//------------------------------// // Material Girl // Story: Not\e/worthy // by YarnWeaver //------------------------------// Not\e/worthy Part of the PonyEarthVerse By: YarnWeaver Chapter 10: Material Girl Day ?? - ???, ??:?? Okay, I'm officially bored now. My cell's at the end of a long hallway. All of the other cells I can see are vacant, and I don't see anyone...anypony else around. And after cycling through every Phineas and Ferb song I can recall, humming has started getting old. This is a problem mainly because when I get bored to this degree, my thoughts start to get...weird. I'm talking 'I wonder what it would be like if Luigi from the Super Mario series was born and grew up as a pony in Equestria and became the Element of Magic instead of Twilight Sparkle' levels of weird. "He'd probably be called "Lightning Star" to keep the L as his initial and to keep a connection to his homeworld, and he'd definitely be a unicorn. Hmm, but how would the Mushroom Kingdom be different without him? How would growing up without a younger brother to watch over make Mario's life different? Are there ghosts in Equestria? Would he simply replace Twilight, or would he be part of another family?" "Whoa there, Danny, come on back to reality now." Of course I recognized Noteworthy's voice, but I still wasn't expecting to hear it while I was awake. I considered how I should respond for a moment before settling on just having a vocal conversation since there's literally nobody around to think I'm crazy for 'talking to myself'. "Heh, sorry, Noteworthy, I guess the boredom's really getting to me. I tried everything we can think of already, and I can't see any way out of here but for someone to unlock the gate." Nearby the iron bars of my cell bore the evidence of a futile attempt of mine to brute force my way out of this problem like I had in the dream world. For all my effort, I was rewarded with a pair of sore hind legs, two aching hooves, and a need to get off of them for a while. Thankfully, the pillow that somehow found its way into my mouth when I woke up here easily doubled as a cushion for me to rest on and recover. Then, for a while, we talked. It was really the only thing we could do. I asked about his folks. "Okay, let me tell you, my family is full of artistic geniuses! My Mom's a dancer for Sapphire Shores, my Dad's in a famous Mareiachi band, Big Bro's an awesome tenor Vocalist and I even have a twin who got a bonus in his genes; he's a Unicorn! He's up in Canterlot studying Music Theory and Bard Spells and whatnot. What do I have?! A single, solitary trophy for a Humming Competition. It isn't even something I can build on because there's no higher levels, and frankly, there wasn't even any real competition for me either! Ugh, I just feel so frustrated sometimes." He asked about mine. "Well, if I had to say something I didn't like about my family, it's that Jimmy and Barty fought with eachother a lot when we were kids. Jimmy would try to be a good big brother and enforce the rules set down for us by Mom and Dad while they were out of the house, Barty would push his boundaries and Jim's buttons for not actually being Dad and therefore not having a right to tell him what to do, and I would usually wind up holing myself up in our shared room crying while they were downstairs having at it. We were too old for babysitters by this point, and I'd already reached my wit's end trying to mediate between them. I just wanted them to stop." And we just kept going from there. "...and ponies can always tell when somepony's part of my family because we all have the exact same coat, mane and eye colors!" "...and my Dad's so much of a Preacher in denial that it's hard for me to tolerate, and I'm the one who's spent the last four plus years in the Retail Industry!" "...and would it kill them to have a conversation at the dinner table that didn't revolve around music for once?!" "...and I'm always worried that my Mom's one tragedy away from becoming a textbook case Hoarder!" It was strangely therapeutic. "...but you should hear it when we all work together on the same project! Pure bliss!" "...but we've been through so much together, and we've always stayed strong!" "It's so beautiful!" "We're inseparable!" In that moment, we absorbed the facts of our environment once more and came to a simultaneous conclusion. "I miss them so much!" "I miss them so much!" We realized even more than before that we had a common goal. Beyond escaping, we knew that we needed to find our way back to our families. With a new purpose in mind we set about making a plan to keep ourselves safe and sane in the interim. And then we heard the screaming. The closest I can come to describing it is that it was like Tom the cat crossed with a banshee and trapped in a room full of malfunctioning household appliances. It didn't take long for the goons who run this place to notice. A couple of guys dashed down my hallway and out of sight, supposedly to deal with whatever was making that noise. I heard the faint sounds of a struggle, the muffled din of a rebellious growl, and the unintelligible shouts of two young men and one woman. I strained against the edge of my cell for even an inkling of what was going on out there, and for my efforts I was rewarded with a nearly silent: -Bang!