//------------------------------// // Twilight's Snow Jobs // Story: MLP: FML // by Maniac92 //------------------------------// “Ok, chumps!” said Rainbow Dash as she zoomed in front of a group of Pegasus ponies. “I don’t have to explain the situation to you. You all know why we’re here.” “Right!” said Thunderlane. He paused. “But maybe you can go over it one more time?” he asked. Rainbow Dash sighed. “You,” she pointed at Thunderlane, “Are going to go,” she flapped her wings, “And find the birds,” she whistled, “so they can be back in time for spring. Understand?” she asked. Thunderlane stared at her. “…One more time?” Rainbow Dash snarled. “GET THOSE FUCKING BIRDS NOW!” she screamed, scattering the other ponies. “Um…Rainbow?” said a voice. Rainbow Dash turned around and saw Twilight right behind her. “…I don’t have any more pickle jars.” “That’s not why I’m here.” said Twilight. “I want to help you! How about I clear the clouds?” Rainbow Dash stared at Twilight. “…You know you need wings to get up in the sky to clear clouds, right?” Twilight looked at her wingless body and sighed. “Oh yeah. I forgot.” “Can you imagine if you did have wings?” snickered Rainbow Dash. “People would freak out.” “Yeah.” said Twilight with a smile. “They’d probably think adding a couple of wings to my body would change my personality or make me act high and mighty. Hell, they might even start judging me before they even had a chance to see how I acted with my new wings.” “And don’t forget the toys.” said Rainbow. “People would complain that you only got wings to boost toy sales, even if the show you originated from was designed to sale toys to little girls, but somehow gained popularity with adult males who proceed to think that they are the target demographic even though, as I’ve said, the show was designed for little girls.” Twilight laughed. “It’s a good thing that will never happen.” Pinkie, who was walking by, started to laugh hysterically. Rainbow put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder and said, “Look, I know you want to help out. Maybe you should try helping on the ground and leave the skies for the Pegasus ponies.” “…You realize that what you just said spits in the face of the whole ‘Unicorns are the only type of pony that shows off their natural abilities’ argument, right?” asked Twilight. “I never said that Unicorns were the only type of pony to show off their natural abilities.” said Rainbow Dash as she flew into the air. “I just meant that it was fucking annoying that Unicorns were rubbing it in and taking attention away from Pegasus ponies.” “Hypocrite.” muttered Twilight as she watched Rainbow Dash fly away. “I thought that was her friend, Gilda.” said Spike as he yawned. “You’re thinking of a hippogriff.” corrected Twilight. She turned around and looked at her assistant. “And Gilda was a griffon.” “Potato potahto.” said Spike as he crawled into a nearby bush. “I’m going back to bed.” “Like hell you are.” said Twilight. Her horn glowed and Spike was lifted out of the bush and onto her back. “We’ve got to help clean up winter. And besides,” said Twilight, smirking, “You’re going to like where we go next.” “Oh yeah?” said Spike with a yawn. “Where?” A Few Minutes Later: Rarity was standing at a table outside of her boutique. Pieces of straw, ribbons, and glitter littered the table as Rarity was putting the finishing touches on the bird nest in front of her. “And…” said Rarity as she tied the ribbon around the nest. “Perfect!” “Hi Rarity!” said Spike as he walked over to the Unicorn. “Hello Spike.” said Rarity brightly as she started working on a new nest. “What are you doing here?” “Twilight wanted to see if there was anything she could do to help you.” said Spike. “She did?” asked Rarity. She looked around, not seeing Twilight anywhere. “Then where is she?” “Spike!” yelled Twilight as she ran towards them. She stopped, breathing heavily. “Jesus, Twilight.” said Spike with a frown. “What took you so long?” “You ran off the second I said we where going to Rarity’s.” growled Twilight. “We could’ve walked!” “Romance waits for no dragon!” yelled Spike. Noticing Rarity’s stare, he blushed and stammered, “I-I