//------------------------------//
// The Concept Of Love 
// Story: The Secret of Sheldon Clopper. 
// by theanonymousbrony 
//------------------------------//

After more minutes of Ms. Cheerilee rambling on about things that I'll just get out of her head whenever I want to, the bell had finally rung and the floors were beginning to shake from the trotting of all the school kids.  But before I could even set hoof out of my desk, I had to endure some last minute torture from the two snobs.  They literally both wrap their hooves around me as Diamond Tiara said, "Oh goodie, school's over!  So what should we do when we get to my place?"

Silver Spoon then suggested, "Ooh, like how about we just lie around by your pool and watch the poor ponies watching us lie around your pool?"

"Or we could have a fancy tea party."

"Or we could like think up more insults for the Blank Flanks."

"Or we could compare how rich our dads are."

They were so preoccupied with discussing about what they were planning on doing, that they didn't even notice me slipping right by them and sneaking out the classroom.  When I had finally got out of the school, I heard somepony shouting, "Hey new kid!" I looked ahead and saw that it was the yellow colt (with the gray pegasus and brown colt standing by his side).  When he got my attention he said, "Listen, uh..." he just paused for awhile as he was trying to remember my name.  I decided to just save him the trouble by just writing my name on the board.  "Anyway, Sheldon, we were wonderin' if you would like ta come hang with us."

I took my chalk and I've written, "What do you mean?"

Then the gray pegasus said, "We're asking you if you want to be our friend."

"Really?"

"Well yeah," said the gray pegasus, "anypony who could get me out on kickball ought to be my friend."

"Our friend."  Corrected the yellow colt.

"Whatever."

This was all just happening so fast; I mean, eight years of being ganged up on by everypony and now I'm finally being accepted into a group.  As they were waiting for my answer, although the brown colt known as Button was more focused on his little gizmo, I've written on my board, "I might have to think about it."

"Oh Sheldon!"

When I heard the two snobs calling for me, I was then like, "OK, count me in!"

Then as we were getting as far away as possible, the two snobs were just looking around, trying to find me.  "Where did our new friend go?" said Diamond Tiara.

Silver Spoon then said, "Do you think that maybe he doesn't like us?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Silver.  Everypony in this school wants to be our friend; who wouldn't?"

"Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo..."

"Besides the Blank Flanks."

"Spike, Apple Bloom's sister, her brother, her cousin, Sweetie Belle's sister, those three humans..."

"OK, OK, so not everypony wants to be our friend.  But at least we still have each other."  They then did this secret hoof shake--though it was more of a flank shake--and then they went off to probably watch other ponies do stuff.


...


I had followed the three of them to some kind of apple farm--I know this may not be such a fun place to go to after school, but as long as I'm not anywhere near those two snobs I don't mind.  I've then entered into--I'm guessing--the yellow colt's house, where we all just sat at a table and drank some apple juice.  After a brief moment of awkward silence, that yellow colt decided to start a conversation, "So...are ya enjoyin' yer stay in Ponyville?"

I took my mouth out of the straw so that I could pick up my chalk and write down, "So far it's OK."

The second I placed my lips back on the straw, the yellow colt then said, "I'm Pecan, the self-absorbed pegasus is Rumble," he was saying this because Rumble was drinking his apple juice on top of a muscle that he was flexing, "and the one with the propeller cap is Button Mash."  After mentioning his name, I then noticed that Button had been drinking his apple juice so fast that he almost sucked up the whole carton!

In fact, he would've choked to death if Rumble hadn't gave him a big slap on the back.  But the weird part of all this is that after he had spat the carton out, he just went back to staring at his little gizmo.

Rumble leaned towards me and whispered, "Trust me, nothing can take his mind off when he's playing with that thing."

We then started to hear the floor creak as we turned and saw an old earth pony, with green fur and white hair come in and say, "Howdy Pecan, how was school today?"

"It was good," said Pecan.  "How's Tex?"

"He and Applejack just finished today's chores," said the old pony.  "They're upstairs, restin'."  The old pony had then turned her attention towards me and said, "And who's ya new friend here?"

"That's Sheldon," said Pecan, "he just moved here from Canterlot."

The old pony then started to give me this very uncomfortable inspection as she said, "Well I'll be, we don't get much of you fancy types here in..." she then stopped right when she saw my Cutie Mark.  She just stood there, staring at it with wide, bulging eyes.  Then without saying anything she just turns around and walks out of the house.

After that somewhat awkward moment, I took my chalk and wrote down, "Who was that?"

"That was just Granny Smith."  Said Pecan.

"Is she your grandma?"

