//------------------------------// // Feelings // Story: Sweet Apple // by potworjan //------------------------------// It was just a normal day for Sweetie Belle. She was sleeping soundly in her bed, smiling, as she was having yet another wonderful dream, as she did almost every night, ever since she met her friends, or especially just one of her friends. She wasn't dreaming of any adventures, saving Equestria, being a famous singer, or even getting her cutie mark, it wasn't any of the things that usually happen to ponies in good dreams. Sweetie was a calm and friendly little filly - all she needed to feel happy was to spend time with her friends - with Apple Bloom. That's what her dream was about. She was with the Cutie Mark Crusaders in their clubhouse. They were spending time together, laughing and talking with each other, drawing some pictures, and, overall, pretty much relaxing. "..and then she flew up to me, and she was all like, 'Nice moves, kid!'," Scootaloo finished repeating the story she told her friends already about 50 billion times before, "I'm telling you, girls, Rainbow Dash is so awesome!" "We know. We heard this already." Apple Bloom replied. "Why do you keep telling us this exact story over and over again? You got a crush on Rainbow Dash or somethin'?" "What? No! Crushes are dumb, too.. girly for somepony as awesome as me." she said quickly,, and then added, "I couldn't stand it if one of you girls had a crush on anypony!" Just when she said it, Sweetie Belle quickly looked down at her drawing to hide the blush on her face. As soon as she saw it, she realised she subconcsiously drew a heart above her and Apple Bloom, so she grabbed a black crayon with her magic and scribbled over it. "Huh?" said Apple Bloom and looked at her, furiously moving the crayon all around the paper, filling it with lines of black that didn't create any patterns or shapes. "Sweetie, what are you doin'?" she asked, but then took a closer look at her face. "Why are you blushing?" When she was done, and the heart wasn't visible anymore, Sweetie stopped the nervous scribbling and looked up to see if her friends noticed it. To her horror, both of her friends were staring at her. "Why are you staring at me?" she asked. "What were ya scribblin' over like that?" asked Apple Bloom curiously, and took a close look at the picture Sweetie was covering with her head until now. It depicted Sweetie and herself, standing on some grass, smiling. They were standing a little too close to each other, in fact, they were so close their muzzles were touching. Above both of them, there was a huge mess of blackness Sweetie recently drew, from behind of which, a bit of pink could be seen. Scootaloo noticed the surprised look on Apple Bloom's face and snatched the picture away from Sweetie Belle before she was able to cover it, and gasped. "I-Is that Apple Bloom?" she said, but then she added, "Are you.. kissing her?" Sweetie tried to take the picture away from her. "What? No! I-It's just--" "Do y'all have a crush on me, Sweetie?" she said upon looking at the picture again. She began laughing uncontrollably, Scootaloo soon joined. The walls of the clubhouse fell down to the sides, and behind them was an entire audience filled with Apple Blooms who were pointing at her and laughing. "Sweetie Belle! Wake up~!" Sweetie quickly opened her eyes, looked around her, and realised it was all just a dream. She sighed in relief. But even though the dream was over, and her friends didn't find out about her crush, she knew that if she ever wanted to be happy, she woud sooner or later have to tell Apple Bloom about it. And, though she was really embarassed about it, she knew sooner was better than later. She got up from her bed, and went into the toilet to make herself look acceptable. As she was brushing her teeth and her mane and taking a shower, she started thinking about how, when, or if she should tell Apple Bloom she feels something more to her than friendship. She began wondering what was it exactly that she felt for her. What is love? She was making up answers in her head, but she obviously couldn't know if they were right. Why does a pony fall in love with another pony? Or, why did exactly she fall in love with her? What was so great about Apple Bloom? A huge wave of reasons filled her mind, but then she thought about another big question. Is it even possible for a filly to love another filly? No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't think of an answer to that question. For all her life she was always told that one day she would find the colt of her life, marry him, and live a happy life together. Nopony ever mentioned she could love a filly instead. If the answer was no, and it wasn't possible, that would mean the things she felt for Apple Bloom weren't love, they were just normal between friends. Curious, Sweetie Belle closed her eyes and started daydreaming like she normally would about Apple Bloom but she replaced her with Scootaloo. She felt awkward, and it took all of her concentation to not acidentally imagine the wrong pony in her mind. Unlike in all of her daydreams about Apple Bloom, she couldn't bring herself to saying the three words which she deep inside knew weren't true this time, and when she forced herself to kiss her, she was so grossed out she shook her head immidiately and did all sh could to forget the bad thought. But in that case, why could she think this way so easily about Apple Bloom? That would mean it in fact is possible for her to love a filly, but she still didn't know for sure. The only way to find out would be to ask somepony smarter than her. She had to ask Rarity. Sweetie Belle turned off the water in the shower, dried her mane, brushed it again, and went downstairs. "There you are, Sweetie Belle," Rarity said worriedly, "What took you so long, my dear?" Only now Sweetie realised shee had been in the bathroom thinking for more than an hour, which was way longer than her usual time. "Were you having any problems washing