- I couldn't hear any voices or other noises after that. They must've taken the action even further down the hall beyond the turn of the corner. And then we were alone once again. ??:?? It took us a while to recover from the shock of having possibly witnessed one of the other prisoners here being put down. That's really the only scenario that made sense. "I really don't like this." "I'm right there with you, pal." I eventually migrated from my spot in the corner to leaning my back and neck up against the bars of the cell's front. The section I dented with my earlier efforts was surprisingly slightly less uncomfortable than the rest of it. "What're we gonna do?" "Well, there's not a whole lot to be done from in here, like you said before. One thing we can do is figure out how we're going to manage having two minds in one body." I blink. The thought hadn't really occurred to me. Then I remembered that he was the one who woke up first, and I began to wonder. "By the way, how does it feel right now for you?" "With you in control? It's a little awkward. I can see and hear everything you do, but it's a strange detached kind of deal. I'm in a sort of panoramic theater room, and there's only two seats. Everything you see is projected on the screen. I can see where you're focusing just as easily as what's in your peripheral vision. Also, when your ears turn to catch sounds from different directions, in here the sound comes from a series of speakers laid out in the same relative directions." "That...actually sounds kinda cool." "Heh, it gets better, if I want to, I can just choose to switch from your sensory input to either of our collective memories, or even access your Imagine Drive." "My...that's a thing?!" "Apparently. Seems you spend so much of your time just sitting around thinking about things, your mind has actually developed an imagination so active, it's practically a machine." "Whoa." "You're telling me. Still, I can only access it from this theater room off the rainbow road, so all it does is project. There's no interaction. I'm guessing we'd have to be having another one of those lucid dreams to really take control of it, though." "Well, I guess that's something to look forward to." Noteworthy went silent for a few seconds after that. "Hey, Danny, I'm gonna try something. Don't panic." "Wait, what're you-?!" I suddenly felt myself flung back by a strange force. Once I uncrumpled myself, I found that I was back in the room for Original Top Ten #9. I looked up just in time to see the titular blue door close itself. "It worked!" I was back in control of my body! I frankly didn't think it would be so simple. "Hey, Danny, you okay in there?" I suddenly hear Noteworthy's voice coming from an orange door marked with the image of a double-reel film projector. I quickly head inside. "Yeah, I'm fine." It really does feel weird to be talking to him from here, and seeing that big screen showing the same drab grey walls I was looking at before was a bit shiver inducing. I let out a quick sigh. "Awesome. I'm glad you're okay. For a moment there, I didn't think it'd work." "What did you even do anyway?!" "Okay, do you see the wall where film's being projected?" "Yeah." "Jump into it." I did. "Whoa." After a brief flash of white, I found myself back in control, exactly where I was before. "Oh my gosh, it's just like Super Mario 64!" "Pretty cool, huh?" "You got that right!" I could scarcely believe it. This opened up a whole new avenue for us to work together. However... "Okay, now that we know we can switch back and forth like this, we need to lay down some ground rules. First: we don't swap in during a conversation. That'll just confuse people." "Sounds good so far." "Second: rule one can be overridden if one of us catches something that the other has missed, or is distracted away from, and immediate action is required." "Let's keep it simple. I don't mess with you, you don't mess with me, we look out for eachother. Deal?" "Deal." "That said, remember I'm seeing everything you see, so I will jump in if I think you're not handling something well enough." "And if you do something that I object to while you're in control, I'll definitely let you know." "I'll count on it. I'm still learning a lot about...wait, what's that sound?" -Clippity-Clippity-Clippity-Clippity!- There's a whole herd of ponies stampeding down the hall! And up at the front, it's... "C-Could it really be?" God... ...thank you. Leading the charge is none other than Rarity! The Element of Generosity herself! Sure she's wearing a scarf that covers most of her muzzle, one of her eyes looks a bit greenish, and there's a streak of gold in her mane and tail, but I'd recognize my favorite of the Mane 6 anywhere. She stoped in front of my cell, and I saw that she had a keyring full of numbered keys in her telekinetic grip. "Hey, big guy. Ready to go?" "B-Big guy? What're you-?" "Ohmygosh. Ohmygosh. Ohmygoshshe'slookingrightatme!" I noticed a redness flush into my muzzle, and I could easily tell it was coming from Noteworthy. Don't crack on me now, she's here to help us not for you to ogle over. Then I realize that while I'm admonishing my mental partner, Rarity is still right there waiting for me to respond. Hastily, I give my head a quick shake to clear my thoughts enough to recall her greeting and put together the best answer I can think of. "Oh, you mean me. To answer your question: Totally." One of the biggest reasons why Rarity is my favorite, other than having a killer singing voice, is that everything she does, she does with a certain flair. This was yet another example. Once she had the key she needed, she plunged it into the keyhole. Then with a bob of her head and a flip of her mane, she turned the key in the lock... -CLACK!- ...and flung wide the door! -Whoosh!- -CLANG!- "Well, darling. Let's not waste any more time and get the hell out of here!" "Oh, Rarity, I'd follow you anywhere.