"Oh no, me and my brother aren't related ta the Apple family," said Pecan.  "In fact, me and my brother aren't even from here; we used ta live in a town called San Haytonio.  Before I came here I was havin' ta go through a lot of stressful days at my old school--what with me bein' a Blank Flank and all.  And then one day I received a letter from Tex, who at that time had moved ta Ponyville, and he was basically invitin' me ta come live there with him.  It took a little convincin' from my parents, but in the end I found myself gettin' on a train and headin' straight ta Ponyville."

"So this is your place?"

"Oh no, no, no, no, we have a place of our own.  My brother just works here ta earn a few bits now and then, and I come here mostly when I'm doin' somethin' with the Cutie Mark Crusaders."

"What exactly do you do in that club?"

"Well we're basically a group of Blank Flanks that're tryin' ta get our Cutie Marks."

Rumble then added, "We'd ask you to join, but you already have your Cutie Mark, so that technically makes you ineligible."

We then started to hear loud banging noises coming from the ceiling above us.  And along with the banging came this mixture of moaning and grunts.  I took my chalk and wrote down, "What's that noise?"

Pecan said, "That's just my brother and his girlfriend, Applejack.  They usually do this right after they finish their chores; this is what my brother calls 'foalplay'."

After a couple more minutes of moaning and grunting, we each started to have grossed out expressions on our faces--except for Button--as Rumble then suggested, "Maybe we should go outside."  As we got out of our seats and started to walk out the door, Rumble noticed that Button was still sitting down, staring at his little gizmo.  He then cried, "Button, get over here!" and to my surprise he was able to take his attention off of the gizmo for awhile and followed us out of the house.



When we were out of the house, Rumble had muttered to himself, "I still can't believe that's how we've been brought into this world."

Button however seemed to disagree, "I don't get why you guys are making such a big deal about this; I hear these noises all the time from my parents' room, and sometimes from my brother's basement, and it never grosses me out."

Rumble gave him a confused look as he said, "How could you not be grossed out by...that?"

As Button was about to respond, he quickly glanced at his gizmo and shouted, "Oh, loading's done!" and he basically went back to doing what he's been doing since school started.

I then took the time to write a little something for Rumble, "What do you mean by 'that's how we've been brought into this world'?"

He then told me, "Because that's literally how we were born."

"And you know this, because...?"

"My brother, Thunderlane, had told me all there is to know about 'foalplay'; that, and he's gotta stash of magazines that he keeps under his bed--which I sometimes peek at when he's not around."  He said that last part in a manner in which he was expecting us to feel impressed by it.

Pecan was then like, "Ya mean yer brother has...'foalplay' magazines?"

"Uh, yeah," said Rumble, "doesn't your bro have any?"

"No!" cried Pecan, "Tex has way too much dignity ta do somethin' as degradin' as lookin' at pictures of mares bein'...and doin'...ya know what I mean!"

Rumble chuckled to himself as he turned to me and said, "What about you, Sheldon, does your bro do any of that stuff?"

I took my chalk and wrote down, "I don't have a brother."

Each of them--except Button--looked at me with surprised expressions on their faces as Pecan said, "Ya mean you're an only child?"

I then wrote down, "Yeah, it's kind of a family tradition."

"What do ya mean?" asked Rumble.

"Well when I was about six, I started to notice that I didn't have any uncles or aunts or cousins."  I erased that sentence and started to write down the other half, "When I'd pointed this out to my dad, he told me it was because he, my grandfather, and any other member of my family, was an only child."  And then I erased that sentence and decided to add a little tidbit, "So in other words, anypony named Clopper doesn't have a brother or a sister."

Rumble let out a long whistle as he said, "Gee Sheldon, I can't even begin to tell you just how sorry I am for you.  I mean, having a brother is probably the second greatest thing to have in life; sure they tend to tease and pick on you now and then, but that's just what brothers do."

Pecan then responded, "Maybe that's how Thunderlane treats you, but Tex never picks on me in anyway."

"Sure he doesn't."  Replied Rumble, "And I bet that Button's bro never gives him noogies or wet fillies."  He waited for Button to respond, but instead got complete silence.  "Right...?"

Without taking his eyes off of the gizmo, Button said, "I don't know, Gibson's usually too busy practicing with his band to even bother spending any time with me."

I then decided to change the subject, "If having a brother's the second greatest thing in life, then what's the first?"

Rumble turns my head in a slightly different direction as he told me, "That, my friend, is what you're about to see."  As I looked closer, I then started to see two of the three fillies from before running towards us.

The orange pegasus had wrapped her hooves around Rumble's neck as she pressed her lips upon his.  "So what've you boys been doing?"

