//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4 - "Whispers of Hope" 
// Story: The Inescapable Truth 
// by MakeMeFamous 
//------------------------------//

Chapter Four - "Whispers of Hope"
by MakeMeFamous





Celestia was once again watching the Sun rise after having given it the initial push needed, having opted to do it from a balcony built into the tallest tower of the castle. The solitude it offered reflected her mood, making her feel uneasy, yet paradoxically content at the same time. She wondered if the latter was just an illusion caused by the serene view she had witnessed time and time again, but decided it didn’t matter. She’d take whatever comfort she could get.

The light seemed to engulf the castle bit by bit, leaping from each tower to the next and causing the metal roofs to sparkle, leaving only its innermost crevices untouched. Looking at those secluded and dark areas, Celestia realized that she felt like she was living in a similar place; a void in which not even the brightest rays of her Sun could ever reach, leaving her alone in the dark. She felt like she was walking through a fog, nothing was clear anymore and she had no idea where she was headed. She wondered if this feeling was anywhere near how her sister had felt before her “transformation”. She shook her head, trying to get rid of all the depressing thoughts, only to grimace when she found that she could not.

Deciding that what she needed was a change of pace, she instead looked down. From her current vantage point, she got a view of the castle and Canterlot like no other. However, the sharp peaks of each sky-high tower seemed like spikes, waiting for her to fall and pierce her. The smooth, solid walls protecting the inhabitants of the castle, only existed in order to keep her inside, isolated from everypony else. The royal garden, while usually a place of peace and relaxation, only promised her loneliness and a feeling of unrelenting dread. And finally, Canterlot itself. The grand capital of Equestria. Supposedly inhabited by the most sophisticated and well-educated ponies alive, yet seemed filled with only the most arrogant and narcissistic.

This is hopeless, Celestia thought and succumbed to a kind of trance, looking, but not seeing. Hearing, but not listening. The Sun continued its climb while the princess stared into nothingness, oblivious to the world around her.





Celestia awakened from her thoughts some time later, unsure if she’d been perched on the balcony for minutes, or hours. However she felt lighter somehow, determined to get on with the day; unwilling to spend another second sulking. Her mind felt scattered, until she found herself focusing on the events of the past weekend. It had passed without any major disturbances, excluding a small incident in the kitchen resulting in a few cases of minor food poisoning. Her help had not been required, however - thanks to her dear sister.

Reminded of Luna, Celestia thought about the stranger-than-usual behavior her sister had been displaying of late. She couldn’t really describe it, other than that her sister was having some serious mood swings. At times she could be seen happily trotting around the castle during the day, which was unusual because of her nocturnal way of life, but other times she would just lock herself up in her room for hours on end. Though all of it was more than enough to make Celestia curious, it really wasn’t anything new. On the other hoof this sort of behaviour rarely ended well for anypony, least of all herself - that much she could tell from experience. 

Celestia tried not to worry too much. After returning from her banishment, Luna had been the same happy, yet sometimes a bit old-fashioned little sister she had missed and loved, even if she did go a little kooky from time to time from being cooped up in the library making up for the time she had lost - mostly studying up on all the changes she had missed. Still, in spite of everything she could not forget the times when Luna had lost her temper in days long past. Her sister had wrecked more than one room with her impressive vocal volume, and Celestia shuddered to think about what would happen if that were to happen again. It had been hard enough dissuading ponies that Nightmare Moon was as bad as the stories depicted her as.

The other possible result of the aforementioned strange behaviour was that Luna was in the middle of some grand scheme. Celestia had known her sister long enough to know that she could stay in her room making plans for hours on end, if not days. Also when said plans were done, she’d be too excited to stand still for a second, putting her plans in motion and waiting for everything to unravel. Bad news would send her right back where she started, locked up in her room, whereas good news would mean that she would be insufferably cheery for a few weeks. If this was the case, there had been no good news so far.

While Celestia loved her sister endlessly, she had to admit that planning had never been Luna’s strong suit, and tended to end in disaster more often than not. Sometimes a hilarious one, other times downright morbid. She would much rather be let in on her sisters plans; Luna had great ideas, that much she would admit, but was somewhat lacking in the execution department. That was usually where Celestia came in, especially now that Luna had been absent for a thousand years. Then again, for that same reason, their relationship wasn’t even close to what it used to be, and Celestia felt like intervening would only make things worse. She would keep her distance, staying alert and preparing for any eventuality, but Luna deserved a chance. She owed her sister that much.

Reminiscing about her sister’s often hilarious antics, her mind was brought back into the mundane life she had been living without her, and how little that had changed even after Luna had returned. That however, she reasoned, was mostly her own fault. After everything that had happened and everything she had been forced to do, she was cautious to engage her sister in anything that wasn’t in some way related to their responsibilities. Therefore things had never really returned to what they used to be. How could they? 

The feeling of regularity had been comforting at first, numbing her in a way. She didn’t have to think, just go where she was needed. Also, running a kingdom on her own left little time for herself, not to mention her celestial duties and the constant battle of defending her sister, reassuring everypony she wasn’t evil at heart. The lack of time, however, was fine with her – anything to distract her from the guilt and the fact that she was now alone.  

The first few decades were just a blur of days that held no real significance; she raised the Sun, attended court, raised the Moon, and then slept. Or at least that was everything she really remembered about those years.