~" I smirked. "You don't have to tell me twice!" As she levitated the keys off to her side, I get a better look at her magic in action. I'll admit it's a little jarring to see splotches of green mixed in there with her official blue. Soon she's addressing all present. "The door to freedom's just down the hall, ponies!" And with that, we were off! I'm so grateful to have had all that practice back in the dream world, because now I'm able to keep up with Rarity as she leads the throng of sprung prisoners down the hall of empty cells. Soon I'm trotting right alongside her. "You know," I decide to offer a bit of humor to lighten the mood, "after we get out of here, if I ever see another door again, it'll be too soon!" "Don't worry, pal!" I'm suddenly made aware of a brown coated pegasus stallion with a retro jukebox for a cutie mark. He continues. "At this rate, I'm sure she'll just bust down anything in our way." I let out an honest chuckle or two. So the rumors about how she dealt with those Diamond Dogs are true! Noteworthy! You can't just take over like that while we're in the middle of doing something! "Sorry! I just couldn't help it. At least our movements weren't interrupted. Either way, if what Noteworthy and this jukebox guy says is true, then Rarity and I might actually have something in common: the tendency to smash our way through our problems! My jaw: set, my goal: freedom, my chances of success: rising. "That sounds like my kind of plan!" Finally, the door's in sight! We're home fr- "Danny, look at it!" Look at wha-? Then I saw it. The whole herd stopped dead in our tracks. No. No! There was no latching mechanism of any kind on our side of the door. As can be expected, news travels fast. Soon the whole herd was starting to panic. Rarity herself even went so far as to start bucking the large slab of metal out of frustration. "I didn't!" -BLAM!- "Come this far!" -BLAM!- "Just to be trapped!" -BLAM!BLAM!- "AGAIN!" -BLAM!!- Frankly the situation was so disappointing, I couldn't contain my own outburst either. "Of course! It's deadbolted! Again!" You've gotta be kidding me! Not now, not now! We need to get out of here ASAP! Maybe if I can just add a bit more force to the problem- I quickly jumped into the driver's seat. Danny was about to do something reckless again, and I couldn't in good conscience let that happen. Do you remember the skyscraper, Danny, and the bars? "Y-Yeah?" I'm not sure he caught my drift. I decided to remind him. I called up the memories of when I observed his actions with the dream world's storage closet door and more recently the cell bars just a few hours ago. I then said my piece verbally just to make sure he heard it in there; however, I also made sure to keep my voice low as to not disturb the herd around us. "We don't want a repeat of that now, do we?" I look back toward the door and to Rarity. She's pacing, and she just looks so...angry. She soon eyed a particularly cluttered section of the floor and pulled up a loose metal panel with her levitation. "Unicorns! Up front! We're getting these P.A.P.A. bastards' attentions and pulling a 300!" Wha...buh...I don't... "Profanity? A 300 reference? Rarity, what're you doing?" Then she pointed her hoof at me. "Go get me the walkie-talkie from that knocked out guard in the back." I...I bolted. Without a word, gesture or affirmation of any kind. I just couldn't take it. That mare was so different from the Rarity I thought I knew. The room with the knocked out guard was easy enough to find, the hallway our cell was in was an offshoot of the one we'd gone down to reach that dead end door. However, my thoughts wandered back to those bizarre changes in both Rarity's demeanor and appearance. Danny, I...I think I may need you to take over for a while. I've got a lot to think about. I don't blame you. Granted, this gives me my own questions about what's going on with Rarity, but the task at hand...er, at hoof is more important right now. Okay, there's the guard. There's the walkie. Wait, there's some food! Sure it's just some stale-looking bread and a bit of lettuce, but that's already more than I'd wager Noteworthy's had to eat since this whole fiasco started. Thankfully, I was able to snarf down the lackluster lunch without incident. From there I relieved the guard of his walkie talkie and beat it back toward the herd. However I couldn't help but dwell on the matter of these changes. Has she really seen that much of our culture that human profanity and popular memes have become commonplace enough for her to just blurt them out so nonchalantly. No. Rarity prides herself on being a proper lady. There must be something more to it. I sure wish Noteworthy could help me out a little more with what she was like in Equestria. Wait. That's it! I've only been thinking of her as being Rarity! But the pattern of events suggest that she herself must've also played host to a human partner! That must've been where those references came from. Hmm. I wonder what kind of person she was paired up with. Hold on, I'm overlooking the fact that, it doesn't matter with whom she was paired, she'd never have let herself fly off the handle like that if she were in control unless... It was then that a particularly horrifying notion submitted itself for consideration. ...unless she didn't have a choice. All too quickly, I've returned to the herd of formerly imprisoned ponies. They've formed up a relatively impressive front line with the unicorns holding up those metal panels for shields. Those who see me make way for me to bring Rarity my prize. And there she is once again, barking out our supposed exit strategy. I'm still curious about what happened to turn her into this, but escaping is still top