To this Rumble replied, "Oh just hangin' with the new kid."

The orange pegasus then turned her attention towards me; she extended her hoof as she said, "Hey, I'm Scootaloo.  And you're...?"

I figured that the quickest way to introduce myself would be to just rewrite the "Hi, my name is Sheldon" message, and just leave it there until all three of them had introduced themselves.

After the pegasus known as Scootaloo had read the message, I then turned to the white unicorn--who was standing beside Button.  After she gave him a kiss on the cheek, she rubbed her face against his as she said, "How's my Button doing today?"

Without taking his eyes off the gizmo, he said in a very nonchalant tone, "Can't talk, gotta defeat Mr. Dartmoor in a three part battle and save the Electrots." 

The look on the unicorn's face had slowly turned from cheerful glee to that of a wistful glum.  OK, am I the only one who thinks that Button is kind of being a bit of a jerk right now?  Because clearly the unicorn wants his attention, so you'd think that it wouldn't kill him just to show a little bit of acknowledgement towards her.  She looked like she was about to let some tears start flowing, that is until she noticed me and said, "Oh hi, you must be the new kid; I'm Sweetie Belle."  I then grabbed her hoof and shook it.

I figured that the nice thing would be to say something to her--and by say I of course mean write down on my chalkboard.  But before I could even begin to write a sentence, I heard somepony cry, "Howdy y'all!" I turned around only to find myself being once again entranced by that bow wearing earth pony with the nice accent.  Like before, my heart was beating uncontrollably and I lost control of my body.  Only this time, my cheeks started to feel warm and I just couldn't take my eyes off of her. "Oh hi there," said the bewitching filly, "Uh, Sheldon, is it?" I couldn't hear a word she or anypony else was saying; I was just too hypnotized by her presence to even make a response.

While I was in my little comatose, everypony--except Button--was just staring at me as they tried to figure out why it is that I'm in some kind of stupor.  Sweetie Belle was like, "Is he all right?"

Then the earth pony--whose name escapes me--started to tap me on the forehead as she said, "Hello, anypony home?"

After a few seconds of head tapping, Rumble chuckled to himself as he placed his hoof on that of the bow wearing siren and said, "Apple Bloom, toots, let a professional handle this.  Pecan, help me move him." 

As they took hold of my hind hooves, Scootaloo said, "Uh, Rumble, what do ya think you're doing?"

He turned to her and said, "Don't worry about it, babe; I've done this before.  You and your friends just go hang out at the clubhouse, while me and the boys here take care of Sheldon."  He then gave her a kiss on the forehead as he and Pecan started to drag me away from Sweet Apple Acres.  When he noticed that Button was still standing there, he cried, "That includes you, Button!" and with that said, Button started to follow them as he kept his eyes bent on that little gizmo of his.


...


While I was still trapped in my trance, I was finding myself being dragged towards some fountain.  When I was finally brought to this fountain, Rumble said to Pecan, "All right Pecan, help me hoist him up."  Then next thing you know, they were both lifting me to the top of the fountain.

As I was just standing close to the edge, Pecan said to Rumble, "Uh, Rumble, do ya really think that we ought ta do this?"

"Trust me, Pecan," said Rumble, "this is the number one cure for ponies who're in love-struck comas."  Then for absolutely no reason at all, he just shoves me and then I suddenly find myself being completely soaked!  The second I touched the water, I've finally regained my consciousness, but now I was desperately trying to get out of the water (thanks for never teaching me how to swim mom and dad)!  While I was trying to keep myself from drowning, Pecan was just staring at me with a big, gaping mouth, and eyes about as wide as an owl's.  But Rumble just shrugged it off as he said, "Don't worry, if anypony asks, we'll say that Button did it."

That must've snapped Pecan out of whatever trance he was in, because next thing you know he immediately rushes in and yanks me right out of the fountain!  While I was coughing out bits of water, Pecan turned to Rumble and was like, "What the hay, dude?!  Ya could've drowned him!"

To this, Rumble said, "How was I suppose to know that he couldn't swim?  It's not like I'm psychic, ya know; I don't just see these sort of things coming!"

Then out of nowhere, Button muttered, "You mean like how you didn't see it coming when that ball hit you in the face?"

"Oh shut up, Button!" cried Rumble.  "At least I didn't scream like a little girl when it did hit me!"

At that point, I had finally got all the water out of my lungs and I was able to write down on my chalkboard, "What just happened?"

Pecan then turned to me and said, "You had us worried back there; ya just stood there like some statue.  So we had ta wake you up somehow."

"And what exactly caused me to go in that state?"

