//------------------------------// // Breaking the Butterfly Upon the Wheel // Story: Celestia's Morning After // by WanderingPuffin //------------------------------// Celestia was infinity patient. She was immortal and indestructible. A decade passed in the blink of an eye for her. She had learned not to become too emotional about small things. Today was starting to wear even her patience extremely thin. She had a headache, still had on this stupid belt, her bedroom was full of instruments, she had to deal with those bone headed pear farmers in less than an hour, her advisers were yelling at her for things she had no idea about, she might have propositioned her niece, Blueblood was bleeding on her hooves, she apparently had promised him some sort of law change, and above it all she had just drank pickle juice. The air around her body was becoming super heated as her rage was magically becoming real. Her hooves were leaving scorch marks on the table. Flames were appearing above her horn. Breath in she told herself. If you can not control your emotions you are not fit to be royalty. "Bring in my sister," she announced trying to keep her rage from destroying everyone who didn't seem to realize just who they were messing with. Perhaps the Mistress of the Night could help her understand just what she had done. Well maybe just close friend of the Night. Luna was too shy to be much of a mistress. "Sorry, Princess Luna didn't come back last night." Be calm, they know you are strong. They do not need a reminder that you can kill them with your thoughts. "Where is she?" Princess Celestia didn't want to panic. Her sister was an excellent fighter. Countless owl bears had fallen at her hooves. A gelatinous cube wouldn't be enough to harm her. She once ate one with whipped cream on a dare. On the other hoof, today would be just the day for her to decide to suddenly attack that "Tomb of Horrors" she talked about. Or do that surfing thing she always discussed. Celestia tried to tell her that long flowing manes and swimming just didn't mix but Luna wouldn't listen. Yes, that had to be it. Luna was drowning this very minute. These metal hoof slippers they always wore would drag her down to her death. Celestia could just imagine her now screaming her lungs out. "SISTER, WHY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ME?" The cold sea water flooding her lungs as the last breath of air ran out. Three weeks from now her bloated corpse would rise from the ocean's depths and the image that Celestia had of her sister would be her lying on a medical examination table. Her body bloated from the gases inside of her. Her eyes eaten away by the fish. The evil species of Equestria would see this as a sign of weakness and all invade at once. Thousands of her ponies would die needlessly as the Changelings, Griffons, Trolls, all the denizens of Tartarus swarmed forth at once to destroy her kingdoms. All of it would be her fault "Uh, Princess?" one of the maids asked. "I want the coast guard sent out to search immediately!" Celestia shouted. Perhaps Luna would not be drowned fully before the ships reached her. "Princess, if you are done day dreaming. Do you think that we could get on to more important matters. I have bills from your night of indulgence. Did you have to act like a filly who has just reached marehood? It shows a great deal of immaturity from somepony we trust with the running of the kingdom." Celestia normally would take this pony away for private a private talk about the inappropriateness of that statement. Her personal expenses were paid by her own private land holdings, investments and business ventures which had grown immensely thanks to her immortality. It had gotten to the point that she had been forced to change banks multiple times after filling them up. The ministry had no say in what were private affairs. "Did I use the treasury to pay my bills?" Celestia asked as the heat around her body increased. The floor beneath her began to crack loudly as it warped. "No, but such lack of fiscal management weighs on the minds of citizens. We at the treasury have many times requested auditing of measures to curtail misuse of funds that would adversely affect the reputation of the kingdom." In other words allow the treasury control of all fiscal assets and make it so you can't spend a bit without approval. Celestia had just reached the breaking point. The point at which anger ceases burning and instead becomes pure focused hatred. Celestia would not use violence. Violence would be crude and brutish. Celestia reached back into her mind. That was all she needed to destroy this pony. "No, I do not believe that will be needed Mr. Oats," Celestia said turning to give him her full attention. The small brown pony sputtered. "I believe her majesty is mistaken. My name is Regal Thunder," The pony puffed out his chest at his name. "No, it was Rolled Oats. You changed upon your acceptance to Canterlot University." The brown pony suddenly lost the look of pretentiousness he had before. "I knew your father. A small farmer who enjoyed breeding sunflowers. His father, Harsh Orders, took the land as a pension for years of service in the army. His father was a drunk." Celestia stood up from the chair. Her hair changed from the rainbow her subjects knew into pure flames. "You received good grades at Canterlot university and served on several boards." "I see my credentials and known even to you." The small brown unicorn said gaining a small amount of