mean…fashion waits for no dragon!” “A sad but true fact of life, I’m afraid.” said an oblivious Rarity. She smiled at Twilight. “Spike tells me you want to help with the nests?” “Nests?” asked Twilight, peering at all the straw on the table. “Yes.” nodded Rarity. “The Weather Team goes to find the birds and lead them back north, they’ll need a place to live and lay their eggs.” “Wait.” said Spike, holding up his hands. “You’re telling me you don’t even let the birds build their own nests? Why? I’m sure they can handle it.” Rarity laughed and put her arm around Spike. “Oh Spike.” she said cheerfully. Her gaze hardened and her voice lowered ominously. “That sounds like heresy.” Spike smiled goofily as Rarity stared down at him with fury. “You have beautiful eyes…” he murmured. “Well,” said Twilight as she pointed at the completed nest, bringing Rarity’s attention back onto her, “This one looks amazing.” Rarity smiled and let Spike go. “Why thank you!” she said as she walked towards Twilight. “Would you like to try?” “Sure!” said Twilight, her horn glowing as she gathered her magic. “No no, dear.” said Rarity quickly. “We can’t use magic remember?” “Oh…yeah.” said Twilight. She stared at the nest on the table and gulped. “Maybe I’ll just go somewhere else…” “Nonsense!” said Rarity, pushing a basket full of straw and ribbons toward Twilight. “We need to prove that us Unicorns can do anything the Pegasus and Earth ponies can.” Noticing that Twilight still looked nervous, she smiled and spoke gently. “Don’t worry, Twilight. It’s not that hard. Why, I’ll bet you make a truly beautiful nest in no time at all.” In No Time At All: “YOU ARE THE WORST NEST BUILDER EVER!” screamed Rarity, who had straw in her hair. She pointed to what could only be described as a ball of straw, twigs, and ribbon that had been painted black and had a picture of a skull and crossbones on it. It was also on fire. “How on God’s Earth did you manage to fuck this up?!” “I-I’m sorry, Rarity!” stammered Twilight, who had a stick in her hair and bits of straw glued to her face. “I can fix it!” “No!” yelled Rarity. “There’s only one way to fix this…abomination now.” She pulled out a revolver and shot the nest. It shrieked and thrashed around for a second. Rarity shot it again. The faux nest flopped onto its back and whined softly before breaking into pieces. Rarity wiped her eyes as she put the revolver down. “I hate it when they scream.” Twilight stared at the pieces of nest in horror. “Rarity, I’m so sorry. Give me some more straw, I’ll-” “Just stop.” said Rarity mournfully as she held up a hoof. “Just…just go. I need to be alone.” Twilight winced and said softly, “Ok.” She stared walking away. “Come on, Spike.” she called. Spike sadly saluted the broken nest and ran after Twilight. “So…now what?” he asked as he caught up to her. A Few Moments Later: Twilight and Spike stopped in front of a frozen lake. “Hi guys!” greeted Pinkie as she slid around the ice on skates. She jumped and spun around before landing perfectly back on the ice. “How did the whole nest making thing go?” Twilight looked at the ground in shame, while Spike glared at Pinkie. “Satisfied?” he asked. “I’m never satisfied!” yelled Pinkie as she skated around. “It’s a curse!” Twilight looked up and said, “You’re a good skater, Pinkie.” “Thanks!” said Pinkie as she skidded to a stop in front of Twilight and Spike. “I’ve been doing this since I was young! Which doesn’t really make sense considering that I grew up on a rock farm, but maybe there was a lake nearby or something.” “Um…ok?” said Twilight hesitantly. “ANYWAY!” Yelled Pinkie. “I’m the lake scorer! I cut lines in the lake, so when the Weather Team comes to break the ice, it will be super easy!” “Seriously?” asked Spike. “Why don’t you just let the sun melt the ice?” Pinkie laughed. “Beats me, but skating around all day seems like a lot more fun than doing actual work!” “Good point!” said Spike. He hopped onto the lake and started to slide around. Pinkie smiled at Twilight. “Do you want to help? It’ll be fun!” “Sure!” said Twilight happily. She held out her hooves and Pinkie handed her a pair of ice skates. Quickly putting them on, Twilight