//------------------------------//
// 12 - Plan of Attack 
// Story: Cutie Mark Crusader Superheroes 
// by infernape612 
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	Sterling Silver poured his old friend Filthy Rich a glass of scotch whisky, and then promptly guzzled the rest of the bottle down. It had been an extremely stressful three weeks - his company's stock had dropped 30 points and he was the punching bag of every financial magazine in Equestria, his daughter was being bullied around town (although he had always tried to get her to stop her bullying ways, he had never wanted it to happen like this), and if something wasn't done soon, he could very well go from riches to rags. All because of those bucking foalnappers and their absolutely horrifying lie.

Rich (not Filthy) asked, "Do you want another bottle?" Sterling nodded, and Rich went out into the hall and had a servant bring some more scotch. When he returned, he continued, "Well, it's no wonder you need it, given the circumstances. You know, I could help you out a bit - take some stock off your hands. Above the current selling price, of course. I'm always here for you, you know..."

Sterling responded, "No stinking way! I am not handing over a cent of my company until I have hit the bottom of the barrel!"

Rich frowned. "I... think you're drunk."

"No duh! Gotta keep... things off my mind... I'll find... a way out eventually..."

"Hm... well, I hope you're not underestimating the problem. You know my number, Sterling. I'll be in touch." He gave Sterling a pained hoof-bump before leaving. Once the office door shut, Sterling buried his head in his hooves and stifled back some tears. Suddenly, he heard a noise near his window. Looking at it, he saw the strangest sight he ever saw, and wondered if he was having an alcohol-induced hallucination. The pony that was gracefully landing in his office was dressed in a form-fitting purple jumpsuit, complete with a matching hat, cape, and mask that completely disguised her (he was vaguely sure it was a she) and any way to identify her.

"Who... who the hay are you?"

"You can call me Mare Do Well." Her voice had been somehow distorted to sound far deeper than would normally be possible. The name rang a bell in Sterling's mind.

"Wait a minute... those guys who kidnapped my daughter! They were after... WHERE THE BUCK WERE YOU?!"

Mare Do Well's gaze shot to the floor. "I... I'm so sorry. I was indisposed..." At this point, Sterling realized that she was barely half his height.

"Wait a minute... you're a filly... were you a hostage?" Mare Do Well nodded. "You... were you the one who saved Silver Spoon that... Saturday?"

"Sunday." Mare Do Well took the half-drained bottle, recorked it as best she could, and set it on the ground. "You've had too much to drink." She promptly helped Sterling into a sitting position on his comfy office chair. "I came here for a reason - I'm gonna find the people who were responsible for what happened at the school, and I'm gonna bring them down, but I need some information from you. Is there anypony who would benefit from ruining you?"

Sterling thought for a moment, and then muttered, "I... I don't know..."

"Anypony you've made an enemy out of?"

"No..."

Mare Do Well sighed. "If that's the case, you can still help me - go back to the day Silver Spoon got kidnapped the first time, the day I actually managed to do something about it. The gang barged in and kidnapped her. They fled to their escape carriage, but I destroyed it. Silver Spoon escaped, and I... uh, lured the bad guys away. I need to know what you did at that point."

"Why? What does this have to do with anything?"

"Please bear with me. I want to help you, but you need to help me."

Sterling sighed. "I... I figured she would run to either the police or Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara's house. Probably the latter, since it was closer. Filthy Rich is an old family friend, and his daughter Diamond Tiara is Silver Spoons best... well, only friend. I went there first, found out she was safe... I left my wife there to keep her sort of comfortable while I went to the police."

"What happened there?"

"I talked to the officer on duty that night. He said he would take care of it, he said to make sure everypony was unharmed... I thought he would help..."

"The police officer you talked to. What was his name?"

Sterling thought for a moment. "I don't know..."

"Did you at least see a cutie mark?"

"Uh, yeah... it was a piece of gum or something..." Mare Do Well visibly jerked her head at this revelation. "Why do you care?"

Mare Do Well hopped up onto Sterling's desk. "Think about it. If Cufflink didn't know about the kidnap attempt, then that means that either the Ponyville PD buried it, or somepony under his command did. I now know that Officer Gumhoof knew about the original kidnap attempt, which means he's involved and I have a lead. Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Silver. This... this means a lot to me." Sterling nodded, and the two stood there in an awkward silence for a moment. "Uh... this is the part where you're supposed to hear something and get distracted, and then when you turn around I've dramatically vanished."

Sterling chuckled despite himself. "Welcome to reality, kid." Mare Do Well nodded before bounding back out the window and into the night.



As the three fillies headed to the police station, Apple Bloom filled the group in on what she had learned. "...And then ah tried to do that mysterious vanishin' thing, but it didn't work."

Sweetie Belle mused, "I can't believe you can completely get rid of your accent now."

"Ah can't believe your big sis made us these costumes. They fit like a second skin!"

"See? Toldja she was the best sister ever."

"Wha- no, she ain't-"

Scootaloo interrupted them by bopping them both lightly on their heads. "So Gumhoof is the bad guy?"

Apple Bloom nodded. "That's assumin' he's the only one. Come on, we're here!" The three fillies arrived at the police station. Looking through the window, they saw that Gumhoof was working the night shift once again. He filed some paperwork, put it away, and then looked around before leaving. The Cutie Mark Crusaders promptly followed. Gumhoof gave several paranoid glances (like Roughneck and his gang, he was not paranoid enough) before fleeing into an alley. The CMC climbed onto a nearby roof and, seeing that he was meeting somepony, began to eavesdrop.

The unknown pony was a unicorn with a dark green coat and a purple mane. "Have you been followed?"

"Glad to see you too, you little-"

"Have? You? Been? Followed?"

Gumhoof looked around nervously. "...No."

