultures.
Combining their magic, the unicorns shot forth ethereal, white chains that wrapped around Cauterium. Caut rolled his eyes as the two lasting balls of fire fanned out, spreading through the magic chains and into their casters’ horns. The unicorns howled in unrepentant agony as the fae fire tore their souls, their magical essence, apart.
Wasting no time, the pegasi dove at Cauterium, their circle closing in on him for the kill. He chuckled as he teleported out at the last second, leaving the pegasi to collide head-first with each other, looking like total idiots as they rendered themselves incumbent upon the dirt where Cau once floated above.
“Finita la comedia!” Cauterium barked, hurling his second to last ball of fire into the mass of pegasi, sending them tumbling across the battlefield. “Seriously, guys, that’s all you can do? I mean granted, I didn’t expect all too much from what essentially amounted to a pack of trained thugs, but THIS? Come on!”
The Doc roused himself to his hooves, leering at Cau’s green cocoon of magic the whole while. “So, this is the famous 'Green Hunters' spell, Cauterium? I’ve heard tale of it and its technical status as a war crime, Cau. Ain't nopony supposed to just consume and siphon off another’s magic. I mean, who or what do you think you are? Some kinda energy vampire?”
“Call me as you will,” Cau snickered, “it’s hard to counter the fact that I’ve just won this battle.”
“See now, the problem is that you’ve got but one Hunter left, and I can see your magical aura fading. All I have to do-” he rubbed the bridge of his nose as if tightening a pair of glasses “-is outlast you. Something I’m very good at.”
Cauterium’s forehead furrowed. “You’re smarter than you look, fat ass. But I guess that’s not saying much, really. No matter, all I need is one to defeat you this day.”
Power Pill sighed. Glancing at Azure, he said, “Azure, would you do the honors and bring out the device?”
A grin manifested itself upon Azure's face, contorting her face into an angry mockery of itself. “With great pleazure, Doctor.”
Azure levitated out a small, copper cube out of her saddlebag, suspending it in the air above her head. With an almost religious reverence, she took out a small, silver key and inserted it into a corresponding hole in the cube. It twisted thrice, the air was drowned in a sacrilegious, shrill, and strident shriek.
The box flashed once as it clicked and clacked, morphing into an artificial construct. Gears and metal squealed as it assembled itself.
When all was said and done, a giant, bipedal machine constructed of copper and brass stood before Azure. It’s arms, ending in chimp-like hands, were notable shorter than its legs, which ending in strange hand-like appendages. Its head was like misshapen dome, various enchanted jewels crowing it like a crown of thorns.
At once, what it was became clear to Cauterium: a golem. There were many who argued that such creatures constituted a basic ethical violation just by its very nature, not that Azure cared much for ethics.
“Oh, dear Azure, I knew you would end up using your toys to play with me, you naughty little filly,” Cau remarked through a devilish smirk. “It’s a shame I’m in a rush. I’ll have to break your little toy before we can get any playtime with it.” Rolling his eyes, Cauterium launched the last fireball at the golem. He cocked a lazy brow at how Azure grinned at his attack rather than flinch.
A panel of the golem’s chest sprung to life, revealing a cavernous hollow in its center with a curious device that bore resemblance to a beehive mixed with a glass jar. Both Cauterium and Narcissus’ eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as the jar-thing sprang forward and caught the fireball midair, consuming it whole, leaving not a spark of damage behind.
“What the…” Cau said, his voice trailing off into a mumble as his mind worked out what exactly it was he had just seen.
“Well,” Azure chuckled, her tone nefarious and witch-like in its effect, “I’ve made zome... eh, zome minor improvementz. You like?”
The golem twitched, its left arm jerked up with a rusty squeal. Its hand convulsed, tiny panels of the metal sliding back into a reverse-cone around its hand, revealing a tight tube in its stead. A whirring oomph noise later and the barrel of the tube glowed with a coppery stain of green flame.
Flames licking the barrel, a burst of emerald hatred seethed forth at a supersonic speed, aiming dead center for Cauterium. The incendiary blast struck Cauterium in his eyes before he could even process what had just happened, eliciting a guttural howl of pure, unrepentant agony from him as his aura faded, his body falling to the ground into a fit of spasms.
