As the mysterious aura faded, I fell a painful distance onto my side. Through blurred vision, all I saw was fire. Fire, and many silhouettes. Fighting each other, winning, losing, mourning.
And so much death.
“Reiss!” called a voice behind me. “Remember your enemy!”
I shakily got up, my side surging in pain. I recognized the figure in front of me; a unicorn, with light-colored fur and a flowing, dark mane. I stood aback.
Do I have to kill her? I thought.
“Reiss! Now!”
Reluctantly, I took form of the one in front of me. A fire-like sensation flooded over my body, starting at the tip of my muzzle, tracing down my barrel, ending at the flare of my tail.
I scraped my new hoof against the grass, lit red by the destruction around me. I can take her, I assured myself, take the strike and leave.
I charged, ash, flying into my face as my vision darkened.
Contact.
Between
Only a couple days passed since that day. A day that I grew to hate.
Everybody treated me as if I was I hero. They would give me hoof bumps and tell me that I was the exact thing I was not.
I was no hero.
I lay on my bed, even though I knew calling it that would be a great overstatement. It was just a loose clump of hay inside an adobe that I couldn't count the many times I had to fix it due to rain.
I eyed an elegant-looking box near the entrance of the adobe. It had some sentimental value; my mom crafted it before being called to serve under Queen Chrysalis nearly ten years ago. If only I could look at it without remembering that day, I thought.
"Fluorescence," I called, "no one's around. You can come out now."
The lid of the box creaked open. A pair of lightning-blue eyes scanned the area around the box. When I assumed she figured it was safe, she opened the lid of the box the rest of the way, revealing a red mane with a salmon stripe through it, atop a white-ish coat that was vaguely yellow.
"It stinks of leather in there," she announced, for maybe the fifth time this past couple days.
"Oh, huh, I wonder why," I said. I gestured to the racks of dried leather I had at the opposite side of the adobe, and her expression turned sour.
"That's animal," she said.
"You drink their milk," I retorted. "You're a pony, for Chrysalis's sake! Not a cow."
Fluorescence scowled, the top of her muzzle crinkling. I suppressed a smile. She looked kinda cu—
I shook the thought out of my head. She was the enemy! Hostile-like. Grr! But I couldn't help it! She looked absolutely ado—
"So, you promised me you would take me home," she reminded me.
"Yeah," I recalled. "After, you know, I almost killed you."
"Just so you know, it's extremely hard to play dead for forty minutes. And while my people were all being slaughtered."
"I had to get out of there. I would be expected to 'kill' again, and I'd be in a crappy situation."
There was silence for a moment. Then Fluorescence started, "Why didn't you k—"
"... suspected that he would back out," A coming voice said, "but he stood his ground like a stallion should!"
"I had that same thought," said a recognizable more husky voice. "My son... he's finally a full-grown changeling..."
My eyes widened, and panic made my heart race. "Crap!" I hissed. "Back in the box, hurry!"
I didn't have to remind her a second time. She hopped back inside of the box and closed the lid in a blink.
"... What did you say, son?"
Crap, crap, crap... was the only word I thought for the next instant. I looked around me. I needed to find something that wouldn't seem suspicious, something to support what I said.
Then one interesting thought came into my head. It would arouse suspicion, but not in the way of the current situation. I jumped atop my haystack and put my hooves over my crotch.
"Son? What's the— oh." My dad's face glowed in an unnatural hue of red, and he adverted his gaze to the door frame. "J-just finish up whatever you're doing in there quick. We have a meeting coming up in five minutes." He stepped out of the doorway.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"So," the voice said, "what was up with your son? And why are you blushing so intensely?"
"Er..." my dad's voice stammered, growing more distant with every passing second, "he's... experiencing difficulties with nature..."
I sat up, cheeks somewhat burning. When I verified their voices were gone, I said to Fluorescence, "I'm going to be gone for the next hour or so. If you get out to get fresh air, please make it quiet."
"All right, boner-master," she responded.
I scowled at the box. Then I slowly made my way out the adobe, making sure my hoofsteps were heard.
We had no overly-formal place to hold meetings. It was all out in the open, much better than in a cramped adobe like we'd done before. A bonfire was spread in the center of surrounding seats, forming a half circle. These would seat maybe sixty, and we only had about thirty attend meetings regularly. But, an unusually large amount of changelings were crowded around the bonfire. And even more unusual: minors were attending this meeting.
