Pop quiz: A pink party pony is parading you through a populated area near high noon like you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. Your craft is one that goes well in the dark of the night, meaning you don't like the situation at all. Your previous ability of making ponies not notice you is not an option because of the fact that you're a biped and this is a pony-dominated town, meaning they'd notice and break the illusion instantly. You also have a wide variety of skills with your armaments, but said skills are being hampered by the desire to do no harm to the ponies, seeing as how they're mostly staring in shock at you. Your last resort option is also laughing his goddamn head off in your head.
What do you do?
If you answered the question with 'Violence!' then congrats, you're one of the more violent Bhaalspawn, and I'd have to hurt you on principle. Repeatedly.
I chose to do the other thing I'm quite good at. I've only had so long to work on them, after all. I put a smile on my face and responded eagerly and questioned quite a bit of what Pinkie said, with a voice that was a touch too loud and with emphasis that made me sound just a bit too silly to be a real threat.
In short, I used the power of dramatics and acting against the village's current shock and awe. One of us would break, and I was reasonably certain it would not be me. Especially not with Pinkie catching on and helping me.
"And this is Sugarcube Corner, where the Cakes and I work on making the best sweets and treats in Ponyville!"
I put a hand to my chin and hummed a bit. "The best, you say?"
"Yeah!" Pinkie looked around and motioned for me to move a bit closer as she put a hoof to the side of her mouth. "Don't believe what Bon-Bon says, I could totally outdo her in a sweets contest. Applejack may have apples, and as a professional courtesy and the fact that she's my friend, I don't touch them without her permission, but everypony else is fair game."
"Hey!" an indignant voice said from nearby. "I could so totallllll..."
I'd been getting that reaction a lot. Ponies tended to have their words trail off as they caught sight of me walking through the town with Pinkie. Jaws and belongings dropped and heads rotated to follow me. I swear, it was almost like I had an area-of-effect Silence spell cast on me that spread wherever I went and only affected ponies besides Pinkie.
I turned to face where the voice had come from, seeing a cream-colored earth pony mare with a blue-and-pink mane and tail. It was her companion that interested me, however. A mint-green unicorn with a cyan-and-white mane and tail, and a smile that threatened to pop her head clean off. Said unicorn pointed a hoof at me and sucked in a huge breath. "A HU-"
Instantly, Pinkie and I were there, standing next to her. I put a hand around her muzzle to silence her. This only seemed to make her smile grow larger. "Shh! Do you want everyone to hear?" Her ears flicked a bit at that, and she looked at me. I continued with my impromptu serious speech. "If the wrong ponies knew about me, who knows what would happen? There's a reason you haven't seen me around before."
All technically true, and I didn't have to elaborate at all, merely let her come to her own conclusions. The fact that she even knew the right way to begin that word meant that either I'd not been as discreet as I thought over the years, or at some point in time, I'd had some manner of contact with her family. Let's hope it was the second, it'd be easier to explain that way. I looked over to Pinkie, who had somehow procured sunglasses for myself and her. Without questioning it, I slipped them on. "Agent Pie, what does the book say about this situation?"
...From her mane, Pinkie pulled a blank pamphlet and began leafing through it. "Uh huh...uh huh....oh. Interesting." She closed it and stuck it back in, then looked at me while lowering the glasses a little. "She knows too much. You know what to do."
There was panic for a moment as I nodded. "Understood." I picked the unicorn up and stuck her on my shoulders. "You're coming with me, little miss. Until we figure out what you know, how you know it, and what it'll take to keep you quiet, I have a new hat."
Silence reigned for a second, then the unicorn laughed a bit. "That's it? That's my fate? To be your hat until we sit down and talk? I thought it would be worse than that."
I rolled my eyes, not that she could see it from her position. "It could be worse. I could tickle you to make you talk."
I actually felt her snort at that. "Pfft, like that scares me."
I grinned evilly at that. "You've never been tickled by someone with fingers, then."
I could almost feel her excitement as I said that. "True!"
Our silly procession continued to a tree. No, I kid you not, it was a tree, a pretty large oak tree. The difference between this one and the ones I saw in the forest sometimes were that this one had been hollowed out and turned into a home while still alive. The doors and windows kinda gave it away.
"And this is the Golden Oaks library! It's also where my bestest friend Twilight lives! Let me introduce you to her!"