hopped onto the ice…and promptly fell face first. “Ow…” she muttered. “Come on, Twilight!” cheered Pinkie. “You can do it!” “Yeah!” said Spike. “Practice makes perfect!” Twilight got up and began to slowly skate around. “I’m…I’m doing it! I’m doing it!” she exclaimed happily. “Good job!” said Spike. “Way to go, Twilight!” cheered Pinkie. Twilight’s confidence rose and she started to skate faster. “This is easy!” she said happily. She shut her eyes. “I could do this with my eyes closed!” “Twilight!” yelled Pinkie. “Watch out for that-” Twilight slid off the ice and smacked right into a tree trunk. The tree branches shook with the impact of the crash, knocking loose all the snow they collected and dropping it all onto Twilight’s dazed form. “Tree.” finished Pinkie with a wince. “At least it can’t get any worse.” said Spike confidently. The tree trunk cracked and splintered, making the tree fall on top of Twilight with a crash. “…I’m okay!” said Twilight’s muffled voice. “Mostly…” One Tree Removal Later: Twilight winced as she hobbled along the path. “Fuck ice skating.” She said to Spike, who was walking alongside her. “We’re going to go see Fluttershy. I bet she’s doing something nice and safe and easy.” “Why did you just tempt fate?” asked Spike. The sound of a powerful sneeze cut Twilight off. They both looked to see Fluttershy blowing her red nose with the tissues the Mayor had thrown at her. “Hi Fluttershy.” greeted Twilight. “Are you okay? Fluttershy blew her nose loudly. “No.” she said. “I have a cold.” She sniffed. “Apparently sleeping outside in the snow isn’t the best for your health.” “Why were you sleeping outside?” asked Spike. “Because I…I…ACHOO!” sneezed Fluttershy. She sniffed. “I think I might have dropped my keys when Applejack kicked me into the future. And all of my animals left my house to find more food.” She sneezed again. “I couldn’t even find Angel.” “…Now that you’ve mentioned it,” began Twilight, “I haven’t seen Angel Bunny since that whole Parasprite thing that happened near the end of summer.” “So I volunteered to lead the Animal Team,” explained Fluttershy as she coughed, “In order to see if I could find him or any of my animals.” “We’ll help you!” said Twilight. “You will?” asked Fluttershy. “We will?” asked Spike. “We will.” repeated Twilight. “And we’ll do it without magic!” She ran off, determined. After a couple of minutes, Twilight came back. “…What is it you’re supposed to be doing again?” “Right now,” said Fluttershy as she sniffed again, “We’re supposed to wake all the animals up from hibernation.” “Ok.” said Spike suddenly. “The nests were weird, the ice was kind of understandable, but now you’re telling us that the animals can’t even wake up on their own?!” “Spike.” said Fluttershy angrily. “My head feels like it’s being crushed and I feel like I’m going to barf. Just do what I fucking tell you to do, alright?!” She grabbed a bell and handed it to Twilight. “Use that to wake the animals up.” Twilight looked disgusted as she held out the bell. “Can I get one without your sick germs all over it.” “Deal with it, bitch.” said Fluttershy, coughing harshly. “Spike,” said Twilight, “Hold this thing.” “No way,” said Spike, “I’m not getting sick and missing out on the first day of spring. You hold it.” “Fine!” groaned Twilight. She walked over to a nearby den and shook the bell. “Time to get up!” The den crumbled as a massive snake with fierce yellow eyes burst out of the ground. It hissed angrily and wrapped its tail around Twilight, causing her to choke. “Aww,” said a disappointed Fluttershy, “I wanted to wake up the Basilisk.” The Basilisk started whacking its tail against the ground, pummeling Twilight. It then threw her high into the air, launching Twilight far away. “…Do you think I should’ve handled that one?” asked Fluttershy as she watched Twilight soar off into the distance. “Probably.” said Spike. He ran off in the direction Twilight was thrown. One Terrifying Flight Later: Twilight grunted as she hit the ground. She laid there for several minutes, dazed and wracked with pain. She saw Spike running towards her and said, “I fucking hate Winter Wrap Up.” “Then why don’t you