yourself?" "What? N-No, I was just.." Sweetie paused for a while, "thinking.",she said quietly. Rarity smiled, "Indeed, the shower is the best place to think intensively," she said, but then she grew curious. "What exactly were you thinking about, Sweetie? Are you sad? Is something bothering you?" "Yeah," Sweetie nodded, "I mean.. no. I mean.. I'm not sad, b-but there is something bothering me for a long time now, a-and I thought of something today, and now I have.. a question I want to ask you." "You can ask me whatever you want, Sweetie Belle," Rarity reassured her, "I'll always be happy to answer and help you out as much as I can." Sweetie Belle took a few deep breaths, gulped, and then finally said, "Is it okay for a filly to be in love with another filly?" Rarity's jaw dropped. She expected every possible question from the filly, she even thought it could be something about love, but she would never expect this exact one. She couldn't think of anything but just one thing she needed to know from Sweetie now. "Sweete Belle?" she said in the most serious tone Sweetie ever heard her speak, "Are you just curious, or are you in love with a filly?" Sweetie hesitated for a bit. From Rarity's tone, she figured it was probably not okay after all, but she thought it would be better to say the truth anyway. "I.. think I am, b-but I don't even know if it's possible.." Her sister couldn't believe her own ears. Her sister, the pony she always loved and wanted to protect, the pony who looked up to her more than her own mother, the pony who even she looked up to sometimes, just admitted, before her very eyes, that she's a filthy, disgusting lesbian. Rarity always considered herself to be a noble, beautiful unicorn, from a noble unicorn family, and as such, she was going to marry a rich, unicorn stallion, and she wanted her sister to grow up to be a proper lady and do the same. She did her best to not start yelling immidiatelly. Maybe there was a way to talk her out of it. She took a few really deep breaths and, as calmly as possible, thought of something to say to her. "No," is what came out of her mouth, but she realised she said it a little too harshly, and added, "Sweetie Belle, it's not okay. It's very wrong. You shouldn't.. you can't love a filly." "Can't?" Sweetie repeated after her, "So.. it's not possible? B-But then, why are you mad at me?" "I-I'm not mad at you, Sweetie," Rarity tried to explain, "I'm just.. surprised you'd ask me something like that." "Why? Is it really that wrong? Why is it wrong if it's not possible?" Sweetie Belle asked. Rarity sighed. "Listen, Sweetie Belle. It.. It is possible, but it's very, very wrong. Ponies aren't meant to think this way, when you grow up, you'll understand. It's against nature, and against tradition, and a proper, noble lady follows tradition. Do you not want to be noble?" Sweetie was surprised. Is that really why it's so wrong? "Does being noble really mean I can't love who I want to? Then I don't wanna be!" She said pretty loudly, getting angry at her sister for not accepting her feelings. "Yes, that is what it means!" Rarity said angrily, but tried to calm down again. "Sweetie, I know that all your life you've been told otherwise, but love isn't that important. It doesn't last forever. After a while, being with the pony you thought you loved always gets boring, and all that starts to matter is your partner's money and fame. Tell me, how long were you having a crush on that filly for? A few days? A week? Maybe two?" "A year, at least," Sweetie said calmly, "Ever since I met her." "Sweetie Belle," Rarity sighed, "I know you're trying to convince me, but I'm not going to believe something like that." Sweetie tried to protest. "But I'm not lying!" "I've already said what I think, and it's final," said Rarity, "If I ever find out you've been thinking about other fillies the way you shouldn't, I'm not going to be this calm anymore." "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mother!" Sweetie Belle got up from the table without eating her breakfast and left. Her sister didn't follow her. Wanting to find out more about her feelings, Sweetie headed to the most recognisable building in Ponyville - Princess Twilight's castle. Twilight used to live in a huge tree-shaped library, but now her new castle also has a library in it, and it's even bigger than the last one. The conversation she just had with Rarity left her a little panicked - she has never seen her sister that upset before, so she thought it had to be something really bad and wrong. Sweetie hoped the books could tell her more about herself. The library was at least a thousand times as big as the previous one Twilight lived in, and it was filled with books. All the ones she had before that got destroyed were, for some reason, back inside it already, with at least hundreds of thousands of new ones. It seemed to contain a copy of every single book ever written in Equestria. It was a true knowledge mine - the perfect place for Sweetie to search for any information about anything her sister doesn't wanna say. Near the entrance to the enormous library, a map hang on a wall, with all the sections labeled and highlighted, and each section divided into many smaller ones, making it easier for ponies to know where to go to find information on specific topics. Sweetie stared at it for a while, wondering which one of them could contain what she's looking for. She started searching through the names of the sections, until finally her eyes settled on one of them, labeled "Psychology/relationships. It was just one of the smaller sections Psychology was divided into. That seemed perfect for Sweetie Belle. After a while, she made it to the right place, and instantly began her searches. She walked over to one of the bookshelves, and started looking through all the titles. The books were alphabetically sorted. She started by looking for some keywords. The first place she searched was the "F" section, looking for the word "filly", but didn't find anything. She moved over to "G", which was right next to "F". She thought of a word to look for, and settled for "girl". Still, there was nothing she thought would be worth her attention. Not being able to think of a keyword for "H", she just browsed through all the titles, where one of the books finally caught her attention. "Homosexuality" Sweetie had no idea what this word meant, but for some reason she felt like this was something important. Curious, she went back to the entrance, and started looking for a dictionary. A few minutes later, she found one, opened it, and finally found the strange word she was looking for. "The state of being romantically and sexually attracted primarily to ponies of the same sex" Sweetie Belle closed the book immediately and shoved a hoof in her mouth to prevent herself from screaming in happiness. Even though Rarity confirmed it earlier, the book seemed like a much more reliable source now, and even though she understood every second word, she knew she found a fully confirmed the answer to the question she asked herself that morning - it was possible. With a pretty wide grin on her face, Sweetie put the book back down where she took it from and went back to the section she was searching before. Once again, she started browsing through all the books, this time paying most attention to the "H" section. But her smile disappeared when she saw the full title of the book she found that strange word on. She pulled the book out, put it on the ground, and stared at the cover for a while. It had many weird symbols crossed over in red, with the title of the book in big letters right at the top, "Homosexuality - a disease that can't be healed", and the name of some author under it. She opened it at a random page somewhere in the middle. It just kept saying hateful things about ponies who love the same gender. It seemed to use different arguments than Rarity did, but there was a whole lot of words Sweetie didn't understand. When she looked closer at one of these words to read it, the book suddenly swept away from before her eyes, startling Sweetie Belle and causing her to scream for a while, before shoving a hoof in her mouth again. Sweetie looked up to see who took her book away, to see Twilight Sparkle looking at her with a look of concern. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," she whispered. "It's okay," replied Sweetie Belle quietly, "but why did you do that?" Twilight looked at the page Sweetie was reading, and then at the cover of the book. "I saw you browsing through this book, and I just.. really don't think you should be reading it." "Why not?" "It says a lot of.. hurtful things about some ponies," Twilight replied, putting the book down. "Why were you reading a book like that?" "I was just.. I was just c-curious about.. fillies loving other fillies," Sweetie said. "And when I asked Rarity, she got mad at me." Twilight had a look of surprise on her face. She didn't know that was how Rarity felt about homosexuals. She looked at Sweetie again. "Well, ponies often react.. differently about this topic. Why were you curious about that?", she asked. Ponies Sweetie's age usually don't know something like that exists. "You won't tell anypony?" Sweetie asked before answering. Twilight nodded. "I think I'm.. in love with another filly," she said shyly, even more quietly than she was already speaking. Twilight didn't look surprised, and instead gave Sweetie a friendly smile. "Then maybe you'd like to talk to me about it instead? I'm sure a friend could help you more than any book." Sweetie Belle nodded slowly with a blush and a small smile on her face. Twilight smiled back at her. She led Sweetie Belle out of the castle library, to one of the other, smaller rooms in the caste. There was a table and a few chairs in the middle of it. Twilight sat on one of them, and gestured for Sweetie Belle to sit on the opposite, facing her. Twilight waited for Sweetie to start talking whenever she wanted to, but the filly just kept staring at the ground shyly for a longer while. Deciding to break the awkward silence, Twilight started with asking the inevitable question. "So... who's the lucky filly?" "What?" Sweetie said, not really understanding the question' "I-I'm the lucky filly.." Twilight giggled quietly. "I meant the filly you're in love with. Who is it?" Sweetie Belle, once again, just stared at the ground, not being able to finally say it. She was very uncomfortable with talking about her feelings, and she felt like she was just taking up Twilight's time. Twilight waited for her to answer, but then saw that Sweetie Belle was likely not gonna say it just like that. "Sweetie, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You can just tell me." She gave her a warm smile. Sweetie opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again. "Is it one of your friends?" Once again, Sweetie looked like she wanted to say something, but shied away immediately. All she was able to do was just a small nod. Twilight just had to guess one out of the two ponies. For a while, she reflected on what she saw Sweetie Belle act like around her friends, and she knew the answer. "Is it.. Apple Bloom?" Sweetie Belle finally looked up, staring at the alicorn with a surprised look. "H-how did you know?" Twilight smiled at the little filly. "I figured." Now that the most important question was finally over with, Sweetie felt a little bit more open. "How can I tell her? I really want her to know, but I'm just afraid she doesn't feel the same way." "Well, you don't know until you've asked her," Twilight said. "Just be yourself, and tell her how you feel. I'm pretty sure she feels the same. If she doesn't, though.. well, it's better to find out now than later." Sweetie Belle just kept thinking for a while. "Yeah, I guess you're right," she finally said. A smile suddenly entered her face. "You know what? I'll just go and tell her right now! Thank you so much, Twilight!" And with that, she just got up and trotted off to Sweet Apple Acres, leaving Twilight stunned.