Pinkie bounced up to the door and knocked rapidly. After a moment, the door swung open in a pink aura and a lavender unicorn poked her head out. "Yes Pinkie? I'm in the middle of an experiment, and..."
Here her eyes caught sight of me standing a ways back with the unicorn on my shoulders and head. Seeing as how this was a chance to make a perfectly wrong first impression, I went for it. I smiled, waved, and talked in a voice that was just a touch too bright.
"Well hi there! Pinkie's been showing me around town, and I must say, it's quite the place! Then she said she was going to introduce me to her friend Twilight! I don't suppose you know the pony?"
There was silence for a few seconds, and Pinkie giggled a little. The unicorn cleared her throat before responding to my question.
"Why yes, I do know the pony, seeing as how I am the pony. Twilight Sparkle is my name. Would you mind if I asked, not only who you are, but what you are and why you're here in the first place, besides Pinkie?"
I let my expression shift into one of shock, and after a moment, I replaced it with my trademark smile. "Well. I was almost afraid none of the ponies would ask those sorts of questions."
I stood up and took in a deep breath before going into over-the-top dramatics. "Behold, Ponyville! The most intelligent mare-" Here I cut out for a moment and looked to Twilight. "You are a mare, right? I forgot to ask."
Twilight sputtered a bit at that as she tried to force some words out. I shrugged as she failed to form a proper thought. "Fine." I put my voice back into the dramatic tone. "The most intelligent stallion-"
"NO!"
"Well which is it?" My grin could not be any bigger, especially when I actually looked at Twilight, whose face was now red. Pinkie, on the other hand, was rolling around laughing at my antics.
"YOU HAD IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!"
"Ah, fine. The most intelligent mare in Ponyville! For upon seeing me, not only did she retain her intellect, but she immediately set about asking me the right questions!"
There was silence for a moment, after which Twilight sighed and looked at me with just a hint of exasperation. "Did you really have to grandstand that much?"
I scoffed a bit. "Of course! What with Pinkie dragging me into town in broad daylight and denying me a chance to run or hide from the situation, grandstanding and dramatics are all I have left to deal with the situation! So of course I shall use them to their fullest extent!"
Lest I go mad, I mentally tacked on, with a slight twitch of my left eye. Twilight noticed this, apparently, and the sheathed swords at my hips, before nodding slightly. "Riiiiiight. Well, why don't you come in, and we can talk about it?"
I looked upwards to my hat's position. "What say you, hat? Should I?"
"I have a name, you know. It's Lyra Heartstrings."
"Interesting. Well, what say you, Lyra Hatstrings? Should we?"
There was a slight giggle from atop me before I got a response. "Sure thing! Onwards, noble beast!"
I ducked far more than I normally would going in, mostly to make sure that Lyra didn't get knocked off of my head. Twilight turned to Pinkie and said something about gathering the rest of their friends while I made myself comfortable. Once I found a seat, I plucked Lyra from my head and laid her down in my lap like a cat, stroking her mane. It was a remarkable form of stress relief.
I heard Twilight clear her throat, and turned to look at her. She had an inkwell, a feather quill, a huge stack of parchment, and a wide grin on her face to match Lyra's. "I have so many things I want to ask you!"
I swear I felt the Slayer cringe just as much as I did at those words.
-----
(Shining POV)
Okay, wait. That shouldn't have happened. None of it should have happened.
This weird...creature. Had just strolled into town while being accompanied by the Bearer of Laughter. It had quickly gotten a tour, slightly abducted a mare, and walked right up to his sister, and nopony said anything.
In fact, the creature had done most of the talking. Most of it grandstanding, but somepony should have screamed. Yelled. Panicked. Something!
Maybe it was an effect of the Bearer of Laughter accompanying the creature? Or perhaps it was the creature itself?
And now the Bearer had bounced off, and was that blood on her leg? Had she been wounded by that thing?! And now it was alone with his sister?!
The pink mare had hummed something about gathering the rest of her friends, also known as the other Bearers. Not good. Very not good!
This was no longer the time to plan. This was the time to act.
Sadly, getting all of his undercover guards together would take time. Time he wasn't sure they had.
Shining sent the message anyways and kept an eye on the library. If there was even a hint of a scream or the inkling of violence from within, orders be damned. He would not fail to protect his baby sister from that creature.