//------------------------------// // Chapter 86 - "Who We Were" // Story: My Little Caboose II: Friendship is Fragmented! // by DarkWing //------------------------------// Washington sat in front of his bed on the cold, marble tiles, gazing into the crackling flames in the fireplace a couple paces away from the foot of his bed. With every lick of the flame, he lost focus on the world around him. With every crackle, more focus went to the flames and he slowly felt himself drift away, falling sleep. Washington shook his head violently, not wanting to fall asleep, instead opting to try and think as much through as he could before he fell asleep. "What am I going to do?" Washington grumbled roughly, looking into the fire for his answers. "Well, I could make a suggestion, but you might not like it," coughed someone from near the window. Washington's eyes shot wide as he recognized the voice and spun around. "York?" he asked with a heavy breath, looking over the tall ex-Freelancer that stood a dozen feet away from him. Looking to the opposite side of the room, he noticed another familiar helmet walking towards him. "North?" "He remembers us. That's good, right?" North asked, looking to York. "I've gone crazy," Washington said, looking to the ground. "Haven't I?" "No, you're not crazy," North sighed, walking towards him, then stopped briefly. "Well, not anymore than you have been for the past while. But I'd chalk that one up to all the stuff that's gone down with everyone, you know?" "I didn't used to see dead people walking around before..." "Well, hallucinating is a symptom of sleep deprivation," York replied, then rubbed the back of his neck. "At least, that's what Delta would say when I stayed up too long. You been getting any sleep, Wash?" "Haven't really had the time," Wash deflected sternly. "A lot of shit going down for the past... while." "When wasn't shit ever going down for us?" North inquired seriously. "Project Freelancer was a whole mess of problems. I know half the time there I could barely get half of a good night's sleep." "That's true. Couldn't tell you how many times Delta kept me up when he was running statistics through my head," York added. "Mostly about how I needed more sleep. Now that I think about it, I probably should have told him that the reason I wasn't getting sleep was partially due to him." "But mostly Carolina," North chimed. "Shut up, North," York said, but couldn't hide a small tone of embarrassment. Growing more serious, he looked to Washington. "How is Carolina, by the way?" "How do you know she's here?" "Because I'm in your head, remember?" he reminded him, rapping his fist against his helmet. "Then you know how she is, so why ask?" "Hey, no need to be so snippy. Just trying to make conversation," York said earnestly, putting up his hands defensively. When Washington looked back to the fire, York lowered his hands. "So. How you holding up?" "You tell me," Washington replied, not looking away from the fire. "Not too well," he sighed. "It's pretty hard to read your face since you're a pony and all, but that 'everything is terrible' tone you took up years ago is a bigger tell than anything." "What would your mother say if she saw you like this?" North asked with a soft chuckle. "She'd probably ask why the hell I'm a horse," Washington grunted. "Then I'd tell her I didn't really have a good answer for that one." "I think mine would have something to say about my eye," York chuckled bleakly. "You seem to be taking seeing us surprisingly well." "I'm in a world of magical talking ponies. The dead walking seems to be less of a stretch than that." "Fair enough," North chuckled. Looking to the moon, North sighed. "But listen, we have to be going soon. Can't stick around for too long, you know?" "Yeah, being dead means we have so much stuff to do," York said sarcastically. "I missed you guys," Washington said with a sigh, then hung his head. "All of you. CT. Wyoming. Even Maine." "We miss you too, buddy," York sighed. "But before we go, I need you to do me a favor, though. As your friend." "What is it?" "I want you to stay strong. Not just for yourself, but for me and everyone else. Make sure our deaths weren't for nothing. You can move on. You can remember us. But our memory doesn't have to be the only thing you think about every second of the day." "I'd love to, but I'm all alone. Everyone and everything has changed. I just... I can't do it alone. And Carolina can't really help me now. I don't think anybody can." "You'd be surprised if you opened up a little," North said. "Maybe you should try talking to a third party... someone who you don't know... about everything. Your past, your worries, anything. It might be just what you need." A knock came from his door, causing him to let out a yelp as he lurched off the ground. Looking around, Washington found that he had fallen asleep in front of the flames of the fireplace. He began to rub his eyes as another few knocks came from the door. "Who is it?" Washington grumbled tiredly, feeling on slightly relieved that he wasn't really seeing the dead. "It is Princess Luna," came the voice from the other side. "May I come in?" "It's your castle," he grunted in reply. The doors slowly opened and Princess Luna stepped inside, smiling tightly at Washington. "How are you