priority. Now's not the time to be asking questions with long answers. I'll be a good Associate and do what I'm told for the time being, but once we're safely away, I'm asking. No question about it. "Stick close together! No gaps! I'm NOT letting any of you get sh-" It was at that moment that I entered her field of vision with the spoils of my mission. "Oh, why thank you, darling." I put on my best "Customer Satisfaction" face and nod in turn. "No prob." After but a moment's hesitation, I fall in amongst the rest of the herd. With the comm device grasped in her magic, as well as her own makeshift shield, she takes her place as well. Front row, center: exactly the way she does everything else. "You all ready? Shit's about to hit the fan!" I give the door behind us one final look before preparing myself for what's to come. Rarity flicked on the walkie. -Click!- -Bzzzzz.- Silence. Then she speaks. "Hey, Gibby." I didn't know who she's talking to, but he apparently knew her. "Oh shit..." "Would you be a dear and send someone down for room service? My friends and I are rather hungry." After a few seconds of random bustle from the walkie, the line fell dead. What are you now, Rarity? Are you still yourself? She casts us all one final glance. "We're about to have company, dearies. Let's show them what we've got!" Even with all of the impending chaos of our escape attempt, a grin found its way upon my face. I'm still missing a few pieces, but I'm determined to solve this puzzle. I have to admit it. Danny's mind, for how completely confusing it can be at times, is surprisingly well organized. The room where we sang, for instance, is very neatly sorted. Doors to my memories are on the left, and his are on the right. All I have to do is touch one of the reels stored behind these doors and the respective memory clip or log becomes available in the Theater Room. I'd just finished reminding myself of what Rarity is supposed to be like by exploring a few of my memories of home when I noticed some odd light coming from underneath a door on Danny's side. "Up 'till now, they'd all been closets with film reels in them. I wonder what's in there." The door was pretty mundane; wood construction, brass knob, minimal flourishes. However, the plate for the label was a plain five-pointed star. It was brass, like the knob, and there were two embossed symbols on it that, I can only guess, Danny would've been able to read. One of them is a strange sort of hashed mark, and the other almost looks like a stylized version of the blue symbol on the door at the end of this room, but upside-down. Wait a minute... These actually look like odd distorted versions of numerals from the Equestrian Numbering System. If I stand back a bit and squint a little, I could almost mistake them for a six and a four. '64'? Danny mentioned that number before. I wonder why it's so significant as to have it's own door in here. I tried the knob. "Well, it's not locked. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I...poked around a bit. I push it open... ...and suddenly, I'm up in the sky! For a moment I was suspended by only two of my legs. My left foreleg was still resting on the doorknob, and I hadn't yet lifted my right hindleg off the floor in my cantering. This left my other two limbs to flail in midair while I recovered from the shock of it all! I probably would've been able to pull myself back into the hall if the door didn't just up and disappear a moment later! The colors blurred together around me as I hollered my lungs out. I wasn't exactly paying attention to how long I was falling, but I was eventually interrupted. -SPLOPP!- Thankfully, I wasn't injured in the fall. I was covered in mud now, though; that was new. I shook enough of it off my face to see that I'd ended up in some sort of wide, smelly, silty pit. The edges were too high up for me to see over, but I did spot a passage out of that basin that was closer to being in reach. It took a few minutes of trudging uphill through wet earth, but I eventually made it up to the edge of what looked like a wide, empty channel lined with cobblestone. "Hi, Noteworthy! Do you want some help there?" From behind a corner of the cliff face stepped a weird looking raccoon. He was walking like a human, and he was wearing a pair of bright blue overalls over a white tee shirt. There was a pair of white and blue checkered shoes on his hindpaws, and a headband with the same pattern sat around a large tuft of brown fur atop his head. "Who're you?" was all I could think to ask. He smiled, and with a little bow, spoke with the voice of a young colt. "Little David at your service!" The name meant nothing to me, and he didn't elaborate further. I wasn't quite sure I could trust this new face, no matter how kind he looked. I was in uncharted territory here. Still, he was on a stable surface while I wasn't. He reached out his hand. That same simple smile never left his face. Well, any port in a storm. I reached out my hoof, and he grabbed it. After a short moment of effort, we'd finally cleared the lip of the pit. I immediately set myself to shaking all the offensive muck from my coat. 