After a while, however, she grew tired of living like that. She never really dealt with her emotions, and felt hollow. She despised herself for being so weak, and being unable to change anything about it. The regularity became as much of a curse as it was a blessing, so she learned to endure it, conjuring up a mask which conveyed to everypony that she was fine. The mask acted like a barrier between her feelings and the outside world, and allowed her to begin to deal with the guilt and the sorrow. It had been comforting at first, keeping her feelings at a safe distance, but over time it had solidified to the point where she found it hard to take off the mask and simply be a mare.

However that mask had begun to crack, forcing her to spend every minute of alone time she could muster to try and fix it - to keep it together. Because she knew that she needed to be strong, if not for herself, then at least for everypony else. No matter how much it hurt her, no matter how much she had to isolate herself, and no matter how much of her sister she had to try and forget. In the end, if she was honest with herself, considering the circumstances the fact that she practically had no social life outside of court was just fine with her. It had made things easier - still did.

And yet, even now, every day seemed to follow the exact schedule they had done for the last thousand years or so. Every day, except these lessons with Twilight. Here we go again. At first it had been exactly what she thought she had needed; some time away from all her duties, all her responsibilities that wore her down, and most importantly all the schedules. Time that she could spend with somepony she cared for, doing something they both enjoyed – studying. And as lame as that sounded to most ponies, she was still excited about it. But as she soon found out, it wasn’t so simple, nothing ever was with her. Every lesson seemed to accomplish the exact opposite of what she had hoped for, effectively distancing herself from her most faithful student and…friend? Who am I trying to fool, that’s not all there is to it…

When she had first suggested to Twilight that she would be more than happy to continue mentoring her, though this time on more advanced topics, she had just wanted to spend some time with the unicorn; get back something she had lost after Twilight had moved to Ponyville. The fact that they would both benefit from it was a bonus. And that’s exactly how she saw it, she wasn’t just teaching Twilight anymore, they were teaching each other.

At first it had seemed like there wasn’t all that much she could teach the unicorn anymore, but luckily she knew some things that were not written in any books. This had also made her feel useful, something that she hadn’t felt for a long while. It was ironic really, with her being a Princess and all, but there wasn’t much she was needed for nowadays. The relationships with all the surrounding nations had been peaceful for centuries, and everything that came up in the day court was rather insignificant on the larger scale. Nothing momentous had happened since the changeling attack, not that she had been of much use there.

That was another memory that emphasized the creeping thoughts of her not being a worthy Princess, the thoughts she had been plagued with ever since Luna left her. Equestria had faced its biggest threat in years, and she hadn’t been able to do anything to stop it. She hadn’t noticed the fake Cadence’s odd behavior, nor had she been able to defeat her when it had finally been necessary. Once again, the burden had been shoved onto Twilight’s shoulders. But she was strong and brave, and had seen through the web of lies Queen Chrysalis had so intricately woven. She even managed to break the real Cadence out of the caves she had been imprisoned in, thus revealing the truth before it had been too late. Not that she had ever doubted the young unicorn’s strength, but she still managed to amaze Celestia over and over again.

A tear escaped Celestia’s eye as she thought of Twilight. She had tried to suppress her feelings towards the lavender mare, but had gotten nowhere. What hurt the most, however, was that she couldn’t tell anypony. Twilight was one of the few ponies that had ever considered her anything else than just royalty. She actually thought of her as her mentor, perhaps even a friend. And with the only pony she could properly confide in out of the picture, she felt more alone than ever. Of course there was always Luna, but she had a tendency to blow these kinds of things totally out of proportion and Celestia couldn’t handle that right now. She needed all of her remaining composure to keep up her precious mask, assuring everypony that she was fine. Luna seemed to see right through it, however, and Celestia wondered how much longer it would take before her sister confronted her.

When Luna had been released from her nightmare state, Celestia had promised herself never to lie or keep things from her again, but she hadn’t really expected to fall in love again. Not after everything she had been through. If only she could find the courage to confide in her sister again.





After what must’ve been hours, Celestia flew back to her room, and was now staring at her reflection in the mirror. The confidence and authority that usually radiated from her were nonexistent. All that was left was a tired mare, struggling to keep going, and unsure of herself. After staring for a while, a sense of determination filled her for a moment. I have to do this, I have to let it go. If I don’t, I won’t only be hurting myself, but Twilight as well. But with that last thought, images of Twilight filled her head in an almost dizzying vortex and the determination that had felt so comfortable vanished.

“Who am I kidding, I’m in love with Twilight Sparkle,” she whispered to herself, almost like confirming that she had finally accepted it.

But before she could sink any deeper into her thoughts, a sudden gasp grasped her attention. Celestia turned around and saw no other than her sister, who was staring at her, eyes widened and mouth ajar. The silence that accompanied the following moments seemed completely unbreakable. Celestia felt like every single sound had simply vanished from the world, leaving herself and Luna in a vacuum. The seconds seemed to stretch into hours as Celestia realized that her most well-kept secret wasn’t a secret anymore. Every possible horror scenario played in her head and she felt nauseous.

Just when it seemed unbearable, Luna finally managed to break the silence: “I knew it!” she cried out happily, while a smile crept on her face.

“You kn…What?!” Celestia uttered, recovering from the initial shock.

