//------------------------------// // In the Hall of the Everfree King // Story: The Human // by StapleCactus //------------------------------// “Spike!” Twilight called as she circled above the clearing before the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, finding a suitable spot to land. He looked up at her with a stunned expression, like he couldn’t believe she was there. She graced the ground in the only spot not torn up. “Spike, what happened? I heard from Scootaloo there was an altercation happening nearby.” He shook his head, clearing the dazed look from his eyes. “Oh, Twilight, you just missed our ‘guest’.” “Guest? You mean, what was it, Chase? Where is he?” she asked and turned to the castle doors. “Is that where he’s staying? Oh, I hope he hasn’t ruined the work we’ve been putting into it. I heard from Rarity that he tore up her shop just to get some fabric.” Twilight continued to ramble as she made her way across the bridge, Spike waiting till she was clear before launching himself over the ravine. She looked at the renovated oak doors blocking her path and sighed. There were small fractures in the wood, as if someone had slammed it. If she thought back to it, she did recall hearing something like that sound as she reached the clearing. “I’m only at the door and there’s already damage. That’s not a good sign. Chase, if you’ve done anything to the library, tapestries, candelabras… anything, really…” “Twilight,” Spike started, halting her vocal thoughts, “there’s a few things you should know before you go barging in.” “I think I have it figured out, Spike. Between the events in Canterlot and the signs of battle back there, we’re dealing with someone much more powerful than we thought.” “Twilight, he was impaled with a sword, broke it with his wrist, disimpaled himself, and walked over here like it was a bruise. I really don’t think you know what we’re dealing with.” “First, ‘disimpaled’ isn’t a word. Second, really, Spike? Disimpaled?” Spike rose an eyebrow at her, sufficiently getting her to move on from his perceived vocabular mistake as she sighed in acceptance. She had the feeling he wanted to argue his point, but also wanted to be free of the current situation first. “Maybe you should tell me what happened.” As Spike recalled the past hour, Twilight’s eyes grew wide. A part of her was hoping he was exaggerating when he said Chase was impaled, but that hope flew away and laughed at her misfortune as she processed the events leading up to it. If she were to believe what she was hearing, not only was the human strong, resistant to magic, and unbelievably fast, he was also invulnerable. Just as she was attempting to process the added ability, Spike regaled her with Chase’s muttering,  something about permanently dying, and she decided to change that ‘invulnerable’ to ‘immortal’. How could she even attempt to fight him? It was obvious he needed to be stopped, especially after what happened in Canterlot, but could she defeat him alone? She had Spike, but even just the two of them would be a paltry force if she compared them to the elements. Sure, she managed to figure out the rainbow power they received after the fight with Tirek, but Rarity was in no shape to be traipsing around like the old days. That left her with one-sixth the power and her own alicorn magic with an adolescent dragon against a being that cannot be injured out of a fight or, lest it come to it, die. If it came to it, she could attempt to banish him, but she wasn’t Celestia and hadn’t researched banishment spells until recently. She wasn’t even sure she could pull it off, having never needed to use them before. That left her with only one option, which was not exactly the best of situations. Sure, she would always try the diplomatic approach first, but having only one option didn’t sit well with her. Three choices were her ideal number for dealing with problems. It used to be six, based on herself and five friends, but… “Twilight?” Spike asked, attempting to draw her out of her thoughts, though she didn’t respond. “Twilight!” “Gah!” She tensed and lit her horn, swivelling it from side to side for a threat before focusing her gaze on Spike. “Oh, Spike, sorry.” She let her magic dispel, then looked back at the door. “Thanks for filling me in. It seems like we’ll have to try being diplomatic.” Her hoof was inches away from the door when she froze and glanced to the side, making sure her assistant was ready. “If it comes to it, I want you to run back to Ponyville. Get some reinforcements. Maybe Celestia. I don’t know.” Spike stood straight on his hind legs and puffed out his chest. He looked down to lock eyes with her, a determined gleam telling her everything he was about to say. “I’ll send a message with my dragon fire if anything goes wrong, but I’m not leaving you with him, Twilight.” With a sigh of acceptance, she agreed and pushed the doors open. Luckily, the renovations hadn’t reached the point of locks, so the barriers spun freely on their hinges without a sound. The old castle was designed to be completely open to the throne first and foremost, so a scant few meters away rested the twin thrones, their respective banners hanging over them. Lounging on the dark cherry throne, the one reserved for the lunar princess, rested Chase. The tatters of his pants were gone, replaced with an elegant pair of black slacks. His signature coat was back, its tails hanging off the edge of the chair, but his chest was covered this time with a white button-down