They're holding a public meeting? I thought. It's probably to celebrate the victory against the ponies.
"Everyone!" called a voice from behind the bonfire as I took a seat. "I would like to welcome all of you to this meeting! As all of you probably know, we have seized our first victory against the ponies!"
There yelled a cry of celebration around me. I usually didn't participate in these, but everyone looked at me oddly afterward, as if the sight of me place a bitter taste in their mouths.
"But, this is no celebration. You may drink yourselves to sleep afterward, but right now, we plan for our next attack."
There came a light groan from the minors in the crowd in the half-circle of seats.
"Seriously? Isn't that what the adults are supposed to do?"
"What? We aren't going to have a feast? My father said there would be food!"
"Oh, there will be food, all right," the voice behind the bonfire said. Behind the flames, an awfully skinny changeling popped into view. He had possibly the fewest holes out of all of us, though he was older than most of us in the crowd. He wore a grin, an evil little thing that sent a shiver down my spine. "We feast on the ponies' love."
The minors shut up, and started considering the utter quality of love, "Like a treat that you never tire from," as one of them said.
But this phrase only made me more nervous. There would be casualties. Obviously. But, no matter what I hunted or who I went into battle with, I could not kill my target. Every time I would try, I would freeze, as if turned to stone. I was lucky I didn't freeze while going up against Fluorescence.
Stay down and play dead, I had told her through the warfare, unless you want to be killed.
"When will we be commencing the attack, Evras?" a pony called, pronouncing his name in a way that rhymed with Mardi Gras.
His evil smirk grew uncomfortably wider. "In two days."
Uneasy chatter came from the crowd.
"But... even if we were victorious, we had a lot more casualties than last time."
"Excuse me, Evras!" called another from the crowd. "That isn't enough time to recover. We lost most of our soldiers in this last battle! The only ones left are the ones like that clopper Reiss over there!"
I raised my head. That son-of-a-monkey called me what?
"What did you say, buckface?" grunted a changeling from the crowd. "If you haven't noticed, I actually watched my comrades fall in front of me! You haven't even seen the battlefield, you little son of a—"
"Enough!" Evras screamed. "You two can be dismissed from this meeting. Unless you think you can handle this, then sit your ass down and be pleasant little foals for me, okay?"
The two groaned, and sat in their seats, looking away from each other. The one who called my a clopper was in punching distance, but I decided against engaging in offense. I stood no chance in a fight.
"Anyway," Evras continued, "We are going to attack in two days. We will slowly draw the ponies out of their village and pick them off one by one. We will have the veterans go into the village and start the uproar. Since we have a new adult here, I will place the honor of the first command on Reiss, the alleged 'clopper'."
My heart stopped. I remembered the look on Fluorescence's face when I'd nearly killed her, a face that still haunted me to that day. I remembered the battle field, seeing my comrades fall. I remembered the pools of blood that made my guts twist in every which way.
I can't go back out there, I thought.
"E-Evras," I stammered, heart thumping in my chest like a rabbit's, "what roles would the first command take?"
The smirk reappeared on Evras's face. "Good question. The first command is to stir the village to draw out the easily-provoked. In order to do that, you, Reiss, must take the life of a random citizen. The town will already be stirred up by your visit, and this casualty would be the final straw on the camel's back. You are to lead them back in battle, and then the army will pitch in, taking the kill, and feasting on whatever love lay in the town."
There was greedy chatter in the crowd. They seemed to be licking their lips in preparation for a town full of love to suck.
But the crowd was muted out for me. I sat there, in horror, freezing like I did whenever I needed to go for the kill. I need to kill someone? I thought. Of course, they're just nasty creatures, living together but apart, doing disgusting things for sustenance. But, can I really do it? The memories of the battlefield smacked me in the face again. No... I can't. I can't do anything in battle.
"Evras," I said, unusually calm and decisive, "it's an honor to be granted this sort of role. Truly." I gulped. "But, I think that someone else would be more qualified than me to lead the first command."
Evras raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Are you not instilled with honor and energy from your first kill, after years of not being able to harm a fly?"
I shrugged. Where is this confidence coming from? I asked myself. "I don't know, sir. But, it's not anything that I really want to do either."