“I knew you loved her. Oh this is great sister, but why didn’t you tell us?” Luna continued, adopting a slight frown after her question.

Different responses ran through Celestia’s mind, but what stuck was frustration. “Have you ever thought about knocking before you decide to come in here?” she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

Luna’s frown deepened as she thought how she should proceed. She always felt uncomfortable when her sister was angry. “I didn’t think you would…”

Before she could finish, Celestia interrupted her: “You do realize that even I need some secrets, something that isn’t up for everypony to scrutinize and judge?” Celestia was panting slightly, trying hard not to yell at her sister. All the emotions she had bottled up were threatening to spill over..

“I didn’t mean to… Celly I’m sorry,” Luna said, her sentence ending in a whisper. The happy grin was gone, replaced by a more conflicted look. She was clearly uncomfortable being in this position, but also unsure what to do or say to get out of it. Celestia’s mind was running a mile a minute, but what she hoped for the most was to be able to just go back in time and avoid this particular confrontation - she wasn’t ready for it. How could I be so careless? Luna never knocks, you know that.

Celestia’s expression softened as she remembered that Luna wasn’t at fault here. There were only so many ponies Celestia felt she could safely vent to, Luna having been one of the few before, and after the teleportation incident with Twilight she really, really felt the need to. Luna had just been in the wrong place, in the wrong time. And in any case, she clearly saw that her sister appeared genuinely sorry for the intrusion. 

Coming to the conclusion that she had absolutely no reason to lash out at Luna like she just had, she let go of her misdirected anger and embraced her sister.

“No I’m…I’m sorry Lulu. You’re my sister, if anypony deserves to know, it’s you,” she said, trying her best to blink the tears away. If she was honest with herself, this was exactly what she had been missing: somepony to confide in, and hopefully to reassure her that everything would be okay.





For a while Celestia was silent, her eyes unfocused and appearance shaken. After a few minutes of silence, Luna heard her sister’s trembling voice: “When Twilight hurt herself on that field, after I had pushed her to try that teleportation I just…” The only thing Luna heard for a few moments were a few sniffles. She waited patiently for her sister to keep going, which she eventually did. Celestia’s voice was down to a whisper, but still loud enough for Luna to hear: “I have never been so angry with her, and I was…I was so scared Lulu. She wasn’t moving and for I moment I thought…I just…I can’t lose her.”

There was nothing but silence after that, but Luna held her tongue. Celestia needed to get this out of her system and she would wait as long as she needed. Suddenly Celestia’s shoulders slumped and she said with a voice much closer to her normal tone: “Nothing’s been the same since that day. I just wish it never happened, even if it helped me come to terms with something.” She didn’t elaborate further, but Luna was fairly certain Celestia was talking about this “confession” she had walked in on.

Luna wrapped her hooves around Celestia and comforted her, as her sister finally abandoned her mask and sobbed quietly into her mane. After a few moments Celestia seemed to calm down and Luna slowly broke the embrace, locking eyes with her sister. She could see all the sadness and doubts that plagued her. They didn’t speak, but the silence wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable.

Luna finally broke the silence when it felt appropriate: “Celly, there is nothing wrong with you wanting to be happy. You deserve happiness just as much as any other pony does.” Celestia watched her quietly, so she went on: “If you think she will make you happy, you should tell her how you feel.”

But when the subject of confessing came up, Celestia broke the eye contact and said weakly: “No I… I can’t do that; can’t you see how uncomfortable she already feels around me? That would only make things worse. If I have to choose between a friendship and possibly nothing, the choice is obvious.”

“But…” Luna started, but was cut off when Celestia weakly raised her hoof.

“Promise me that what you heard doesn’t leave the room. Promise me you won’t tell anypony, especially Twilight. Promise me.” 

Celestia switched to her court persona, and Luna knew that was the only way she could keep herself together. To anypony else she might’ve looked intimidating and resolute, but Luna saw through it. And she didn’t think she had the heart to argue any further, not yet at least. The time will come. Eventually.

But maybe she should just tell Celestia about Twilight. No, that’s not how it should go. And in any case, even though she had a firm belief that Twilight was feeling the same way, she didn’t have any actual evidence to support it. Only the fact that the lavender mare was having trouble with relationships. It was enough for Luna to put it all together, but her sister wouldn’t see it the same way. She would just have to wait and see how the unicorn reacted.

After deciding how she would proceed, she nodded and reassured her sister: “I promise.”

Celestia let out a relieved sigh and embraced her sister again. “Thank you Lulu.”

“Look, Celly, seeing as you’re going to be occupied with court tomorrow before your lesson, would you like me to prepare everything?” Luna asked, seeming sincere.

Celestia looked a bit surprised, but caved without an argument: “That’s very nice of you, thank you sister.”





The Ponyville library was quiet, and a note on the door stated that it would be closed for the day. Even if being closed at all was unusual, the library rarely got any visitors on a Sunday anyways. Therefore it was the perfect day for the monthly re-shelving.

Twilight was sitting on her haunches in the middle of the room, looking at the vast collection of books she lived with. Most of them had already been there when she had arrived, but she had acquired some of the more rare ones herself, though mostly for her own reading preferences. The ponies who loaned books in Ponyville were not that interested in the history of magic, advanced astronomy, or other tomes with similar topics.