Narcissus barreled at his friend, sliding to the ground as he yelled, “Cau! Cau! Are you okay‽” Cauterium clutched at his face and eyes, shrieking bloody murder as he rolled around on the floor like a stallion on fire.
“Bravo,” Doc said. “I do believe that’s a new record for beating a bad guy – and the max casualties associated with it. Still, good going.”
Azure kicked a hoof at the ground, blushing. “Oh, it waz nothing, really.”
“You!” Cauterium screamed. Everypony turned their attention to Cau. His eyes were that same cat-like as when he got excited, but the veins and blood vessels had popped. Every last inch of his eye was red, seething with both hatred and hemorrhage alike as he struggled to his hooves, his breaths raged. “I don’t think we’re through here, ooooh no! That’s it! You’ve crossed the line and I’m gonna go all King Arthur on your Black Knight!”
“Eh, what?” Claude said.
Azure rolled her eyes. "Cauterium, you’ve lost. Give up while you’re ztill alive. I’d hate to have to ki–no, zcratch that. Pleaze antagonize uz further, I’d love your head on my wall."
Cauterium laughed. “Lost‽ Now what gave you that impression, eh, sugar?” He put a hoof ot his head, using it to help pop his necks joints. “I’ve only just begun.” He glanced at Claude. “Claude, tag: you in?”
With a single utterance, just a lonely nod of his head, he began a slow canter up before Cauterium. His eyes bore down like an oppressive despot on the golem and its master. “Now see,” he said in a cool tone, “usin’ toys ta fight fer ya is a coward’s ploy.” He stomped a single hoof. “If ya wanna fight, ya’d best be bringin’ yer A-game plus your body. And since a battlefield ain’t no place for a mare-” he took a deep breath “-get back to the kitchen!”
“How dare you, you zexist brute‽” Azure snarled. She gave Power Pill a sideways glance, he nodded. With a glare of her horn, the golem shot forth, aiming itself for Claude. It cleared the distance in seconds, it was upon him just as fast.
It lunged an arm at him, its right hand aiming for Claude’s neck. With twisted his neck to the side, the golem’s hand scraping past by only the thinnest of margins. He spun 180 degrees and bucked the golem square in its breast, shouting, “Go back to the junkyard!” Its trosal cavity buckled as it blew to the ground.
Claude glanced at Azure. “Now watch closely, lass,” he said though an uncharacteristic cooed, his voice trickling malice by the very seams. Galloping at the golem, his leapt into the air, coming down and crushing the golem’s frame with his considerable bulk. “Anyone else‽”
“What‽ No!” Azure shrieked. “My golem!” Claude kicked the golem, making sure it was beyond dead – or as ‘dead’ as it could be considering it was never truly alive.
“No so bad, Gravenstein,” Cauterium said. “I knew you were an august choice.”
Azure’s jaw was wide open, her eyes nearly dead as the Doc put a hoof to her shoulder. “Don’t worry, Azure,” he said. “I’ve got it from here.”
“Them’s is tough words. But can you back yer bark up with enough bite?” Claude dared. He glanced at Cauterium “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. This egghead looks a little like he needs to put into his place – six hooves under.”
Doc frowned. “That’s a shame, I’ve got such an aversion to funerals. Specially my own. Oh, and one last thing.”
“Yeah? Wassat?”
“I don’t play fair.”
The Doc levitated out a small pill out a bag, eyeing it like a jeweler would a precious gem.
“Doctor, are you really going to...?” Azure asked.
He chuckled. “I didn’t exactly intend on it, but it’s a good thing that plan B never fails.”
“B-but it’z the culminazion of a month’z hard work, zhouldn’t we-” Azure tried, only to be cut off by a raised hoof.
“Azure, it was made for just this kinda situation. And I intend to use every advantage. Especially since you-know-who decided to sleep in late today.”
“Ees dzat a pill?" Narcissus questioned to nopony in particular, growing. “Ee ees a drug addict?”
“I’m sorry, guys, but it looks like you won't be able to leave for quite awhile,” chuckled the Doc, tossing the pill into his gaping maw, swallowing it whole.