'Little David' didn't seem too concerned about being caught in the indiscriminate salvo. He just shook his head around a little bit to toss off most of the mud that had splattered there. "Thanks for the help." "No prob, Noteworthy. I was glad to!" I got to my hooves and studied this fellow. This 'Little David'. I wasn't about to let go of all of my paranoia about being in this place, but at least he hasn't given me a reason to distrust him just yet. Still, better to be safe than sorry. "What are you?" "Well, I'm a raccoon, for starters, but that's probably obvious. More than that, though, I'm a Figment of Danny's Imagination." He took my stunned silence as a cue to continue. "There's a lot of us around, and some stick around longer than others, but a few, like me, are chosen to represent some basic mental concepts of his. For example, I represent Danny's Innocence." Does he mean it like something similar to the Princesses and those 'Elements of Harmony' ponies? I couldn't help but find myself a little bit skeptical. "Really?" "That's right!" It was a little hard for me to swallow at first, but then I remembered where I was. This was Danny's mind, not mine. There was no telling what made him tick. "Okay. So, Little David, can you tell me what this place is?" "Absolutely! This is a memory of the environment of one of Danny's fondest childhood video games. At least, that's what it started out as." "Oh?" "Yeah! Now it's home to a lot of us Figments! If fact, he's given this place, and us in turn, so much Thought, that most of what's in here is tied directly to his Core Personality!" That was a bit of a shocker. I knew he spent a little too much time in his thoughts, sure, but this? Wait a minute. Part of that sentence didn't sound right. "You just said that like you thought 'thought' was something tangible." "Well, for us Figments, and for Memory Environments like this, it is! It's what we Figments live on, and what allows places like this to exist and to hold their shape. Everything you see here is practically made of the stuff!" "Everything?!" "Everything but you!" "Huh?" "All that you see around you both came from Danny's mind, and is a part of it. In his Imagination, his Thoughts are made real, far more real than he ever hopes he could make them in reality. You? You're your own person! You came from the Outside! You're not a part of Danny at all!" He said that without even the slightest hint of condescension or derision or even the vaguest outline of a threat. It was like he was just reciting back to his parents something happy he'd learned in school that day. It was...reassuring, welcoming even. His words took root in my head, and out of curiosity, I turned back around and gazed out at the rancid, mucky pit I just climbed out of. If everything here is a part of Danny... "Then what's that supposed to be?" For the first time since I'd met this kid, he frowned. "A sad state of affairs, I'm afraid. That is what's left of a part of Danny that he's been ignoring for more than a decade. Thankfully, the ground here is still soggy, otherwise I'm afraid it'd be hopeless to restore it." "Soggy?" Wait, does that mean this used to be a lake? "This whole area used to be submerged, then? All the way up to the edge of that pit?" "Yeah! Had lots of fish in it, too!" So I was right. What part of him could this have possibly been?! "In fact, you might be able to help us fix it!" "What? How?" "Follow me!" I was dumbfounded. Fix something wrong with Danny's very personality? Could I really do that? Did I even have a right to do that? Before I could dwell further on the subject, Little David had already run up to a heavy metal door in the stone wall opposite the pit from the two of us and was opening it. Not wanting to be left behind in unfamiliar territory, I hurried to catch up to him. The floor in this new room was made of the same material as the floor of the channel outside, except for two sets of squarish seams. I didn't really have the time to get the layout of the room in my head before that raccoon dashed off again. "C'mon! I need to introduce you to the others!" I trotted down a slope in the hallway and back up and out the other side just in time to see that little scamp at the top of a blocky-looking staircase. "Up past here is one of my favorite parts!" There was another door there, why couldn't he have chosen that one?! It was a bit of a pain to clamber up after him, but I managed. And for my efforts... "W-Whoa!" ...I was rewarded with a little slide over porcelain-tiled flooring. "Wasn't that fun! Hurry up now, this way!" Okay, so the kid loves a slide. Fitting enough, I guess. I look to my right and notice another pair of doors this kid seemed intent on avoiding. He disappeared a moment later down a winding corridor ahead of me. With a hop over the railing before me, I renewed the chase. The Corridor is made of dark brick, and gives off the feel of a dank basement without actually having the smell to go along with it. And of course, there were torches placed along the walls to finish the look. If it weren't for the tile flooring, I'd almost say this place looks like it came straight out of a Daring Do book. After a long curve to the right, I catch sight of his bushy little striped tail vanishing through yet another door. Just where is this child taking me?! For a moment I contemplated not opening the door for myself. I thought I'd just wander around and explore this place at my own pace, but my curiosity got the better of me, and with a sigh, I ventured after the rambunctious raccoon child once again. The ceilings were lower here, and the hallways were much narrower. Nevertheless, they were still adequately lit by the torches on the walls. I found myself at a junction, a split in the passageways, but all too quickly my choice was made for me once again. "Hey, Noteworthy! Check it out! The Basement has a Slip-'N-Slide!" Off to my right, I saw Little David dash down another turn in the hallway. I followed... "Wheeeee!!" ...and was greeted with the sight of that childish figment sliding along the floor on his stomach, splashing water all over the walls. Wait a