Twilight had even given Spike the day off to achieve absolute peace and quiet. She needed all of her concentration for her last task of the day, and could only hope she wouldn’t be interrupted like last time - cleaning up that mess had taken hours. In any case, her mind was pre-occupied enough nowadays and she didn’t need the extra distractions.

And so, the unicorn concentrated on the spell required and started channeling magic to her horn. At first just her horn lit up, but then all of a sudden the same purple aura spread and surrounded all of the books in the room. The books slowly hovered off the shelves, sending small specks of dust floating around the room, and started revolving around the librarian. After the first phase was complete, Twilight started randomly picking books, making them swoop past her. It wasn’t long, but still enough for her to recognize the book and recall the appropriate place for it. To an outsider the process might have appeared as a totally chaotic procedure, but in Twilight’s eyes everything was going as it should have. And so she continued re-filling the shelves, one by one. Tasks such as this, requiring all of her concentration, were one of the few things that were still able to clear her mind, stopping it from wandering to a certain goddess. For now at least.

After an hour or so had passed, there were no more books flying around the room. Twilight was looking at the results of her hard work; every book was now in perfect order for the coming month. She felt exhausted, but content. She gazed outside and realized it was barely noon, yet she had already completed everything there was to do for today. Checking the final chore off of her checklist, and the two backup checklists, she decided she would try and relax - with a nice book. However, before she could decide between the two books she was interested in, she was cut off by a gentle knock on the door.

Twilight approached the door, curious to see who it would be. I did put the note up, right? Yes, it’s crossed off on my checklist. The checklist that had appeared out of nowhere disappeared once again in a flash. She opened the door, now facing Fluttershy, anxiously glancing around and fiddling with her mane. The absurd level of her friend’s shyness sometimes amused Twilight for a bit, but she could relate to how the canary pegasus felt. Twilight hadn’t been the most sociable pony back when she was a filly.

"Oh hello Fluttershy, come in!" Twilight said, pleasantly surprised.

"Umm...Hi Twilight, thanks," she responded and stepped into the library, her gaze wandering around the room trying to see if she had interrupted anything important.

"It's so nice that you came by, I was just about to start reading but this is much better," Twilight said, glancing over at the bookshelves while she closed the door.

"Oh, I-I don't want to interrupt anything. I can come back later," Fluttershy panicked and started making her way back to the door.

"Nonsense, I'm happy you came. Would you like some tea? I was going to make some," Twilight reassured her whilst heading towards the kitchen. "That seems like the only thing I can do around here without burning something," she said with a chuckle while looking for the tea bags.

"If it's not too much trouble," Fluttershy murmured and carefully sat on the couch, avoiding half a dozen of scrolls haphazardly placed there. She glanced at them, probably realising quickly that the topics made no sense to her whatsoever.

A few minutes passed, during which the pegasus just nervously fiddled with her mane. Finally Twilight emerged behind the kitchen cupboards with two cups of tea hovering in front of her. She placed the other one on the table in front of her friend and took a sip from her own.

Fluttershy seemed more nervous than usual which made the unicorn curious: "Is there something you wanted to talk to me about Fluttershy? I'm here if you need help, especially after you helped me with my...'problem'."

The pegasus looked at her friend and muttered: "It's nothing like that. But I actually did come here to t-tell you something."

“Oh? What is it? Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Twilight’s first reaction was to simply bombard Fluttershy with questions. Such response probably stemmed from the fact that she also had the tendency to jump to the worst possibly conclusions, even if they made no sense. The approach might have been fine with any other pony, but Fluttershy seemed to shrink to half of her size and completely lose her nerve under the barrage of questions. Twilight soon realized her lack of tact and changed her approach: “Heh…sorry Fluttershy, bad habit. So what did you want to talk about?”

The pegasus started regaining her composure, albeit slowly, but before she could say anything, there was a loud crash, a blur of colors, and something solid and furry that hit Twilight straight to the chest. She yelped, hooves swinging madly in order to keep steady, but lost her balance and ended up on the floor. Fluttershy squeaked and dove under the table, covering her head with her wings and barely managing to dodge the flying teacup and its still hot contents.

After recovering from the blast, Twilight noticed that it had been caused by the exact thing she had thought. Or rather the exact pony. Lying on top of her was no other than Rainbow Dash; a pegasus who had made it a habit of crashing into the library at odd times. Twilight lifted herself to her haunches and gave the cyan pegasus a deadpan stare.

“Another trick that didn’t go as you expected?” she asked sarcastically, while looking around. The damages were thankfully rather minimal this time. She was going to have to reshelve about a dozen books, but that wouldn’t pose a big problem.

“Eh…Seems so,” Rainbow Dash said, wiping dust and pieces of glass from her coat. “Sorry about the window Twilight, though I guess you can fix it in a jiffy with your magic.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can crash through it anytime you want,” the unicorn sighed, while trying to pull Fluttershy from beneath the table. After Rainbow Dash helped her, they managed to get the freaked out pegasus standing again. Her hooves were still wobbling from the surprise, but otherwise she seemed fine, if preoccupied.

“So, what were you two talking about?” Rainbow Dash asked while Twilight was levitating the pieces of glass back to their original place. I need to get pegasus-proof windows.

Twilight thought for a second if she should just tell the other pegasus, but the look on Fluttershy’s face made her decide against it: “Oh nothing special, books and stuff.”