feeling?" "I've been better," he remarked as he stretched his back while Luna made her way over to him. "But I think you've guessed that, and that's why you're here." "Your guesses are pretty accurate, in that case..." she said, stopping next to him. "May I have a seat?" Washington nodded and one of the covers came off his bed and landed a few feet away from the fire place. Luna sat on it and smiled at him. Washington rolled his eyes and got off the floor to sit on it with her, knowing she wouldn't leave unless he did. "You barely ate anything at dinner tonight, and that is usually not a good sign of anything," she noted dryly, looking into the fire. When he didn't say anything, she cleared her throat. "I know I am not a friend of yours, but I know that we have a lot in common, and as such I know what you are going through, so-" "Right, of course," he interrupted angrily. "You're a Princess, I'm a guy from another galaxy or whatever who was trained to kill people. We clearly have much in common," he added after a second, glaring into the fire. "You wouldn't possibly understand what the hell I'm going through..." "Try me," Luna said with a serious look. "I..." he trialed off, then remember what he had just promised the friend in his dream. "You don't even know the start of it..." "I'd like to," she said honestly. "Where the hell should I even begin?" "I find the start is a better place than any," she said with a nod. "Tell me about your time at this... Project Freelancer." He looked her over with a cautious eye, wondering what her game was. "You really want to know?" he inquired, and she nodded instantly. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you... My time at Project Freelancer... It was not a pleasant experience. The people there were corrupt, except for the people I called my friends. Not at the start, at least... Every time we did a mission there, everyone grew more and more distant. Everyone began to change. They each got consumed by different things..." Washington trailed off and began to see faces of friends passed in the flames. All of them were gathered together for a photo that he had in his locker. "Greed," he said as he looked to Wyoming. "Jealousy," he added, looking to South. "Power," he sighed, looking to Maine. "Love," he grunted in anger as he looked to the Director. "Blindly trying to bring justice to others," he whispered as he looked to Connecticut. "Everyone there became corrupt, all for reasons that seemed reasonable to them, but meant hurting and possibly even killing others. Almost everyone I knew as a friend stabbed me in the back for their own gain." "Now, everywhere I go, I'm just.... waiting to be stabbed in the back again. I feel like the people I trust are just waiting for me to crack, and maybe the reason I'm starting to go crazy is because I want it to. I need to go crazy because then they'll need to stab me in the back. Because it's the only thing I know how to do. But you know, being stabbed in the back is just what I came to expect after the first time it happened. You know, I used to be a happy guy? Now I'm someone who resents the word friend. Because what friendship became to me was just a word with no meaning. Everyone I meet, I know that they'd be quick to stab me in the back if and when it suited them, because ones that I trusted more than them did it to me," he grew silent as Luna gazed at him sympathetically. "But I think what worries me the most is that I'm exactly like them. When I wanted freedom... when I wanted out of everything to do with Project Freelancer... I sided with psychopaths. Power hungry people that wanted nothing more than things to make them stronger. To get people to fear them. And even then, during that time, I knew that. I just didn't care." "I became what I hated the most," Washington said quietly as the crackling of the fire resumed at a steady pace. "I became someone who couldn't be trusted. I became someone who was ready to hurt anyone and everyone if it meant that I could just stop being involved with everything." Luna frowned as Washington looked to him, eyes misted over. "Now whenever I look at people, I feel like they're expecting me to stab them in the back more than I'm expecting them to do it," he stopped as he scowled back at the flames. "They're good guys, but I can tell that they don't trust me as much as I need them to. And being tossed into this world... with all of them just moving on accepting it... I've never felt more alone in my life." "I see," Luna said quietly. She stood up and began to slowly walk towards the window. "Come with me. I want to how you something." Rather than argue, Washington got up and slowly walked up next to her, both of them a few feet away from the window. The window then swung open and Luna stepped right next to the opening and looked at him with a blank look. Washington looked around at the castle grounds. The paths were mostly empty, only populated by the odd pair of patrolling guards. "What am I supposed to be looking at?" Washington inquired tiredly. "Do you see that?" Luna asked, looking into the sky with a strange look. "The moon?" Washington asked, looking to where her eyes were staring. "Yeah, what about it?" "Let me just tell you that I know about how you feel all too well. Jealousy. Anger. Loneliness. The moon you see