minute, water?! Why the hay is there water in here but not out there?! "Hey guys! Noteworthy's here!" My attention was drawn further down the hall where I saw Little David, dripping wet, shouting off another way to my left. As I got closer, I heard shallow, splashy footsteps that didn't match up with my own. I stopped. They kept coming. Then they came into view. Wait a minute. That's him! I remembered from when Danny was letting his imagination run away with him, that there was the image of an oddly proportioned human wearing blue denim overalls, brown shoes, white gloves, and a shirt and hat that were both a distinctive green. More than anything else, though, the mustache gave him away. That's that Luigi person! He was seated on what looked like the shell of a large, mostly upright, bulbous-muzzled, white-bellied green salamander. I might have thought it was a dragon, but it didn't appear to have any of the claws, fangs or wings associated with one. It was also wearing shoes. Then it turned and looked at me. I froze. What is that thing?! I didn't have much time to wonder, as 'Luigi' gestured for me to come closer. "Hey! You must-a be Noteworthy, huh? Nice ta' meet'cha!" I nodded and continued to edge my way closer to the trio, who were standing on a dry platform in front of a monstrously large painting of a blazing orange fireball bearing a sinister face. "Uh-huh." was all I could reply. "I'm-a Luigi. This is-a Yoshisaur, my Player 2." "Actually, my full name is Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas, but you can call me 'Yoshi' for short." It spoke! I didn't know whether to be relieved because it was intelligent or even more worried. "And together we're-a the Figment Representatives of Danny's Concept of Competition!" Wait, two of them for one concept? Little David had been standing off to the side, shaking the water out of his fur and clothes. After Luigi and "Yoshi" had finished introducing themselves, he piped up as well. "You see, Noteworthy, Danny doesn't think about each concept in the same way as all the others! Some big concepts can be broken down into smaller ideas, each one part of a larger whole and deserving of its own Representative! Luigi represents the more playful side of competition, while Yoshi represents the more serious side." "So, Noteworthy, what brings you along?" "Noteworthy's gonna help us fix the moat and the lake!" Hey, I never agreed to that! Luigi cast me a sidelong glance as he quirked an eyebrow. "Is that-a right? You really think he can do it-a, Little David?" "Well, sure. Why not? He's not like us figments; he's his own whole person and everything!" Yoshi looked to be deep in thought for a moment. "Hmm...you know, that just might work. Luigi, what do you say?" Luigi's eyes went glazed over for a second; then he turned and looked at that painting behind the trio. I'm not sure I like that look he's got in his eyes... "There's only one-a way to know for sure if he's even gonna be able to do it." Yoshi then followed his earlier gaze, and his face lit up with understanding. "You're right! And since we're right here already..." Then Little David seemed to catch on to what the two joint figments were suggesting. His head shot from the painting, to me, and back to Luigi and Yoshi while shock doused all of his previous vigor. "But, guys, he hasn't had any practice! We can't just start in the middle!" "C'mon-a, Little David! We're already right-a here!" "Yeah! Besides, this one's got the easiest mission of them all. It's perfect!" Then they all turned to me again. "Hey, Noteworthy. C'mere for a sec'!" Nope! I don't want any, thank you! I tried to turn and gallop my way out of there, but the water around my hooves slowed my reaction time and killed my traction. I wound up just tripping over my own hooves and falling on my face! The rest of me fell into a heap shortly afterward. Then Yoshi...opened his mouth and...By Celestia's Mane, that tongue! It lashed out like a whip and stuck fast to the arch of my back! -Splip!- He's a predator! I knew it! Then he retracted it like a grappling hook, pulling me back with it! "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!" "Don't-a worry, Noteworthy! We've-a done this millions of times!" After falling backwards for what felt like an eternity, I was plunged into darkness. The walls of flesh stretched taut around me, keeping me in as the viper of a tongue finally let go. Then I felt him moving around. A turn followed by a jump. "Try to stay calm, Noteworthy! It'll be just fine!" came Little David's muffled attempt at reassurance. A memory from home suddenly forced its way to the forefront of my mind. It was of one of the times my Mom took us all out to her favorite fancy Itailian restaurant up in Canterlot. I groaned. Now I know how a Wheatball feels. Day 08 - Sunday, 8:00 P.M. We've been on the road for a couple of hours now. Jenny was up in the cab area of the RV. She was handling the driving, and she had Jack with her to navigate. They seemed like the most sensible choices to handle the first leg of our trip. She had the most experience with driving something the size of a bus, as it had been her occupation for several years both up in Michigan and after we moved down to Texas. There was also the fact that Jack was now well and truly nocturnal, so he'd be helping out both my wife and whomever relieved her when we made our first stop for the night. That being Texarkana. A funny place, Texarkana. It's one of the only cities that sit on both sides of a border between two states in the U.S., that being Texas and Arkansas. We learned about that on our moving trip down here nine years