“Huh…” the pegasus responded, clearly losing interest.

Suddenly Twilight realized that she now had an opportunity she had been looking for since her visit to Sweet Apple Acres, so she pressed on: “Hey Dash, do you know if Applejack is okay? She acted a little weird the last time I visited her.”

For what seemed to be the first time in the time she had known the prismatic weatherpony, she saw Rainbow Dash…nervous? “Why, did she…uhm…say something?”

“No, she was just looking at the sky all the time and… Are you okay?” Twilight was observing Rainbow Dash closely, her wings were twitching and she was looking at anything but Twilight.

“Me? Heh, of course, why wouldn’t I be? And I bet Applejacks fine too, you worry too much Twilight,” the pegasus responded quickly, clearly trying to end the conversation before it really began. “By the way, you gals wanna come with me to Sugarcube Corner, I hear Pinkie’s making some crazy new cupcakes or something?” she asked, effectively avoiding the topic at hoof.

Why is everypony acting so weird all of a sudden? Applejack, Fluttershy and now Rainbow Dash. Trying to ignore her over-analytic mind, she decided that having fun with her friends and eating some of Pinkie Pie’s cupcakes wouldn’t be such a bad idea. After all she hadn’t been thinking about Celestia for the whole morning and a distraction was… Damn…

“Well alright then. Are you coming Fluttershy?” Twilight finally said, directing her eyes to the paler-than-usual pegasus who had been oddly quiet for a while. Not that being quiet was unusual for her, but she was good friends with Rainbow Dash and they always had something to talk about.

It seemed that the cyan pegasus had noticed that her friend wasn’t really listening too, since she walked over to her and put a wing over her and asked: “Yeah Flutters, you coming?”

The sudden contact seemed to bring Fluttershy back to the present, and she squeaked in surprise. Rainbow Dash just chuckled as her friend soaked in her surroundings and went through what had just happened. “Oh, uhm, sure, I-I’ll come too,” she finally said, looking apologetically at Twilight. And so the three ponies left the library and headed for Sugarcube Corner, chatting and giggling.





Twilight woke up feeling tired. While she had finally been able to sleep somewhat regularly, it wasn’t really something she’d call refreshing. Also the dreams hadn’t gone anywhere, only morphed into a different set of horrors. Therefore she wasn’t sure if she actually wanted to go to sleep or not. Combined with constantly waking up in cold sweat and tears, or blushing and uncomfortably hot really didn’t seem like an improvement to her previous problem. She pulled the blanket over her head to block out the creeping sunlight, but the damage had been done. Instead of getting up, she just lay there, letting her mind wander aimlessly. But before she could fall into a stupor like she would have any other morning, she remembered something that made her jump out of bed. The lesson is TODAY!

With the thought invigorating the otherwise tired mare, she started on her (all important) morning routines. After a couple of minutes she trotted downstairs, hoping that breakfast would be ready. She needed to rehearse before leaving, and she only had an hour or so. When she arrived in the kitchen, she noticed that breakfast in fact was ready. Although Spike was nowhere to be seen, he had left a few daisy sandwiches on the table, which Twilight devoured as fast as she could. She then started pulling any books off shelves that might have contained additional information on the subject. The subject of the day wasn’t a specific spell, which made her nervous. Of course she had read a lot about magical theory, even the more advanced things, but the subject was simply too wide even for her to have gone through completely. She realized that the books were still in perfect order; she had just re-shelved them, after all. Stopping to think for a second, she turned around and found what she was looking for.

Twilight sat down and skimmed through the books, focusing on the parts she wasn’t all that familiar with. As with any other book, she was pretty much lost in them for the following hour. 

Her concentration broke when she heard Spike calling out for her from the other room: “Twilight, are you going or what? The chariot is waiting.”

In a blink of an eye Twilight switched into full panic mode, sweeping around the library like a hurricane, throwing some notes of hers into a saddlebag. But just as she was about to open the door, she heard a familiar knock; a knock that was as unintrusive as possible, yet still loud enough to be heard. She opened the door, revealing Fluttershy who was eyeing the chariot curiously. The door opening grabbed her attention, and she said quietly: “Hey Twilight.”

“Hey Fluttershy,” the unicorn responded, her eyes twitching over to the chariot nervously.

“Look, Twilight, I never managed to tell you why I came by yesterday so I decided to come again so I could…” Fluttershy started, but didn’t have the time to finish as the lavender unicorn interrupted.

“Fluttershy I know it’s important to you, but I’m going to be really late if I don’t go right now. Can it wait?”

The pegasus looked like she wanted to object, but didn’t. Twilight seemed to interrupt this as a yes and started heading towards the chariot. She only made it three steps forward before the pegasus was once again standing in front of her.

“Twilight, this is really important. I-I mean, I really need to tell you this.”

Twilight looked genuinely concerned for a moment. Just when she opened her mouth to say something, one of the guards pulling the chariot interrupted her: “Miss Sparkle, if we don’t leave now, we’ll be late.”

The unicorn looked conflicted, her gaze bouncing between her friend and the chariot. “I’m sorry Fluttershy, but I can’t be late for this. Can’t it wait ‘till tomorrow? Please.”

“But I…fine. It can wait,” the pegasus whispered while stepping aside.

