Pony Confessions
Celestia
This is Dominick, Dominick works at a five star restaurant called, The Pony Palace. There, some of Equestria's most popular celebrities pop in to have a drink. Sometimes they share stories and even secrets, because as we all know, what the bartender hears is confidential, isn't it.
"So I'm sitting there, tending the bar, when one of the most famous ponies in all of Equestria walks in, Princess Celestia. She comes in, sits down and orders a Sunny Ray on the rocks, but she looked as if she just... didn't care. No real emotion, almost as if it just got sucked out of her. So I asked her."
"Miss C, what's with the sad face."
Than she says, "Oh nothing... just some trouble with my sister."
Trouble with Princess Luna? She hasn't been seen much since her return so what could possibly be the trouble? So I asked her again, "Oh really? Would you like to talk about, get it off your chest?"
"It's nothing major really... it's just, she's having a bit of trouble connecting back to today's civilization."
Oh, well that explains that then. But it couldn't be that bad could it? "Well that doesn't sound so bad."
To my surprise, she took a long sip of her drink and continued, "You don't know the half of it. I understand that she would have problems, but it's how she's dealing with them that's the headache." She was saying, robbing her head.
"Do tell."
"She's locked herself in her room for the past month! Ever since we went shopping the last time."
"How does shopping relate to all this?" I asked her.
Then at of nowhere, she hits the bar table. I know she's the Princess, but come on, have some manners. Anyway, after hitting the table she looks me straight in the eyes and tells me, "It has everything to do with this! I got her a Hoof Station 3 and she hasn't turned it off since! I tried to coach her out from playing all the time, but she just yells at me. It's just been getting worse and worse from then on."
"It-It can't be that bad."
Then she let out a very unladylike sigh, "You have no idea. Just last week I sent a platoon of guards to take it from her, but that only sent them all to the medical wing of the castle." she says.
"Oh, that does sound bad. Is she at least doing her royal duties?"
"Like I said, she hasn't come out of her room since. She hasn't even bathed and I really don't want to know what she does for when she needs to go to the restroom." We both shivered at the thought.
"So, what are you going to do about Princess Luna?" I asked her.
She shook her head looking disgusted, "Well first off have the maids go wash her."
Then it was my turn to shake my head. "No, no, no, I mean in the long term. This ain't healthy for anypony, you know that."
"I know, I know, but I really don't know what to do. I just tried out my last plan, but it didn't work out at all."
Wondering what that plan was I asked her, "Well, mind telling me what you did?"
Then she started looking like she had just killed a kitten or something. "I... I threatened to send her back to the Moon."
I'm almost speechless at this point. I still can't believe that Celestia would even consider that. "You... you're serious?"
"Oh it was only a empty threat, but still, she did not take it that well."
"I would think not!" I said.
"Hush you. I know that it was wrong of me, but what else was I to do? But then after the shock of that threat was gone, she asked me a very strange question."
"And what would that be?"
"Do you like bananas."
That was a rather odd question. I had no idea what to say to that, so all I asked was, "Well... do you?"
Then she says, "Well sure but, after I said yes she pulled out a... a banana bag and asked me again. "So you are a MMMMM beeyetch that likes MMM bananas?" I didn't know what to say, so I said yes."
"Then what happened?"
She put a hoof to her chin, "I'm still not completely sure of that myself. After making me say yes a few more times, a hole in the floor opened up and I feel into a long shaft. I heard her yell something along the lines of, you're about to go bananas, on the Moon."
Now that was curious, why is she here then? So I asked, "Well why aren't you on the Moon then?"
"When she was yelling, on the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! I teleported myself out and well, here I am."
My word, this was one of the most strangest things I've ever heard. So I had to confess, "I have to say, that is one crazy story you got there your Majesty."
"Oh please, call me Celestia, Misterrrr" She said all nonchalant.
"Just Dominick is fine Celestia."
She winked at me and nodded, "Well, thank you for the Sunny Ray Dominick, one of the best I've ever had... and that's saying something."
I nodded back and she was off, walking out of the bar with a spring in her step and determination on her face.
You see a lot of strange things in The Pony Palace, see a lot of strange things as a bartender. So I see a lot of strange things as a bartender, working at The Pony Palace and that ain't no lie, swear to it.
Authors Notes
Hello everyone, what you just read was a parody of Video Game Confessions made by That Guy With The Glasses that I hopefully did it justice for. Also if anyone wants to draw a VGC like picture I will be most grateful
If you guys like this then I can write more. I was planing it on writing more to begin with but if no one likes this then I can just throw this into the bin of trashed ideas.