//------------------------------// // Disciple of Chaos // Story: Confusion // by Lonice //------------------------------// How long have I been here? Watching Ponyville burn, living this nightmare again and again? Why won't it stop? Is it trying to tell me something? Is this some sort of warning? Am I supposed to stop it? What if I'm the one who starts it? Oh god, that'd make me a... a... m-murderer... God, let me wake up, please! I... No, no, no! I don't want to suffer through this! Why make them suffer?! They don't deserve pain! Focus it on me, and me alone instead! I know what it's like to be stuck at the bottom, they don't, please, no! NO! I don't know how long it's been now. Since the rain began, and the fire died. Is this the reality that I'm stuck with? I... I can see them... Ponies without faces or cutie marks, all nobodies... Oh god, what kind of monster am I?! This... This isn't right... It's not supposed to be like this... I... I refuse to turn Ponyville into an ashen wasteland like this... I... I refuse, now go away, damn you! The flood hasn't left. I'm sitting at the bottom of an ocean, waiting for a change that will not arrive. I know now, that I can not go back. I should've taken action when I had the chance, but now... The sun's light can't even reach me. It's so cold, and dark, and... Is that a light? I seem to be approaching it... No, it's approaching me... What is that? "Gah!" I yelp, gasping for air as I sit upright in the bed I was sleeping in. "Oh, it was just a nightmare... Thank goodness!" I say, shocked when I see Twilight reading a book next to the bed. Why is she there? "You should get more rest. It's the middle of the night," she said, but for some reason... She looks relieved... "Yeah, well... I... I don't want to sleep. It's... It's.. I..." I say, but I can't form the words to tell her about my nightmares... Enar, you shit, are you holding me back? Wouldn't having continuous nightmares about destroying your hometown make you less trusting of one of these ponies? Fair point, but... They deserve to know. They took me in, after all. At this point, I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for them. I owe them the knowledge of my nightmares. I owe them my trust. "I've... I've been having... Nightmares..." I say, my tone remaining cautious. "We all have nightmares. But you need to re-" Twilight began, but I interrupt her. "It's the same one. Ponyville being set ablaze, by... By... Why?! Oh, why, why is it always me?!" I begin to shout, not caring about Twilight's now shocked, yet also concerned, look. Tears are streaming down my face like a lake bursting through a dam. Why am I the one burning Ponyville in those nightmares?! Why?! "I think you just need to calm down, and take deep breathes... I'll go see if I can get Princess Luna's help," Twilight says, and she dashes off, probably to wake up Spike... Can all I do is cause problems? Is that why I'm here? I am the only human in Equestria, after all... There's a small pop and then Princess Luna is standing in front of me... At least, I think it's Princess Luna. I can't tell. Everything is so watery... "W-Who's t-there?" I manage to sob... God, I'm pathetic... Why? "I understand that your nightmare I had witnessed is a, as Princess Twilight called it, a reoccurring event. If that's the case, it isn't just a nightmare. It may be a vision, or... I'll need you to cast the most basic form of magic you can," Princess Luna says, and I can only assume she's eyeing me closely. "O-okay..." I say as I try to levitate my hand... It slowly works it's way up, and then my magic cancels itself out. Odd, it's never done that before... You moron, I cancelled it! God knows why she wanted you to use magic, look at what it did to you already! If you die, I die, unless I get out of this body! Of course, if you give me control that wouldn't be a pro- "You're not getting control, Enar, so stop asking!" Wait, did I just say that aloud? Oh, shit, I think I did... This isn't good... Damn it! "Enar? Under normal circumstances, I'd ask who that is. Though it is clear that you have a cetain... Property... About you," Princess Luna said, beginning to cast a spell, "This should prevent the nightmare from repeating itself anymore. I hope you get well soon, Ajil," and she vanished with a small pop, just like the one that had occurred when she arrived. Strange, really... But I need too sleep. I wake up the next day, and see that their isn't anypony with me. The floor appears to bee quite smooth, and the pink pillars defined to every single centimeter... I begin to walk, my bare feet making hardly any noise on the floor. As I reach the door, I notice that it's made of wood, and that it's... What the fuck, where did it go?! "Let me out!" I shout, lunging and slamming my fists against the wall. Where did the damn door go?! "Well, Ajil, the door definitely doesn't want you to leave this room yet. I have a gift for you, after all, forced to deliver it by Lulu and Celly. Ah, I bet they'd