She hadn’t even managed to finish the sentence before the other mare had swooped past her, hopping into the awaiting chariot. “I’ll come visit you when I’m back,” she said, giving Fluttershy the most normal smile she managed in her current state. And with that said, the chariot took off, leaving the canary mare standing alone in front of the library, staring at the constantly diminishing chariot in the sky.





Realizing that she had failed to tell Twilight again made Fluttershy anxious. All the practice in front of the mirror she had done in the morning had gone to waste - again. Twilight had to know that her secret wasn’t…secret anymore. Fluttershy just hoped that Luna wouldn’t tell anypony, especially Celestia. That might make the lessons Twilight had with her uncomfortable and she didn’t want her friend to feel uncomfortable. Not that she wanted anypony to feel uncomfortable, but right now Twilight’s comfort was her biggest concern. 

Deciding that she would try again when her friend would return tomorrow, the pegasus took off and headed towards her home. She didn’t like flying too high, but the feeling of air hurtling against her coat actually felt kind of nice. She would never tell Rainbow Dash that however, or she would have to start participating in her daily flight training. That hadn’t gone too well the last time…





Celestia was sitting on her cushioned throne, trying to concentrate on what seemed to be another building project in Manehattan that needed her approval. These projects rarely had any hidden agendas, so she allowed her mind to drift off a bit. Luckily she had perfected her expression of paying attention over the years, even Luna was fooled by it sometimes, though she only used it on her as a joke. Her sister didn’t like being ignored, nor did Celestia have any reason to do so - usually.

Luna had been kind enough to put everything ready for the lesson. Despite the gesture, Celestia had a nagging feeling that her sister was up to something. Reflecting on her attitude made her realize that she wasn’t being fair to her sister. Luna was just trying to help. 

Thinking about the lesson obviously caused her to think about Twilight. Maybe this time they could actually talk more; she enjoyed nothing more than talking to the unicorn. She missed the days when Twilight had lived in the castle and they would talk and spend time together every day. But sending her to Ponyville had been more important than Celestia’s own needs. Twilight now had friends, a job and a life outside of the castle. That made her wonder what would happen when these new lesson were over.

After all, what used to be daily friendship reports, had slowly diminished to monthly, then bi-monthly, and so forth. Even the visits outside of these lessons were starting to be an unexpected pleasure, rather than a common occurrence. Maybe her mentoring wasn’t all that appealing to Twilight anymore – after all the unicorn had learned so much during these last years, the majority of which hadn’t really required Celestia’s presence. Twilight was a subject that always brought Celestia’s own insecurities bubbling to the surface, and this time was no different.

The sudden thought of losing Twilight shook Celestia out of her thoughts. She didn’t dare go that far, even with speculations. She didn’t know what she would end up with, though she knew she wouldn’t like it.

Celestia suddenly noticed that all the ponies in the room, excluding the guards, were looking at her expectantly. After studying their expressions for a while, she realized that they were waiting for her decision. The presentation had apparently taken less time than she had thought; or had she been lost in her thoughts for that long?

In any case, she cleared her throat and said: “Sounds fairly reasonable, you may proceed as you see fit.”

The ponies seemed relieved and started packing their things. As Celestia was looking at whiteboards getting packed and paper disappearing into boxes in neat stacks, she became aware of the fact that the official court hours had actually ended half an hour ago. She was late. Celestia actually felt the tiniest shred of panic in a long time. She stood up, informing her guards where she was heading and left for the library. As she walked through the maze-like halls, she tried to keep her pace normal. She knew a few shortcuts, but it felt like they didn’t speed up the journey at all. 





After what seemed like an eternity, she arrived at the library, only to find out that Twilight had already arrived, already lost in the books stacked on the table. The sight made Celestia smile. “Good afternoon my faithful student, excuse me for being late,” she said while walking towards the pile of books – and Twilight.

Recognizing the voice, Twilight looked up and saw her mentor. “Oh its fine, though I already started, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Twilight it’s quite alright,” Celestia said with a light chuckle. “To be honest, I’ve never met another pony who gets so much joy out of learning,” she continued, smiling happily.

“Oh I just enjoy spending time here in the castle again, especially with you here,” Twilight said. After a few seconds she realized how weird that sounded. Why did I just say that? Celestia was still smiling, but she was quiet. Before she could speak, Twilight grasped her only chance and tried to correct herself: “Eh…I mean, you know, studying with you and…stuff.” Well that didn’t help at all…

After a moment or so, Celestia, who was still smiling happily, responded: “It’s wonderful having you back here.” Having said that, the alicorn sat down, signaling that they should start reading so that they wouldn’t have to be here the whole night. Twilight was a bit abashed from the lack of reaction to her slip of the tongue, but decided to get on with the reading.





The lesson started out exactly as Celestia had hoped for; the awkward atmosphere diffused and eventually lifted entirely as they discussed the books and their contents. First it was only a few words, but after a couple of hours everything had returned to pretty much what it had originally been, though Twilight still seemed a little…cautious, almost afraid. Celestia wasn’t all that surprised that Twilight was already more or less familiar with everything they were reading and talking about, but she did manage to throw in some things she hadn’t learned from any books. Mostly because they were her own theories, though Twilight seemed to agree with her for the most part.