just use magic?” asked Spike as he helped Twilight up. “It would make things a lot easier on yourself.” “I can’t!” said Twilight as she got up on her wobbly legs. “You heard Applejack, there’s no magic allowed at all. I’m going to have to do this the old-fashioned way.” She took a step and fell flat on her face. “Speaking of Applejack,” said Spike, “I think we’re near where the Plant Team is at. Do you want to see if you can ‘help’?” Twilight got up and glared at Spike. “Why do I get the feeling that you put the word help into air quotes?” “Probably because I did.” said Spike. Twilight rolled her eyes and the two of them started walking. Soon enough, the came upon the Plant Team, who were busy clearing up snow. They saw Applejack on top of a hill and standing by a cliff that was covered in snow. She was observing the rest of the team and shouting orders. “Keep pushin’ Caramel!” she yelled. “ONe oF TheSE DaYs, woMAN, ONe oF TheSE DaYs, POW! RigHT In tHE KiSSER!” yelled Caramel. “Applejack!” said Twilight as she approached the farm pony. “Got anything for me to do?” Applejack stared. “Ya know Ah appreciate somebody who’s willin’ ta work, but…” “But?” asked Twilight. “But…this is more on the hard physical labor type of work. Ah need ponies with muscle and you…well…” “Are fat.” finished Spike. “Ah didn’t say that!” said Applejack. “You were going to!” yelled Twilight. “…Maybe?” said Applejack. Twilight snarled. She went over to an empty plow and started pushing. To Applejack and Spike’s surprise, the plow started moving with her, and started clearing the snow. “See?!” yelled Twilight. “I can do this job! Even without magic!” “Wow! Great job, Twilight!” yelled Applejack with a smile. “Yer doin’ it!” “DAMN RIGHT!” screamed Twilight. She pushed faster and faster, gathering more and more snow. “Um…Sugarcube?” said Applejack. “Ya might want to slow down. Those plows aren’t exactly new.” “It’s fine!” said Twilight as she kept pushing. The plow, weighted down by the snow in front of it, slowed to a stop and refused to move. Twilight struggled and pushed, but couldn't move forward. “Maybe you could use yer magic to move the snow?” suggested Applejack slowly. “Ah won’t mind. Honest.” “No…way!” said Twilight, struggling to move the plow. There was a cracking noise. Everyone else on the farm stared as Twilight kept pushing. “Twilight! Use your magic to move the plow!” shouted Spike. “NO!” yelled Twilight, pushing even harder. There was another loud cracking sound. “FUCK THIS STUPID THING!” she yelled as she pushed more. The front of the plow broke and a metal screw flew towards Spike and Applejack. The two dove for the ground as the screw flew past them and hit the cliff that was right behind them. The cliff shook and an avalanche began, sending snow all over the spots on the fame that had been cleared already. Twilight, Applejack, and Spike popped their heads out of the snow. “Damn it, Twilight!” screamed Applejack. “Why didn’t ya just use magic?!” “You told me not to!” yelled Twilight. “The only reason I didn’t use magic to move the snow was because you told me that I couldn’t!” “Hold on!” yelled a blue stallion as he walked over. “You mean this avalanche happened because Applejack didn’t let you use magic?” “For yer information, Noteworthy, Ah did tell her ta use magic.” said Applejack. “She didn’t listen.” “Only because you said at the beginning that Unicorns used their magic for everything! Of course she was going to try and prove you wrong!” said a grey stallion. “And now we have to start all over again!” “Shut yer damn mouth, Lucky!” yelled Applejack. “If Ah remember right, you agreed that Unicorns used their magic for everything!” “Well…yeah!” said Lucky. “But I’m not about to blame myself! Not when I can easily blame others.” As the three ponies started to argue with each other, Twilight slowly got up out of the snow and walked away. Spike crawled out of the snow and ran after her. “What’s wrong, Twilight?” “What’s wrong?!” shouted Twilight. “I fucked everything up! Even without magic!” She started walking away. “Where are you going?!” Spike called after her. “I’m going home.” said Twilight sadly. “I ruined Winter Wrap Up.”