love you to learn to use this lantern. Somehow, you're supposed to be able to send letters by putting them into the flame. However, I can't get the fire to start. I think you should take it from here, Lulu said she wanted to talk to me about your... How did she put it?" Discord asks, putting his talons in a thinking manner, before continuing, "Ah, yes, your certain property thing. So, I'll be off. Do be careful with that lantern, would you? We don't want any fires burning things down to the ground," he finishes, before leaving. Did he know about my nightmare? Hmmmm... Focus on lighting the lantern, dude, just do it... Rrrngh.... Focus... I can feel my face scrunch up as I focus harder and harder on lighting the lantern, until there's a small little pop and a ball of flame ignites the lantern, emitting a sickly yellow glow... Intriguing... Great. New magic learned; lighting lanterns. I wonder if you'll ever use that some other time. I mean, come the fuck on! It's fucking useless! Try something different, like creating food or some shit! Are you starting to understand me, dumbass? Needs come first, then lighting lanterns and luxurious things can be allowed. Otherwise, you may as well slit your throat and end my torture this second, asshole. Just ignore it. You have to be strong. I watch as the door comes into view, and I put my hand on the handle, just to find that the door is... Ulgh, it's jammed. Fucking bullshit! "Hugh..." I sigh, "Damn it..." I punch the door, and then the door "click"'s and opens in front of me, revealing a long spiral staircase leading downwards. Interesting, but... I should probably try this lantern out... I need paper though. Meh, I should go ask Twilight how to work this... Magical Lantern... Yeah, 'cause that makes sense. God help me... I start walking down the stair, the dark blue aura surrounding me on the stairs still... Though now it looks darker... Ah, well, I do need to just ignore it and walk on. It takes a few minutes, but I finally reach what looks like the first floor, where the doors lead outside. Thank god that there's nopony guarding me in here. I can understand if they're outside the house, but if they were inside... It wouldn't leave the greatest impression. Hell, they might be trying to not guard me as if to say "We trust you... For now," with all things considered. I begin to head towards the door, when suddenly my vision blackens. It has happened before, it's almost like a "temporary black out" where I just can't see. I'm still in control, but I have to stop to regain my vision, which appears to slowly bleed back into the center of my vision. I mostly think that it's caused by not blinking over long amounts of time and then suddenly when you blink, your eyes have to adjust. It didn't matter, though. The door was wide open, and in front of me... Discord stood, looking very annoyed. A part of me really knows I shouldn't ask what I'm about to, but... I have to know! No, you don't. You technically only need to know the most basic survival skills. So far you can almost kill yourself by evaporating things, levitate very small objects, and light a lantern. Do any of the above sound like survival skills? No? Didn't think so, ya' fucking dumb ass! You might as well have one of them kill you off while they can, before they become attached or some shit. "Enar... That is his name, isn't it? The one causing problems up there? Tell him I said to back off. You wouldn't believe what Lulu just did. She had assumed I put him there, meaning to hide your powers from you. I had to explain that he, Enar I mean, was already there. In fact, Enar has been in your mind since before you arrived, hasn't he? She said you two don't seem to get along.... However, this also means that you have a specific... Quality. A quality we can use. Chop chop!" Discord said, the words flowing so fast I almost couldn't process them. Almost. Discord clapped with his final words, and we teleported to... Where are we? "Well, we are in an area nopony will ever be able to go. Celly made this place to practice her magic, and I must say that it is a genius idea. Here, we will have a week to train," Discord said, a smirk now on his face, "Oh, there also will be no breaks for you. Not even to eat or use the bathroom," he continued. What?! "Wait, what? But I have to fucking shit right now, I just got up! Also, what the fuck will happen in the real world?! I think Twilight and them will notice a fucking missing human within a few minutes of being unable to find my ass!" I begin shouting hysterically... Discord's smug smirk remains unaltered... "That, my dear human, is because in this plane, a week to us is merely one minute to them. Now, begin!" Discord shouts, and snaps his fingers on the last word, causing him to vanish, being replaced by what appear as... Are those zombies?! "Wh-What the fuck!? Discord, why the fuck did you just fucking ditch me! Hey, asshole, get your ass back here!" I shout at the sky. Dude. Fucking zombies. Defend