After finished yet another thick tome, the subject of which was ‘making basic spells more potent’, Celestia grabbed the book with her magic and moved it over to the other pile. For the first time in weeks she was happy; she could talk to her most faithful student again. And she wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that. But before she could turn her head to focus on the new book, a loud gasp grasped her attention. Focusing back on Twilight, she noticed that the mare was just staring at the table, slack-jawed and with a slight look of horror in her eyes.

Wondering what might have caused such reaction, Celestia finally looked at the book on the table. She was expecting to see something that Twilight might not be familiar with, or a topic substantially more difficult than before, but what she saw was worse. Much worse. What she was looking at, was a thick leather-bound tome with a very graphic cover of two mares engaged in a heated kiss. But if the artwork had shocked her, the next notion about the book caused her to fidget nervously; the longer she stared at the title, the more uncomfortable she got: “So you’ve found the mare of your dreams, what now?”. How on Equestria did this book end up here?!

Even though Celestia was trying to deal with her own emotional turmoil as best, and as fast as she could, she managed a quick glance at her student. During those few seconds, Twilight’s face went through a myriad of emotions; a shy smile, a confused frown, a wide-eyed panicked look, and finally a flat, emotionless stare that seemed to be directed at nothing in particular. Twilight was at a complete loss for words and Celestia wasn’t reacting any better. 

It took a few moments before the alarm bells started ringing in Celestia’s head. With a swift flash and a quiet *pop*, the book vanished. Even with the book now gone, its effects remained. After an uncomfortably long silence, Celestia finally spoke: “Huh, looks like I accidentally misplaced a book while I was making preparations.” Accompanied by an awkward chuckle, it didn’t seem to be an effective way to defuse the situation.

Twilight’s expression was unreadable and she was zoned out for the moment. Giving Celestia time to mentally scold herself for letting the book slip into the pile. But before she could go too far with the self-criticism, it hit her. She hadn’t gathered the books – Luna had. Had this “slip-up” been a part of her…plan? Whatever it was, she would hear from it. Her sister had always had trouble staying out of other ponies’ lives, but she had thought she was the exception. Clearly she had been wrong.

The sound of Twilight clearing her throat interrupted her, after which the mare spoke: “Should we…um…continue?” The unicorn’s face was completely void of emotion, and she was staring at the space the now nonexistent book had occupied.

It was the last thing Celestia wanted to do, hoping to be able to reassure the unicorn, but she came up with absolutely nothing. Also stopping the lesson would have been the worst possible option so Celestia nodded and grabbed the real book. She wondered if it was possible to quietly vanish with the sheer power of embarrassment, but sadly that didn’t seem to be the case. Either of them didn’t dare to even mention the elephant in the room, so the next hours were spent in total silence, with each accidental touch causing Twilight to twitch away and blush, and Celestia to mentally scold herself and damn Luna to the deepest pits of Tartarus.





“Luna, I need to speak to you. Now.”

Luna was surprised at her sister’s sudden appearance at the night court, but the look on her face and the stern tone revealed that it was important. “What about the court?” she asked.

“There’s nopony here at the moment as far as I can see, and even if there are, they can wait,” Celestia retorted.

Luna wasn’t sure what her sister wanted to talk about or how she was feeling, but the fact of it being more important than her duties wasn’t a good sign. Luna felt that pointing that out would be a bad idea, so she simply followed her sister into a nearby room. After the door had been closed, Celestia just stared at her sister for a while. Luna wasn’t sure what she should do, but before she had the time to say anything, her sister asked: “Did you put that…book into the pile when you made sure that everything was ready?”

Oh that’s what all this is about. Strangely enough Luna wasn’t sure if Celestia was going to thank her or bite her head off. Nevertheless, there was no point in denying it so she responded: “Yes, but I…”

“Why would you do that?” Celestia said. She wasn’t shouting, or even seem mad. Instead she looked depressed. “Everything was going so well…”

Seeing her expression made Luna feel a sting of guilt. Had it been that bad? “What happened? Did she say no?”

When Celestia heard Luna’s response, she seemed to struggle with her words for a moment, but managed to keep her tone down: “Is that why you did it? You wanted to force me into confessing? Is my life just a game to you?”

“No, that’s not…” Luna was confident she had been doing the right thing, but distraught by the look on Celestia’s face. “I just wish that you would finally realize that you need somepony you really care about.” Celestia opened her mouth to respond, but Luna kept going: “Besides me, that is,” she added, struggling slightly to hold the eye contact.

Celestia was silent for a moment and Luna almost thought she had gotten to her. But then she said: “This…situation is already complicated enough, I would appreciate if you stayed out of it.” The words in themselves were like a slap in the face, but the tone they were delivered was devoid of any emotion. Luna looked at her sister with a mixture of confusion and hurt, but she was already heading out of the room.

“But I…” The door closed behind the white alicorn. “…was just trying to help.” I wish you’d realize you don’t have to be alone…





Celestia was standing in her room, gazing at the beautiful night sky. Nopony was around and the guards behind her door were having a break, so she didn’t feel the need to hide her tears anymore. After all the promises she had made to herself after her sister’s return, she had gotten mad at her. And because of something so stupid. For centuries she had managed to keep her emotions under control, at least to the public eye. It hadn’t been easy, but she had done it. Why was she breaking now, when everything was so…fragile. She lost track of time as she just stared at the stars, thinking of Luna. And eventually Twilight.





