***
"You heard me, Celestia." The Draconequus sneered. "Your precious society of "harmony and friendship"," at this a pair of air quotes materialized on either side of Celestia's head, "is built on fibs, falsehoods and lies."
Celestia gave Discord a long-suffering sigh. "Decorum is not the same as dishonesty, Discord. When I speak with others, I tell them how I feel through subtlety, rather than directly. Constantly spouting precisely what you feel at every moment can be distracting." She gave him a pointed look.
"Hmm hmm." Discord snickered. "And I suppose how you felt about celebrating your sister's banishment was crystal clear for everypony who had the slightest bit of etiquette training."
"Is there a reason for your visit?" Celestia said, her voice suddenly dropping a good deal of its warmth. "I am sure Fluttershy would be very glad to see you at some point this evening."
Discord rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, I appreciate the concept of displaying your feelings through subtext amply. How about this. You try my way, and if you like it, you'll keep using it. And if you don't, I'll be happy to try your way." Discord summoned a Celestia opera mask, smiling her same trademark smile, at this.
Celestia actually gave this some consideration. A plan was forming in her head. "Very well, Discord. If you truly want me to be more open, I can do so. Knowing you, you would think it best to enchant me to speak nothing but the truth, and this I will consent to as well, if only for the trial. Any further attempts at honesty I would like to be under my own power. But I consent to this only on one condition."
Discord blinked, then returned his smile. "And what would that be?"
"Twilight spends the day with me, and you put her under the same effect."
Discord's smile widened. "Well well. Won't this be interesting." He folded his hands together, his typical look of childish fascination dominating his face. "As you wish." Discord snapped his fingers, and there was a flash of light.
---／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼---
"Princess! It's so good to see you again!" Twilight said, rushing forward and throwing herself into their customary hug.
"Twilight Sparkle," Celestia laughed, returning the hug, "you have no idea how long I wait to hear those words."
Twilight blushed, her eyes wandering to the floor. "You don't sound like yourself today." Her eyes widened, and she put her hooves to her mouth.
"Neither do you." Her mentor chuckled. "I like it."
"You like it when I don't sound like me? That's really..." Twilight winced, her ears drooping dangerously towards the broken hearted level.
"I like it when you sound like the real you. I like the Twilight Sparkle who isn't hiding behind a stammer and a blush, adorable though it is." Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, her own cheeks turning crimson at the confession.
"Why would you want me to act like that, though? It's so rude. It feels wrong not to respect you."
Celestia sighed, her ears flopping dangerously towards frustrated levels. "I don't want to be respected, Twilight. I want to have genuine, legitimate friends who talk to me as they see me and will appreciate my flaws and shortcomings. You wouldn't believe me if I told you I snuck into a cake eating contest after I sampled Pinkie Pie's desserts, but I did. I have a painful sweetooth."
Twilight snorted. "Well yeah. That's why you've got such a big, bouncy butt." It was then that her mouth fell open. Celestia's jaw dropped, too. "I can't believe I just said that! Like I said, disrespectful! I...I have to get to the bottom of this! Princess, do that thing you do where you give me everything I need and I can go round up the girls."
"I do a thing?"
"That thing where you manage something perfectly and stop problems before they come up. You know, whisk away all my fears with a sweep of your hoof? I love that thing."
Celestia blushed and mumbled "it's nothing" against her will. Then she remembered Twilight was going to unveil her plan. She needed to distract Twilight. "I don't want you to worry about it because I'm doing it in order to spend time getting to know you better." She facehooved almost immediately after she had opened her mouth.
"You're doing it? You...you're making me speak what I think about you against my will? Wow...that's really...hurtful, I guess?"
"Twilight, please don't take it like that, I just want to get to know you better."
"Why don't you ask me, then?"
"Because whenever I do you lie to me."
The two fell into silence, Twilight looking at the floor and Celestia scowling at a chair.
"Why do you always do this, Princess?"
"Why do you always call me Princess, Princess Twilight?" Celestia fired back.
"Because you're my little Princess who will catch me whenever I fall." Twilight said, her face burning but her eyes defiant. "You want to know what I really think of you? You really, really wanna know?" Twilight advanced on Celestia, a dangerous look in her eye.
Celestia swallowed, then hardened her gaze. "Yes, I really, really do."
"Fine. I think your crown looks stupider than mine and I don't like that. I think you deserve better than me because I like you better than me. Is that okay, Princess? Is that wrong? That I want you to be happier than me? I like that your butt is big and I think it's hot. Oh, that's right, I think you're really hot. Yeah. And I don't want you to know because I find it uncomfortable that I think you're hot, alright? You deserve a friend, not a creepy stalker, so I try to be your friend. I want to hold you when I'm lonely but I hold you when you need a friend. I treat you with respect because you deserve respect. Because to me you are better than me or Luna or my friends or anypony else and that deserves recognition and I want to treat you that way. Because getting to know me better means dealing with a whole bunch of uncomfortable and creepy things I feel for you that I have to fight down every minute I'm thinking of you, and I fight them because I don't want you to have to deal with them and have a real, normal friend like you want. Is that okay, Celestia?" Twilight heaved an emphasis on the word, her entire body shivering with the weight of the cornucopia of emotions she had just plundered.
Celestia opened her mouth, but Discord's spell pushed her honest thoughts ahead of her more diplomatic excuse. The result was a very Princessly "...bwuh?"
Twilight continued panting, her stare still locked dead on Celestia. "Alright. Can I go, now? N-now that I've ruined everything, and g-given you what you want, c-can I g-go?" Her questions came wrapped in a fog of anger and misery. When Celestia simply continued to stare, Twilight shook her head and turned away, her body drooping low to the ground.
"Twilight, please don't go." Celestia said, a desperation edging it.
Twilight turned around, disbelief writ large across her face. "Why? What more could you want from me?"
"You...are in love with me?"
Twilight gave her best deadpan stare, deciding not to dignify this particular remark with a response.
"Could I talk through this with you? I don't...I don't know what I want, or what to think of this. You really pulled the floor out from under me on this one, Twilight. But I do know that I don't find you creepy, and you being in love with me doesn't ruin anything, and that I want to know what to think about this. And I certainly know that you are my most treasured friend regardless, and there is little you could do without hurting my family that could ever change that. Being attracted to me certainly isn't one of them."
Twilight considered this.
Celestia smiled. "And if it makes you feel any better, I have some complicated emotions about you I've never really worked out. Especially when you're wearing those little glasses and the hair net, or when you're blushing and stammering over something I said. I...I think what I'm saying is, we can work this out. I'd like to work this out."
Twilight gave a shaky smile. "Now you're speaking my language."
---／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼---
Celestia handed Discord a bucket. "And that is why you will be helping me clean Joe's Doughnut Bar tonight."
Discord scowled. "It isn't my fault you two got carried away and tipped over a dough maker in the process."
Celestia gave Discord a knowing smile. "If I was displeased with the result, you would be saying "I am glad to help, your Majesty." As such, I am now saying quite happily, "clean up your own mess or I'll be making you polish your old friends in the statue garden for the rest of the evening.""
Discord scowled.