"Is the Ponyville police department still unaware of our activities?"

"Yeah. It hasn't been easy, but I've managed to keep the chief and my partner in the dark." That statement meant Cufflink and Hot Fuzz weren't involved.

The unicorn continued, "You have destroyed the report you made on our first attempt to foalnap Silver Spoon, correct?" The pony had been involved with Roughneck and his gang. Things were getting better and better.

"Y... yeah." Gumhoof shifted uncomfortably.

"Good. Here is your payment. My organization appreciates your services." The unicorn handed him a small bag of bits and vanished.

Gumhoof shook his head. "What a dirtbag..." He began to leave, but was blindsided by four boomerangs which hit all of his legs. Gumhoof tried to figure out where he was being attacked from, but a claw-like object hooked into his side and electrocuted him into unconsciousness.

Scootaloo chuckled from their rooftop perch. "Man, we are good shots!" The three fillies hopped down and made sure Gumhoof was still alive. For one last confirmation of his identity, the three check his flank. Sure enough, there was a piece of gum on his side. "Well, who gets to interrogate him?"

Sweetie Belle laughed. "I came prepared."



Gumhoof came to a moment later. "Oh, boy..." The first thing he realized was that his four legs (not forelegs) were all tied together. Figuring out that he was trapped, he began to struggle.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you..." The voice sounded deep and demonic, but still unmistakably feminine.

"Who the hay are you?"

The figure stepped forward. She looked like something from one of those dumb comic books, wearing a dark purple costume with a cape, hat, and most annoyingly, a face-concealing mask. "You can call me Mare Do Well."

Gumhoof chuckled. "Oh, so you were the so-called hero who sat by and did nothing about those innocent schoolfillies!"

"Not of my own choice, I assure you. Needless to say, I intend to fix that, and a dirty cop seems to me to be a good place to start as any."

Gumhoof growled, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb with me. I saw you taking a bribe with my own two eyes. You just confessed to burying Silver Spoon's foalnap attempt!"

Gumhoof chuckled again. "Oh, did you? Well, buck you. You can't prove anything."

"Maybe not, Gumhoof, but you can tell me who that unicorn was and who he was working for!"

"...Wait, what did you just say?"

"Uh... who was the unicorn and who did he work for?"

"Before that."

"You... just confessed to burying the foalnapping..."

"After that."

"Maybe... not... Gumhoof?"

Gumhoof tried to facehoof. Realizing that he was still tied up, he settled for lightly headbutting the ground. "Oh, for the love of - everypony thinks I have the gum cutie mark, so I must be Gumhoof. Well, Miss Smarty-Pants! I! AM! HOT FUZZ!"

Mare Do Well reeled. "Bwah?"

Gumhoo- uh, I mean, Hot Fuzz, laughed again. "Whatever insanity Gumhoof has himself buried in, you can take it to him! Now let me go!"

Mare Do Well promptly recovered from her shock. "I don't think so. The information that led me to you specifically mentioned your cutie mark, not your name, and I saw you taking the bribe. Now, I'm gonna ask you again. Who was that unicorn and who was he working for?"

"Buck you."

Mare Do Well shrugged. "Oh, well. Looks like this is gonna take a while. Good thing I brought lunch!" Mare Do Well took off her hat (unwisely revealing that she had a horn) and pulled out a small bag containing some salad. "C'mon, eat up. You wouldn't want to be interrogated on an empty stomach, would you?"

Hot Fuzz sighed. If Mare Do Well wanted to kill him, she would have slit his throat while he was out cold, and she needed his information, so she wouldn't try to poison him. He watched as she pushed the bag of salad to him and took a bite. He then promptly gagged. "HOLY SHIT! WHO COOKED THIS CRAP?! I HAVEN'T TASTED FOOD THIS BAD SINCE THE POLICE CHARITY BALL!!!"

"Who was that unicorn and who was he working for?"

"Buck you!"

"Oh, well. Open wide!"

Hot Fuzz refused to open his mouth. "No!"

"Then tell me what I want to know!" When Hot Fuzz refused, Mare Do Well pried his mouth open and fed him more "salad".

"STAR SHINE!!! His name is Star Shine! He works for a mercenary group called Eclipse! They specialize in less-than-legal operations! They operate out of a warehouse in Southern Manehattan! Please let me go!"

"Not quite yet. You're going to confess to Cufflink and the real Gumhoof. You're going to tell them everything you did, and Sterling Silver is going to be freed being blamed for everything."

"No... I'd go to prison... besides... you can't prove I'm just saying that to get you to let me go!"

Mare Do Well did something surprising. She laughed. "You know, I've spent a lot of time around foals. One thing I've learned is that it's painfully obvious when they're lying, and isn't a stallion just a grown-up foal? I saw how you reacted when Star Shine asked you about that report! I think you were lying! I think you kept that report!"

"I... yeah, OK. I did. I figured if I got busted, I could use it to get a plea deal in exchange for a lighter sentence."

"Where is it?"

"It's at my house. I kept it under my mattress. Just let me go."

"Thank you for your cooperation."



Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo looked on from a safe distance as Cufflink and Gumhoof, responding to their friendly police call, barged into the police station and discovered the tied-up Hot Fuzz, who had a police report and a note on him that said From a friend. MDW. Untying him and reading the report, Cufflink went from stark white to beet red to plum purple in a matter of moments. "Why... is there a police report... with evidence related to the school incident... WITH YOUR BUCKING SIGNATURE ON IT?!" Hot Fuzz could only gulp in terror.

As the three fillies left, Apple Bloom asked, "You weaponized your cookin'?"

"Yep!"

Scootaloo laughed. "That was completely awesome! But who are the foals you've seen try and fail to lie?"

"Take a wild guess."