ago. We'd bought a room for the night at a Best Western in Texarkana while we were passing through, but when we got there, they told us that they didn't have our reservation. We double-checked and triple-checked our information, but they still persisted that they had no such accommodations under our names. They were understanding, and they gave us a fair discount on a room for that night, as short notice as it was, but we still lost our reservation. We only discovered why the next day. We'd stopped at the Best Western in Texarkana, Arkansas, but our reservation was for the Best Western in Texarkana, Texas. We even drove past it on our way through town afterwards. I admit, I felt a little sheepish for not making that observation beforehand. Or "beforehoof" as it were. This time, it's our only lead to the location of those goons who took my Son and simultaneously the first stop on our trip to New York. About an hour ago, Barty took the opportunity of having both James and I as a figuratively captive audience to boot up his laptop computer, access the mobile wi-fi that Rick and Ellie supplied us with, and show us another pair of episodes form the pony show. They revolved around a character named Discord. What caught my attention first was the very last bit of the teaser open to the first episode. That laugh. I knew that laugh from somewhere. I would discover later on that it was none other than the infamous John de Lancie himself who provided the voice for Discord. I was shocked. I grew up with Star Trek. I grew up with Q. That man's work was an enormous part of my young life. And now he's in this show, too. And if he's anything like Q... ...those ponies are gonna need all the help they can get. And he was. And they did. And it wasn't enough. They even lost everything for a moment (again, it was simply uncanny how involved I was getting in this show made for little girls). And the rest, as they say, is history. Twilight broke out of her brainwashing, make quick work of giving her friends what amounted to the same treatment, except for Rainbow. She had to chase the pegasus down and tie her up just to get a shot in. Then they confronted and re-petrified Discord, and after which were given a largely familiar looking congratulatory ceremony. I mean it almost looked like they lifted it straight from Star Wars. Nah... Anyway, after that two-parter was done, Barty told us that Discord was the prime suspect for the pony proliferation here on Earth as well as the whole calendar kerfuffle. I couldn't help but agree. 8:17 P.M. I just don't get it. How can he be dealing with all of this so easily? I'm buckled up next to Mrs. Michaels in the cab of the RV, taking my frustrations out on a particularly vindictive Rand McNally roadmap. Darn thing's impossible to unfold with hooves. In an attempt to get my mind off of things, I decide to voice an almost unrelated curiosity of mine. "Hey, Mrs. Michaels, why aren't we using a GPS?" She smiles, never taking her eyes off the road. "Well for one, I don't trust them. Danny and I used one on a trip to visit our old friends in Michigan once, about a year ago or so. About halfway through our second day of travel, it started recalculating our route on the fly. Instead of the hotel for which we'd entered the address for our destination, the darn thing led us to a trailer park in the middle of nowhere!" They must've been hacked, no wonder. "Fortunately, I remembered the correct roads well enough from previous trips to know which highway we needed to take, and Danny's sense of direction kept us from faltering on our way down the right roads and eventually to our reserved hotel. In all honesty, we really made quite the team." Uh oh, she's got that wistful look in her eyes again. Thankfully, she regained her focus just as quickly. "And that also leads into my other reason: I know the route already. Our family, or at least chunks of it, have made this trip a number of times over the last several years. It helps to keep us close to our roots. We may live among the Longhorns now, but we'll always be Michiganders at heart." Okay, wait a minute. "Then why am I up here if you don't need me to navigate?" She spares me a momentary glance. "Isn't it obvious?" "Isn't what obvious?" "You're our freshest set of eyes, Jack." She takes my uncomprehending silence as an urge to continue. "With the exception of Damon, everyone else here hasn't slept since Saturday morning, me included. So, while I may be most qualified to run this part of the route, and indeed I am, I'm also running on no sleep for more than 24 hours. I need someone to talk to who won't fall asleep on me, and so will the next driver once we reach Texarkana." "Well, that does make a fair amount of sense. The only two of us who've slept since yesterday are no longer capable of driving." Wait a minute! "Hold on, Danny took a nap on his lunch break last night, and turned into a pony; your husband fell asleep while watching My Little Pony and awoke as a one this morning; and then I crash on y'all's guest bed and wake up like this! Is this gonna happen every time one of us falls asleep?" There was silence for just a few seconds. "Well thank you, Jack. I really needed more reasons to not let myself get tired." Oops. Newtopic!Newtopic!Newtopic! I sigh. I guess it's as good as any, right? "So, I've been meaning to ask something." "Oh?" Pleasedon'tbackfire!Pleasedon'tbackfire! "How does he do it? How does your husband do it?! When I talked to him on the phone last night, he was human! I come over just a few hours later, and he's a pony! And he looks absolutely okay with it! How does he do it?!" She took some time to