//------------------------------// // Enter Ditzy Do (5) // Story: Pinkamena Diane Pie: Consultant Detective // by Time Pony Victorious //------------------------------// It had taken me all night, but I had the letter finished. With a pep in my step, I skipped down to Sugarcube Corner, the letter in my magical grip— ~==~ “Hold on, hold on,” Applebloom interjected, waving her hooves slightly to stop Twilight’s story. “Ah’m confused, Ah thought you an’ Pinkie went on a case th’ first time, not exchangin’ letters!” “I’m lost too,” Scootaloo agreed. “I went to the bathroom a while back and I don’t know what’s going on. It feels like it’s been weeks in-between that break.” “I think it’s sweet,” the aptly named Sweetie Belle remarked. “Pinkie and Twilight meeting for the first time like this. Twilight getting flustered over how she feels, so cute!” Scootaloo made a gagging gesture while Applebloom nodded sagely. “Yer story-tellin’ skills have much t’ be desired for, though.” Twilight rolled her eyes at the onslaught of criticism. “Everypony is a critic…” “Just explain again, from the beginning, please?” Scootaloo asked. “Fine, fine…” ~==~ As per Fluttershy’s suggestion, I decided to write a simple letter to Pinkie Pie detailing my confliction over the eccentric detective. Conventional conversation never bode well for me; it was much easier getting my thoughts on paper than speaking them aloud. It took me all night and several dozen pieces of scroll paper but I managed to produce a letter that was succinct, eloquent and self-explanatory. I was skipping through the town as I headed to Sugarcube Corner to give Pinkie the letter. However, once I had reached there, I noticed the place was closed. Glancing at the work hours posted at the window, I furrowed my eyebrows. They should’ve been open by now but the lights were off and the door was locked. “Strange,” I muttered as I neared the door, finally noticing the small notice on the door window. It read: CLOSED TODAY, FAMILY ISSUES. SORRY! How rude. Here I am trying to be honest about my feelings and nopony was around for it! I huffed, stomping my hooves. Turning around, I noticed the perfectly white mailbox and considered my letter. It would’ve been easy to simply leave the letter there for when they get back… but I walked right past it and headed downtown. If I wanted Pinkie to be the recipient of my feelings, I wanted to give it to her personally, not leave it for the potential scrutiny of some mailpony. Speaking of scrutiny. A blur of grey and yellow crashed into me and we went tumbling across the street head over hooves. I ended up pinned to the ground with the pegasus right on top of me; her muzzle was against my neck tickling it slightly with her breath. She groaned and sat up, blinking at me. Her golden eyes were perfectly cross-eyed, at first I thought it was because of our crash but she blinked twice and they remained that way. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said, still straddling me. “I just don’t know what went—“ “My letter!” I cried, rolling around and crawling out from beneath her. I jumped to my hooves and searched the ground. Oh thank Celestia, the letter was only a few inches from us. I picked it up with my magic and wiped off the dirt and dust. It looked fine, just a bit crumpled up by the edges, but I took so much care of it you wouldn’t think so. The mare approached me gently; her wings were folded back nervously. “Are you okay?” I looked at her apprehensively but if she noticed she didn’t express it. “I’m fine. Nothing broken…” “What about your letter?” she asked. Defensively, I hid the letter behind me. “It’s fine. What were you doing anyways?” She smiled meekly. “I was on my morning rounds but a butterfly distracted me. My momma always says I’m really good at being distracted!” I wasn’t sure if her mom meant that as a compliment but I didn’t say anything. “Morning rounds?” I repeated. I looked behind her and noticed a gray-colored bag that read PONY EXPRESS across it. “Do you want me to deliver that for you? I’m the fastest mailmare in Ponyville!” she proudly declared. “It’s fine,” I said. “I want to hand it to her personally.” “Oh, who is it?” I hesitated. It felt a bit weird how friendly everypony was in Ponyville but given her golden eyes that were crosseyed, they were so innocent and sincere. “Pinkie Pie. But she isn’t home now.” “Oh, I know her!” she grinned. “She threw that birthday party for me last year.” I nodded. “I only met her the other day and I wanted to… Convey my feelings to her.” The mare nodded in an astute manner. “Aw, that’s cute! What’s your name? I’m Ditzy Do!” That name fit her. Not because of her clumsy personality but her sincere smile and warm eyes. I couldn’t help but smile at her name. “Ditzy Do, hm?” I repeated, the name sounding nice in my mouth. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. I’m here to overlook the Summer Sun festival.” “That’s a nice name!” Ditzy said with a broad smile. “I think it’s my favorite name now.” I blushed and looked away. Is it second nature for Ponyville ponies to embarrass me like this? “Do you, uh, happen to know where she happens to be?” I asked. Ditzy thought about it for a second. “She’d probably be down at City Hall. Pinkie likes to go there every day to talk to Mayor Mare about updating their laws.” That totally sounded like Pinkie. I nodded and shook her hoof. “Thank you very much. I’ll--… Actually, do you know where that is?” Ditzy giggled to herself and I blushed. “I’ll just show you.” “Wait, don’t you have work to do?” I asked. “It’ll be fine,” she promised, picking up her mailbag and throwing it over her back. “It’s the least I can do after I knocked you down.” I wanted to protest but Ditzy seemed set on going, so I just said thanks and followed her. The walk wasn’t