"You tell me," cried Pecan, "one minute, you were just meetin' Rumble's and Button's girlfriends, then the second ya met Apple Bloom ya just froze!"

"Is she the one with the bow and the accent?"

"Yeah," said Pecan, "that was Applejack's sister.  So you mind fillin' me in on why you went inta some daze when she spoked ta ya?"

Rumble had then let out a soft chuckle as he placed his hoof on Pecan's shoulder and told him, "Oh Pecan, isn't it obvious?  Our voiceless friend here is in love."

"What're you saying?"

He then placed his hoof on my shoulder and said, "What I'm saying, my friend, is that you have gone head over hooves for a bow wearing filly with orange eyes."

At this point, I think I was beginning to understand why it is that I was losing control of my body whenever I laid eyes on the filly known as Apple Bloom.  But does that necessarily make it OK?  Well there was only one way for me to find out; so I took my chalk and wrote down, "And that's normal?"

"Of course it's normal," said Rumble.  "My brother told me himself that it's OK for colts to be thinking about fillies that way.  I mean didn't you have any fillies over at your fancy school?"

"The school I went to was for colts only."

The second they'd laid eyes on my little statement, each of their eyes had started to bulge out as Pecan said, "Ya mean you've never had a single filly at yer school?!"

"Oh yeah, even most of the teachers were stallions."

I could hear the inner voice of Rumble saying, "Gee, no wonder he wanted to move here."  And then he said through his mouth, "Well Sheldon, I definitely can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for you."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because if there's one thing that my bro had taught me, it's that everypony should have a special somepony."

"So what am I suppose to do, exactly?"

"Do I have to spell it on your little chalkboard?  You need to get a girlfriend."

"OK, but how?"

A smirk then started to slowly form onto Rumble's face as he said, "Well I don't like to brag, but I happen to be a real pro when it comes to impressing the fillies."

I could see Pecan rolling his eyes as his inner voice said, "Sweet Celestia, he's makin' Rainbow Dash look modest."

I then turned my attention back to Rumble as I took my chalk and wrote down, "Really?  You're that good when it comes to fillies?"

"It's true!" cried Rumble.  "In fact, would you believe it if I said that I used to date Diamond Tiara?"

Now I was completely shocked when I heard him say that; so of course, I'd written down a natural response, "You mean you actually wanted to be near that snob?!"

Rumble was then like, "Now I didn't say that I liked being with her; in fact now that I think of it, I was mostly just doing it to improve my popularity.  I remember when me and my bro had first moved here, I was mostly worried that the foals at this school would make fun of me for being a Blank Flank.  So when I saw Diamond Tiara, I figured that the best way for me to avoid anymore bullying would be to date her."

"And she actually allowed you to be her boyfriend?!"

"Believe me, I was just as surprised as you are.  I saw her and her lackey picking on other Blank Flanks, but after I'd used the same moves that my bro uses, she just couldn't resist me.  I mean of course the downside was that she was going to be a complete pain in my flank, but at least I was able to not be called a Blank Flank for awhile."

"Then how did you end up with Scootaloo?"

"Ah, now that's another story.  What happened was that they were having tryouts to see who would get to carry the Ponyville flag at the Equestria Games.  Diamond Tiara's and Silver Spoon's routine was weak at best, but the Cutie Mark Crusaders' routine was just beyond awesome; it was clear that they were going to win.  If there was one thing that Diamond Tiara hated more than a Blank Flank, it's losing to one.  So being the conniving little menace that she is, she and Silver Spoon decided to stoop to the lowest low that anypony could ever stoop to."

"What did they do?"

After an uncomfortable silence, Rumble finally told me, "You see, Scootaloo kinda has this problem with her wings.  I don't really know much about it myself, but for some reason she tends to have a tough time trying to fly.  Diamond Tiara saw this as an opportunity, and she and Silver Spoon tried their best to make Scootaloo feel ashamed for it.  And they probably would've end up winning if Scootaloo hadn't been able to put her little flight problem aside and just compete.  That was when I decided that Diamond Tiara had finally crossed the line; so after she and Silver Spoon lost, I just went up to her and told her it was over."

"How did she take it?"

"Surprisingly very well; and after I was finished with her, I started hanging out with Scootaloo.  At first we were just friends, then it slowly turned into love.  And the one thing that I love about her, is that she doesn't really act like a girl.  She mostly does the same cool stuff that we boys like to do; and there's definitely something about a girl who acts like a boy."

Being a little confused on his last statement, I wrote down, "Did you say that you like boys?"

After reading my question, Rumble started to panic a little as he said, "What, no!  I never said that!"