yourself, dumbass! Discord is testing us, that's obvious! I don't give a fucking shit, you don't ditch someone like that! Aaaaaagggghhhhh!!!!!! Fuck it, I'll just kill these fucking zombies! I run up to the nearest zombie, and punch it in the face. Let me say that zombie jaws are painful. I pull my fist back for another, when all of a sudden the zombies face changes to that of my brothers... What? "Please, don't hurt me! I... I..." I let my guard down, and immediately he lunges at my face, no longer my brother, but now a zombie HOLY SHIT! I uppercut with my left hand, and punch the zombie in the face with my right hand, just to see that it has a fire sword stab it in the head. In my left hand I can feel what feels like a cold, icy stone... I stand up and look at my hands; in my left is an icy blade, sharpened to a point that it looks as though it can cut through skin, while in my right hand I can see a sword made of flames, blazing with my anger and hatred. I look closer at my ice sword, and see that there are frozen memories of sorrow lying within. "Fire and ice, huh? How about... Sorrow and Despise... Yes, those names are perfect!" I say to myself. I officially have my weapons of choice, now all I need to do is learn to dual wield them. I don't think they'd go well if touching one another... A zombie moans to my right, and I quickly realize that I've been surrounded. Shit, this is not good, not good! Fuck! I raise my arms and cut two zombies into two, and begin spinning. Everything becomes a blur of orange, ice blue, human flesh, what I assume is blood, and maybe bone. The next thing I know, I am surrounded by ponies on the dark plane. Imagine an endless checker board, but all the spaces are black, everything is black, except for the white lines on the ground. Yeah, that's what I was seeing. I was surrounded by duplicates of the main six, all slowly prowling towards me, vicious smiles upon their faces, and where normal teeth should've been, there are only fangs. And now I'm back in Crystalline Oaks... What? How the fuck?! You clearly wouldn't have been able to defeat them. You had attachments to all of them... Every one... You wouldn't knowingly kill your own brother, even if it meant you had to die. You'd do the same for your friends and acquantences. It's one of your bigger weaknesses. I defended you, saved your life... Though, when I took full control you lost that ice sword. Sorry, Sorrow. I had Despise in my right hand and a fire shield in my left, which I've named Revenge. I hope you survive on your own in the next training session. Discord wasn't happy about my intervention. What...? You... You just saved my ass, don't try to play it all cool like that! Dude, seriously, what happened?! I suggest you prepare yourself. The same thing happens tomorrow. Take that ring off of your hand and put it on tomorrow, as you enter training. From now on, I'll assume control in the morning. After training, you get control. Don't fuck this day up, either. Discord said as long as I let you have some experience, which you will be getting a lot of, we should be fine. Just don't die on me, or come close to it again. It really pisses me off. Er... Okay. Interesting. They day was a simple day, and I merely laid in the bedroom I had awoke in in the morning, eating scrambled eggs that I had created with magic. It was surprisingly easier then I had ever imagined. In fact, it was almost like I barely had to focus at all! Amazing! I merely laid there, my mind blank, wandering about home. I wonder what my brother would do... I know he has a life of his own, but what will he do when words of my vanishing act reach him? I wish I could know... Honest... Will my friends back home care? I was so quiet around them... Will any of my friends notice? I think my mom will notice at first, but hopefully Jazyline will take care of her... I know she'll probably forget... Oh well, I guess I gotta... But I miss them... I miss them so much... I have no one here like me. Nopony understands me here... To be a completely different species then any other on an entire planet... This is the worst punishment dealt to me. I... I... "Ajil?" I hear Twilight ask from beside the bed, and I notice that I've been sobbing... Wow, I'm just a sad failure... I can't even notice when I'm crying... Twilight looks really concerned, like she thinks I have some sort of injury... Well, I do, but they can't mend the wound of endless loneliness... "Are you okay? You look... Horrible... Is there anything I can do to help?" Twilight asks... She is genuinely concerned about me, and I know she wants to help me... But I... I'm just a guy fighting the early stages of depression... Weren't there like, five stages of Accepting Loss or some shit? Oh well. "Maybe..." I say, clearing my throat, "maybe you can help me... I was given this Magical Lantern, but that isn't all. I... I need some help with learning magic, so I wanted to kn-" Twilight cuts me off by putting a hoof on my mouth, and sighing. "Well, I'm not allowed