shirt and a black bow tie. With his head resting in one hand and the other draped across his chest, he looked the picture of boredom, even as his eyes scanned the arrivals. It was hard to see his expression from the distance, but Twilight thought she saw a flicker of amusement cross his visage. “Ah, princess and dragon, come to thwart the great evil. I almost feel like I’m in a fairy-tale,” Chase started, though he didn’t move from his position. “I’m sure you’ve been told of my miraculous healing by… what did you call him? Spiek? Ah, it doesn’t matter. Tell me, am I to be killed? Banished? Tortured? Am I to be told my crimes and be submitted to a trial? Perhaps I’ll be strung up and pulled until my body gives way? Maybe put in a coffin of spikes?” He seemed to ponder for a moment as Twilight and Spike were shocked into silence by the gruesome images. “No, no. By what I’ve seen of you… ponies, physical torture isn’t your schtick. I’ve seen your history books and panes of glass during my exploration of this castle. No, you prefer mental torture, don’t you? So will it be waterboarding? Perhaps repetitive punishment?” Chase winced suddenly. “Okay, that one was bad. Did it hurt you as much as me?” He grew silent as if he was waiting an answer, turning his attention to the recently-added ceiling. Finally seeing her moment to speak, Twilight stepped forward. “Ah, ah, ah!” he called to her as she was passed the second pillar and a mere three meters from the throne steps. “Please, I’m on a throne. The least you could do is greet me properly before approaching.” His eyes never left the ceiling, however. “Ah, that’s better. Please, tell me your worries.” Twilight looked behind her to see Spike shrug. Neither had done any such greeting, yet he acted as if they did. She turned back to quizzically watch Chase as he finally looked down at them, though the look he gave felt more like he was looking down on them. “You come to me making demands?!” he screamed, launching himself off the throne in anger. “I am KING! I will do as I wish, and you peasants will follow my orders or be sent to the dungeons for an eternity!” Drops of blood hit the floor, pooling before slowly running down the steps towards them as he ranted about whatever he was imagining they were saying. Twilight was about to speak up when he slammed a foot on the stone hard enough for a crack to echo through the chamber. “ENOUGH!” he yelled, then pulled the hilt of his sword out from behind him. Spike stepped forward and crouched, but Chase slammed the pommel against his skull and collapsed back on the throne. Twilight shared a look of confusion with Spike before taking a few more steps forward. “Chase?” she asked. When no answer was forthcoming, she studied his form and the blood still flowing towards them. There was more than she figured was healthy, and if Chase was a pony, he’d be on his way to a permanent rest. From what she could remember of the medical texts she read, and if humans had similar physiology to ponies, it was very likely he just had an episode. Of what, she couldn’t be certain. He could have been reliving a previous moment in his life, or creating a situation in his mind, or even just acting out a play. Whatever it was, she knew he wasn’t completely coherent. The blood loss was severe enough, but if he was still alive after his stunt, she wouldn’t write his immortality off. “Ugh,” Chase grunted from the throne, dropping the hilt and rubbing his head. “My apologies, Princess. I’m not really presentable for an audience right now. If you could come back never, that would be dandy.” Seeing him with a semblance of sanity again, Twilight finally attempted her diplomatic plan. “Chase, it’s obvious you are unwell. If we can set some ground rules, we can get you some help,” she said as she climbed the measly three steps to his side. She considered laying a hoof on his draping leg in comfort, but decided against it. When she didn’t get a response, she continued. “If you promise not to hurt anypony and answer any question truthfully, we’ll get you to a hospital.” Part of her screamed not to take him back to civilization and to attempt to heal him here, but Twilight reasoned that part aside with the carefully worded counterpoint of “with what medical magic?” Sure, she knew a few basic spells like reducing headaches and stopping blood loss, but Chase was in much worse shape than those spells could help. Almost like he was reading her mind, Chase said, “Or, you work whatever magic you can here and I only do one of the two things you asked.” He had moved his hand to cover his eyes as he tilted his head back, barely peeking through his fingers to watch the sunlight slowly fade away. “I don’t feel like leaving, and I definitely don’t want to be near you ponies any more than I have to.” “Chase!” Twilight admonished. “You are in a very serious condition. I can’t help you enough to make sure you survive.” Then, almost to herself, she muttered, “And I don’t want to compromise on those points…” He lazily spun his head towards Spike, still crouched at the bottom of the stairs, and chuckled. “Oh, come off it, dragon. I could no more hurt your precious pony princess than I could defeat you again right now. And I’m sure you told her about my desire, so why are you letting her bargain with me at all? If anything, you should want me dead as much as I do.” Spike let out a breath that seemed to hold all his resentment and anger, then stood and walked up the stairs as well. “Sure, you’re an ass—” “SPIKE!” “—but