is now a symbol for everything wrong that went with my life in the past." "How's that?" "A long time ago, my sister and I ruled these lands graciously..." "How long ago?" "Longer than you would believe," she said with a small, regretful smile. "When we first looked after Equestria, everything was going well. Celestia was the one who would raise and set the sun, and she was in charge of the throne during that time. I was the one who was in charge of the moon you see above." "You raised and set the moon with your magic?" Washington guessed, and Luna nodded. He grimaced and shook his head. "This place gets more unbelievable with every second..." "Not any more unbelievable than traversing the stars in giant hunks of metal, meeting alien lifeforms and going to war with them," Luna said hollowly. "Believe me when I say, I had a hard time getting used to that fact as well, but eventually I grew to accept the space warriors living in Ponyville. It simply takes an open mind." "I had an open mind once, then I got an artificial intelligence fragment logged in there and it nearly drove me crazy," Washington grunted, then coughed when Luna stared at him, then back to the moon. "Sorry, you know all about that. Go on." "During our rule, I began to lose my way. I grew jealous of how every pony in Equestria revered the sun, but hid from the moon. I felt as if nobody cared about who I was since everything that happened during the day was when my sister was in charge of the throne. But as soon as I sat on it, the world went to sleep, and I was mostly ignored. I wanted to change that. I stopped the moon from setting, bringing eternal darkness to the lands, preventing the sun from rising. I didn't care that it caused crops to begin to die out. I didn't care that things weren't getting done. I just wanted to be respected. I just wanted to feel as loved as my sister was," Luna stopped and took a deep breath. "In return, my sister used powerful magic to trap me on the moon for a thousand years. And there I remained for a thousand years. Waiting in isolation, no company but a few moon rocks," she said firmly, looking straight at him. "A thousand years..." Washington echoed, looking to the moon. He couldn't even comprehend being alone for that long. He then looked back to her. "I understand all too well about how our inner demons change us. I know how it feels to want out of your situation. I know what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you care about," she cleared her throat and looked down. "I too know what it is like to feel like a monster," her eyes narrowed slightly and she glared up to the moon. "But my time on the moon did not help me. It only twisted my spite even further. I made plans for revenge, and at the end of my sentence I would return and take the throne for myself, learning from my mistakes, knowing... hoping that my sister no longer had the Elements of Harmony to stop me," she said, this time looking down to the grounds. "But when I came back, I was stopped by Twilight Sparkle and her friends before I could try my plans. They had managed to use the Elements of Harmony on me before things had gone too far. And I expected to be imprisoned on the moon once again. I expected to be treated like the monster I was," she said, then shook her head. "But I was given a second chance." "During my time on the moon, while I spent my time planning, my sister spent her time grieving. She did what she had to, but she did not like it. She cried for me many of the nights I was gone, hoping that I would come back better. I didn't, much to her dismay. But when the Elements of Harmony were used on me, it stripped me of my jealousy. There I stood, in my old castle, powerless from their attempts to imprison me again. But they didn't do anything except let me free. They saw me for what I was before the incident with my sister, even if all I could see in myself was evil," she said, looking to Washington again. "That proved to me that others can know what you used to be... but they can look past it. They can be more forgiving than anyone could give them credit for. And eventually, you too see yourself like they do." She stopped and placed her hoof on his chest, right next to his heart. "That's what the others see in you, Washington. Not for your past deeds, but for the person you used to be. The person they know you can become once again if they give you the chance." Luna stood up as Washington looked into the window, looking into the reflection. Standing next to him, he saw York and North. "And you have been given a second chance to do better. You too have been given a fresh start. And I know the others would be devastated if you didn't seize the opportunity for what it was." Washington looked down to the marble tiles, remaining silent. Luna nodded at him, then stood up and began to walk towards the exit of the room, knowing he may need some more time alone to think through her words. "Luna?" he said as she reached the doorway. "Can you do me a favor?" "What is it, Agent Washington?" "I don't want you to call me that. I'm not an agent anymore. Just call me Wash," he said, looking out to the moon. "It's what my friends used to call me." "Very well," she said, smiling lightly at him. "Good night, Wash." "Yeah..." he said, focusing on the moon. "Good night."