to help you with magic. You see, Ajil... I was just recently informed that Princess Luna has discovered that you may have two... Chaotic... Properties within you. One appears natural, while the other... Seems... It's confusing, you'd have to ask her about it when you get the chance. Also, Discord told me a little about Enar..." Twilight informed me, pausing to allow her words to sink in... She... knows about... Enar? I wonder how much Discord told her... "So... What all do you know? About Enar, I mean, like how much do you know about Enar?" I ask awkwardly. Very awkwardly, in fact. Not much. I told Discord to try not to reveal much about your capabilities, since you can't do fucking shit. He did say that he would only hold back what he felt necessary, or something like that. Hopefully he didn't reveal what I am. That reminds me... Enar, how exactly did you come into existence? I didn't purposefully create your ass, so when the fuck did you get here?! Heh. Of course, your dumb ass wouldn't be able to figure out something so simple! When you created Alex and Jerry to maintain a calm state of mind, you had forgotten about your hatred, anger, and desire for revenge. You had accidentally focused enough energy to create three others, not just two. Hell, for all I know there are others in here who have yet to show there faces, probably afraid of losing brain cells due to your idiocy! You are quite the asshole, you know. So, goodbye. "Well, you see... He said that Enar may pose a threat to you if you don't quickly grow in strength mentally, magically, and physically. Apparently this Enar stallion is some big deal, or is a lot better than you in all of those specific attributes. I asked if I could help you, but Discord said that for me to intervene would hinder your training process..." Twilight said, looking down and even sadder as she went on, "Is there anything I can do to help you, besides magic training?" she asked me. "Actually, I am going to need a place to increase my physical ability. Also, I'm not sure how to use this Magical Lantern..." I say, holding the lantern out, which causes Twilight to let out an astonished gasp. "Is that... No way! With that flame... You can definitely send more than just letters with that thing! They're so rare and difficult to light that most nobles don't even have them! Legend has it that you have to be capable of bearing an Element of Harmony to use one! Of course, there is a bit of that page that isn't in any copy, but still...! This... This is amazing!" Twilight exclaimed... Er... How the fuck could I wield an Element of Harmony?! I'm a fucking human being, we're the most disruptive force on planet Earth, and we constantly at war and... It isn't possible! "So... What all can I send with it? I'm assuming only the Princesses have these things... Also, can I see the bo-AGH!!!" I shout as Twilight drops a massive book on my lap, and uses her magic to quickly flip the pages until it appears to be in the two hundreds or so... And the book is pretty big, like, a sheet of paper you'd print with big, and I am barely a fifth into this thing... Ridiculous... On the page it reads that there are wielders... Yeah, Twilight read that to me... The smudged part... Focus... Focus... Ergggghhhh... There was a quick POP and I can read the missing text... I assume Twilight can as well, because what was missing... Is horrible. On the page, it says that only those who can bear the Elements of Harmony may use this lantern, and it would generate blue flames. If the flames are the color of a sickly yellow, then... Then... The one who had lit it bears the pure essence of a Shard of an Element of Chaos... A... Shard? "No..." Twilight and I say, our voices synchronized... Why? I have to read the rest... The one bearing the Shard will struggle, and will become a Disciple of Chaos, as they are doomed to become one whether or not they desire to take that path. They may or may not be influenced by an outside source, but they will find this text exactly one day before being branded as Discord's Disciple, and they should now know why they may be fighting sorrow, anger, cruelty, and/or more. This is a curse they must bear, and, in fact, if they give into these emotions, they gain tremendous power capable of destroying Discord... However, they will be unable to utilize that power due to clouded minds, and will seem like an every day school bully when comparing their strength to others. "Why? Why does this keep happening...? Why, why am I cursed like this?! I can't take it anymore!!!" I shout at the sky, letting tears flood out of my eyes. It doesn't matter... Now they'll never truly trust me... I deserve their distrust at this point... They've taken me in and helped me, and what have I done for them?! Huh?! What the fuck have I done to pay them back?! I deserve this pain... This suffering... I deserve it all! So, you know what? "You know what... Bring it on! I'll take on anything you throw at me, just try it! You won't break me to the point