Meanwhile, completely unaware of the troubles the Royal Sisters were having, Twilight was lying in her bed, consumed by her own issues. The room was completely silent, and she could almost hear the battle inside her head echoing in the room.

“What if it was a hint?

“Or an accident…”

“What if I should tell her how I feel?”

“What would you even tell her? You’re not exactly sure about your feelings now, are you?”

“Well I’d tell her that…that I’m confused. And ask for her advice.”

“And look like a complete idiot? Great plan…”

“She wouldn’t think like that. She would know what to say, how to make everything better. She’s kind, loving, understanding and bea…”

“Wonder where this is going…”

“Oh shut up.”

“Even if she would actually…love you, you’re not worthy of her. She’s a Princess. You’re just a regular unicorn who knows a bit of magic.”

“But…but I…”

Twilight had been so lost in the argument against herself, that she hadn’t noticed she was squeezing her pillow like it would try to escape her embrace. She also found herself sobbing into it, trying to push Celestia away from her mind. Having her there hurt too much. But making her vanish like that was simply…impossible. No matter how many spells she knew, and how many books she’s read, none of it had prepared her for the problems she was facing now. So she just lay there, long enough for her tears to dry, and for her to slip into the world of dreams.





Twilight woke up the next morning, shooting up like a lightning bolt had hit her. And to be honest, it felt like it had.

It had been dream. The most vivid and meaningful dream she had ever had. And even though it scared her, it also finally made her feel at peace. It was like she had found the missing piece to the jigsaw puzzle that had been her life for the past month or so. Now it was all so clear; it was love - it had to be. And it had been all along, she had just been too skeptical to believe it. Having now found her answer, Twilight found it was almost funny how she had not been able to put it all together, though in a way she had been trying to avoid this sort of conclusion.

But finally having spent time with Celestia, just being with her and holding her had felt so…right. And even if it had only been a dream, Twilight knew now who would make her happy; who would be able to vanquish the feelings of emptiness and loneliness from her heart, her life. Realizing it made it seem so simple, yet so unreachable. But in the end, the answer she had sought for so long only managed to spawn more questions. And she was tired of finding answers to these sorts of questions.

The unicorn also found her thoughts drifting towards fantasies where she would be with Celestia. This was, if possible, even more painful than what it had been before, because she knew she could never accomplish them.

“Why not..?”

“Oh be reasonable.”

“Am I arguing with myself again? Gah…”

Twilight felt like she was trapped. And she wanted an escape – a way out. Few seconds and a subtle *pop* later she found herself in the castle garden. Though it wasn’t exactly an answer to her problems, the beauty and serenity of the garden helped her calm down. After a while she had sat down, and was now watching two squirrels playing next to a tree. Lost in the sight, she didn’t notice a pony sitting right next to her.

“Morning Twilight, did you sleep well?” she asked.

Twilight, without thinking, answered in a dreamy voice: “Yes, I had this rather enlightening dream that…”

Suddenly looking at her side, she realized that she was staring into the teal eyes of Princess Luna, who was grinning.

“I’m glad that you enjoyed the night,” Luna said, directing her gaze elsewhere.

Twilight was still getting used to the fact that she could be ‘ambushed’ by the Princesses like she just had, usually putting her in an awkward position. If only she knew what I dreamt about; she might not be so happy. Twilight was racking her brain, trying to come up with something to say, but before she could do so, Luna stood up and announced that she needed to rest. And so Twilight just watched as the Lunar Princess headed back to the castle. Well that was…odd.





Twilight was standing next to the chariot station, waiting for her ride to arrive. She had found it too hard to confront Celestia after last day’s events, having nothing to say; especially after her revelation. She just hoped Celestia wouldn’t worry because of her...judgement call. Maybe she would send her a letter after arriving in Ponyville, explaining that she didn’t want to bother Celestia. No, she couldn’t lie to her. But before coming to any sort of conclusion, her chariot arrived, and a minute later was in the air, heading towards Ponyville.

An hour or so later, the lavender mare was back home. As she stepped into the library, she noticed that nothing had changed since she had left. The books were still in perfect order, and so was the rest of the house. Spike was nowhere to be seen, probably off spending time with Rarity or the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Twilight lowered her saddlebags on the floor, and sat on the couch, letting her newfound feelings flood her mind. She soon found herself toying with the idea of herself and Celestia walking around Canterlot together, studying together, just holding her, kissing her…

She snapped out of her daydreams. Well that escalated quickly. But then she found out the real reason for the abrupt end of her secret fantasies – Spike was standing next to her, looking extremely befuddled.

“Ehm…Twilight, were you just…sighing and calling out for Celestia?” he asked, now looking worried.

“What? Of course not, I…” Twilight responded, her voice shaky and her cheeks red from embarrassment.

After a moment of contemplating the situation, she realized that it was actually rather likely. Spike was still staring at her, looking the most uncomfortable she had ever seen her. Twilight continued with a sigh: “I did, didn’t I?”

“Umm, yeah…” Spike said quietly, his leg twitching a bit, almost as if signaling that now would be the time to run. But he didn’t. Instead, he stared at the unicorn, whose expression had returned to an unreadable state.

“Spike I…I have to tell you something,” Twilight hesitated for a while, but kept going, “something personal.”