"Hm..." Evras grunted. "What role, do you think, would suit you best for this upcoming battle?"
I hesitated. There's no way I'm going to be in the body of the army, I thought. Perhaps...
"Evras," I addressed, "I would like to be reconnaissance. A scout."
A mutter waved through the crowd.
Evras raised his eyebrows. "A scout? I don't recall there being a scouting regiment in our previous attacks..."
"That's why I'll be your first," I said. "Me learning the patterns of the ponies in the town nearby may help us in our battle. I will report to you, or if you're not in charge, the head—" Me separating him from his role made his nostrils flare. "—what I find."
Evras' nostrils shrunk to a regular size. He closed his eyes and leaned to one side, head down.
A flash of tentative relief surged over me. Is... is he actually thinking about it? I wondered.
Evras opened his eyes again and looked at me. "Fine. You will have your scouting regiment. Do you want other people to join you?"
"You'll need them for your attack force." I almost sighed of relief when I said that. "Like it was brought up before, we had many a casualty this past battle. Plus, if I get discovered, that's only minus one."
And I'm no good at combat, either, I almost said.
Evras gave me a skeptical eye. "Can I trust you won't conspire against us with the ponies?"
I bit my tongue. I couldn't necessarily promise that. But, this was only a nagging paranoia. It's was an odd question to ask here anyways.
"Evras, why would you ask that? I won't betray you."
Even though I couldn't have known it was a lie or not, it still felt like one.
He still eyed me suspiciously. Then he eased off it and took a deep breath. "All right. You get what you want. However, if you do betray me—"
"The punishment is death," I finished. "I understand that."
Evras nodded. He seemed a little peeved that I was negating his power over the meeting. "Now, let's talk about about the army's maneuvers. Joshua..."
I don't know how I managed to do it, but I slipped out of the meeting without disturbing anyone.
Except my dad.
"Son? Son!" he called, galloping toward me.
I stopped and held my breath. I hope that he didn't take anything the wrong way, I thought.
"Look," he said, his flickering silhouette on the ground the only thing I could see; a brawny, holey one, "I'm sorry they called you that. But you see, you're at an age where you have those urges—"
"That's not why you're really here, is it?" I asked. I could tell my dad was avoiding an obvious subject.
He sighed, the same way he did when he had explained to me that my mother had gone. "Why did you want to be a scout?"
I was about to take a glance at him, but I couldn't look at him without him being even more suspicious. "I'm no good at combat, dad. My form was sloppy when I took down F—fluffy pony there. I had luckily landed a strong enough strike to take it down."
My dad's silhouette nodded. "I see. Son, I'm proud of you either way. You will be a great asset to us."
I'd half expected him to try to convince me to join the army, at least. Him saying that shocked me. "How... how could you say that? I mean—"
"You're a grown changeling now, Reiss. I can't have any control over you any longer. As much as it pains me."
That's when I risked a glance at my dad. When I looked at him, flashes of memory came to me. I remembered us hunting, him teaching me how to read the Equuic language, his patience, his almost never-ending love. He was always assertive, but not in an aggressive way. But, there was always that depressed glint in his eye, a glint I recognized in everyone in this village.
We are changelings, he'd once said. We are the representation of emptiness.
"Thanks dad." I blinked back stinging tears. Then I changed the subject. "So, how did word get out that I was... you know..."
"Oh!" my dad yelped. The subject definitely caught him off his guard. "Um... Steins, as you know, is a loudmouth. I tell him one thing, and he projects it like a plague of sound."
"So you told him I was masturbating?"
"What could I have done? Your mother..." His voice faltered. "You know what, do whatever you want." He waved his hoof, gesturing to my adobe. "But whatever you do, you will still be my son, and I'll always love you."
Never before had those four words stung. And I was sure they were going to sting more in the future.
I walked in through the doorway of my adobe, but I didn't lay down to sleep. I snatched the leather off the wrack, from a cow that one of my friends had slaughtered, and laid it out on my hay pile.
I walked over to the box and knocked against the fine wood. "Fluorescence," I whispered, "come on out."
The white-coated mare slowly opened the box lid and slid out almost like a liquid. She must be very agile, I thought.
"Wassup?" she asked, yawning.
I gestured to the leather on my hay stack. "I'm getting you out of here. Tonight."