very long, now that I look back on it, but Ditzy talked so much that it felt like hours. Not that I was complaining. I enjoyed listening to her talk and rattle on about things that she enjoyed about Ponyville. “It’s a lot better than Cloudsdale, if you ask me,” she said. “It’s just… quiet, ya know? A good place to raise Dinky.” “Dinky?” “My little sister,” she said with a silly smile. I nodded. This place was pretty quiet in comparison to the hustle and bustle of Canterlot. It was nice. At night all you could hear were the bugs buzzing and chirping quietly outside. It wasn’t filled with the ambient city noises. I could sleep easily. Of course I didn’t sleep last night, but that’s beside the point. As we walked, Ditzy made it a point to greet every single pony we saw. She would smile and wave at them, wish them a good morning by name and they would return it would a kindly smile of their own. I thought it was strange how she knew everypony by name but she’s a mailmare, so it’s probably her job to. “Folks around here are pretty nice,” I remarked after Ditzy said hi to an orange farmpony. “It’s the hospitality of a small town,” Ditzy said. “Without the noise of the big cities, things slow down here. It’s relaxing.” It was so nice that I no longer wanted to go back to Canterlot. It’d be great if I could just stay here in my little tree and read all day. We made it to City Hall but I was so distracted by my bibliophilic fantasy that I bumped into Ditzy. Thankfully she had the general posture of a brick wall kept in place with a theoretical super adhesive. Unfortunately for me, however, I was left stumbling back awkwardly as Ditzy watched the building. There weren’t many ponies out this time of day (which struck me as strange) but it was because they had all inexplicitly gathered here. There were crowds of ponies right outside, shoulder-to-shoulder and conversing amongst themselves like so many howling monkeys. I thought it was because there was an event going on but their conversations were hushed and fleeting, the tone somber and their eyes flitting around like they were watching a really intense tennis match. “What’s going on?” I asked dumbly. Ditzy shook her head, her wayward eyes doing their best to keep me and this crowd in sight. “Something’s happened,” she muttered to herself. Without waiting, she trotted right up to the building, the crowd parting before her like she was royalty and I awkwardly stayed behind her like the sniveling underling of a high-class puppy. There were police there, of sorts. They weren’t exactly police in the same way a glass of water wasn’t exactly an ocean unless you were really creative but had some sort of martial authority. They were the Wonderbolts in their blue and yellow spandex uniforms and cool headgear that gave them either a cool, militaristic aura or the aura of an enthusiastic if unskilled fanpony. The one who stopped us, however, wasn’t a Wonderbolt. That was obvious from her lack of uniform. She stood there stark and proud with her cyan coat and rainbow mane and cocky smile. Once she noticed Ditzy she gave her a respectful nod and regarded me coldly. I didn’t want to bring up how elitist that was given who and what I was but the point stands. “You can’t come in,” she told Ditzy, making an explicit effort to ignore me in hopes of erasing my existence. “Why not?” I asked. The mare looked at me like I had just evolved from pond scum. “There’s been an incident.” I rolled my eyes. “Really? I thought that everypony here was gathered for a hoedown.” She narrowed her eyes and took a step forward but I didn’t back down, just meeting her glare with one of my own. I hated being treated like a foal especially for no good reason. “Now Rainbow Dash, there’s no need for this,” Ditzy tried to placate, her eyes jumping all over the place like she couldn’t figure out who to focus on. “This bookworm here is giving me lip,” Rainbow argued. “I wouldn’t have to if featherbrains over here wasn’t so rude,” I snapped back. “Why I outta—“ “Read a thesaurus and expand your two syllable vocabulary?” Rainbow raised her hoof like she was going to hit me but Ditzy stood in-between us, stopping her. I didn’t know why she was making me so angry so quickly but it was probably because I was expecting to see Pinkie here and so far hasn’t shown up. “Listen,” I said, trying to calm down. “Just tell me where I can find Pinkamena Diane Pie, I have something for her.” Rainbow raised an eyebrow, her eyes widened in shock. “Wait, you know her?” “Yeah, but—“ “Come on!” Rainbow dragged me by the hoof into the building. I was vaguely aware of Ditzy being right behind me but I was too busy screaming at Rainbow. We weaved around endless corridors until we entered a large ballroom type deal. The room was circular with a plush red and gold carpet on the ground a massive silver chandelier overhead and the sweet scent of jasmine assailing my senses. I barely had time to enjoy the scenery when I was pushed to the center of the room, right in front of Pinkie Pie. She stood there, surrounded by Wonderbolts, explaining something to them when she stopped to look at me curiously. She was like I remembered. Bouncy pink mane, brilliant blue eyes, shapely body. Wait, sorry, this story is for fillies. She looked at me and smiled and I forgot my name. Stammering, I pulled out my revered letter and showed it to her. “H-here ya go, Pinkie.” Pinkie took the letter and stared at it. “Hm, thanks, Twilight!” “Pinkie,” one of the Wonderbolts said curtly, his navy blue mane waved over his neck. “Can you tell us what happened or not?” “And who is she?” asked another Wonderbolt mare. “O-oh, I’m—“ “My assistant,” Pinkie answered for me, but before I could argue she continued. “And it’s really elementary, my dear Soarin’. What happened is a murder most foul!”