I really can’t let you die now. Scootaloo seems to hold you in high regard, so you can’t be all that bad. Let Twilight help you already.” Silence filled the hall as Twilight awaited an answer, though she was a little peeved at Spike’s colorful language. She thought maybe she could still get him to eat soap like when he was younger, but then remembered he didn’t mind the taste of it. Just when she was coming up with a new way to punish the dragon, Chase moaned despondently. “I’m not in the mood for mind games right now. Heal me as best you can right here and I’ll tell you what I can do with your terms.” “I promise to do the best I can, but I still want you to see a doctor,” Twilight said, not budging on her own side. “I’m not leaving the castle and my freedom.” “And I’m not letting you die on that throne, in this castle, on Equestrian soil!” “And I’m not going to answer all your questions freely!” “And I won’t let you hurt any ponies!” “AND I WON’T LET YOU HEAL ME!” “AND WE AREN’T LEAVING YOU ALONE!” “ENOUGH!” Spike shouted, his reverberating voice bouncing back to the group again and again until the two stopped screaming at each other. Once he was sure he had their attention, he coughed into his claws and spoke. “Chase, if Twilight were to heal you here, what of the terms would you change?” “Spike!” “Wait your turn, Twilight,” he ordered, his eyes boring into her own in a way that said, ‘if you don’t shut up, we’ll be here all night, so let me do this because I’m your friend and I totally don’t mean you are a bad person and I hope you don’t hate me.’ It was a very complicated look. The fact Twilight understood it at all was thanks to a long life with her assistant. She nodded, letting Spike know she would let him handle it. The human looked between the two with a bemused smile. “This world… it certainly is different.” Spike turned to Chase and waved him to answer the question, though his statement did cause Twilight’s ears to perk up. “Eh, fine, fine. Now, since you are too blind to see it, I guess I have to state it plainly: I will not hurt the ponies unless they attack me, because that’s how it should be.” Twilight made to speak, but Spike’s hand cut her off. With a harrumph, she turned her head, but waved at the human to continue. “As for the other point, it is unfair to demand I answer any question truthfully. You, or anyone else, could easily ask me inappropriate questions, and the terms would force me to answer. Then, there’s the questions I don’t feel like answering both to keep my emotions in check or because of…” He trailed off, waving a hand in the air flamboyantly, “stuff.” Setting his hand back on his head, he continued. “So, I would like to make the terms, ‘If I ask a question that doesn’t interfere with your own code, you are required to answer it truthfully.’” This time, when Twilight tried to speak, Spike didn’t stop her. “Your own code?! Nopony knows what that code is! How could we have terms that have hidden terms that only you are privy to? That’s not fair at all!” “Neither is telling me I need to stay alive because reasons!” “Spike, surely you agree with me? We can’t agree to terms so skewed in his favor,” Twilight pleaded, misting her eyes at her assistant. He winced at her attempt, thinking he had outgrown the look by now, then sighed. “Chase…” “Ugh,” Chase started, rolling his eyes. “Look, I’m not entirely here right now, so the wording could use some work. Just… work with me here.” Twilight and Spike huddled up, swapping ideas until they had come to a compromise that seemed like it would work for the human. Nodding to each other, they broke and she turned to Chase. “In return for healing you the best I can, as well as having Spike deliver a few medical supplies—like a doctor—you will agree to these terms: One, you will agree not to harm a pony unless they initiate combat, and you will attempt to subdue with minimum injury. Two, you are required to answer any question relating to your reasons being here, except those that will have a detrimental affect to your health. Three, if you are asked a question you feel should not be answered, you must supply a reasonable response to the inquiry explaining why you will not answer it.” Chase stared at her. His eyes didn’t bounce between her eyes like one trying to pull information from a gaze alone, but more like he was just looking at the base of her horn, using it as a focal point to think. She, in return, tried to stay still so his train of thought wouldn’t derail and smash into the next station, causing several injuries and millions of bits in damage, watching his eyes glaze over. “Did anyone ever say unicorns have phallic symbols attached to their heads, and that is why they are so demanding and uppity?” he asked, unmoving. Twilight’s eyes grew wide at the sudden question, then narrowed in anger. He was treading a very thin line, and one step had already crossed it. Such talk was nearing racial slurs. “And another thing, is the dragon’s name really Spike? Cause, see, that’s just sad. It’s like naming a pet: ‘Oh, the cat has stripes, so we’ll call him Stripes!’” Now it was Spike’s turn to glare at the human. “I think…” The whites of Chase’s eyes grew as the pupils started rolling to the back of his head, his speech slowing to a crawl. “Maybe… you should… help…” With those words, the human closed his eyes and slumped entirely on the throne. “Chase!” Twilight yelled, rushing over him and applying what spells she knew as a trail of green fire flew out the window.