of no return! I refuse to let my souls flame die tonight! I won't be a mindless drone who's just a pawn in your game! You hear me, God?! You don't control anything about me, you hear me?!" I shout at the roof, and I suddenly hear thunder crackle outside, and the room gets darker and darker, until the storm clouds outside have made my room almost completely black, except for the faint sickly yellow glow coming from my Magical Lantern. I can hear it down pouring out there... BAM, BAM, BAM!!! I hear the door... I quickly run over and open it, letting Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and the other Bearers inside. They were all drenched... "What the fuuhhhhzle... happened to make you stay out in the rain?! Isn't your weather system scheduled?! Oh jeez, Twilight, get a blanket, quick! We're gonna need five! I might be able to make one, though!" I rush, catching my swearing and shouting back to Twilight... Focus on blankets... POP! Suddenly, one giant blanket appears, and lands on the five ponies who were soaked... "Whoa... I can do that? I mean... That is one big blanket..." I say, gawking at what I had created... "Ah'd reckon you can, considerin' what Discord just told us. Y'all alright, Sugarcube? From the tone he was usin', Ah'd bet that-" Applejack began, but I cut her off. "I... I just found something out... Something that... I don't know how to take it in, or how you are all going to react... Twilight, I think they'd take it from you better then they would if I told them... Of course, I do need to tell you... All of you... I... Supposedly, "I say, holding out my Magical Lantern, "supposedly, this flame being this sickly yellow means that I, Ajil, have to bear... A Shard of Chaos..." I finish, hearing the Elements gasp in shock... I can't look at them, and stare at the crystalline floor, which is now a dark blue on the border of being black... "I... I didn't want to, but... It's just the way things are, I guess. I truly don't want to bear this... This... Darkness... Though I don't think I have much of a choice. So... So..." I try to continue, but I fall to the ground crying, and screaming out "I'm so sorry! I never meant for this to happen, I swear! Never! I'm sorry, honest to god! I'm so sorry!" for at least five minutes before I felt a hoof wrap around my shoulder from behind me, and a blurry image of Twilight... It sorta looks like she's crying too, but why? "It's okay, Ajil... It's okay, it isn't your fault... If anything, it's my fault..." Twilight said... Sadly, I agree partially... Though she didn't know any better... Why, why do I have to bring down others?! I... I can't do that... They need to stay strong... I can feel my sobbing slowing down and stopping... I'm calm again... But why!? I feel terrible! I can't do this! I can't, I just can't! God, why?! Why is this happening?! "It... It isn't your fault, Twilight... You didn't know that this would happen to me, you didn't know... You were just curious... I swear I'll learn to bear it... To use it for harmony, to help you and the other Bearers... I swear to Celestia... I'll do everything in my power to help you..." I tell her, and I mean it. If I ever break that promise, then I deserve this curse... Though I have to... I have to fight this Shard! Pathetic. Just accept it as a part of you, and you should be safe... Idiot. You deserve to be in this state for an eternity. Do you understand that, Ahi-... No, that... No way... No! No, that can not happen! I... I have to... What...? Enar, what's going on? Enar, what the fuck are you talking about!? Enar, where are you?! "Gah!" I shout as the world begins to spin, and I see flames emit from around me into a humanoid figure across the room, until solidifying into a solid, exact replica of myself, save for the eye color being the deepest crimson I've ever seen. Enar just... They need to run... All of them... Run... "Save... Pony... Ville..." I manage to get out, weakly pointing at Enar, who, after being seen, turns into a beam of fire and shoots through a window, breaking glass, and the frame falls... It's getting closer to me... I have to move... Move... Move! I move out of the way at the last second, hearing a loud THUD! behind me. I turn to look, and see the frame lying there, and the Bearers running outside... Once they get out, the entire room is lit with a glowing orange, and I hear them gasp in horror... "Stop him... Stop Enar... Please, don't..." I stop and cough a few times before continuing, "Please, don't let him kill them... Stop Enar at all costs, please, I'm begging you!" I shout after the Bearers as they rush out the door... "Thank you..." I whisper, letting myself fall unconscious, numbing the migraine I had seemingly developed out of nowhere, and the pain coursing throughout my entire body, riveting, like when someone would break a bone and feel the pain resounding throughout their body, almost as though the human mind was trying to disperse the damage done to someone. I hope they stop that dickhead...