"Well it kind of sounded like you did."

"I have a girlfriend, so clearly I'm not attracted to colts!"

Pecan started to chuckle a bit as he told him, "Now Rumble, I like ya as a friend and all, but just not as a boyfriend."

Rumble really started to get angry.  "I like girls, OK!  I just happen to like the ones who act more like boys!"

"So you do like boys?"

"Don't make me bash your head with that board!"

Pecan then laughed a bit as he then said, "Well guys I'd best be goin' along; I have me a date."

Then as he left, I quickly wrote on my board, "He's got a girlfriend too?"

Rumble took a look at it and said, "No, he just thinks that he's got one."

"Then who is he seeing?"

"I'll show ya."  So without saying anything else, he then led me and Button Mash to Pecan's "date".




We all followed Pecan to what appeared to be a dental office.  We each looked through a window and saw Pecan walking up to this blue unicorn with blue and white hair.  "Hello Pecan, how's my favorite colt today?"

"Fine, while I was walkin' I picked this beautiful flower and I thought ya might want it."

He hoofed her the flower, and she in turn gave him a kiss on the cheek.  As he got on the dental chair, the unicorn then said, "So, have you been brushing your teeth daily like you're suppose to?"

"You bet Minuette, I even flossed twice right before I came here."

I then wrote something on my board and showed it to Rumble.  "Who's that?"

"That's Minuette, she's the dentist in Ponyville."

"And Pecan's in love with her?"

"Oh yeah, it happened around the same time he first came here.  He just took one look at her, and he automatically thinks that they're going to be married."

"And this is normal?"

"Well Spike has a crush on Rarity, and nopony seems to be in anyway disturbed by that."

"Who's Spike?"

"He's a dragon."

"Did you just say dragon?"

"Oh yeah, he helps Princess Twilight.  In fact, we can probably go see him."



I then found myself being dragged to this very amazing looking castle.  As we entered, we had to climb a long set of stairs.  When we finally reached the top, we were soon greeted by this purple dragon--who was exactly the same height as us.  "Hey Rumble, how's your day going?"

"Good," replied Rumble, "I'm just showing the new kid around town."

The dragon then shook my hoof as he said, "Hi, I'm Spike.  What's your name?" I wrote the "Hi, my name is Sheldon" message back on the board.  "What's with the chalkboard?"

I erased the message and wrote down, "I can't talk."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Spike said.  "Well...how're you liking Ponyville so far?"

"It's definitely a lot better than Canterlot."

"You lived in Canterlot?!  Me and Twilight also used to live there!  That is until Twilight would end up being the Element of Magic, and then the Princess of Friendship."

I then took this chance to ask Spike a personal question, "Is it true that you have a crush on somepony older than you?"

He suddenly started to blush as he said, "Who told you that?!" I then drew an arrow and pointed it towards Rumble.  "Rumble, why did you tell him?!"

"I was just trying to move the conversation along," defended Rumble.  "It's not my fault that you and Pecan both have crushes on girls who are older than you."

"Well how would you like it if I ever told somepony an embarrassing secret about you?" retorted Spike.

"You mean like how Rumble likes boys more than girls?"

Spike was bursting in laughter, while Rumble said to me angrily, "We've been over this, Sheldon.  I just happen to like girls who act like boys."

Spike calmed down a little and said, "Now hold on Rumble, maybe it's not like that.  Maybe you just like boys and girls at the same time.  I think there's a word for that, but what was it?" he then walked towards some balcony and called out, "Hey Jeffrie, what do you call somepony who likes boys and girls?"

I looked down from the balcony, and to my complete surprise, I saw these strange mutated monkeys! the one that I assume is Jeffrie shouted back to Spike, "They're called bisexuals."

Then the buff looking monkey-thing said, "Kinda like Jonathan."

Then the one that I assume is Jonathan blurts out, "Oh fuck you, Andrew!"

And as they left, nopony addresses this.  Spike and Rumble don't explain what those things were or how they came here, but they seem to make it clear that they're a daily occurrence.  Anyway, Spike then said to Rumble, "That's it Rumble, you're just a bisexual."

"Well I'm not!" cried Rumble, "I like fillies, and only fillies!  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home and look at some of my brother's magazines.  That have pictures of girls by the way!"

Then right when he'd left, Button suddenly shouts, "Yes, I did it!  I saved the Electrots!  Take that Dr. Dartmoor!" he then looks at me and says, "Oh hey, what's your name?"

I wrote on my board, "Seriously?"

"Well how do ya do, Seriously, I'm Button Mash."  And then I gave myself a hoofpalm to the face.