think before responding. "Hmm. While I can't say I know what's going on inside his head apart from what he's shared with us, I can say that Peace is one of the Fruits of the Spirit." Oh, don't even start with me! "Come on. Don't give me that. Religions are all about Psychology. Be convincing enough, and you can make anybody believe anything. Give me something real! Anything!" She sighed. "Jack, being a Believer isn't about religion at all. It's about cultivating a relationship with God, and outside of this being a matter of God's intervention, I don't understand it either. I love that man with all my heart, but he's not a man anymore. That's a fact I have to face. I can tell he's still himself under that fur coat, but I'd be blind if I didn't notice how his actions seem to be influenced by something else as well. Does he just have lots of energy now, or is there something more to it? I just don't know." There was silence for a while. I don't really know how to respond to that. Dangit. For a while I just stared out the passenger side window, watching the signs go by. Then I saw it. TEXARKANAKRAXET City Limits "Wh-What?!" "Jack, did you see that?!" Okay, so I wasn't just seeing things. I'm not sure if that makes this better or worse. "Uh-huh." I turn my attention back to the Rand McNally menace, and, using my teeth as well as my hooves, I eventually succeed at prying it open. There it is again. Right on the line between Texas and Arkansas is a dot that the legend says marks a city's location, and next to that dot it says in text as plain as day: Texarkanakraxet "It's right here on the map, too!" "Jack, the GPS." After a bit of fumbling, I manage to turn the system on. After it finished booting up, it showed the sattelite record of our position along with the final nail in the coffin: Now entering Texarkanakraxet. "What in the-WHOA!" I was flung into my seatbelt at the force of the brake, and after taking a moment to recover, I discovered the cause behind it. Traffic was at a complete standstill. Mrs. Michaels however, was not. "This doesn't make any sense! The freeway's supposed to just cut right through the middle of the city. What could possibly cause a jam this bad?!" Alongside the road that was quickly becoming a parking lot, I spotted a police officer headed our way. In the time it took for him to reach Mrs. Michaels's window, the rest of our party had joined us in the cab. She quickly rolled down her window. "Yes! Hello, Officer? Why is everyone stopped?" He took off his sunglasses and gave us a look that heralded the bad tidings to come. "I'm very sorry, folks. Truly, I am, but you're not gonna be able to go anywhere now, either. I'm afraid there's not going to be any traffic through here for the foreseeable future. Would you all kindly step out of the vehicle? It'd be best if you saw it for yourselves." She put it in park, and we all filed out of the RV. The officer directed our attention to the city proper, and we all gasped at what we saw. The city had been completely bisected by a giant mirror that ran perpendicular to the freeway, cutting us off. The pony Mr. Michaels had become voiced what we were all thinking. "Well, there's your problem." Thank you, Adam Savage. Day ?? - ???, ??:?? Connections are everything. I can't help but admit this fact as I recline in my office chair. They've helped me get to where I am, and they'll continue to serve me well into the future. On my desktop computer's monitor, I peruse the police report for a recent kidnapping case and all photos and files related to its investigation, courtesy of my connection in the Santa Fe Police Department. To my right is a picture frame showing Timmy, Rick and I on our trip to Louisiana back in '98 as well as a Rolodex of my phone contacts, turned to the G section. To my right is my trusty touch-tone phone. Any minute now, it should be... -RING!- Ah, here we go. -Click!- "Yes?" - "Oh, I know about that already." - "Of course I'll handle it. She gave me a call, too." - "You don't need to tell me how important this is. Just make sure to delegate better next time." - "Nobody will tie it back to you, I promise." - "Alright. Stay sharp now." -Click!- Well, that takes care of that. I turn the Rolodex back and open up the R section. -Click!- -beepbopboop-boopbapbap-bopboopbopbap- Pick up, will you? "Hey, Ricky! You and Ellie back in town, yet?" - "Oh, is that so?" - "That is so kind of you two to do that." - "Oh, you did, did you?" - "Well I'm sure they'll appreciate it." - "That's true, bugs can put a damper on any road trip. Do you have its model #?" - "How about the Serial #?" - "Well! You certainly are prepared." - "Alright , I've got it down. Don't worry about it, Rick, if I find anything I think you ought to know, I'll call you." - "Okay then, I'll talk to y'all later." -Click!- Oh, Rick, for all your strengths, you can be so naive. I turn back to my computer, and run the numbers through a program I got from the boys up at College Of the Mainland. And there you are! I flip my Rolodex back around to the K section. This is just a reminder for which speed dial number I have them under, though. -Click!- - "Listen, I don't have time to chat. I am a very busy man after all." - "That's correct. I'll e-mail you the location." - "They cannot continue on their trip. Do what you must." - "Yes, the full getup. Keep your identities hidden, but let them know who they're up against." - "You'll get it. The lady up top is feeling generous today. We clean this up; we all get paid." - "See that you do. Goodbye." -Click!- I recline back into my leather upholstered office chair and smile. Connections are everything!