smugness. The rest of the ponies around him backed away quickly. They didn't want to get caught in the coming cross fire the unicorn couldn't see coming. "I am aware of every pony within my lands. Even a trumped up overly ambitious oat farmer with delusions of grandeur." "I should sue you for slander." The unicorn cried stepping back against a wall. "I have known your fathers and mothers going back to the three tribes and before. I can see the very molecules that makes up up your heart. I have enough force in my horn to drive you through the earth until you burn in the heart of the planet. You think that you are equal enough to dictate my actions?" Celestia towered over the unicorn. "I only seek what is best for the kingdom." He whined. "Do you know why I was made princess?" Celestia shouted staring him in the eye. "Because they could see your great wisdom?" the unicorn squeaked. Celestia threw back her head in laughter. "I was given the title when I was still a foal. Do you think a foal is wise?" A grin grew across her face. "They hoped to distract me. To keep me so wrapped up in bureaucracy, ceremony and luxury that I would not have time to go about destroying mountains and ripping ponies to shreds. I could destroy you here. Make it so your closest friends forget even your name. Both of them. But would you like to know a secret?" She leaned down to whisper in his ear," I don't need to," She took a step back. "Thrifty, I would like Mr. Oats accounts thoroughly audited. Let the revenue service know." "You can't just audit someone without reason." The unicorn protested. "Any member of the Equestrian Intelligence Service may be audited at the expressed desire of the Princess if she feels there is sufficient cause. Equestrian Special Services Tax Code article three subsection seven. I wrote that piece myself." "I work for the treasury." "Consider this notice of transfer. You are expected to begin service monitoring the sand of the San Palomino Desert in three days." "The sand?" "Can't have somepony stealing the sand. What would we use to make those novelty glass figures I enjoy so much? Also to make sure that your presence is a deterrent to potential sand thieves I will expect you to be in full dress uniform at all times." The unicorn felt a cold chill. The uniform hadn't been updated in years. It would be like roasting in an oven every day. "Of course this will have to be a secret mission to catch the sand thieves so I will have a special shack built fifty miles from any cities, towns, or outposts for you to stay in so that your presence will be unknown to the sand thieves allowing you the element of surprise. Of course I will have an inspector come now and then. Any failure to report in and in full dress will result in extension of duty." "Have mercy Princess," The unicorn begged. "Oh, alright." Celestia said the temperature around her cooling. "You may have the use of my maids." Celestia turned around to face her servants. "Oh, good you are already here." She said in a mock surprised tone. "Please help Mr. Oats to pack up his house. He will be going on a trip." Celestia then walked back to the breakfast table and began eating a plate of eggs. This was her preferred hangover cure. The maids scurried off with Mr. Oates. A scared silence shared between them. "Um, Celestie? I don't want to bother you but do you think that you could let me out of this sack? It sorta smells." The sac said quietly. Celestia undid the knot and Spike fell out of the sack with a pair of cotton pink panties on his head. "I think the kitchen might have some gems if you would like some breakfast Spikie" Celestia said as she picked off the panties. Fleur would probably want these back. "Thanks... hey cool pickle juice Twilight won't ever let me drink this stuff." Spike grabbed a cup and happily wandered off to the kitchen. "Your highness, that was entertaining but what about all these issues from last night." Thrifty protested. More civil at the moment than before. "I will deal with the Pear farmers now and seek to figure out what happened this evening when we have time." She didn't like pushing back matters like this but she had promised the Pears to hear their case today. "No, need your highness." The accountant said quietly. "The wise one dealt with that issue yesterday. They are now happy with the terms of the will." "Well thank goodness that drunk me can do some things right. I will not hold court today then." Princess Celestia stared at her reflection in the plate. A trip to a beautician before heading out would be in order. "I will instead go to see if I can trace what exactly I did last night. Please have the butler load all the instuments in my room on a cart so I can take them back to where I found them." She glanced around the around. Most of the crowd had dispersed but a few servants were still in the room. "In fact if one of you could help me take this belt off I would appreciate it." The remaining servants rushed to her aid. It was good that there was more than one. A few centuries of dietary overindulgence had the belt stretched to its limit. "And what would you like us to do about Blueblood?" Celestia glanced down. He was still passed out on the floor. She did not know what she had promised him but nobility kept its promises. Even the drunk ones. "Place him on a bed somewhere. When he wakes up try to figure out what he wants without letting on that I have not the slightest idea of what it is or why stealing panties was vital to my agreement."